What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

I guess it's because I'm kind of afraid of the people who are all like "if you don't feel dysphoria then you don't count, stfu!"

And people getting all mad about people speculating rather than being supportive and encouraging.

I can't exactly confront those people because they have legitimate problems and I can see where they're coming from, so I can't just dismiss them wholesale with most people I don't agree with.

Have I not already shown you Zinnia Jone's video on how she, by questioning her gender identity, "chose" to be a woman instead of just living discontented as a man? One analogy she makes is a lesbian friend of hers who had previously assumed that the fact that she wasn't repulsed by men MUST have made her bisexual, before realising that that's not how bisexuality works.

[Wynter]

Someone described body dysphoria, and I really like the description. I think it fits here, too. From http://recursiveparadox.dreamwidth.org/

Have you ever seen a broken leg? I don't mean a normal broken leg. I mean the nasty freaky broken leg. No exposed bone or blood, but the knee is bent the wrong way. The leg doesn't go in the direction it's supposed to. It's something that's sort of terrifying to behold because you know it's absolutely horrifyingly wrong deep down in your most instinctual parts of your brain. Now imagine that you look down at your own leg and it's broken like that. You're not feeling the pain but you are feeling the utterly freaked out feeling of "OMFG MY LEG IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE BENDING THAT WAY."

Not a pleasant feeling, right?

Okay, let's go further. Let's pretend that this freaky bent broken leg is seen as utterly normal by everyone else. They look at your body and go, 'what's the problem?' There's nothing freaky about them, you're the only one with the freakishness driving you nuts but no one else sees it. Forget the leg and just remember the feeling. The feeling of intimate, screwed up, almost grotesque wrongness. Like the very laws of how your body ought to be are violated, just like if you had that bending the wrong way leg. Imagine that feeling applied to everything about you that is male or female. Imagine seeing the male/female parts you have and getting that "OMFG MY BODY IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT." That deep down instinctual feeling of "OMFGWTF" that you get when you see a shattered knee bending a leg the wrong way or even worse see that bent leg on yourself. It's not rational. It doesn't make logical sense. It's utter instinctual response.

That's bodily dysphoria.

Now. Imagine living with that every day for the rest of your life.

That was a brilliant, brilliant explanation, thanks for sharing that.

I'm very confused about my gender, but I've sort of come to the conclusion that it doesn't really apply to me. I am who I am; my body is female shaped, and I don't have any great problems with that. Sometimes I wish I didn't have breats, but for me that's a similar feeling to how sometimes I wish my hair was a different colour, or that I could have a thinner face. The problems I get when thinking about my gender are more about the stereotypes society gives for gender roles, but really if I want to ignore them then I do. I don't feel I'm being less 'feminine' if I wear jeans and t-shirts, or have a good time watching sport - I just feel like I'm being more 'me'. ^_^

[Wynter]

OMG, you just put my feelings into words. I don't really like my female body, especially my breasts, but I'm not looking to become a male either. Neither really feels "right". Guess I'm just one of those "inbetween" people.

[Tsip]

I've always been a bit of both. I'm almost certain that I was more of a girl when I was in my early elementary years and progressed to being more male as I got older. Now, I shift between them fairly easily.

[Erin D]

I'm a male to female transsexual, to me this feels like being a Girl. I'm working on getting SRS, FFS and body sculpting. I'm told I look good but I feel like I want to improve on what I already have as far as my looks.

[WarpMatter]

I only recently discovered that there was something called asexuality, and only today I found out there is something called genderless. This made me think about my gender, and I must say now that I think about, I don’t really think I have one.

I don’t think the sex of my body is an issue, it is female, but I don’t have large breast or hips and my torso is quite masculine. On top of that I have Pectus Excavatum, which makes it look really weird.

(The only time I feel trapped inside my own body is when I really want to go flying with wings of my own.)

Though unlike most girls my age I have never had a real problem about how my body looks. I’ve never felt fat, because I’m not, I’ve never felt ugly, because I’m not. I have accepted the way I look. I still like to keep my hair dyed all sorts of crazy colours though, fits my personality more.

Still I think I would like my body even better with out breast or genitalia.

I oddly enough feel better being called male names; I have no idea why though. Also I rarely engage in “feminine” activities and find most girls my age irritating. Then again I find most people my age irritating, I'm not a super social person.

I do like to be friends with tomboyish girls or boys the best. Still my best friend is a girl and she can be girly at times.

When I was younger I used a lot of time playing I was a boy, because boys were allowed to wilder stuff than girls. Then when I got older I would play either a boy or a girl, it didn’t really matter,

I’ve always been a bit odd, so people never question the way I dress. I can dress in both tight jeans and loose trousers, hoodies and tops. I prefer clothes from the boy sections though, they often have way nicer clothes that the female section.

My parents never questioned the way I dress either, simply accepting the fact that I like big warm sweaters and whatever pants that fit.

I recently stopped wearing make-up, but I have nothing against mascara or eyeliner. A little bit of make-up is okay. (And I'm far to lazy to put it on even if I wanted too).

People refer to me, as “she” and I have no qualms with that since my body is female.

Btw, sorry if the english sucks.

[Vyanni Krace]

Whats 'Genderqueer'?

[Guest]

Whats 'Genderqueer'?

In the simplest of terms, it's a catch-all for gender indentity that's not cis.

(Personally, I choose to identity as g.q. because while I feel strongly as "not a man" and hate my genitals, I still don't know whether a female or a neutrois body would feel like the correct physical correspondent to my identity.)

[Vyanni Krace]

Oh okay. Thanks.

[hoarynotion]

I don't dislike my body, in fact it gets things done quite nicely! But when conjuring an image of what I look like I don't see this body, but the vague genderless form that feels natural to me. I don't feel like a woman, a man, or anything inbetween. I know this, i guess, because this identity comes to me naturally without question or hesitancy.

[tryingtobereborn]

When you feel like a part of you dies everytime you see a pretty girl, longing to be them, and yet you can't because you are a guy.

[Erin D]

Tryingtobereborn, A part that you refer to only dies for the wife or outers that take that position, not the person that is Trans/Gid, we are what we are and always will, Plus this can be "man or woman".

I'm a Transsexual, M/F, a work in progress as we all are in one way or another. I think most people over think things and sex verses gender is one of the most misunderstood topics I have countered.

I have felt more accepted by the Heterosexuality community than by the LGBT, this gets me. Defensiveness is overwhelming in the LGBT Community, I know how hard being Trans, Gay or Bi can be, Trust Me!

I work for the School District in the town I live in, on matter where I go I run into people I work with, Kids, Parents so there is no hiding, I Transitioned on the Job, This Was Never a Choice. I am a woman, and always have been, Nothing Died!!

[jat342]

Physically I am a female and if any one asks I would say I'm a girl but I relate to guys way better than I do girls and have always been "one of the guys". I always have been and probably always will be a tomboy. I just like stuff that happens to be things that are typically things guys like. sometimes when I'm hanging out with guys they forget that I'm a girl, and I really don't care when that happens because sometimes when I'm hanging out with guys I also forget that I'm a girl. I mean to me gender doesn't mean or matter that much. I'm a girl. ok, well all that means is that instead of a penis I have boobs and a vagina and I have the XX chromosome instead of the XY. not to sound blunt, but I mean I'd probably be pretty much the same person as I am now even if was born with a penis. but that's just my personal opinion on gender. yes it can be a little confusing sometimes but I am who I am regardless of how any one else sees me.

[Shawn Louis]

At last, so at home, here....though I am obviously female, because of my Turner Syndrome, which is listed as an intersexed condition, I have always felt sort of straddle-of-the-fence when it comes to gender...It feels so freeing to say that for so many years I have been having this back and forth war with myself about how I wish to dress and how I wish to be perceived out in the world. I feel most comfortable in sneakers, jeans and tees, shorts and tees, and sports bras because they are so comfortable and tend to make me look less feminine..then, I'll make this vow that I will be more feminine, I'll embrace being a woman, I'll buy clothes I don't even want and hardly wear, heels I loathe....I'll vow not to put on make up...then, suddenly, because I am used to wearing make up, will finally put it on...I like looking androgynous more than anything...I just wish I looked more masculine or less obviously female...I would feel more comfortable. I don't wish to be transgendered, I just lean more toward the male side and just envy their easy physicality...Wow! I sound really confused here...but I just wondered if any other asexual genetic females out there felt the same? Some of the TS females I have talked with have said they have some of the same feelings, but most are very eager to be seen as completely and more vehemently female than most females because most of us lack ovaries, do not have periods, can not give birth, all of which has never mattered one bit to me...in fact, I am happy never to have had the bother...but it really bothers other TS females...I don't know why..anyway, such a great feeling to get this all off my chest.....this topic of the forum has been very interesting reading, and very brilliant I might add.

[Scatternerd]

What my gender feels like to me: I have a phantom penis. It should be a real one, I often wonder if it was misplaced or removed somewhere along the line. I do in fact get erections with it, I can in fact give myself a hand job, it just looks weird to an outsider. I want my penis back. The breasts I have are ridiculous, and surely not mine. Mine are definitely much smaller, and easily bindable (about a large A, I'd say). My vagina works just fine, thanks, but I do not need this extra 'room' (the uterus) inside of me. It's a useless feature, why was I given it instead of my penis? These are not statements of opinion, but fact. Others will surely disagree with my facts, but they do not live in my body, with my facts.

That is how it feels to me.

[Forlorn79]

I always wished I was born with a female body. I don't actually know what it's like to feel like a man or women, since I don't easily associate with people. When I had more independence in my life, I stopped just having fantasies, and started moving my gender toward more feminine directions, and eventually decided to permanently do the same with my body. I'm a trans women who dresses in goth styled androgynous clothing most of the time. Feelings are complicated to explain. I don't really dislike my body that much, but I generally like how it is now. Still, if there was an easy way to become more female bodied, I would want that. The reality is that the methods are anything but easy, so I do what I can with what I have. If I was born with a female body, I'd probably be a proud lesbian, more sexual than I turned out to be as trans.

[Erin D]

Forlorn79, Are you on HRT? This is an affordable way to feminize yourself. I have been on HRT for 3 years now and I have been getting a lot of compliments. My body and face is much more feminine, I go out and get treated as I should, as a woman. It took some getting use at first, having doors opened for me and help carrying things to my car and having guys going out of their way to talk to me. Just asking.

[Forlorn79]

Yeah, I'm just on estradiol now because I had an orchiectomy. I hope in the years to come, that I'll finish developing secondary female characteristics. It's a slow process. The only other options open to me are expensive and extensive surgeries.

[Erin D]

I'm in that part of the process at this time, your right, very expensive! Spiro will still be of benefit to you.

[RileyNoLikey]

For me, my gender switches all the time. Some days I'm a chick, sometimes a dude, other times both or neither, and then everything inbetween. I just call my gender 'hot mess' for short :P

[Erin D]

Hot mess, how about you just like it all :o

[Tinkerbell_112]

Some people do not understand people who want to be gender-neutral or gender-free, it is really annoying and ignorant of them. I was at college and a teacher said, "How can you feel like something different from who you are?" I really had to bite my tongue. I replied, " I'm entitled to feel how I wish about my body, and so is everyone else". Some people are pathetic.

[Erin D]

They really are:)

[jmac]

I am the gender of me. I like what I like regardless of its 'maleness' or 'femalness.' I honestly can't wrap my head around the idea of gender-specific anything.

[Tinkerbell_112]

Exactly, I refuse to believe something which has been forced on me - I think I prefer to live the way I like without stereotyping myself. Happy to be myself and unique : )

[caffeinatedangel]

When I was a child, I as absolutely depressed that I was not born a boy. I thought I should be, and, as an adult sometimes I feel like I have a "phantom" penis. Now, I mainly feel equally between female and male. My body is female, my gender identity - i'm not sure about. I don't feel either more female, or more male. I appear (and am physically) female, so that is how I identify myself to those around me. But in my own head, I think of myself as a genderless alien. I like being alien! :)

[ZeeStar]

I'm in a weird sort of position. It's really hard to describe.

I was male-assigned-at-birth, and I just was what I was, but there was always this feeling that something wasn't right. Fora little while, I identified as trans, but I realized that wasn't right either. I'm feminine and I want to go on hormones (and possibly an orchiectomy), but there's always this part of me that's genderless. Some days, it's much stronger than my female side, but still feminine, if that makes sense.

So I want to have a more female body, especially since I don't like my "outdoor plumbing", but I'm still somewhat genderless. I'm me and that's what's important. :3

[Ashy Ashe]

I am the gender of me. I like what I like regardless of its 'maleness' or 'femalness.' I honestly can't wrap my head around the idea of gender-specific anything.

You know what we are...DALEKS! XD Sorry I saw your icon and couldn't resist saying that. I am the same way too, the gender of myself. ^^

[R_1]

I don't have any form of dysphoria nor a conceptualization of gender. It just something that does not make sense at all for me. I can dress up as a girl, I can act like a girl, I can socialize like a girl, but I am still not a girl. That's how I see it.

[Vyanni Krace]

That awful moment when you're trying to make an account and they ask for your gender, then give you only two options: Male or Female. >_< Pottermore is asking me that right now and I cant decide. I am biologically female BUT I've always felt more male BUT I don't want to be a man on pottermore either! T_T Why isn't there an 'Other' option?