Throne Eins Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 This was something I posted last night on LJ's asexuality community, so I figured I'd post it here as well. I often wonder just why I'm asexual. I subscribe to the belief that people aren't necessarily born with a sexuality, but it is fluid and ever-changing. Just what it is that creates it in the first place is the mystery I'm trying to figure out. For me, I believe it's rooted in my deep hatred of anything related to reproduction. The parts of my body that I hate the most are connected to reproduction. My breasts, my uterus, my hips. I feel somewhat better about my breasts since they no longer have milk ducts and cannot produce milk, but the fact that they are still there bothers me. If it was possible, I would have no sex organs at all. I would be straight up and down. Neither male or female. Anything that would be considered "sexually appealing" would be stripped from me. I've always seen androgynous people as the most beautiful. The fact that humans supposedly exist to procreate sickens me. Ever since I was young, I've been fascinated by cyborgs and androids and often wished to be one myself. I still wish that. Even more so. I would be created for a purpose other than to reproduce. The fact that cyborgs (probably) won't exist in my lifetime saddens me. I wonder if this is the reason I tend to remain emotionally detached from people and function more as an observer than a participant in life. I don't want to get caught up in relationships or take the chance of being seen as a sexual being. That must be why I get so enraged and feel so filthy when people cat-call me. We say that being seen as an object is bad, but to me, it's better than being seen as a person who is a potential incubator for the next generation of locusts set to besiege the planet. I've always been disgusted by the act of sex. I say it's because of the contact with bodily fluids, and while that is true, it's also because it's the act that leads to procreation. Well, heterosexual sex, anyway. Lesbian sex still squicks me because of the bodily fluid factor, and sex between males bothers me the least of the three. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that people who engage in sex disgust me. It's the act itself I despise. But this is only how it is relevant to me. I pass no judgment onto anyone or their sexual practices. And because I know I'll get asked this, sex between fictional characters doesn't bother me at all. They're not real. You can mold them to your liking, and my liking doesn't involve reproduction. When I look back, I've never really liked being human. Humans do such primitive things. Like sex and reproduction. I always wished I was part of a species that was above such behavior. Which goes back to the fascination with robots and cyborgs and science-fiction. I'm not really sure what prompted this. Maybe I've been watching too many robot movies lately. Link to post Share on other sites
crow25k Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 A lot of people, including myself, feel exactly the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Blueflare Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Interesting thoughts... Personally, getting pregnant is pretty much my worst nightmare and I have known for years that I never want to reproduce. One aspect of it is that I don't want to be stuck in the repetitive cycle of reproduction. I don't want it to be somehow the main point of my existance. I want to do something else. Not sure what that is yet, but it's definitely not to have kids. I'd also rather be able to pay for my parents to have a comfortable old age than to waste money on toys and other useless junk. Children are incredibly expensive. I could also get a Mazda MX5 for the same cost as raising a child for 2 years, and I sure know what I'd prefer. Not wanting to reproduce is considered a sort of "un-human" thing, I once said to my family that I was never having children in a conversation and they just gave me patronising looks and said I'd change my mind one day. Er, NO, I won't. Ever. Anyway I get what you're saying about the supposed basic human function, and how it sucks. We've got more than enough damn people on this planet already anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
fangless Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Hi there Throne Eins I don't really share all of your feelings by any means, but personally I do have a strong dislike of procreation, reproduction, pregnancy and birth. Physical intimacy I can handle in different amounts with different people but the ultimate no-no for me is the actual mating part. 'Cos that's what it is - mating. I am also really into biology, and especially the subject of evolution (science fiction fan too). This week in the free newspaper there's been arguments flying backwards and forwards on the letters page about whether breeding big families is bad for the planet. Probably the view point that gets the biggest sigh out of me is when people say, 'Well, they need to breed less in developing countries where they are starving, but here in the west we don't have enough people to pay our pensions! We need to pop out more kids, it's our national duty!'. I love thinking about the bee, a species which has evolved to include sterile females, the worker bees, who do not exist for reproducing, but in fact have another reason entirely for being, a social reason, to help and provide for the whole colony. My opinion is that as human societies progress and develop for the better (in terms of education, healthcare provision, wealth distribution, equality etc), birth rate per family goes down. It is my hope that this is a trend that we will see continue globally over centuries into the future - that is if we do in fact progress... Basically, not everyone can (I don't mean is able to biologically, I mean we can't support it as a species) have kids - we actually need some people to 'volunteer' not to, or make the 'sacrifice' of not simply fulfilling their instincts, but thinking 'what is the practical and decent thing to do'. I have to admit that unlike most human beings, I feel a twinge of sadness when someone announces a pregnancy. Conversely, if a friend tells me that they have considered and decided that they think they don't want to breed, I get an extremely intense feeling of happiness. I don't in any way support coercive approaches like the Chinese one child law, or having a cull like some whacked out deep ecologists propose. In my recently consolidated view, the best hope for humanity, to follow the evolutionary path that I dream of and consider to be the most healthy, of a lower global population and the end of seeing child-rearing as the be all and end all of human existence, to have less people popping out kids just for the sake of it or because they can't override their programming..... feminism. Link to post Share on other sites
BunnyK. Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 The most excellent thing about being a human is that YOU get to decide what your purpose is. Humans are only "created to reproduce" in the general, species-wide sense - and that's the same for every living being on the planet, really. Even plants have to pass those genes on. If there was no drive to reproduce, there wouldn't be life at all, since nothing so far has figured out immortality. I therefore don't really feel like reproduction is anyone's "purpose" unless they choose it to be so. And there are plenty of sexuals, myself included, who for one don't feel like reproduction is anything NEAR their purpose in life, and further, don't intend to reproduce at all. And most catcalls that you get aren't about producing babies except in the vaguest, most big-picture way. Not that they can't irritate you, but if you're getting enraged because you feel like people want to impregnate you...well, that's kind of farfetched. Link to post Share on other sites
StHemingway Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 personally I do have a strong dislike of procreation, reproduction, pregnancy and birth. I love thinking about the bee, a species which has evolved to include sterile females, the worker bees, who do not exist for reproducing, but in fact have another reason entirely for being, a social reason, to help and provide for the whole colony. Basically, not everyone can (I don't mean is able to biologically, I mean we can't support it as a species) have kids - we actually need some people to 'volunteer' not to, or make the 'sacrifice' of not simply fulfilling their instincts, but thinking 'what is the practical and decent thing to do'. I have to admit that unlike most human beings, I feel a twinge of sadness when someone announces a pregnancy. Conversely, if a friend tells me that they have considered and decided that they think they don't want to breed, I get an extremely intense feeling of happiness. I have a fear & loathing of reproduction, gestation, and the birthing process. Fascinating about the bee, isn't it? In addition to a kind of "greater good" volunteering not to have children, some people biologically cannot pass on their genes due to wonky eggs and sperm. Yet, there's apparently this desire to "start a family".... how much of that is socially programmed and how much of that is the biological drive forgetting it shouldn't drive b/c there's no gas in the car? Some folks accept that "maybe I'm not meant to have biological children," while others refuse and try every fertility treatment known to man. Link to post Share on other sites
waterbear Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 When I look back, I've never really liked being human. Humans do such primitive things. Like sex and reproduction. I always wished I was part of a species that was above such behavior. Which goes back to the fascination with robots and cyborgs and science-fiction. I'm mostly the same. For me a point of annoyance is that my body doesn't act as a proper extension of my mind - it has features I'd rather it not have or is lacking in features I'd prefer it to have and I often can't do anything about it. My mind is more or less what I choose it to be, with my body the choices are extremely limiting (thin variant of this body, athletic variant of this body, etc.). I don't fascinate that much about cyborgs because for me it's necessary that I change my body myself... which means that I'd personally have to construct and transplant the cyborg parts. Being a robot would be nice though, that'd definitely support self-modification. My ideal fantasy though are beings, either human derivatives or altogether alien, who either are born with or somehow obtain the perfect body, that being a body under complete, whimsical mental control. Link to post Share on other sites
pyruvacy Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I wish I don't have such, um, artifacts of evolution :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Death Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Yeah, I can very much relate to this, and I have a similiar fascination with androids, cyborgs, bioroids and whatnot. First time I watched Ghost in the Shell and saw Motoko I immediately thought to myself, "that's what I'm supposed to be". I must say that sometimes I feel a bit like a cyborg, compared to my sexual and romantic friends, and by any human standards I'm considered physically well-off, my body is a precision-instrument which follows my brains instructions well. At the same time I'm painfully aware of its limitations and weaknesses. I really want that upgrade. Unfortunately you're probably right about cyborgs not existing within your lifetime, but one could always hope - just look at that hitachi-thing, he moves around pretty well. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Shrine Maiden Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Ugh, I hate pregnancies too. Everybody is always saying how pregnant women are beautiful and here I am, thinking they look like they're carrying the Alien inside them...and they look in pain too, what with the hormonal warfare inside their bodies and the weight they got to carry for months. I remember seeing my sister in labor and being so horrified I couldn't speak a word to her. Being human never bothered me much but I would prefer to be born completely genderless, a neuter. Kind of like a fairy/elf-thing. I went through a phase when I really hated my breasts too and kept thinking about having plastic surgery to cut them off (how funny that would be, other girls would go into the clinic to get implants and I'd go to cut them off :P ). That wore off in any case and now I just think of them as useless fashion accessories--something to hold a blouse up besides my shoulders. Needless to say, I am in no way thinking about kids. I am actually waiting for the biological deadline to pass so the chance of me having kids will drop from 0.000001% to total null. Kids not only cost money, they cost something much more valuable: time. I can think of a million different things I'd rather be doing than raising a kid--a largely thankless, angsty task. I want to save money and travel around the world, enjoy the time I have to myself in peace and quiet not go about in a wild state changing dirty diapers and wake up in the middle of the night to a screeching cacophony. Link to post Share on other sites
Samarkand Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I feel quite the same way about reproduction. I like that part about the bees thing said by fangless. For awhile I've been considering hysterectomy just so that in the event that Handmaid's Tale becomes a reality (lol) I'll be just like one of them worker bees. Or dead, whatever happens. Have sex? Breed? Not my purpose in life man, definitely not. I'd like to believe that I have the potential to do great things and I will. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I accept and am not totally disgusted by sex for reproduction purposes, if that was the only time people had/wanted sex that would be great with me and since I am beyond my reproduction years people wouldn't even bother talking to me about sex and I'd like that. I know lots of people that haven chosen to not have children and they have extremely meaningful lives and I've known others who just seem to be too stupid to not get pregnant and they keep having kids that they don't want, and/or can't take of. I don't think any of the men that came on to me in all my years did so because they wanted to have a baby they just wanted to have sex, pregnancy was probably their furthest thought. I often wonder if I really am human because I feel as though I am from a different planet than everyone else, I don't think like others around me and I don't want the relationships and closeness that others seem to desparetly need and I never have. Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I have to agree with what Bunny was basically saying... I think the idea that our purpose in life is to reproduce is just a myth - that you can figure out your own purpose in life. And hopefully no one takes this the wrong way or gets upset with me, but I can't help but think that if your dislike of being human (and human beings?) is bothering you that much, it seems to get in the way of your happiness and ability to function within the world. And that's sort of what I got from your post... Link to post Share on other sites
Solodancer1 Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I don't believe reproduction is the purpose of human beings, but I do believe it is the purpose of sex. Actually that was how I use to psych myself up when sex was expected (other than the scattered times I actually felt like it for fun); I pretended it was very urgent I have a baby. Here I am with no kids. Ohhhh.... I know there's a purpose to this pain but I still don't like it. Course I'd be kind of a hippie mom, not totally but not spending money like most USA parents do even if I had it. Anyway, when I was 17 the idea of having a baby horrified me. But by the time I was 20 it sounded like something I should have already done. Link to post Share on other sites
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