Sexual attraction but not for intercourse. What label fits me?

[wonderguy]

I came here trying to do research on my own sexuality. Basically I’m a 17 year old male and has always identified as heterosexual. I have started to question if i’m on the asexual spectrum. I have two fetishes, a foot fetish and a giantess fetish/macrophilia, and these are my main sources of arousal. Yes, I know asexuals can have fetishes, but that’s not the point here. My point is I definitely experience sexual attraction but that desire afterwards is not to intercourse. Vaginas don’t really turn me on. However, sexual attraction brings me the desire towards feet/legs/booty. My sex drive includes footjobs, leg jobs, and my giantess fantasies so it’s definitely “seuxal” per se. Just nothing towards actual “sex” (if you’re counting sex as penetration). It’s just I feel lost, I can’t relate to 90% of the asexual community because I experienced sexual attraction and desires, but I can’t relate to heterosexuals when they say they want to bang every hot girl they see. Do you guys think I belong on the asexual spectrum?

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hey @wonderguy
Liking certain sexual acts over others doesn't really change sexual orientation, since not only penetration counts as sex, though I understand it can make finding a partner much harder, so you may find some aspects and  issues in  sexuality and relationships that you might have in common with some who are asexual. I hope you feel welcomed to look around and interact with the community :). And also not all sexual people want to just bang anyone, it can be more about intimacy, etc, there's a wide range of how people can be so you might relate with different kinds of people in some ways. And maybe you'll find out more about your sexuality too and see what you connect to more.

[wonderguy]

19 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Hey @wonderguy
Liking certain sexual acts over others doesn't really change sexual orientation, since not only penetration counts as sex, though I understand it can make finding a partner much harder, so you may find some aspects and  issues in  sexuality and relationships that you might find in common with some who are asexual.

Thanks for the input. That makes sense. However, Ive looked up on here trying to find people in similar situations as me (sexual attraction directed mostly at fetish) and a lot of people like me identify as ace on here. I have a girlfriend actually and I feel like I would be lying to tell her I’m asexual because I AM sexually attracted to her. But seeing other people identifying as ace with fetishes like me just keeps making me second guess myself like maybe I’m just lying to myself. It’s tough but thanks again.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

20 minutes ago, wonderguy said:

Thanks for the input. That makes sense. However, Ive looked up on here trying to find people in similar situations as me (sexual attraction directed mostly at fetish) and a lot of people like me identify as ace on here. I have a girlfriend actually and I feel like I would be lying to tell her I’m asexual because I AM sexually attracted to her. But seeing other people identifying as ace with fetishes like me just keeps making me second guess myself like maybe I’m just lying to myself. It’s tough but thanks again.

It really depends where sexuality places itself for them. Someone can feel a lack of sexual attraction but still feel arousal when it comes to fetishes so might identify as ace since even someone asexual can have libido, but asexuality isn't about libido. Those are likely people who only feel drawn to the fetishes and not towards the person themselves for partnered sexuality, if you know what I mean. But people do also come to their own conclusions as well. Again also though, you might be able to find people you relate to and gain something from the community in any case.

[Ceebs]

If someone has a desire to do sexual things with other people, that makes them sexual (hetero, homo, bi/pan depending on gender preference). Doesn't matter what those particular acts are, although if you don't want to participate in the most common ones it'll probably be more difficult to find a partner who'll be entirely fulfilled by that. As a sexual woman, I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with a man who wasn't interested in ever having penetrative or oral sex and I imagine plenty of other women feel similarly. 
 

You mentioned you have a girlfriend. Do you two do anything sexual? Does she know about your fetishes?

 

38 minutes ago, wonderguy said:

I can’t relate to heterosexuals when they say they want to bang every hot girl they see

I promise you not everyone is like that and probably a large portion of people who claim to be are playing it up somewhat. Especially around your age. 17 is basically peak horny teenage boy. A lot of it is hormone-fuelled lip service, and expressions of attraction don't automatically mean someone is ready to shag anything that moves.

[wonderguy]

15 minutes ago, Ceebs said:

As a sexual woman, I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with a man who wasn't interested in ever having penetrative or oral sex and I imagine plenty of other women feel similarly. 

Im more than willing to do those to satisfy my partner. It’s just more difficult for me than someone without fetishes would have I would assume. That’s where I can relate to asexuals a little.

 

15 minutes ago, Ceebs said:

You mentioned you have a girlfriend. Do you two do anything sexual? Does she know about your fetishes?

Continuing from before, yes. My girlfriend knows of my foot fetish and submissive tendencies so we incorporate that in. I’m not innately drawn to intercourse (where I started questioning if i’m ace) so when I don’t have access to her feet I gotta use my imagination to assist. 

[Ceebs]

Fair enough. Does she express that she's happy with the sexual portion of your relationship? If so, I don't think you have much to worry about and I don't think telling her you're asexual would be anything besides confusing to her. You sound like a heterosexual guy whose favoured activities aren't the most common ones, but especially as you seem happily willing to do some things she might desire and enjoy, I don't see any issue here that needs addressing. Just keep up open communication and don't do anything you truly aren't ok with.

[Sally]

2 hours ago, wonderguy said:

I have a girlfriend actually and I feel like I would be lying to tell her I’m asexual because I AM sexually attracted to her. But seeing other people identifying as ace with fetishes like me just keeps making me second guess myself

Pay attention to how YOU feel.  Don't pay attention to what other people say.  You're having a relationship with only one other person, and they aren't people you read about on AVEN.  

[silent_girl]

Girl here, I personally would tell your girlfriend about this. you don’t have to tell her you’re asexual, just tell her about your experience and slight confusion and curiosity. You might be able to incorporate new things