Compulsory Heterosexuality

[binary suns]

I can’t recall if this was discussed before, which seems absurd.

 

 Compulsory heterosexuality (comp het) is the realization that so much of the culture pushes heterosexuality on us that leads to so many people in some kind of bind, be it misogyny, lgbtia discrimination, or other disadvantaged position. Especially internalized messages

 

 For example,

 

comp het pushes low libido allos, greys, and aces into a heteronormative or sexual normative relationship because there has been too little awareness of diversity in libido. they might not even understand that what they experience (less libido ) isn’t the norm, perhaps believing it’s normal to not want sex all that often yet pushing themselves to do it anyway. I wonder how many of the ace/allo relationships that pop up on aven are at least partially in the relationship because of comp het acceptance on both sides.

 

And, a classic example is comp het messages teaching lgbtqia+ people that hetero sex is the norm, to the extent that they try to fit in to a hetero relationship they might not even truly want, perhaps putting too much weight on companionship and platonic feelings, not able to fully accept, recognize, or explore their non het feelings

 

I just found out about this yesterday and it’s astonishing to me that it’s not talked about more. So many aces, trans people, lgb people and i people, among others are finding themselves forcing the cube through the circle hole. They might not realize they’re doing it! It even affects messages of gender roles.

 

 It’s just absurd to notice things that are this way because  lgbtqia+ information not taught, not represented, and not normalized.

 

 The whole coming out ordeal is a thing because of comp het.

 

 To be honest I was always hesitant to believe in a patriarchy oppression but now I’m thinking it’s the other way around. Patriarchal structures in our culture are a product of comp het.

 

This isn’t just a lack of education, it’s  also tradition, misinformation, messages we get from movies, books and TV, music, messages we get from the parents and other adults, messages we get through teasing and bullying at a young age or later in adolescence, tradition, messages from our religious community.

 

i don’t care if I’m just ranting and no one has anything to say but if you didn’t look into and dissect comp het before, I highly suggest looking into it.

 

 Will look forward to any replies. 

[piopio]

Yes! The concept of compulsory heterosexuality is really interesting, and an upsetting topic obviously. People are made by their environment, it creates you, so socialization is a major factor in compulsory heterosexuality and in turn so is the patriarchy. A lot of people have never even discussed sexuality or are pressured to believe it's a taboo topic by society. Within a heteronormativity society, a vast majority of what you see is alloallo straight couples, and you could definitely tie things like critical race theory with being effected by heteronormativity as well! It's essentially a huge snowball, by ostracizing those outside of the norm, you're creating huge groups of people that try desperately to be "normal." Being out and proud and talking saves people, whether it's interracial relationships, queer sex education, normalizing those otherwise taboo topics, etc. (Essentially everyone who's silenced by a western, white, straight, and sexual society.)

 

There's definitely a lot of layers to it as well, if you don't talk about it, most people assume it'd be an out of sight out of mind situation. However, now that we've started (baby steps, at the very least in the young adult/teen side of things) to actually diversify media, it's made the reactions to being queer a little less harmful. Seeing people just living, while also carrying something that you consider to be a weight for you, gives so much hope. Adrienne Rich has a very rich perspective on it, and if I could get everyone to read something, I might choose Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence. While it's very much a specifically lesbian perspective, a lot of things that are talked about can be applied to other people as well. One of my favorite comparisons she makes is that despite gay men making strides towards their equality, it doesn't mean lesbians have the same hurdles or have even made those strides. As you look into it, it lines up with how the patriarchy had defined the queer experience differently for lesbian women vs. gay men.

 

I am not the best with English so if something is worded weirdly and it creates a weird meaning that doesn't align with the overall idea, correcting me would be nice! 😸 (Your original rant was very clear and I've read a lot about comp het, so if I reiterate what you've said already, my apologies!)

TLDR: Heteronormativity and comp het are yet another effect of the patriarchy, also read Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence since it's well written.

[Sister Mercurial]

I've seen the term on here before, but am unsure how helpful it is.  Of course, I'm against treating any statistical mode as the norm for human beings and stigmatising those who are non-modal, because everyone is an individual with different needs and desires, so pretending everyone wants/should want the same thing is only going to cause misery.  However, in the first world at least, reprehensible actions like rape and forced marriage are crimes, so literally compelling someone to engage in sexual activity is not condoned by the social order.  Therefore, is such a term more likely to confuse those we need to get on side to change anything?