Chest Dysphoria + Autistic Sensory Issues

[Guest]

My negative feelings about my chest have gotten to the point where I feel like I constantly want to punch a wall or something. I can remember a history of feeling like this, but I feel like it got way worse after my self-realization that I was trans. I became kind of allowed to dream of what I could look like and the mismatch is even more striking. The problem is that I’m also autistic with a lot of sensory issues. Clothes shopping is a nightmare because of the seemingly unlimited amount of stuff that can set all of my nerves off. Tight clothing is problematic for me, and I can only wear the loosest of sports bras. I’m think I’m not even going to bother getting a compression tank or binder because I know I’d only be trading dysphoria for constant sensory overload. I also can’t wear hoodies or sweatshirts because those also set off my sensory issues. I usually wear a loose sports bra and a loose shirt, but that doesn’t really work. The only thing I’ve found that works is sports bra + loose undershirt + button down shirt, but it can still be variable. I feel constant jealousy for people who can wear binders or hoodies. I hate being both. I wish I had either chest dysphoria without sensory overload or sensory issues but liked my chest. Sometimes I wonder if I could mentally train myself to either accept my chest or ignore my sensory issues. But I don’t feel that would work. I’m so worn out by trying to figure this out, so if anyone has any suggestions I’d be grateful.

[Samaro]

I have dysphoria that comes and goes, so I understand a bit of your problem, however I am not sure what to suggest. I’m guessing surgery is off the table.

 

If even sports bras are uncomfortable, your options are extremely limited.

You already layer your clothing and  looking for new kinds of clothes would be difficult with your sensory issues, but I like how patterned shirts draw attention away from my chest. Button-up shirts work well for me, too.

I could tell you to just avoid looking at your chest by covering mirrors and avoiding touching the area with your hands while bathing (use a balled up washcloth or something?) or to get a pillow or stuffed animal to hug in your sleep to avoid feeling it, but those tips and tricks can only help a little and are a bit situational.

 

Do you feel dysphoria around any more easily changed things? For example, I started cutting my hair the way I wanted and dressing in clothes I found more suitable. Focusing on those things helped me overlook the traits which I couldn’t’t change as easily. The things that I can’t change (like my chest) still bother me, but I can look at all the ways I am happier with myself now.

 

I’m sorry that I cannot help much. 
At least you can vent your frustrations and communicate with the people at AVEN. I’m pretty sure there are some larger threads on topics similar to this one… probably under Gender Discussion. I think there are some areas to discuss neurodivergence in Intersectionality, if you’d rather talk about the sensory issues. 
Hopefully someone in one of these places can offer better advice.

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Samaro said:

I’m guessing surgery is off the table.

It’s a future dream of mine, but as of now I’m much too young to be able to do it.

8 hours ago, Samaro said:

I like how patterned shirts draw attention away from my chest.

This is an idea I’ve seen in a couple other places, and I am thinking of buying some more patterned shirts. I found some really nice ones on Amazon that look like they’ll work for both my dysphoria and sensory issues. I guess I won’t know until I actually get them though.

8 hours ago, Samaro said:

could tell you to just avoid looking at your chest by covering mirrors

I already avoid looking in bathroom mirrors as much as possible, but I think the other people who live in my house would object to me covering them completely.

8 hours ago, Samaro said:

Do you feel dysphoria around any more easily changed things? For example, I started cutting my hair the way I wanted and dressing in clothes I found more suitable.

I feel like I’ve already done all the “easy” dysphoria. My hair is cut the way I want it, and it does feel so much better. I guess I’m okay with the clothes I wear now, although I could try out new styles or something. I just hate clothes shopping. It’s basically shoving me into a maze made of fluorescent lights, background music and other noises, and constant dysphoria from being in either clothing section (male or female) because I don’t think I belong in either and I hate this reminder of the binary.

 

8 hours ago, Samaro said:

I’m sorry that I cannot help much. 
At least you can vent your frustrations and communicate with the people at AVEN. I’m pretty sure there are some larger threads on topics similar to this one… probably under Gender Discussion.

Thanks for at least trying to help. I’ll look into other threads about what I experience.

[Karst]

I've got similar issues, actually.  I don't like wearing tight clothing because of sensory sensitivities, but I can at least wear sports bras.  When the weather cooperates, I find it's really helpful to layer shirts- I usually wear a T-shirt with a flannel over it on days when I don't need to dress up.