I dont know if i feel attraction

[spidersneakers]

Hi, im 16 years old. I will also mention that im a transgender male if that helps. 

when i was 12 i had my first crush, i really wanted one because everyone around me was talking about their crushes and i just wanted one to know if i liked guys or girls. I went to a summer camp and looked around the room, I decided on the guy that i would have a crush on. For the next week i just stared at him, I thought we were “perfect” for each other because we both like Harry Potter. 

When school started in September, i looked around the classroom again to find a crush. For the next few months I had a crush on a guy in my class. I would sit near him, stare at him, but never talked to him. I fantasized about holding hands or dating but I didn’t really understand what dating was either, i just assumed we would walk in a park together or something. I remember thinking that i dont want him, love him, or any other extreme feelings, i simply admired him. 

 

I was still living as a girl when i was 12 as I hadn’t found out i was trans yet. I was happy to be straight because my dad would be mad if I wasn’t lol. One day i got tired of having a crush on that random guy so i just.. didn’t. I promised myself that if i wanted to know my sexuality, i wouldnt force myself to be attracted to anyone. I’ll know when i know. 

I guess we’ll never know.

4 years have passed and i have not had a single crush on anybody, let alone sexual feelings. Im not interested in guys at all and ill notice when a girl is hot but i dont feel anything. Ive tried watching porn to see if that changes my mind, and it’s not very interesting. I prefer girls on there and figure that if i ever wanted to be with one, i would do the giving rather than receiving (partly because of my gender situation)  this might be tmi but i never masturbate, i just dont feel the need. Maybe if i had a dick things would be different lol. 

 

Im telling you all of this because i know I want a partner when im older, i dont want to be alone. I just dont know what gender or relationship i would have with them. And the transgender thing makes it 100x more difficult. My mom thinks im gay (man/man) and my classmates think im hetero. I dont know what to tell them because what if im neither.

[Frendo]

From my understanding(and keep in mind I'm not you and I don't want to decide how you identify) you seem to be aro/ace. Aroace people can still want relationships, and they are called cupioromantic if they want them(its also very scary to imagine living alone for the rest of your life, so being cupioromantic isn't uncommon). However, I'm still not sure if being trans has to do with how you feel as well, since being trans has to do with confidence levels, mental health issues, etc. which can effect sexuality and romantic attraction(for example some trans people feel uncomfortable during intimacy since they are naked and don't like the way there body is, so they are repressed in that sense). Additionally T also increases libido but that might not relate to sexual attraction, since there are man cis-ace men. However, you shouldn't feel pressured to figure out your identity and stick with it. You're only 16, you can still explore how you feel later on in your life or right now. Even some people who are 40+ are still exploring their identity, so don't feel pressured to label 

[Dittosaurus Acex]

9 hours ago, Frendo said:

From my understanding(and keep in mind I'm not you and I don't want to decide how you identify) you seem to be aro/ace. Aroace people can still want relationships, and they are called cupioromantic if they want them(its also very scary to imagine living alone for the rest of your life, so being cupioromantic isn't uncommon). However, I'm still not sure if being trans has to do with how you feel as well, since being trans has to do with confidence levels, mental health issues, etc. which can effect sexuality and romantic attraction(for example some trans people feel uncomfortable during intimacy since they are naked and don't like the way there body is, so they are repressed in that sense). Additionally T also increases libido but that might not relate to sexual attraction, since there are man cis-ace men. However, you shouldn't feel pressured to figure out your identity and stick with it. You're only 16, you can still explore how you feel later on in your life or right now. Even some people who are 40+ are still exploring their identity, so don't feel pressured to label 

So true, I am 39 soon and  I am still discovering myself. When I was 16 I did not even heard abut many options, so I was sure I am hetero and was trying hard to fit in.

I understand why you are trying to label yourself @spidersneakers , because for many years i just felt i do not belong anywhere. Times are changing and like @Frendo said: you have time!

[Monke Jimmy]

Every time I see someone mention choosing their crushes I feel an obligation to post this video: 

Spoiler

 

 

I'm not sure if you should be calling someone a crush if you had to think about choosing that person. For most people, it's an obsession that starts for seemingly no reason. Maybe as you get older you choose which crushes you pursue/ignore or who is your type whom you might develop a crush on, but the reason why that attachment forms is not logical. (For the same reason, nobody EVER needs a reason to NOT like somebody. You don't need an excuse to say no.)

 

I think there are a few different ways you could organize your feelings. You could say that you have just an aesthetic attraction to girls. You could also eventually develop a real attraction to somebody (although at this point I doubt it). No way is the wrong way. You don't need to explain yourself to anybody. If you don't have a crush, that's okay, and you'll live without it.