Wanting advice from previously/currently Asexual Trans guys/AFAB people on T

[RobbT]

(contains mention of masturbation and sex)

Spoiler

 

Hi, I'm wanting a bit of advice about sexuality (not sure if this is the correct forum to post on, but will give it a go here anyway). I've identified as Asexual since I was about 13, due to a complete lack of sexual attraction and desire. I had absolutely no interest in others or myself sexually, no sex drive at all and only occasionally had romantic or aesthetic attraction to guys. This did not change at all until about 3 months on T at the age of 20, I suddenly had a rather pronounced sex drive for the first time. Still very little sexual attraction to people in person, but reading sexual scenarios in literature will often create arousal, and I've had the urge to masturbate very often. I never masturbated at all before I went on T, and I'm getting the urge to do it multiple times a week (TMI maybe, but I masturbated 5 times in one night recently, which I'm a bit ashamed about). I've sort of curiously imagined being in sexual scenarios with another guy, and I feel like I want to try out having sex at some point soon. I used to be really sex repulsed, so this is a very odd turnabout.

I understand that I'm currently going through second puberty, so hormones being a bit much and feeling off-balance is normal, but is it going to settle down soon and go back to normal, or is this going to continue pretty much the same? I do understand in theory that many Ace people have a sex drive and masturbate, but my lack of was a big part of my identity before. I also don't know how much of this is me and how much is just puberty stuff. I've identified as Asexual for so long that I guess I feel a bit odd considering just identifying as gay (whereas before it was gay and Asexual) and I feel like people feel more comfortable talking to me about certain kinds of stuff because I'm asexual, and don't want to lose that. 

 

Sorry this is so long! I don't really feel comfortable talking about such a personal topic with people IRL, so hope I can get some advice here.

[Siegfriedeandcoareenbies]

On 6/14/2022 at 1:01 AM, RobbT said:

(contains mention of masturbation and sex)

  Hide contents

 

Hi, I'm wanting a bit of advice about sexuality (not sure if this is the correct forum to post on, but will give it a go here anyway). I've identified as Asexual since I was about 13, due to a complete lack of sexual attraction and desire. I had absolutely no interest in others or myself sexually, no sex drive at all and only occasionally had romantic or aesthetic attraction to guys. This did not change at all until about 3 months on T at the age of 20, I suddenly had a rather pronounced sex drive for the first time. Still very little sexual attraction to people in person, but reading sexual scenarios in literature will often create arousal, and I've had the urge to masturbate very often. I never masturbated at all before I went on T, and I'm getting the urge to do it multiple times a week (TMI maybe, but I masturbated 5 times in one night recently, which I'm a bit ashamed about). I've sort of curiously imagined being in sexual scenarios with another guy, and I feel like I want to try out having sex at some point soon. I used to be really sex repulsed, so this is a very odd turnabout.

I understand that I'm currently going through second puberty, so hormones being a bit much and feeling off-balance is normal, but is it going to settle down soon and go back to normal, or is this going to continue pretty much the same? I do understand in theory that many Ace people have a sex drive and masturbate, but my lack of was a big part of my identity before. I also don't know how much of this is me and how much is just puberty stuff. I've identified as Asexual for so long that I guess I feel a bit odd considering just identifying as gay (whereas before it was gay and Asexual) and I feel like people feel more comfortable talking to me about certain kinds of stuff because I'm asexual, and don't want to lose that. 

 

Sorry this is so long! I don't really feel comfortable talking about such a personal topic with people IRL, so hope I can get some advice here.

I'm in the same boat literally(but non binary ish). Just saying so you have company, we didn't have zero libido but we had very strong sex repulsion including around masturbation. I don't know if anything else like dysphoria plays a role in your repulsion but one thing we get is just, I think unwanted changes around sex and genitals can be dysphoria inducing and it's hard to talk about because people might think you're having regrets. It's complicated.

[RobbT]

On 8/9/2022 at 12:58 PM, Siegfriedeandcoareenbies said:

I'm in the same boat literally(but non binary ish). Just saying so you have company, we didn't have zero libido but we had very strong sex repulsion including around masturbation. I don't know if anything else like dysphoria plays a role in your repulsion but one thing we get is just, I think unwanted changes around sex and genitals can be dysphoria inducing and it's hard to talk about because people might think you're having regrets. It's complicated.

Thanks for replying! I appreciate your solidarity

[Philip027]

I'm not AFAB or trans male, but I did go on testosterone treatments for a time due to being naturally deficient according to hormone tests.  Probably was getting waaaaaay less T than what an actual transitioning person would get, although it was still enough for my naturally lowered levels to temporarily test as "normal" levels.  Regardless, it had no perceivable effect.  I wasn't experiencing any libido before, and I didn't afterward, despite nearly everyone having me worried that I would develop one.  I suspect when most people think of T treatments they're thinking about a quantity that a transitioning person would use, one that probably stands a better chance of having that sort of impact on someone.

 

My spouse @Hooded_Crow actually does fit the demographic you're asking for though (including having identified as asexual previously, but later as homosexual after beginning transition), so I'll pass the message along.

[SilenceRadio]

I've heard of some trans people feeling less sex-repulsed as they transition and feel better in their own self and body.

 

On 6/14/2022 at 12:01 AM, RobbT said:

I feel like people feel more comfortable talking to me about certain kinds of stuff because I'm asexual, and don't want to lose that. 

Perhaps it depends on the specifics, but you don't have to.

[Hooded_Crow]

On 6/13/2022 at 9:01 PM, RobbT said:

(contains mention of masturbation and sex)

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Hi, I'm wanting a bit of advice about sexuality (not sure if this is the correct forum to post on, but will give it a go here anyway). I've identified as Asexual since I was about 13, due to a complete lack of sexual attraction and desire. I had absolutely no interest in others or myself sexually, no sex drive at all and only occasionally had romantic or aesthetic attraction to guys. This did not change at all until about 3 months on T at the age of 20, I suddenly had a rather pronounced sex drive for the first time. Still very little sexual attraction to people in person, but reading sexual scenarios in literature will often create arousal, and I've had the urge to masturbate very often. I never masturbated at all before I went on T, and I'm getting the urge to do it multiple times a week (TMI maybe, but I masturbated 5 times in one night recently, which I'm a bit ashamed about). I've sort of curiously imagined being in sexual scenarios with another guy, and I feel like I want to try out having sex at some point soon. I used to be really sex repulsed, so this is a very odd turnabout.

I understand that I'm currently going through second puberty, so hormones being a bit much and feeling off-balance is normal, but is it going to settle down soon and go back to normal, or is this going to continue pretty much the same? I do understand in theory that many Ace people have a sex drive and masturbate, but my lack of was a big part of my identity before. I also don't know how much of this is me and how much is just puberty stuff. I've identified as Asexual for so long that I guess I feel a bit odd considering just identifying as gay (whereas before it was gay and Asexual) and I feel like people feel more comfortable talking to me about certain kinds of stuff because I'm asexual, and don't want to lose that. 

 

Sorry this is so long! I don't really feel comfortable talking about such a personal topic with people IRL, so hope I can get some advice here.

Hi there!

I'm the aforementioned spouse

 

I used to think I was asexual. The main difference between your experience and mine, from what I can tell, is that I never lacked a libido. I also wasn't averse to sexual content. But as soon as I tried picturing myself in a sexual situation with someone -- anyone, of any gender -- any excitement or enthusiasm just left the building. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel desirable. If my libido was working up for whatever reason, dealing with it on my own seemed like a better option in every possible way.

I knew I craved companionship, but I had also never met anyone with whom I was comfortable enough to share a life. I was at university by that point. I was in my twenties, and I figured if I hadn't been able to find a single person by then, it wasn't likely to ever happen.

 

Then I found AVEN and started using the word "asexual" to describe myself. I met Phil. We got together. I became more comfortable with him than I ever thought I could be with another person. And still it felt lovely and romantic and all that good stuff, but my libido was still this "on the side" thing that wasn't so much a part of "us" as it was a part of me I was happy to involve him in.

 

Fast forward a bit, and I transitioned from female to male. Aaaaand I'm gay. There is definitely a significant enough difference in my sexuality before and after transitioning for me to alter the way I refer to it.

You seem to think the testosterone was what caused this to happen for you. I'm not sure I would say that was it for me. It certainly could have contributed, but like I said I already had a libido. I think the main thing that made it click for me was suddenly casting myself in the right role. I'd tried picturing myself as a woman with a man. I'd tried picturing myself as a woman with a woman. And of course that didn't fit, because what fits for me is picturing myself as a man with a man.

I'm also noticing that being with my partner (cuddling, kissing, or just sharing romantic moments) now tends to make me want to touch him more, or for him to touch me. This is definitely something that I desire that isn't just about "scratching an itch" anymore.

So yeah. I don't think "asexual" fits me now. I'm just gay.

 

Guess I'll stop rambling now, but if you have any questions or if there's anything specific you'd like to talk about, I'm an open book

 

As a side note: masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. No matter how much you do it. No matter how you do it. No matter what the media says.

[RobbT]

On 8/19/2022 at 7:46 AM, Philip027 said:

I'm not AFAB or trans male, but I did go on testosterone treatments for a time due to being naturally deficient according to hormone tests.  Probably was getting waaaaaay less T than what an actual transitioning person would get, although it was still enough for my naturally lowered levels to temporarily test as "normal" levels.  Regardless, it had no perceivable effect.  I wasn't experiencing any libido before, and I didn't afterward, despite nearly everyone having me worried that I would develop one.  I suspect when most people think of T treatments they're thinking about a quantity that a transitioning person would use, one that probably stands a better chance of having that sort of impact on someone.

 

My spouse @Hooded_Crow actually does fit the demographic you're asking for though (including having identified as asexual previously, but later as homosexual after beginning transition), so I'll pass the message along.

Thank you for sharing your experience anyway, and for passing it along! 

[RobbT]

On 8/20/2022 at 3:44 PM, SilenceRadio said:

I've heard of some trans people feeling less sex-repulsed as they transition and feel better in their own self and body.

 

Perhaps it depends on the specifics, but you don't have to.

Thank you for sharing that post, I appreciated that

[RobbT]

On 8/20/2022 at 10:47 PM, Hooded_Crow said:

Hi there!

I'm the aforementioned spouse

 

I used to think I was asexual. The main difference between your experience and mine, from what I can tell, is that I never lacked a libido. I also wasn't averse to sexual content. But as soon as I tried picturing myself in a sexual situation with someone -- anyone, of any gender -- any excitement or enthusiasm just left the building. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel desirable. If my libido was working up for whatever reason, dealing with it on my own seemed like a better option in every possible way.

I knew I craved companionship, but I had also never met anyone with whom I was comfortable enough to share a life. I was at university by that point. I was in my twenties, and I figured if I hadn't been able to find a single person by then, it wasn't likely to ever happen.

 

Then I found AVEN and started using the word "asexual" to describe myself. I met Phil. We got together. I became more comfortable with him than I ever thought I could be with another person. And still it felt lovely and romantic and all that good stuff, but my libido was still this "on the side" thing that wasn't so much a part of "us" as it was a part of me I was happy to involve him in.

 

Fast forward a bit, and I transitioned from female to male. Aaaaand I'm gay. There is definitely a significant enough difference in my sexuality before and after transitioning for me to alter the way I refer to it.

You seem to think the testosterone was what caused this to happen for you. I'm not sure I would say that was it for me. It certainly could have contributed, but like I said I already had a libido. I think the main thing that made it click for me was suddenly casting myself in the right role. I'd tried picturing myself as a woman with a man. I'd tried picturing myself as a woman with a woman. And of course that didn't fit, because what fits for me is picturing myself as a man with a man.

I'm also noticing that being with my partner (cuddling, kissing, or just sharing romantic moments) now tends to make me want to touch him more, or for him to touch me. This is definitely something that I desire that isn't just about "scratching an itch" anymore.

So yeah. I don't think "asexual" fits me now. I'm just gay.

 

Guess I'll stop rambling now, but if you have any questions or if there's anything specific you'd like to talk about, I'm an open book

 

As a side note: masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. No matter how much you do it. No matter how you do it. No matter what the media says.

Thank you for being so open about your life with a complete stranger! It really helped. I really appreciate that. I'm also sorry for not replying sooner (almost a year later 😅) I didn't read this until today actually, as I kind of forgot about coming back. I think a lot of what you said makes sense. (On the last note, it's probably a fair bit inherited from being raised as Christian as well, I've been trying to work on that).

I guess I also answered my own question somewhat just with time, libido went a bit down somewhat past the initial 'puberty' period but not back to before.

I'm glad things worked out for you! I hope that'll happen for me too. Thanks for the advice and such 🙂

[Karekare]

I've been on T for a little while, I did definitely notice my sex drive go up when I started taking it

 

I was never sex repulsed before and I'm not now, I'd masturbate on the slight occasion but being aspec it wasn't something I really spent a lot of time doing or focusing on. I had nothing against it, it's just that I had nothing to really think about yknow?

 

After taking T I did notice my urge to do it got a lot stronger, and I did manage to get comfortable masturbating without thinking of anything honestly, but I'd say after around 7ish months it stopped being so heavy. Where I am right now, I'd say I get aroused a normal amount? I'm also in a relationship, so my primary reason for arousal now isn't testosterone but just having a sexual partner I enjoy spending time with. I think, from my experience, that it might settle and slow down after a while since for cis men that seems to also be the case as they get older (since they usually start around tween/teen years whereas we typically get hormones later in life), things just slow down naturally.