Theoryal Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 For those who are romantic but asexual: Although people may assume we just don't crave a deep connection or don't crave physical pleasure, I think for many asexual people it's just a matter of taking a diferent form. If sex is an expression of vulnerability and deep emotional and physical connection, what actually does that for us? Of course it may be different for each person. I feel like there is often an assumption that we must be missing out (even if intellectually people understand we don't miss something we don't want), but I'm not sure we really are missing out on physiclal pleasures or emotional connection. What makes you feel super close and bonded with someone? When you feel longing/yearning/desire for someone, what would be fulfilling? What gives you a feeling of bliss and vitality? If you don't enjoy genital stimulation, what non-sexual sensations do you crave? What do you feel an urge to do with/for someone when you are full to bursting with love for them? What would it be hard for you to be with someone without? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I have some feelings on this topic, but it just makes me feel sad that I desire a deep connection (I don't perceive the difference between "romantic" and "platonic" as A Fundamental Difference)... but I just have no idea how do people form relationships. Learning it at this age seems quite hopeless... A relationship is not on top of my priority list, maybe my inability to form relationships just masks the fact that I may feel a yearning, but would ultimately be unable to be in a relationship... but something which "reminds" me of this makes me feel sad. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eutierria Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I have a funny feeling you may receive different answers based off of the different love languages. 1 hour ago, Theoryal said: What makes you feel super close and bonded with someone? Unbreakable trust. 1 hour ago, Theoryal said: When you feel longing/yearning/desire for someone, what would be fulfilling? Their presence. 1 hour ago, Theoryal said: What gives you a feeling of bliss and vitality? Shared joy & glimmering energy. 2 hours ago, Theoryal said: what non-sexual sensations do you crave? Whatever feels authentic, in the moment, is usually OK. This is usually a discussion. 2 hours ago, Theoryal said: What do you feel an urge to do with/for someone when you are full to bursting with love for them? A very tight, long, shoogly, swaying hug with kisses comes to mind but probably all the love languages mixed into one. 2 hours ago, Theoryal said: What would it be hard for you to be with someone without? Playfulness. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mihai Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I am a heteroromantic asexual man and I believe that romance and true love have nothing to do with sexuality. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I like cuddling 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
2XD Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I’m in a relationship with another ace. We actually talked about what kind of intimacy we want before we started dating and luckily we ended up being super compatible. We both like cuddling and just touching eachother. We kiss. Although I noticed that it’s not something I necessarily crave and think about much. I don’t really “lust” for it. But I don’t mind it and it’s just something I do to show him some love or share some closeness. Although neither of us will partake in penetrative sex, we do other “sexual” things. But again, it’s not something I think about much. Sometimes it kinda pops into my head and depending on the situation (time, place etc) I give him hints to see if he’s up for it. We have definitely figured out how to get eachother “into the mood”. It’s just something neither of actively thinks about most of the time. But we both enjoy it while we’re at it, if that makes sense. (It’s kinda like a friend showing up with a cake and you hadn’t thought about cake but then you see it and it’s like “oh yeah, cake!! I want some!!”) I also love getting massages and he’s usually very willing to give them to me. I don’t think our relationship is that different from allo-sexuals, except that maybe there is none of that “you havnt kissed me at all today!! It means you dont love me anymore” or “we havnt had sex in 2 weeks!!!”. We kinda just do what we feel like when we feel like it and know that our love for eachother isn’t dependent on that. Some days we literally just kiss once quickly when saying good bye. Other days we are in more of a touchy-feely mood. My love language (how I wanna receive) is definitely “acts of service”. And he is pretty good about that. He’s a cook and does pretty much all the cooking for us and sometimes, when he has a late shift, he will make food before he’s leaving so I can just reheat it when I get home. That definitely makes me feel loved and taken care of. He likes words of affirmation and I try to say nice things to him (compliments, expressing my love) and also text him throughout the day. It’s not something that comes super natural to me, but somehow with him it’s quite easy. So many things remind me of him throughout my day and I often feel just overwhelmed with love for him, so I will let him know that. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Samaro Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 So I’m ace and aro, so I’m not sure if my answers will be any help. I still have close bonds with friends and family. 1. I feel close with people I frequently engage with. This can be in enjoyable activities (games, movies, music, etc.) and conversations (silly or serious). When interactions run dry, the bond doesn’t disappear, but it fades. 2. I do sometimes meet people that I just really like from the get-go, and want to get to know. When I actually get or make opportunities to interact positively with such individuals, it is very nice. I do mean things like talking with them. I am nit a fan of touch even at the level of handshakes. As for things like missing people, I can call or text the people I am likely to miss pretty easily. My social needs are pretty low. 3. As much as I love silly conversations and whatnot, I do really enjoy just being around the people I love even when we aren’t doing anything together. Just existing in the same space doing our separate things can be nice. 4. Non-sexual sensations? Like touch? I occasionally give hugs or hold onto someone’s hand, but unless I initiate it feels more like an obligation than something I want. Even these small amounts of physical contact are reserved for my very closest people. 5. Depends on the person. This can be where I give my infrequent hugs. I might suggest doing some activity we both enjoy or ask them what they would like to do, like cooking together or watching a show. For others, I’d offer my assistance in some task I know I can help with, or ask if they have anything they’d like me to do. Sometimes I might make something for them, be that food, a stuffed animal, a drawing, or what have you. 6. I really do need the silly conversations. If you can’t keep up with the constantly growing list of nonsense that will be referenced in future talks, then you are going to have a difficult time. How should I explain… For example, my family has an ongoing joke about inter-dimensional alien Sasquatch that wear sequin-camouflage jumpsuits and control the logging industry. It took years of collaboration to get the story to that level of weird, and that was still the simplified version. My loved ones and I also take on sort of joke roles. A milder example would be how my roommate decided I am a ghost since he has never seen me outside of the apartment and I play along sometimes. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Frendo Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 10 hours ago, Theoryal said: What makes you feel super close and bonded with someone? When you feel longing/yearning/desire for someone, what would be fulfilling? What gives you a feeling of bliss and vitality? If you don't enjoy genital stimulation, what non-sexual sensations do you crave? What do you feel an urge to do with/for someone when you are full to bursting with love for them? What would it be hard for you to be with someone without? 1. Talking with them. Maybe we are together doing something(like taking a walk) but I like to talk and I want to talk with them just about anything. 2. Again, talking to them and having that nice feeling back within me. 3. I don't really have an answer for that 4. None. Sometimes I want to bet my guinea pigs and sometimes I want to eat something sweet 5. Talk and hang out with them. It doesn't matter about what I just want to live my life with them. 6. I wouldn't really want to hang out with someone whos boring(especially if I've gotten to know them better and they are still equally as boring as when I first met them), I also like hanging out with someone with simular viewpoints on certain issues even if we are different in others. Then again I am gray romantic and its not like I feel a crazy burning desire or whatnot, 80% of the time I don't have a crush or feelings 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nickolekuebler Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 13 hours ago, Theoryal said: What makes you feel super close and bonded with someone? When you feel longing/yearning/desire for someone, what would be fulfilling? What gives you a feeling of bliss and vitality? If you don't enjoy genital stimulation, what non-sexual sensations do you crave? What do you feel an urge to do with/for someone when you are full to bursting with love for them? What would it be hard for you to be with someone without? the answer to the first three is communication. I want to be with someone that I can communicate well with and will do the same with me. for number four I would say it is hugging, I like to hug people it feels so warm and pleasant. for number 5 I think that will depend on my partner, if I am bursting with love for them then I want to do something that they enjoy and will show them how much I love them. and again the answer to number six it communication. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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