"8 Signs He's Not Interested"? WHAT?!

[NexusXavier]

I just found this on Yahoo.com

I think that this is saying, more or less, is that there is no LOVE without SEX!

I may just be over reacting. And I've never felt love but still! I know many feel LOVE and many more feel the corporate version of "love"

"Pair up to create more little consumers".

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relat..._not_interested

We all know the old adage, “love is blind”. But before falling head over heels in love, take a closer look at the object of your affection. Is the feeling—as strong as it is—completely mutual? Save yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and check out our list of warning signs that he’s just not that keen on you.

This is about whether or not he LOVES you based on whether or not he's "Putting out"

2. He won’t plan ahead.

You invite him to a hot party next month, and he hesitates before giving you his answer. Maybe he’s waiting to see if something better comes up—a sign he’s not ecstatic about going. If his final answer is “yes”, then rejoice: all may not be lost. But if it’s “no”, and it’s his second refusal, cut back on the invitations and rethink the relationship.

What if partying is just not what he likes?

3. He won’t come up for a nightcap.

You’re both coming back from a party, he’s driving you home, and you ask him if he’d like to come up for a drink. A classic move, with a classic response: “yes”. But if he surprises you by refusing your invitation because he has to get up early to take his cat out for a walk, start asking yourself some questions. If it happens more than once, it should be clear that you’re just not clicking.

OK! so just because he doesn't want sex (or another drink because he has to drive home and he wants to be responsible and obey the law) MEANS HE DOES'NT LOVE YOU!!

*Sigh* I'm tired of the uninformed views that men can ONLY love you if he performs coitus with you...

I'm going to go not have sex now... BYE!

[ily]

2. He won’t plan ahead.

You invite him to a hot party next month, and he hesitates before giving you his answer. Maybe he’s waiting to see if something better comes up—a sign he’s not ecstatic about going. If his final answer is “yes”, then rejoice: all may not be lost. But if it’s “no”, and it’s his second refusal, cut back on the invitations and rethink the relationship.

I think I agree with this, though...if someone's not into partying, I can totally understand that. But people who always say "maybe" as if they're waiting for someone cooler to invite them to something-- that really annoys me, and I find it rude.

There's a chapter of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" called "He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you", and that always made me throw up in my mouth in a little.

[bbctv]

most internet lists are kind of idiotic, or sound like something written by a team of high schoolers - no, make that six graders, based on what they imagine adult relationships are like.

[jr1]

more tripe by the sexuals

[cijay]

This is fun...from both sides. I like the thought of the people who take these seriously going through the check list with tears streaming down their cheeks blubbering "he doens't love me!"

Sure he calls, but it’s always to return your call. Running after someone can become an obsession—a disappointing one. Is he playing hard to get or just not that into you? Here’s how to find out: don’t call him for a few days. If he calls you, great. If he doesn’t, move on.

Face it, he's got a life and you're not priority. Get over it, some people have hobbies and commitments.

You invite him to a hot party next month, and he hesitates before giving you his answer. Maybe he’s waiting to see if something better comes up—a sign he’s not ecstatic about going. If his final answer is “yes”, then rejoice: all may not be lost. But if it’s “no”, and it’s his second refusal, cut back on the invitations and rethink the relationship.

Is there something wrong with seeing if something better comes up? "Gee, I'd like to go on a weekend road trip with you but you know, I have this flower show I promised Susie I'd go to with so I should go.

You’re both coming back from a party, he’s driving you home, and you ask him if he’d like to come up for a drink. A classic move, with a classic response: “yes”. But if he surprises you by refusing your invitation because he has to get up early to take his cat out for a walk, start asking yourself some questions. If it happens more than once, it should be clear that you’re just not clicking.

Maybe he enjoys spending time on his own, maybe he's tired after having been to the party, maybe the party stunk and he wants to go home and change the litter box because it's more fun to do.

At the end of your date, he suggests keeping in touch—and nothing more specific. It may not be the end of the world, but if he really wants to see you again, he’ll make the time. Maybe you’ve just started dating and he fears putting too much pressure on you; or it could be he’s not so sure he wants to see you again next week. You’ll have the answer soon enough if he doesn’t call in the days to come, or if he turns you down the next time you call to ask him out.

It's called equality, sweetheart. Why does he have to make the first move all the time?

How can someone be interested in you if they don’t want to know what your interests are—or even how you are, or how your day went? If he rarely ever asks you about your day or what you did last night, it’s probably because he just doesn’t care. It’s hurtful when the person you’re attracted to doesn’t show much interest in your life, but better to realize it as soon as possible and move on.

If he doesn't ask you about your day maybe it's because the last time he asked you went on for an hour about the fact that MaryAnne bought the same dress as you and it pissed you off or you managed to turn it into a session of all the things he did wrong.

He says he’ll call at seven, but your phone only rings at nine—or even worse, the next day. When you do talk, he gives you lame excuses for calling so late. You may be telling yourself he’s probably too busy to call when he said he would, but why make excuses for him? If he’s interested in you, he’d be thinking of you, which usually leads to calling when he said he would. But try to keep an open mind, too; sometimes there’s a legitimate reason for not calling. Trust your instinct!

No. Phone calls don't = caring. Some people HATE the telephone. How about face to face conversation without a phone. And that includes receiving calls while you're talking?

It’s true that presenting someone you’ve started seeing to your family is a big step. It’s also true that some people need more time before they’re ready to bring you home for dinner—if ever. But if he’s already met your folks and you haven’t met his, he may not be ready to make your relationship official. If you feel he should introduce you to the other people in his life, then sit down and discuss your feelings with him.

Hello? 1950 called, they want their traditions back.

Introducing you to his family is a big leap forward, and it usually comes after a long period of getting to know each other. However, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t introduce you to his buddies—nowhere near as formal and stressful as presenting you to his parents. If it’s going well, then he’s probably told them about you, or even included you in plans with them. If he’s trying to hide your relationship, ask him why. His response should make it clear what’s going on—or not.

Trust me, if that's the case, maybe you don't want to know his friends.

[zoes ken]

1. He never calls you first.

Sure he calls, but it’s always to return your call. Running after someone can become an obsession—a disappointing one. Is he playing hard to get or just not that into you? Here’s how to find out: don’t call him for a few days. If he calls you, great. If he doesn’t, move on.

But first make sure its not a few days where he's going to be busy with something like an intense workweek, or traveling for a weekend

2. He won’t plan ahead.

You invite him to a hot party next month, and he hesitates before giving you his answer. Maybe he’s waiting to see if something better comes up—a sign he’s not ecstatic about going. If his final answer is “yes”, then rejoice: all may not be lost. But if it’s “no”, and it’s his second refusal, cut back on the invitations and rethink the relationship.

Next month? Who in the world can you a definate answer for something like a party thats not going to happen for a month? ITs not the same as say a wedding, or a job commitment that can be given priority over most other life events. Better advice would be to stop dating people so ridicuosly early

3. He won’t come up for a nightcap.

You’re both coming back from a party, he’s driving you home, and you ask him if he’d like to come up for a drink. A classic move, with a classic response: “yes”. But if he surprises you by refusing your invitation because he has to get up early to take his cat out for a walk, start asking yourself some questions. If it happens more than once, it should be clear that you’re just not clicking.

You've already spent the evening together. If he didn't like you that wouldn't have happened. Contrary to popular belief not every guy, not even every sexual guy, wants to take every opportunity to hop into bed with someone at the drop of a hat.

4. He’s vague about getting together again.

At the end of your date, he suggests keeping in touch—and nothing more specific. It may not be the end of the world, but if he really wants to see you again, he’ll make the time. Maybe you’ve just started dating and he fears putting too much pressure on you; or it could be he’s not so sure he wants to see you again next week. You’ll have the answer soon enough if he doesn’t call in the days to come, or if he turns you down the next time you call to ask him out.

How does being vagure mean he won't make time. He could just have a schedule that changes from week to week or even day to day and so he can't let you know far in advance. This goes back to the ridiculousness of the "he won't say he can go to a party thats a month way." Also, just because he doesn't want to or can't see you next week doesn't mean its not interested. It could just means he has important obligations that he can't pull away from.

5. He doesn’t ask you questions.

How can someone be interested in you if they don’t want to know what your interests are—or even how you are, or how your day went? If he rarely ever asks you about your day or what you did last night, it’s probably because he just doesn’t care. It’s hurtful when the person you’re attracted to doesn’t show much interest in your life, but better to realize it as soon as possible and move on.

Or perhaps its because you tell him as much without asking, or your body language/past experiences have indicated its not something you aren't quite comfortable speaking about and he likes you to much to pressure you into discussing things you'd rather not. Especially if how your day was involves you telling about working at job you absolutely despise.

On the other hand, he could just be shy, and is waiting until he gets comfortable lest he makes a mistake that will result in you running away from him

6. He doesn’t call when he says he will.

He says he’ll call at seven, but your phone only rings at nine—or even worse, the next day. When you do talk, he gives you lame excuses for calling so late. You may be telling yourself he’s probably too busy to call when he said he would, but why make excuses for him? If he’s interested in you, he’d be thinking of you, which usually leads to calling when he said he would. But try to keep an open mind, too; sometimes there’s a legitimate reason for not calling. Trust your instinct!

Oh my god!!!! He called two hours later than he said he would!!! 2 hours!!!! He must not be at all interested in you. 2 whole hours. God, next thing you know, he'll be five minutes late to pick you up. Or worse,after picking you up he'll have to stop and get gas because you were too unimportant for him to think ahead and make sure everything was ready for.

[newgirl]

I love these 2 slogans or points.I wish some parts of society would wake up.

"There is no LOVE without SEX! "

"corporate version of "love" "

[Sideos]

OK! so just because he doesn't want sex (or another drink because he has to drive home and he wants to be responsible and obey the law) MEANS HE DOES'NT LOVE YOU!!

OBVIOUSLY! Drinks = Sex = Love! Alcohol is the key to winning someone's heart!

He says he’ll call at seven, but your phone only rings at nine—or even worse, the next day. When you do talk, he gives you lame excuses for calling so late. You may be telling yourself he’s probably too busy to call when he said he would, but why make excuses for him? If he’s interested in you, he’d be thinking of you, which usually leads to calling when he said he would. But try to keep an open mind, too; sometimes there’s a legitimate reason for not calling. Trust your instinct!

The whole 'I was busy thing' is a lie. Sorry to inform you galls, but guys are NEVER busy, we just pretend we are so we don't have to call you on time.

Sad but true.

How can someone be interested in you if they don’t want to know what your interests are—or even how you are, or how your day went? If he rarely ever asks you about your day or what you did last night, it’s probably because he just doesn’t care. It’s hurtful when the person you’re attracted to doesn’t show much interest in your life, but better to realize it as soon as possible and move on.

Another truth, if a guy doesn't ask you about your day then he doesn't like you, or worse, he hates your guts and wishes to murder you.

I could go on, but I have to get back to not planning what I'm going to do each day for the next 2 months so I can make sure to go to any 'hot parties' that may pop up.

[Zealous]

OBVIOUSLY! Drinks = Sex = Love! Alcohol is the key to winning someone's heart!

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his liver. You don't need to worry about the ribcage.

The most chaste relationships that most people have are with corpses. Maybe if he doesn't want to have sex with you, he's a zombie. Better get out your shotgun and blow his head off. Either he's a zombie, or he's not into you. Either way, you win!

[Zealous]

I hate to double post, but I just noticed this.

more tripe by the sexuals

Please, some of my best friends are sexual. In fact, most of my best friends are sexual. Some 90% of my close friends are sexual.

This is, to me, offensive. It's elitism over how someone is. It's exactly the same way of thinking that created White Supremacy, Homophobia, and American Exceptionalism.

Joy Davidson would be proud of you for those words.

[Amcan]

I'm just wondering - would murder be a sign he was or wasn't?

[osito]

How can someone be interested in you if they don’t want to know what your interests are—or even how you are, or how your day went? If he rarely ever asks you about your day or what you did last night, it’s probably because he just doesn’t care. It’s hurtful when the person you’re attracted to doesn’t show much interest in your life, but better to realize it as soon as possible and move on.

This is the only one of these red flags that has any protein, in my opinion. And if he *is* interested in your interests, and you share important ones, and he communicates that he cares about how you're feeling and how your day/week is going, AND you really like this guy...then all of the rest of those indicators don't mean squat on the reality scale (and they're pretty limp anyway). They're just drab norms of a bygone age... :D

[OwlSaint]

I'm just wondering - would murder be a sign he was or wasn't?

Depends on whether or not he's a necrophile.

Maybe he likes horses too.

[Amcan]

There needs to be a 8 reasons why he's interested horses and not you.

[Flour Confessor]

To be fair to the lame Yahoo article, they're simply trying to catch as big a group of people in their advice net as they can--and the asexual community is as minority as they come. If it's not uncommon for someone never to have heard of your sexual identity, don't hold your breath waiting for a Yahoo advice column dedicated to your specific romantic profile.

On the other side of the coin, yeah, most of that stuff is pretty lol-worthy. I understand that they basically have to do it that way, but it's kind of a shame that so many websites post dating tips that are basically attempting to steer readers into believing there has to be "a right way to do it." In my book it's just plasticizing interpersonal relationships and reducing human interaction to a generic template, like a sport that can be played by following a play book, and that just seems wrong--asexual or not.

[ily]

I hate to double post, but I just noticed this.

more tripe by the sexuals

Please, some of my best friends are sexual. In fact, most of my best friends are sexual. Some 90% of my close friends are sexual.

This is, to me, offensive. It's elitism over how someone is. It's exactly the same way of thinking that created White Supremacy, Homophobia, and American Exceptionalism.

Joy Davidson would be proud of you for those words.

I have to agree-- it's frustrating to be asexual in a sexual world, but seeing as we're such a small group, we need to bring sexuals over to our side as allies (we have cake!), not antagonize them.

[yay]

A guy not putting out right away is a sign that he's not interested??

Okay, well #1... even though sexuals are sexual, it doesn't mean they're ALL cheap and jump into bed as soon as possible.

#2 I happen to know a very sexual guy who will sleep with girls but if he finds a girl he sees a future with, he won't rush into sex with her.

#3 Maybe he's SHY?

#4 Maybe you're a dirty whore and he doesn't want to get an STD

[Cicero]

#4 Maybe you're a dirty whore and he doesn't want to get an STD

Rofl! :lol:

[Usernamecolonasterisk]

#4 Maybe you're a dirty whore and he doesn't want to get an STD

It does sound as if the article is aimed at dirty whores.

[__AJ__]

most internet lists are kind of idiotic' date=' or sound like something written by a team of high schoolers - no, make that six graders, based on what they imagine adult relationships are like.[/quote']

hahahaha, so true

This is fun...from both sides. I like the thought of the people who take these seriously going through the check list with tears streaming down their cheeks blubbering "he doens't love me!"

lol

A guy not putting out right away is a sign that he's not interested??

Okay' date=' well #1... even though sexuals are sexual, it doesn't mean they're ALL cheap and jump into bed as soon as possible.

#2 I happen to know a very sexual guy who will sleep with girls but if he finds a girl he sees a future with, he won't rush into sex with her.

#3 Maybe he's SHY?

#4 Maybe you're a dirty whore and he doesn't want to get an STD[/quote']

*applauds* exactly!!

That whole site is saying that women are passive and weak and should take no initiative. If hes not calling, call him, if he doesnt arrange another date, you arrange one, if he doesnt ask questions, ask him questions.

they need to make one thats like "8 signs of a stupid yahoo site"

[vits3k]

Was that list taken from Brave New World?

* Flips through it to check *

[Guest]

it sounds like the list is inspired by the book, "he's just not that into you".

[Ice Faerie]

Ah, another hilarious Yahoo article. I love these threads.

for all.

[Prefers Pie]

Introducing you to his family is a big leap forward, and it usually comes after a long period of getting to know each other. However, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t introduce you to his buddies—nowhere near as formal and stressful as presenting you to his parents. If it’s going well, then he’s probably told them about you, or even included you in plans with them. If he’s trying to hide your relationship, ask him why. His response should make it clear what’s going on—or not.

Maybe he's trying to keep you away from all his oversexed buddies who he knows will put the moves on you, and steal you away with their sexual prowess. (oops. . .too personal?)

[mdw]

There's a chapter of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" called "He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you", and that always made me throw up in my mouth in a little.

That entire book is a steaming pile of shit though. It boils down to "if you have known him for 4 minutes and the two of you have yet to copulate then he doesn't like you". There is no room left for men to be respectful, or even shy.

[v4point0]

There's a chapter of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" called "He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you", and that always made me throw up in my mouth in a little.

That entire book is a steaming pile of shit though. It boils down to "if you have known him for 4 minutes and the two of you have yet to copulate then he doesn't like you". There is no room left for men to be respectful, or even shy.

Exactly! I actually know quite a few guys that say if they REALLY like a girl, they won't sleep with her. Sometimes its cultural, sometimes its family values...but there are still some guys out there who don't want to sleep with someone they may want to marry.

And just so everyone knows, I still haven't met my husband's parents, but it's because they're horrible people and he doesn't even want to see them.

[Rin]

Ive idled on a standard/generic relationships forum and that book "He's Just Not Into You" was often bandied around or cited as an amazing oracle of enlightenment for anyone in doubt. Not having read it though I guess I can't be too cynical so I'll say maybe it has a point to it somewhere. But although it's a good idea to get manuals and guides for technical appliances etc. as they have pre-programmed actions/methods and usually aren't affected in unpredictable ways by their surroundings (well maybe signal interference but again thats something logical) and have no memory of their past.

But of course you can't really write a methodical manual on humans as all those factors come into play. Their past and upbringing, their surroundings/environment, their interactions with those around them and the influence those people/things put on them, beliefs, hopes, ambitions etc. and unlike methodical goods and appliances, humans also are capable of imagination and irrational thoughts/fears that are 'illogical', computers etc. aren't capable of such stuff and if they ever were it would most likely be through mixing up pre-programmed functions or drawing from a human brain in some way.

Any 'imperfections' in appliances are easily dealt with whenever a manual's logical deductions say that it is "defective": you buy a new one! The danger is that relying on such 'methodical' books, someone would bin a perfectly good person in favour of the brand new model just because of a few imperfections that make that person 'human'.

It's better to seek advice from people who know you and the person you're involved with and also to use your own judgement in deducting whats going on and of course simply being honest/open with your partner.