Pride Parades not my cup of tea

[KAS70]

Hello, my fellow older asexuals. My sister is happy to accompany me to our local Pride March next week, but the more pictures I see of last year's event, the less I want to go. I've never attended a Pride event before, despite wanting to attend in my earlier years. But now, I think I'd rather stay home and read a good book on my porch swing with a margarita, day-drinking and talking to my cats through the window screen. The pictures I see of the previous events seem loud, overt, and often rather sexualized. I wondered if any other Aces (especially older ones) felt the same. The Pride events are for us too, true, but are we outcasts among outcasts?

[Sister Mercurial]

The last one I went to in London felt less and less like somewhere I belonged.  Don't think I saw the whole parade, but what I saw was all the corporate floats, which just seemed like one big advert - and then a bunch of far left political groups at the end of the procession saying nasty things about people like me.  

[Tystie]

I took part in a pride March for the first time at the tender age of 52 and I loved it. Having said that, part of what made it great was being with a group of other aces.

 

I didn’t find the parade itself particularly sexualised, though I guess that might depend on which other groups are near you. Overall, I found it a friendly and joyous experience. (For info: it was in Scotland.)

Where did you see the pictures? I only ask because it’s likely to be the more outrageous or remarkable images that will be published or shared. Could it be that they give a distorted view of what the parade is like?

 

BTW, your alternative pride day plans also sound pretty good to me!

 

[Techie]

I’ll be 61 in a few weeks. I have never been to one but have seen videos taken at various events like Toronto, London and SF. Way way way too out there for me with overt sexuality on steroids. Even though I am relatively indifferent to sex, having all that hyperactivity on public display is a major turnoff. Years ago I had thought of going up to Toronto just to see one (I also have family in the GTA so it would have been a side trip from a family visit). After seeing the videos I am glad I did not. Frankly I could easily go into New York City if I really wanted to attend a major parade. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Never been to one and not sure I will, maybe some day. I'm happy for people to go out and show themselves and celebrate queerness, but it doesn't mean I want to join in, not unless I'm in a good state for it.

 

I don't like the over sexualized stuff, but it does include sexual liberation so

[ei-hvað]

I concur with what @Tystie said. I've never been a part of one, but I have watched and cheered. It really depends on the location and organizers what kind of atmosphere there is, whether asexuality is a part of it, etc. A friend of mine who's a graysexual bisexual attended Europride in Belgrade and really enjoyed it. For her however, a part of it is definitely that the country and culture is repressive towards LGBT+ people, so she was thankful for getting an opportunity to fight back, and meet up with other bisexuals from all over the continent. The ones in Reykjavík where I live are very purposefully not sexualized as it was designed from the start to be a family-friendly event. It's the largest parade we have, and there are always a lot of children watching. There aren't many of us, but asexuals/aromantics do have their own segment, so you can mostly hang out with them.

 

I agree with other people that if you don't have an interest in it and it doesn't seem like something you would enjoy, then don't feel obligated to come. Your plan sounds great as well and in general I don't think people should be pressured into doing stuff they aren't into. Just keep in mind that in mind that the pride parade is not just a fun event, but also a fight for LGBT+ rights and a show of solidarity against hate and bigotry.

[KAS70]

56 minutes ago, Tystie said:

I took part in a pride March for the first time at the tender age of 52 and I loved it. Having said that, part of what made it great was being with a group of other aces.

 

I didn’t find the parade itself particularly sexualised, though I guess that might depend on which other groups are near you. Overall, I found it a friendly and joyous experience. (For info: it was in Scotland.)

Where did you see the pictures? I only ask because it’s likely to be the more outrageous or remarkable images that will be published or shared. Could it be that they give a distorted view of what the parade is like?

 

BTW, your alternative pride day plans also sound pretty good to me!

 

The pictures were on the website of our local Pride March -- a legitimate org and site. The pics were from last year's march. 

[daveb]

1 hour ago, ei-hvað said:

I concur with what @Tystie said. I've never been a part of one, but I have watched and cheered. It really depends on the location and organizers what kind of atmosphere there is, whether asexuality is a part of it, etc. A friend of mine who's a graysexual bisexual attended Europride in Belgrade and really enjoyed it. For her however, a part of it is definitely that the country and culture is repressive towards LGBT+ people, so she was thankful for getting an opportunity to fight back, and meet up with other bisexuals from all over the continent. The ones in Reykjavík where I live are very purposefully not sexualized as it was designed from the start to be a family-friendly event. It's the largest parade we have, and there are always a lot of children watching. There aren't many of us, but asexuals/aromantics do have their own segment, so you can mostly hang out with them.

 

I agree with other people that if you don't have an interest in it and it doesn't seem like something you would enjoy, then don't feel obligated to come. Your plan sounds great as well and in general I don't think people should be pressured into doing stuff they aren't into. Just keep in mind that in mind that the pride parade is not just a fun event, but also a fight for LGBT+ rights and a show of solidarity against hate and bigotry.

This all sounds good to me.

 

I have only been a brief observer of one pride parade (in Helsinki while visiting a friend several years ago). I probably wouldn't attend one myself, but that's mostly because I am very introverted and don't like crowds and noise. I would hope those who want to avoid sexualized aspects could avoid it, but maybe it helps if there is a good contingent of aces? I think it is great that Iceland purposefully designed yours to be family-friendly.

 

I can understand the point about sexual liberation, though, and keeping up the fight for gay rights and such. Especially the way things are in large parts of the US these days and in various other countries.

[nanogretchen4]

In my experience pride marches in the US typically include some bare buttocks and breasts (sometimes technically covered by body paint) some fetish gear, and some over the top drag acts. However, the majority of the parade consists of people fully clothed in a rainbow theme. The partial nudity is generally a small enough part of the event that maybe you could just choose to look somewhere else for a minute or two. The pictures you saw are probably "highlights" of the flashiest and most outrageous bits of the event, which are designed to attract press attention so the political themes of the march reach a larger audience. 

 

If pride is not for you, that's okay. However, unless you are so nudity repulsed that you think you might be seriously traumatized, I would recommend going to the march at least once and seeing for yourself. 

[Lilibulero]

I've been to a few prides, in London and elsewhere, but I grew out of them, partly because it's just uncomfortable hanging around in the blazing sun for hours then walking in it.

I tend to go to the bit after, and not linger too long till going for a drink elsewhere.

 

I live opposite a lesbian couple who've been in a solid relationship for years, and they said they don't go, because they're comfortable how they are.

Perhaps prides will eventually be a thing of the past, and that'll be when sexualities are all accepted and there's nothing to campaign for.

 

[slywlf]

At a few weeks shy of 69, I have yet to attend a Pride event, mainly due to circumstances. I only discovered I was Aspec  about 4 years ago, and though, with the clarity of 20-20 hindsight, it should have been so obvious, it simply wasn't taught in school Sex Ed in the 60s, and then I was too busy trying to fit in to truly understand why I didn't. Once I realized I was the A at the end of the alphabet soup initials I was determined to go and be supportive. 

As of this year, however, I am only looking at attending one small local event, rather than the big one I have been hoping for, because I live in Florida, and our "fearless leader", De Santis, has inflamed the right to such a degree that most of the Pride groups have cancelled their events as a safety precaution.  The St Pete event is still on, but most of the folks who originally planned to go have decided not to risk it 

So my BFF and I are going to the little local event. We're quite the odd couple - she's Pan and a former Domme, and I'm totally Ace - but we understand each other and can talk about anything, and that's what counts. To us it's all about support and representation, and since she spent most of the 80s as an Aids activist, councilor and helper, she feels strongly about this, but at 70 and in poor health she is in no better shape than I am to run if some idiot with a gun starts trouble. 

[Sally]

2 hours ago, slywlf said:

As of this year, however, I am only looking at attending one small local event, rather than the big one I have been hoping for, because I live in Florida, and our "fearless leader", De Santis, has inflamed the right to such a degree that most of the Pride groups have cancelled their events as a safety precaution.  The St Pete event is still on, but most of the folks who originally planned to go have decided not to risk it 

That sad paragraph describes what has happened to my country since Trump.  Just when minorities felt it might be safe to come out, now they're being pushed back in again by fear of the bigots.  

[pickles.]

On 5/27/2023 at 10:35 PM, nanogretchen4 said:

In my experience pride marches in the US typically include some bare buttocks and breasts (sometimes technically covered by body paint) some fetish gear, and some over the top drag acts. However, the majority of the parade consists of people fully clothed in a rainbow theme. The partial nudity is generally a small enough part of the event that maybe you could just choose to look somewhere else for a minute or two.

This is my experience too, at Pride marches in both Salt Lake City and Portland.  I don't mind the sexualized parts at all--they are fun and joyous, if over-the-top for me.  I usually stay far away from sexualized stuff, but just can't help smiling at how "out there" some of these folks are!  It is FUN!!!

[MinnieMouse]

I've never felt comfortable at Pride, although I'm homoromantic. I find it way too sexualized, which was the reason I stopped attending Pride events years ago. However, about two years ago I realized I'm asexual and since then I've become a part of the local ace community and an ace book club on Discord. In both groups we dream about making asexuality more visible, so this year we will have our own little place in Pride Park and also march together in the parade. I'm actually looking forward to Pride now, when I've finally found my place within the LGBTQIA+ community. 

[will123]

The comments about the Toronto parade are pretty much spot on. I used to live not too far east of the city until 2011. It was pretty much over the top then and the main 'complaint' among those that would be best described as non-supporters, 'You don't see straights acting like that in public...'. I live about three hours away now (but still see the Toronto media coverage) and nothing has really changed. In fact it has gotten politicized what with the BLM protest/stoppage/blockade mid-parade in 2016. 

[Ceebs]

7 hours ago, will123 said:

The comments about the Toronto parade are pretty much spot on.

I've never attended the Toronto parade, but I've certainly seen clips of it on television and online, and I have a friend who used to go every year in her teens and 20s and told me about it (don't think she makes it every year anymore, but she's an overworked paramedic and mum of two now, so). My impression of it is certainly that some aspects are highly sexualised. As I'm not ace or repulsed, even though overly sexualised atmospheres aren't generally my scene, it doesn't bother me really... kinda just is what it is. My own smaller city's parade is quite 'family friendly' from what I recall (haven't attended since 2019).

 

I don't know if I'd go anymore these days though, whether to the Toronto one or any other smaller parade. The sexualisation is whatever, but there are other aspects of some Pride events that just make me personally uncomfortable.

 

Oh but just remembered, there's been asexual representation at the Toronto parade for sure. I recall seeing photos, and in 2014 I met some other AVENites in Toronto sometime over the weekend of the parade. There were lots of big events due to WorldPride being held there that year, and there were some ace-specific things going on as well as being part of the parade.

[will123]

@Ceebs Peterborough has had Pride parade for several years now and I think it's intended to be 'family friendly'. I haven't seen any examples of outlandish behaviour at the Peterborough parade on the news. You almost wonder if the footage the Toronto media shows on the 6 PM news is for the titillating (no pun intended) factor. Whereas the local video videographer knows the audience... 🤷‍♂️

 

That being said I'll remain in the closet as far as my asexuality is concerned. I'd rather not be on TV...

 

You'll enjoy this thought, there is the World Nude Bike Ride day held around the world. But as much as I enjoy outdoor nudity and cycling I don't plan on combining the two activities.

[Philip027]

Wasn't my cup of tea either.  Felt extremely out of place.

[Sundreamers]

I've been to a few Pride parades in Toronto in the past (I think the last one I've been to was 2016 or 2017) and there is oversexualization and nudity but I still found it more tamer than the media portrays it (from what I remember at least). Are are a loooooot of water guns though 😆 Haven't been to a parade in a few years due to crowds making my introverted-self anxious but I'm hoping to go again one day now I understand I'm ace.

 

If you ever wanted to attend one that's more 'quieter' there might be more family-friendly ones in smaller cities/communities. I totally get just wanting to chill with a good drink, book and cats though. I'll probably be doing that this year too.

[will123]

1 hour ago, Sundreamers said:

I've been to a few Pride parades in Toronto in the past (I think the last one I've been to was 2016 or 2017) and there is oversexualization and nudity but I still found it more tamer than the media portrays it (from what I remember at least). Are are a loooooot of water guns though 😆 Haven't been to a parade in a few years due to crowds making my introverted-self anxious but I'm hoping to go again one day now I understand I'm ace.

 

If you ever wanted to attend one that's more 'quieter' there might be more family-friendly ones in smaller cities/communities. I totally get just wanting to chill with a good drink, book and cats though. I'll probably be doing that this year too.

Any idea why the media 'highlights' this which in turn probably causes the most push back from some in the general public? 

[daveb]

1 hour ago, will123 said:

Any idea why the media 'highlights' this which in turn probably causes the most push back from some in the general public? 

Basically, clickbait. Tame doesn't bring in viewers.

[will123]

4 minutes ago, daveb said:

Basically, clickbait. Tame doesn't bring in viewers.

True but I have seen footage of the other Pride parades and the coverage just makes it look like any other parade. Maybe the guys in Peterborough that want to wear nothing but a codpiece go to the Toronto one? 🤷‍♂️

[daveb]

1 minute ago, will123 said:

True but I have seen footage of the other Pride parades and the coverage just makes it look like any other parade. Maybe the guys in Peterborough that want to wear nothing but a codpiece go to the Toronto one? 🤷‍♂️

Yeah, it could be some news outlets don't go for clickbait and/or it could be some parades don't have clickbaity stuff going on.  

[will123]

2 minutes ago, daveb said:

Yeah, it could be some news outlets don't go for clickbait and/or it could be some parades don't have clickbaity stuff going on.  

I'm thinking/hoping it's a combination of the two.

 

OK, it may have been OK, X number of years ago being able to express yourself so openly, but maybe it's time to move on?

[Sally]

Seattle has a major gay/lesbian population, and over the years the Pride march has become an all-City event.  In election years, everyone running for office is in the parade, and families bring their little kids.  But over the years, the Parade has gotten a lot tamer -- no more chained-up guys riding on prison floats with rather exciting costumes barely on.  I've never gone because it is definitely a gay/lesbian event, and also I can't imagine getting myself in a situation where anyone would be looking at me, let alone the whole city.  😵  

[will123]

8 hours ago, Sally said:

Seattle has a major gay/lesbian population, and over the years the Pride march has become an all-City event.  In election years, everyone running for office is in the parade, and families bring their little kids.  But over the years, the Parade has gotten a lot tamer -- no more chained-up guys riding on prison floats with rather exciting costumes barely on.  I've never gone because it is definitely a gay/lesbian event, and also I can't imagine getting myself in a situation where anyone would be looking at me, let alone the whole city.  😵  

Maybe Toronto hasn't gotten the memo...

 

On the last little bit I kind of know what you mean. I help out with the local snowmobile club and don't do it for the recognition (photo ops) like some people that are involved with groups are prone to do. Yes I post pics of stuff that I do or make on social media, but you won't be finding any selfies. There are about two folks that I'll send them to too and that's it.

[ashpenaz]

I went to the DC parade--briefly. What definition of fun includes "lots of walking/lots of walking against crowds no matter which way you go/lots of crowds/hot/hot/really hot/standing for a long time/standing for a long time when it's hot/getting sunburned faster than a microwave/sunblock dripping into stinging eyes"? So, I went home pretty fast. I wish there was a Pride Jigsaw Puzzle Night or Pride Cake-Off or Pride Quiet Reading Time or something I'd like to go to. 

[daveb]

5 hours ago, ashpenaz said:

I went to the DC parade--briefly. What definition of fun includes "lots of walking/lots of walking against crowds no matter which way you go/lots of crowds/hot/hot/really hot/standing for a long time/standing for a long time when it's hot/getting sunburned faster than a microwave/sunblock dripping into stinging eyes"? So, I went home pretty fast. I wish there was a Pride Jigsaw Puzzle Night or Pride Cake-Off or Pride Quiet Reading Time or something I'd like to go to. 

I'd go to a Pride Board Games Night and Cake-eating.  

[Aro_Ace_]

Your post reminds me of a joke from Hannah Gadsby's standup Nanette, when they talk about watching a Pride parade on TV. They were explaining the excitement of seeing, as they say, "my people" living out and proudly. But then Hannah explains they don't necessarily see themselves fitting in with the crowd and asks, "Where do the quiet gays go?... the pressure on my people to express our identity and pride through the metaphor of party is very intense." 😄 That's how I feel when I see photos of Pride marches! I would really like to go at somepoint in my life, to experience what it feels like to be involved in one and as another way to fight for LGBTQ+ rights. But I find large/loud crowds very overwhelming, and I am afraid that within two minutes of being there I would want to leave. As Hannah goes on to say, "My favorite sound in the whole world is the sound of a teacup finding its place on a saucer. It's very, very difficult to flaunt that lifestyle in a parade." Haha, words that ring true for me! Where do the quiet aces go? If anyone wants to celebrate Pride Month with me by drinking tea and reading a good book I'm in!    

[will123]

Chatting with an AVENite last night and our differing thoughts on going to meet ups. I said when it came to the meet up in Toronto last fall I really don't recall any discussion about asexuality. There was a short discussion about AVEN.

 

I think with people possibly knowing each other's 'story' (I think three of the folks had met before at previous meet ups) there was no reason to bring that up. And none of the four asked me about mine, not that would've been an issue to discuss had they.