BigBassFox Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 (please don't read if you know me irl) Spoiler I got a bit pissed off about this. Today my "friend" was talking about something with two of my friends and she then looked at me and said "You're not allowed to hear this" and began whispering to them while looking at me. It turned out to be about a boy they liked and I honestly didn't really care about this, it was more the fact that they said that me out of everyone wasn't allowed to hear. They also haven't been responding to my text messages and when I asked them about it, they said that they had just forgotten to, but they didn't talk to me in the days following either and have been messaging other people. I think they blocked me. More than anything, I just want open and honest communication so that we can work on whatever's going on. In the past they've said a lot of mean things to me, threatened to yell at me, disrespected my boundaries, and just overall haven't been a great friend to me. They also only talk about how horrible their mental health is (I helped get them in with a mental health counselor). But overall, They've made me feel very unwelcome in the friend group. I know that I'm probably overreacting and that they have a right to privacy and so I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Frendo Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 I think your reaction makes sense especially since they blocked you and have been trying to avoid you. They sound like they're in a bit of a rough patch, the best thing to do is not take it personally and discuss it with other members of the friend group. If you really feel like this person is weighing you down you could just end the friendship cold 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 My first suggestion would be to talk to them and express how you feel, while reinforcing that you value your friendship with them. If they can't meet you halfway and see your point of view, then cutting them lose could be the only option. Your time and energy can be spent with better people who won't do that. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KVA1983 Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Sorry you are going through a situation like this, obviously your friend is struggling due to mental health so being dismissive (Occasionally) is forgivable as we all deal with mental health in different ways. But the other aspects, ignoring, threatening behaviour, shunning you in front of other friends and deliberately excluding you. My opinion if that was me, I would cut the friend off all together. No one derseves that kind of treatment. Yes, mental health can lead to certain people acting out of character but that is toxic traits not linked to mental health. You deserve to be treated with as much respect, validation and boundaries as any of the others within the friend circle. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyn Corinn Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Um. If they're singling you out like that literally when the whole group is there, that is a huge red flag. But that combined with everything else you say they've done? Honestly, feeling unwelcome in the friend group is reason enough to cut things off imo. I recently ended a friendship for more or less the same reason, and your friend's actions here, from the way you've described them, sound far far worse than that situation. If they know what they're doing is hurtful, refuse to talk about or ignore it when you bring it up, and continue to behave exactly the same, I'm not sure there's anything else you can do but just cut them off. It sucks. It really does. But it's much better than maintaining a friendship that makes you feel shitty, no matter the circumstances. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rubyBlueberries Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Perhaps I'm not in the best position to be impartial on this since I'm currently dealing with my own demon of a close friend who's been ghosting me for 3 years and counting due to mental health problems making it hard for her to reach out and communicate, but I'd try more peaceful measures first like just directly communicating your honest feelings on their behavior, if you can. If there's any accidental miscommunication on their part, that'd be a good opportunity to clear things up. If that doesn't help, then that may be a sign that it's time to part ways. Even if their behavior truly is caused by their mental health issues, I don't think you should have to let yourself be subjected to that if it's damaging to you. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Are you still in school? Because that sounds like very immature and grade school clique-like behavior to me. (I say as if I didn't just experience something like that at age 28 😅) Based on how you describe their previous treatment of you, they either don't want to be friends with you or see you as a friend of convenience, only keeping you around when and if it's convenient for them. There's really no point in trying to talk or reason with them anymore. I agree with the consensus, cutting them and looking for better friends is your best option here. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShelbySanss Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 I would almost 100% bring up all these issues directly to them in person(so they can’t back out) before doing anything else. I had something similar with a friend and it just turned out to be a huge miscommunication and that might be part of the reason messages aren’t being returned and such. For the boy part… I know a lot of girls who get easily embarrassed by a boy they like and won’t say anything out of embarrassment so they’re probably embarrassed because this is someone you most likely know well. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BigBassFox Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 Thank you all for the advice. Today I broke things off with them because this has happened too many times with multiple warnings. I'm just not sure if I should inform the rest of our friend group or not because I don't want my friends to feel pressured to pick a side or anything like that. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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