Attachment Theory

[Southpaw]

Hello! I’m an undergraduate university student working on a research paper for my Attachment Theory class on asexuality and, well, attachment theory. It’s difficult to begin with, since there’s such a scarcity of information on asexuality. That’s why I found this online survey on attachment styles and I would really like for all of you to please take five minutes or so filling this out and adding your responses to my poll here. I would really appreciate it!

I’ve added options for those of you who are sexual, as well.

Also, aromantics! Please feel free to fill this out as well, even though it’s basically about romantic attachment.

For anyone who hasn’t been in a relationship, still fill this out please! Imagine what you would or how you would feel or react in each situation and put that response. Thank you very much!

ALSO: If any of you know of ANY articles on asexuality, could you please mention them here? Or in a PM? I could use a bit of help.

Furthermore, if anyone has any questions or comments about this survey or on attachment theory, please feel free to ask. Thank you so much!

Here's the survey: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

[heatdissipation]

Can you explain the terms? I don't know what they're supposed to mean. Like "fearful-avoidant". What's attachment theory? I'd be more than happy to answer once I know what I'm answering.

Edit: The end of the survery took care of most of my questions. Here are my results:

"Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships."

I'm not sure how accurate that is, but I suppose it's a good assessment of my answers. :D Hope it helps!

[KayleeSaeihr]

This is mine:

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

[ThePieMaker]

Me:

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

Sounds about right. Although, I do hold close friendships of great importance.

[hyenaboy]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

Interesting. As a side note, I've struggled with both depression and social anxiety for the past ten years. I think I'm just very comfortable in my current relationship. *shrug*

[gSOLO]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

I've suffered with social anxiety all my life, but since graduating high school, it's been less of an issue for me. I'm now just more cold and avoidant. Definitely do not appear hostile or competitive, I'm pretty laid back and apathetic about stuff.

[BaronTheCat]

The test said I fall into the preoccupied quadrant, but I don't agree. I'm definitely dismissive or fearful/avoidant.

Problem with the test is that even though one question is about whether you are in a relationship or not, the rest of the test just assumes that you are, or that you often get involved in such relationships. And how should one answer if one doesn't?

My answer to the whole test would be: I don't have the habit of getting into relationships because 1) I have to love myself before I can love somebody else, and 2) People nowadays fall violently in love and then break up after a couple of years when they get bored with each other, and many are cheating on their partners because they have a different set of morals than I have - so how can I trust a partner to stay, even if they say they love me?

But if you suspect that your partner won't stay, or that they'll cheat, or that they won't love you for real, then you'll fall into the preoccupied quadrant because of how the survey is written, even if your behavior is dismissive or fearful/avoidant. But perhaps the survey is about how you behave within a relationship. Then my answer is "zero". I don't know.

So no, the survey doesn't work for aromantic people, or romantic people who for some reason has chosen to be romantically celibate. And no, I can't pretend the unpretendable. Because when I chose to get into a relationship, it means that I 1)trust the other person and 2)can love him/her without feeling weak and inferior... which would mean that I would fall into the secure quadrant, but I'm not in that quadrant now.

[Næt.]

I am asexual and my attachment style is IT DEPENDS ON WHO THE PERSON IS AND HOW LONG I'VE KNOWN THEM

[GooberPeaAndMe]

I'm asexual-aromantic and I fell right between dismissive and fearful avoidant. It was interesting, if nothing else. I had never thought about this topic before.

[pawprint prettysure]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.

[Mad Larkin]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

not sure i totally agree with that tho!

[Nalle Neversure]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

[Southpaw]

Thank you to everyone who replied to the poll and here and took the survey so far!! At the moment, it's equal for all four types, which isn't a result I was expecting. Interesting! Of course....it'd be great if more people could reply as well!

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

Interesting. As a side note, I've struggled with both depression and social anxiety for the past ten years. I think I'm just very comfortable in my current relationship. *shrug*

Yeah, I didn't write this survey so I'm not sure why they even mentioned psychological disorders. But also, attachment styles can change from relationship to relationship and over time, so it could be that you've changed to a secure pattern in your current relationship.

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

I've suffered with social anxiety all my life, but since graduating high school, it's been less of an issue for me. I'm now just more cold and avoidant. Definitely do not appear hostile or competitive, I'm pretty laid back and apathetic about stuff.

Like I said, I didn't create this quiz so those little blurbs at the end aren't the most accurate things. Dismissing doesn't necessarily mean you're hostile or competitive, but your "apathetic" nature is also a dismissive quality. Also, dismissive qualities tend to be that you're more independent, you feel like you'd be okay without a close romantic relationship, you don't often show your feelings easily, etc.

The test said I fall into the preoccupied quadrant, but I don't agree. I'm definitely dismissive or fearful/avoidant.

Problem with the test is that even though one question is about whether you are in a relationship or not, the rest of the test just assumes that you are, or that you often get involved in such relationships. And how should one answer if one doesn't?

My answer to the whole test would be: I don't have the habit of getting into relationships because 1) I have to love myself before I can love somebody else, and 2) People nowadays fall violently in love and then break up after a couple of years when they get bored with each other, and many are cheating on their partners because they have a different set of morals than I have - so how can I trust a partner to stay, even if they say they love me?

But if you suspect that your partner won't stay, or that they'll cheat, or that they won't love you for real, then you'll fall into the preoccupied quadrant because of how the survey is written, even if your behavior is dismissive or fearful/avoidant. But perhaps the survey is about how you behave within a relationship. Then my answer is "zero". I don't know.

So no, the survey doesn't work for aromantic people, or romantic people who for some reason has chosen to be romantically celibate. And no, I can't pretend the unpretendable. Because when I chose to get into a relationship, it means that I 1)trust the other person and 2)can love him/her without feeling weak and inferior... which would mean that I would fall into the secure quadrant, but I'm not in that quadrant now.

Yes, that is a problem with the test. The best result would of course be to give each of you an Adult Attachment Interview, but those are kind of impossible over the internet. This is the best survey I could find on attachment and I'm sorry if you feel it's not very accurate. I'm mostly using this as a basic overview to see if one kind of attachment schema is more prevalent among asexuals and it seems for many people that responded that the survey is rather accurate.

I am asexual and my attachment style is IT DEPENDS ON WHO THE PERSON IS AND HOW LONG I'VE KNOWN THEM

Haha! I know, but- I'm trying to get a feel of how you would GENERALLY react in a romantic relationship. I understand, though, that it does differ somewhat.

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

not sure i totally agree with that tho!

Yeah, the little blurbs don't really give a good feel for what the results really mean. Preoccupied generally means someone who's a bit anxious, perhaps has some self-esteem issues, more often blame themselves than other people, is rather good at expressing how they feel, etc. Like I said, the results might not be 100% accurate. Also, no one is ever quite one clear-cut attachment style. People are generally mixes of two or more, with one predominant style. You can think of it that way.

[Friday]

i got

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

not really surprised by that (except yeah the blurb doesn't really get it right, wouldn't say i was hostile or competitive in relationships at all, just well yeah dismissive ^_^)

Doing this survey was quite interesting it never really occurred to me before that i had little to no anxiety in relationships, i never worry about what the others persons feelings to me are, or that they might change....

[daveb]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

I like to think this is correct, although I haven't dated much, don't have many friends, and have only been in 1 real romantic relationship (that lasted over 4 years, long distance).

[ProdeFemme]

The test said I fall into the preoccupied quadrant, but I don't agree. I'm definitely dismissive or fearful/avoidant.

Problem with the test is that even though one question is about whether you are in a relationship or not, the rest of the test just assumes that you are, or that you often get involved in such relationships. And how should one answer if one doesn't?

My answer to the whole test would be: I don't have the habit of getting into relationships because 1) I have to love myself before I can love somebody else, and 2) People nowadays fall violently in love and then break up after a couple of years when they get bored with each other, and many are cheating on their partners because they have a different set of morals than I have - so how can I trust a partner to stay, even if they say they love me?

But if you suspect that your partner won't stay, or that they'll cheat, or that they won't love you for real, then you'll fall into the preoccupied quadrant because of how the survey is written, even if your behavior is dismissive or fearful/avoidant. But perhaps the survey is about how you behave within a relationship. Then my answer is "zero". I don't know.

So no, the survey doesn't work for aromantic people, or romantic people who for some reason has chosen to be romantically celibate. And no, I can't pretend the unpretendable. Because when I chose to get into a relationship, it means that I 1)trust the other person and 2)can love him/her without feeling weak and inferior... which would mean that I would fall into the secure quadrant, but I'm not in that quadrant now.

I don't know, you're awfully preoccupied with the test... :lol: I kid, I kid

Anyway for me:

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

Not too surprising.

[Cirdan]

Asexual and preoccupied. Which is exactly the result I'd expect - when I'm away from my partner I can't stop thinking about them and when we will next meet, and at the same time worry (irrationally) about whether she likes me - at least as much as I like her. Then again long-distance relationships may skew these results.

Interestingly enough followed link to the quiz which did the same thing for parents and best friend. According to that I'm (extremely) dismissive of parents and reasonably secure about best friend.

Out of all the people best friend is the only person who I could see every day if I wanted to - coincidence?

[endplusone]

Asexual and secure. Although, I think it highly depends upon who my partner is as well as other things in life I would be dealing with. Right now my partner is the only person I can express myself with (not friends or family) so they play a crucial role. If I did have other people who were supportive the test might have turned out to be more dismissing. At the same time I do prefer to be alone a lot and can be depressive as a result of stress in other areas of life.

[downpour]

asexual, dismissing.

I've never been in a relationship before though, just tried to imagine how I would react. I think it's accurate.

[Guest Heligan]

I am asexual and my attachment style is IT DEPENDS ON WHO THE PERSON IS AND HOW LONG I'VE KNOWN THEM

Yeah i was thinking that as I was answering the questions, trying to come up with some average attitude.

I also think, that as we are asexual if we see sex as a potential problem issue is going to distort our results.

Anyway I got:-

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 4.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.00, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

(That put my little blue dot just at the end of the first rung of the low avoidance ladder)

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

But I think Im higher in avoidance that that, as the sticking point for me is actually letting myself get into the relationship to start with (always been a bit that way, but its much worse since I became asexual- it just feels weird to get into a romantic relationship without sexual attraction to me- I guess it feels like there something missing).

[kt8]

I got dismissing, but I was right on the border between dismissing and secure... it was a close one.

[rosalie]

Here are my results:

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.64, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.11, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

I'd say it's pretty accurate. ^_^

[BaronTheCat]

I don't know, you're awfully preoccupied with the test... :lol: I kid, I kid

I'm preoccupied with personality tests in general. I never trust them... But they're fun anyway.

[Tayune]

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 5.75, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.92, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

I suppose this is true...

But then again, how can I not be worried?

He lives so far away... It makes things hard.

If only I could trust more easily... But when that happened, I got stabbed in the back.

Pity...

[CreakyKeegan]

I'm a preoccupied attachment style.

Of course I am.

I'm a bit insecure about people who love me.

I can trust my friends to the fullest extent, and even if they are two-faced backstabbers, I really don't care.

To my face they are nice, and that is all that matters to me.

However when it comes to love, there is so much more anxiety.

I'm not too fearful of them cheating on me (if that sounds weird.)

I'm just fearful of ending up alone.

I have a sad state of mind. I'd rather someone pretend to love me and cheat on me than someone leaving me.

D:

[arisa]

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 5.56, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 6.09, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.

Not surprised at all. I don't trust people and have a phobia of being hurt by them. However, this line of thought applies in all of my relationships... I don't get close to family or friends, either. I have such a history of being ditched by people... : /

[No_Celery]

"Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence."

How unsurprising. :P

[Guest Heligan]

Hello! I’m an undergraduate university student working on a research paper for my Attachment Theory class on asexuality and, well, attachment theory. It’s difficult to begin with, since there’s such a scarcity of information on asexuality. That’s why I found this online survey on attachment styles and I would really like for all of you to please take five minutes or so filling this out and adding your responses to my poll here. I would really appreciate it!

I’ve added options for those of you who are sexual, as well.

Also, aromantics! Please feel free to fill this out as well, even though it’s basically about romantic attachment.

For anyone who hasn’t been in a relationship, still fill this out please! Imagine what you would or how you would feel or react in each situation and put that response. Thank you very much!

ALSO: If any of you know of ANY articles on asexuality, could you please mention them here? Or in a PM? I could use a bit of help.

Furthermore, if anyone has any questions or comments about this survey or on attachment theory, please feel free to ask. Thank you so much!

Here's the survey: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Your control group isnt doing very well, maybe you need to post somewhere else as well to get that; its all pretty useless wthout it after all... of course its hard to know where to post without distorting results (even AVEN for asexuals might not be that great- we clearly have time to be here meaning we might have less tendency to be in a relationship, or more tendency to be having sex related issues within one)... I wouldnt think sexual forums to get the sexual results are going to be any better (but I think it needs to be on the internet to lessen the distortion of time and relationship issues, so the church picnic is probably not the place to get the sexual results). Can of worms eh!

[Guest Heligan]

Right I just did the test again, but this time just remembering how I was about relationships when I was demisexual; its interesting...

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.11, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 1.64, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

(little blue dot at top left on the secure ladder, just a smidge to the right of the top rung- heading into low avoidance area)

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

So, it seems becoming asexual has had a big effect on me.... but it might not be asexuality per se as it it could just be the difference I feel when there is no sexual attraction, it makes me feel weird because it feels 'missing'. Basically it kind of feels like Im trying to force friendship into a relationship box (romantic attraction doesnt seem enough, as its just a kind of vibe that is often in opposite sex friendships -thinking heterosexual here asdjust as required lol-) Its probably easier to have always been asexual than to suddenly have to start abstracting sexual attraction from your own concept of a relationship.

Im not entirely sure what to make of it; but it has been interesting thinking about this stuff, especially as Im trying to date again and feeling very ambivalent about it, as if nothing good can come of it, but being alone isnt great either (and maybe more importantly to me I do want a baby). Anyway I keep hiding my profile and self sabotaging (quite willfully too, not oh why did I do that, deliberate I dont really want this lets put him off stuff)

Of course there is the 'dead boyfriend factor' too, cant seem to shake the love is death thing... maybe Im too screwed up to be in your survey!

[2tabbymom]

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.36, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 6.78, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

I think this fits rather well, since I am most definitely aromantic and try to avoid romantic attachments.