coderedclover Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 This isn't to knock anybody who is sex favorable, but the term seems kinda like an oxymoron? I just want to learn what exactly it means. EDIT: Corrected from positive to favorable, thank you for pointing out the difference! Link to post Share on other sites
Morays Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 Sex positivity is a political stance, not a personal one. You're probably thinking of sex favorability. The AVEN FAQ's breakdown is as follows: Link to post Share on other sites
TheCrow Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 As said above, I think you're talking about sex-favorability. As someone who's sex-repulsed I don't entirely understand it, but from what I've gathered sex-favorable aces enjoy the physical act of having sex, but experience no sexual attraction. So they'd be unlikely to feel a need for, or initiate sex, but if it was initiated by someone else they would enjoy it. Sex-positivity on the other hand is a belief regarding cultural values. A sex-positive person believes healthy portrayals of sex should be more common, comprehensive sex ed should be given to everyone, and lifestyles traditionally considered taboo (polyamory, kinks, open relationships, etc) should be just as acceptable as more traditional relationships. Personally, I'm somewhere between sex-neutral and sex-positive, mostly in that I'd prefer non-graphic portrayals of sexuality in media. Link to post Share on other sites
coderedclover Posted November 16, 2021 Author Share Posted November 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, TheCrow said: Personally, I'm somewhere between sex-neutral and sex-positive, mostly in that I'd prefer non-graphic portrayals of sexuality in media Well, you obviously wouldn't want people describing kinks and fetishes to middle school students or something, though I believe all (sane) sex positive people would agree that's not what they mean by comprehensive sex education. I'm all for people doing what they want as long as it does not harm them in a way they do not want. I'm kinda confused what would constitute as graphic depictions? Because on one hand I would love to see more diverse sexuality in media and have characters with backstories that relate with audiences, but on the other hand it would sound like hell to have straight up sex on tv uncensored or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
InfamousLeather Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 Personally, for me, it means that I don't feel any drive to have sex, or engage in sexual activity, but if I'm with a partner who is Allo, I am willing and able to engage in sexual activity in order to bring them happiness... if I have a really strong romantic/emotional bond with that partner I might even enjoy it myself from time to time, but more the physical/intimate connection that the physical act itself. Chances are even if I engage with it, I won't get much (if anything) from it myself physically, but I enjoy giving pleasure, even if I don't enjoy receiving it... Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 1 hour ago, coderedclover said: Well, you obviously wouldn't want people describing kinks and fetishes to middle school students or something, though I believe all (sane) sex positive people would agree that's not what they mean by comprehensive sex education Yeah, there is a way to set kids up to understand consent and diversity in activities without teaching them the details. Messages like "It's okay to explore in a respectful and consensual way" and "people's private lifestyles don't reduce their right to participate in society with dignity and respect" are good lessons. "Some people like to pierce their shoulders with hooks and suspend themselves from the ceiling and consider that to be a sexually fulfilling experience" is unnecessary, though. That's not part of the foundation of healthy understanding of sex. As far as sex-favourability for asexual people, it's kind of similar to cases in couples where one has a kink that the other doesn't, but they're happy to occasionally fulfill it. With asexual people, though, it's sexual activity in general. They can still have boundaries and change their minds at any time. A willing disposition without internal motivation. Link to post Share on other sites
coderedclover Posted November 16, 2021 Author Share Posted November 16, 2021 56 minutes ago, The First Snaoël said: As far as sex-favourability for asexual people, it's kind of similar to cases in couples where one has a kink that the other doesn't, but they're happy to occasionally fulfill it. With asexual people, though, it's sexual activity in general. They can still have boundaries and change their minds at any time. A willing disposition without internal motivation. That... makes a lot more sense! So instead of asexuality being just the desire to not have sex, it can be more or less just an indifference? Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 17 minutes ago, coderedclover said: That... makes a lot more sense! So instead of asexuality being just the desire to not have sex, it can be more or less just an indifference? Yeah, it's lacking an intrinsic desire for it — a natural inclination to pursue sex with other people to fulfill one's own needs, including the need to express their feelings for another person using their own sexuality as the language to do so. Sex-favourable aces might be fine proceeding with sex when initiated by a partner. They might learn what a partner wants and choose to initiate it because they want to please them. They might find it fun in the process, but it's not a naturally renewing interest. Sex-indifferent aces might be willing to go along, but feel generally unmoved by it, and likely have a lower limit of how much they're willing to do. Sex-averse aces get an immediate nostril flare at the thought, and sex-repulsed aces might feel distressed by it. Those last two are usually grouped as a category. Link to post Share on other sites
coderedclover Posted November 16, 2021 Author Share Posted November 16, 2021 1 hour ago, The First Snaoël said: Sex-averse aces get an immediate nostril flare at the thought, and sex-repulsed aces might feel distressed by it. Those last two are usually grouped as a category. I've always been sex repulsed, but never averse. i don't go "tut tut common animals want sex" (a very big exaggeration) but it's more of "get that away from me before I vomit" Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 Sex favorable/sex indifferent/sex repulsed are independent of being asexual. There are asexuals who do not desire sex but who are very much alright with having it when a partner wants it. That's what I refer to as sex-favorable. Sex-repulsed (some say sex-averse) asexuals (and I'd argue that there are sex-repulsed sexuals as well) are generally repelled by the idea of having sex or the concept of sex itself. I think even some sexual people are disgusted by sex that way, wanting to avoid or disliking some aspect of it. Sex-indifferent (some say sex-ambivalent) would be a lack of opinion one way or the other. Some asexuals just don't think about sex whether positively or negatively. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 2 hours ago, coderedclover said: So instead of asexuality being just the desire to not have sex it is common in the ace community to describe asexuality as the lack of sexual attraction, or in other words the lack of innate desire for partnered sexual intimacy. an asexual doesn't desire sex. someone can lack a desire for sex, and still be willing to partake of it, or even enjoy parts of it. they just don't feel a desire for sex in and of itself. someone who is willing to have sex despite a lack of desire for sex would be a sex favorable asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 7 hours ago, coderedclover said: but the term seems kinda like an oxymoron? I just want to learn what exactly it means. Where it gets confusing is that you see people describing sex favourability as "loving sex but not caring about appearance" and "loving sex for sex itself and not caring who you have it with" - this is offensive to both aces and sexuals, but it's generally the most common way sex-favourability is defined, especially outside of AVEN (and yes, this is an oxymoron) For this reason, I personally wish we'd just ditch the term ''sex favourable'' as a community and stick with "sex neutral". The people who have responded in this thread identifying as sex favourable are really talking about sex neutral, meaning they'll do it for their partner and maybe even enjoy it, but they don't actively desire it for themselves. Whereas a while ago we had someone on AVEN identifying as sex favourable ace (this is just one example of many), and they described that as "not being able to find men who will finger me well enough so I have to keep finding new guys on Tinder and dumping them when they're not good enough at fingering me" yada yada. Their stance was that only PIV penetration counted as sex and nothing else counted as sex.. (which I suppose means lesbians are all ace? ehem). That's how people more commonly define sex favourable asexuality unfortunately - as an active desire and even a "need" for sex, but not really caring about the partner. Or there are those who DO care about the partner but assume 'allo'sexuals are all horndogs who only care about appearance so they say stuff like "I only desire sex with people I respect, that's why I'm a sex-favourable ace" (grr). Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 21 hours ago, coderedclover said: Well, you obviously wouldn't want people describing kinks and fetishes to middle school students or something, though I believe all (sane) sex positive people would agree that's not what they mean by comprehensive sex education. Well if there where more education on kinks or fetishes, I would of discovered myself as kinky sooner as an Asexusl. I believe thus in some fore, should absolutely be part of some sex ed. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowocollie Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 I kinda consider myself sex favorable, cuz I like the idea of sex..... Used to think I wanted to have it one day even. But I don't think I like the reality of sex. Link to post Share on other sites
coderedclover Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 40 minutes ago, colliethefurry said: kinda consider myself sex favorable, cuz I like the idea of sex..... Used to think I wanted to have it one day even. But I don't think I like the reality of sex. See, the idea sounds super cute almost and a huge bonding moment... the reality is gross and often unpleasurable (in my experience) Link to post Share on other sites
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