Fantasy frustration

[GistOfSpirit]

This is a difficult topic to write about, both because I think I may not have the words to express correctly everything I want to, but also because it's somewhat embarrassing to me.

 

I'm not sure whether I should better post this in "The Sex Talk" or here. If mods feel it should be moved, please do so.

 

I consider myself completely ace. Not grey in any way, I simply am never attracted to people in a sexual way. At the same time, I'm repulsed by the idea of sex, so I really don't want to imagine myself doing it, at all.

At the same time… I have a sort of fantasy. I don't really want to describe it. It's not by any means a sexual fantasy, the way I see it, but:

1. Others may disagree (and see it in a sexual way, even if I don't)
2. Thinking about this fantasy does arouse me, but it still doesn't make me think about sex

 

EDIT: To be clear (although it doesn't change much), I'm using "fantasy" in the sense of "thing I'd like to experience", not in the sense of "magic and dragons" (although one doesn't preclude the other)

 

I really wish there was a way to experience it for real, but it's not really possible in real life. The best I can do is basically roleplay it, but trying to do so is like trying to swim to shore against the current and surrounded by crocodiles.

 

Whenever I try to find partners for this roleplay, almost every time one of the below things happens.

1. People are simply not interested because it's a non-sexual roleplay (I announce this upfront, I think it would be unfair not to)
2. People say they're interested at first, but then get frustrated when it doesn't lead to sex and leave (I guess they thought I was lying?)
3. People say they're interested and they understand it's non-sexual, but then they keep trying to steer the roleplay into sex territory (I guess they think they can change my mind and don't respect that I simply don't want anything sexual)

 

In any case, I can spend hours trying to find a partner and if I ever do, it's very very very very rare, not counting the people in cases 2 and 3 above, which ruin the experience for me. As a result, if I try to find a partner I'm 10 times more likely to end up still frustrated and annoyed on top, having wasted hours, than actually managing to resolve my frustration.

 

I really don't know what I could do about it. Even if there is some asexual roleplay group, I'm afraid I'd still never find anyone because for most people the subject would still either be sex-adjacent (even if I really don't see it that way myself), or just not interesting to them, the way a roleplay about bird-watching would not be interesting to me. It's a very particular fetish…

 

This has largely been just a rant, but if anyone has any advice, I really could use it.

[eggs_n_juice]

Pretty relatable - I guess I have some sort of sex drive distinct from sexual attraction myself, I get aroused and have fantasies but I don't want to act on them in actual physical reality, only in the realm of fantasy.

 

For me what's helped is, instead of worrying about RPing, ERP or no (which has a lot of the same problems as actual sex to me, the fuss and wasted time of finding a compatible partner, the need for it to be a two-way street etc) I use a service called NovelAI. It's AI which is ethically not great but honestly for just having an interactive fantasy it works for me - what I'm creating isn't art and I don't publish it anywhere, I'm just having the AI elaborate on and feed into my fantasies. If your fantasy is non-sexual as you describe you may have some luck getting chatgpt to do it, though I'd caution against that just for privacy reasons.

 

That's if you need it to be interactive. If not maybe you could try writing out the fantasy, or finding a story online that goes through the fantasy?

[GistOfSpirit]

I do need it to be interactive. Just writing (or thinking) it by myself does help a bit but not as much as sharing it with another person.

 

I'm not sure if an AI would create the illusion of another person well enough, but I'll give it a try. Thanks for the suggestion. Like you implied I don't like using "AI" but in this case the benefits might outweigh the drawbacks…