what are the psychological impacts in asexuals in a world hypersexual/ sex normative?

[Mich55]

since i figured out im demi, ive been really interested in discovering everyhting i can about asexuality. My researches, the books ive read an this community made me realise im perfectly normal and theres no problem with me feeling the way i feel and doing what i do (or in this case, its okay not doing what everybody does). But i can´t stop thinking about the impacts of living in this world so sex focused.

Im starting to talk about my asexuality with my psychologist, but sometimes its hard for me to understand what i do because im demi, and what i do that might have other causes, because in real life i know very few asexuals, so i dont know.

Im starting to think what impacts living in this world caused me, about not feeling accepted and truly inside the society.

im just really confused

[Lord Jade Cross]

-Ridicule

-Denial

-Isolation

-Rejection

-Humiliation

-Shaming

-Insane demands

[Frendo]

I think that this society encourages confusion in aces by saying that they A. Need to be with someone/marry at some point B. that they will find someone that will make them feel attracted C. that sex in general is super positive and that you should love doing it and that you should be doing it as soon as possible in order to lose your virginity. Which just breeds confusion in asexuals who don't truly know whether or not they have been pressured to think a certain way all their lives, and ultimately leads them to do things they don't enjoy.

[Monke Jimmy]

I think that would be a great research thesis question. I would guess that asexuality would be correlated with lower self-esteem and higher anxiety compared to allosexuals. That's your first hypothesis. I can't wait to see your research journey. /j

Research question 2: Do asexuals with a high vs. low level of acceptance have worse mental health scores than allosexuals?

Research question 3: Is asexuality correlated with introversion?

Research question 4: Are romantic asexuals emotionally impacted differently from allosexuals when watching a romance film?

Thanks for the practice. I'm gonna go write some research questions for my lab. 

[Guest]

I saw an article that referred to the sex normative views/hyperfocus on sex as "compulsory sexuality".

 

"it stems from the allonormative belief that experiencing sexual attraction is a default and that asexuality is an error of sexuality, an absence of it, a broken version of sexuality. The assumption is that everyone braving the apps will want sex in a conventional way, and when ace folks upend that assumption, we can be seen as dishonest, withholding, manipulative. Our existence isn’t any of those things. ... Compulsory sexuality is the cultural belief that wanting to have sex (in particular, the socially approved kinds) is an essential , universal part of human experience. This idea is embedded in the way we think about relationships and their value. If we love someone, this cultural norm insists, then we will not only bond with them emotionally. We’ll desire to bond with them physically. Without that desire for sex and sexual bonding, the relationship is faulty, false or basically a dead end.

 

"Compulsory sexuality limits the kind of relationships people believe are worth pursuing, so the fact of our asexuality — as well as the misconceptions people bring to the table — makes many believe that we’re a “waste of time.” Don’t let this cultural pressure force you into disclosing in a space and time that doesn’t work for you. The assertions and assumptions of compulsory sexuality are not things we need to internalize. We don’t have to play by its rules." (https://acedadadvice.com/advice/2022/2/5/ace-dad-advice-dating-while-ace-on-the-apps)

 

And this article has a tiny bit about some of the implications of it:

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/what-compulsory-sexuality-and-why-it-making-us-feel-crap

[nickolekuebler]

24 minutes ago, Lupyn said:

I saw an article that referred to the sex normative views/hyperfocus on sex as "compulsory sexuality".

 

"Compulsory sexuality is the cultural belief that wanting to have sex (in particular, the socially approved kinds) is an essential , universal part of human experience. This idea is embedded in the way we think about relationships and their value. If we love someone, this cultural norm insists, then we will not only bond with them emotionally. We’ll desire to bond with them physically. Without that desire for sex and sexual bonding, the relationship is faulty, false or basically a dead end." (https://acedadadvice.com/advice/2022/2/5/ace-dad-advice-dating-while-ace-on-the-apps)

 

And this article has a tiny bit about some of the implications of it:

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/what-compulsory-sexuality-and-why-it-making-us-feel-crap

I think that sounds rather crazy to me. I don't understand how someone could say something like this without thinking that it is completely normal for a young kid to do the same. I would be asking this person then do you think that a relationship for someone really young is pointless cause the are not expressing themselves physically yet? do you think that a 12 year old should be having sex already? so much flaw in this. 

[Guest]

43 minutes ago, nickolekuebler said:

I think that sounds rather crazy to me. I don't understand how someone could say something like this without thinking that it is completely normal for a young kid to do the same. I would be asking this person then do you think that a relationship for someone really young is pointless cause the are not expressing themselves physically yet? do you think that a 12 year old should be having sex already? so much flaw in this. 

To clarify, the guy was talking specifically with respect to adult relationships -- that was what the original article was about. And he wasn't in support of compulsory sexuality, he was just explaining that that is what is expected in the dating world, effectively.

 

I added a bit more to the excerpt to try to make it a bit clearer 🤐😟

[thylacine]

3 hours ago, Lord Jade Cross said:

-Ridicule

-Denial

-Isolation

-Rejection

-Humiliation

-Shaming

-Insane demands

All of the above, especially the insane demands.

[nickolekuebler]

30 minutes ago, Lupyn said:

To clarify, the guy was talking specifically with respect to adult relationships -- that was what the original article was about. And he wasn't in support of compulsory sexuality, he was just explaining that that is what is expected in the dating world, effectively.

 

I added a bit more to the excerpt to try to make it a bit clearer 🤐😟

sorry I do have a tendency to take things too far. 

[Hurta]

5 hours ago, Mich55 said:

Im starting to talk about my asexuality with my psychologist, but sometimes its hard for me to understand what i do because im demi, and what i do that might have other causes, because in real life i know very few asexuals, so i dont know.

It's even worse when said therapists insist you explore and try new things and how you "can't know you're ace if you don't have any experiences". Like ??

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Hurta said:

It's even worse when said therapists insist you explore and try new things and how you "can't know you're ace if you don't have any experiences". Like ??

I hate that so much and I'm like but you already know without trying something that you already liked it.

[TormentDubz]

8 hours ago, Lord Jade Cross said:

-Ridicule

-Denial

-Isolation

-Rejection

-Humiliation

-Shaming

-Insane demands

Not to mention dehumanization