Xenogenders: A Super Fast Explanation/Guide

[SilenceRadio]

On 7/7/2022 at 2:35 AM, Asterer said:

Hello, I apologize for the late reply! I'm currently questioning If I'm xenogender and was wondering if it's possible to be xenogender and another gender? If not, is there another thing I can use to describe this?

It's definitely possible. If you can be multiple genders, there's no reason why you can't be xenogender and another gender.

[Guest]

I have a couple questions about xenogenders, I hope you can answer me. There's probably more than four, but they're divided into four blocks based on topic.

 

1. How does someone have to have a connection to this thing, and what "level" does it have to be at? By "level" I mean, do you need a strong connection with this thing to claim it as your xenogender, or can there be "mild" xenogenders? And what does a connection have to be like? Are there any rules? I know it might be hard or even impossible, but can some of the people on here who use xenogenders try to explain how they feel their connection?

 

2. Are xenogenders always an explanation of gender that lies outside of traditional terms (masculine, feminine, neutral, agender, etc.)? Or is something still a xenogender even if it utilizes these concepts? I'm going to try to give some examples. Say someone is usually female, but without the femininity, and leaning slightly neutral, but they sometimes become almost agender but slightly male, could this person say that they are fluid between scarletgender and navybluegender, use red for woman, blue for man, yellow for nonbinary, and black for agender, and just mix colors until they arrived at the shade that matched their gendered feelings? And would this be considered a xenogender or not? Sorry if this is a weird example.

 

3. Do any of you worry about the fact that you are taking a label that makes it easier to make fun of autistic people? Like, there are so many people who would say things like "Autistic people are such nutcases, you know? Like, they actually think _______ is a gender. Seriously? Psycho." These people are wrong and we know they are wrong, but because we can't grab a book on xenogenders, start hitting the ableists with it, and then insist they read it, they will always think that they are right. And it's already so easy to make fun of autistics, as evident by the sheer number of people I've heard throw the word around like it's a slur. Did this thought cross any of your minds when you were thinking of labeling your gender this way? And how did you counter/manage it?

[ahuman]

in summary , xenogenders is like an emotional connection to something?

 

like people say they’re catgender not because they’re a literal cat but they have an emotional connection to it so they’re catgender and like using cat pronouns right?

 

please tell me if I’m wrong! <33

[Guest]

4 hours ago, ahuman said:

in summary , xenogenders is like an emotional connection to something?

 

like people say they’re catgender not because they’re a literal cat but they have an emotional connection to it so they’re catgender and like using cat pronouns right?

 

please tell me if I’m wrong! <33

Specifically a gender connection. This thing matches how their gender feels to them. They may also like dressing catlike or using cat-related pronouns. Just having an emotional connection to something without it being related to gender is called being xenonatured. But you are correct that catgender people are not literal cats. I can answer any other questions if you want.

[AspiringAutistic]

On 10/11/2021 at 1:27 PM, Possum.Lover said:

Xenogenders is a metaphor for gender identity. 

 

I really like that explanation, even though I sometimes struggle with metaphors (I'm an autistic Xenogender person.)

 

Personally, the way I like to describe it is that the Xenogender labels I use for myself, help me describe how my gender feels to me sometimes.

 

Also, whenever I come into contact with the concept that one of my Xenogender labels is based on, I feel this profound and deeply emotional connection to it.

 

If anyone wants to ask questions about Xenogenders, feel free to, they're one of my special interests.

[cabbij]

On 6/30/2023 at 5:33 PM, ahuman said:

in summary , xenogenders is like an emotional connection to something?

 

like people say they’re catgender not because they’re a literal cat but they have an emotional connection to it so they’re catgender and like using cat pronouns right?

 

please tell me if I’m wrong! <33

i'm genderfluid and i think the way i describe them is a new way to express and define and connect with yourself like how gender is

[Old Maid Librarian]

On 10/12/2021 at 10:31 AM, Mult said:

Oh yeah, I could see that. People love rejecting things based on ignorance. And I notice that there's a generational divide. I'm between millenial and, uh, gen Z? (Generational naming is kinda dumb lol but whatever), and neopronouns were definitely not something I ever came across irl; there was a little bit online maybe, but it seems to be a little more common for gen Z. I have noticed that the few that I know on Twitter who use neopronouns also list regular pronouns, so obviously there's the option.

 

However, online I always default to "they" because gender is just not something you can know unless expressly told or if you check if a person's pronouns are listed on their profile. I would personally love a pronoun that is universally accepted (in English) as the gender neutral signular pronouns used for everyone regardless of gender. "They" was becoming that, but some people don't like "they" because they think it's suggesting that they lack gender or because it is also used for plural. Gender neutrality would just be nice in general.

 

Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that. English is a language that has been pushed onto a lot of different people of different cultures and it's really unfair to make everyone aware of the gender debades of English communities. International spaces are already expected to know of western English issues which is seriously ridiculous 🙄 especially since there's no serious attempt to have the general western populous aware of other country issues. I know my Italian relatives learn German from grade 1 and English from grade 4 (around then anyway, I haven't seen those relatives in some years now), but I wouldn't expect them to have any idea about English neopronouns much less expect them to use them.

 

Ugh exactly, this one lady held a seminar about grammar including pronouns and was so against "they" because of its plural use, but she believed that there would be a gender neutral pronoun. I asked what she propose it be, and she was like "I dunno". Like, all I'm hearing is "maybe one day there'll be a neutral pronoun but in the meantime don't use the neutral pronoun commonly used in vernacular English". I'm not seeing any real attempt to establish a neutral pronoun, therefore "they" should be perfectly acceptable.

If the person wants to eliminate "they" as a singular pronoun, perhaps that person should use the original correct form of the singular second person? Thou art here. I am speaking to thee. Is this thy book?

 

"You" was originally only used as a plural when speaking to two or more persons. It became the formal way to address rulers (British rulers still use "we" in speaking of themselves in formal situations (think of Queen Victoria's "We are not amused.") because they  are speaking as the nation. Gradually it drifted downward as a respectful form of address to anyone in a superior position to the speaker and to strangers  just like other European languages still use vous/tu, usted/ tu', Sie /du. Some Friends (Quakers) still use these forms because "you" still implied superiority when Quakerism was forming and they regard everyone as equal.

[DarkTeaTime]

On 10/11/2021 at 8:27 AM, Possum.Lover said:

I get asked a lot as to how xenogenders work and overall what it means this I hope I can make a very quick and easy way to explain xenogenders that generally holds all the info in an easy to understand manner.

 

 

Xenogenders defined as this by some: “a xenogender is a gender identity outside of the binary (also known as neogenders), usually made by a neurodivergent person (somebody with adhd/autism). neurodivergent people interpret life and society differently. due to this, they also interpret social constructs such as gender differently. a neurodivergentperson may struggle trying to find a term that fits for their gender so they take something of comfort and make a gender identitiy tied to it! hence a xenogender! most xenogenders are based on objects such as mindsets, plants, animals and other things people may find comfort in!” (lonk: https://xenogenders.carrd.co/#faq )

 

However, I prefer to simply define it as this:

 

Xenogenders is a metaphor for gender identity. 
 

Much like how we metaphorically apply a seemingly irrevalent thing to something to better describe something like for example:

 

”It’s raining cats and dogs!”

 

This doesn’t mean there’s LITERAL cats and dogs but to metaphorically describe the weather through seemingly irrelevant 

 

Now let’s apply this to xenogenders.

 

A commonly known xenogender is catgender so let’s try with that!

 

Is catgender saying cats are literally a gender? No, not really.

 

is it applying the idea of cats that are seemingly irrelevant to gender identity to better describe said identity? Yes.

 

People who identify as catgender aren’t saying they are a cat gender wise. But cats makes sense as to what their identity is.

 

Like I said, this is a quick and fast explanation here’s some links now to Xenogenders and how some define it

 

https://xeno-gender.carrd.co

 

https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Xenogender (not really a trusted source IMO)

 

https://ezgender.fandom.com/wiki/Xenogender
 

Feel free to ask questions below and remember this is not a space to debate but to ask genuine questions and a space to educate and learn! ❤️ 

 

This definition and explanation is super helpful, I've personally always had a hard time wrapping my mind around xenogenders. Thank you! 

[Hearthian]

So it's like. Vibes/feeling? Like, if someone's catgender, their gender isn't 'cat'/they aren't a cat, but it has the same vibes as cats do? 
If I've got that right, I think I might understand my gender more...

[SomeGuy.]

As a transgender man myself. I believe that this has been blown out of proportion. Why do people try so hard to label themselves with everything under the sun to be different. As you said, being xenogender isn't really a gender but a concept, therefore implying that people who are xenogender aren't really a part of the community, right? Since a Cisgendered and straight person can identify as Xenogender but still be cisgendered, that means they aren't a part of the LGBTQ. Stop trying to bastardize the community that people made for trans people. You aren't trans, you're just trying to be different. Stop it. Non-binary people on the other hand are just as valid as us gender conforming trans people. Although I don't understand why we have to separate the Non-binary and Transgender community, they are valid. Xenogenders were made as a label for kids or immature adults to mask as a part of a community they aren't. As I stated previously, stop trying to be different. Xenogenders are role-play. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, SomeGuy. said:

As a transgender man myself. I believe that this has been blown out of proportion. Why do people try so hard to label themselves with everything under the sun to be different. As you said, being xenogender isn't really a gender but a concept, therefore implying that people who are xenogender aren't really a part of the community, right? Since a Cisgendered and straight person can identify as Xenogender but still be cisgendered, that means they aren't a part of the LGBTQ. Stop trying to bastardize the community that people made for trans people. You aren't trans, you're just trying to be different. Stop it. Non-binary people on the other hand are just as valid as us gender conforming trans people. Although I don't understand why we have to separate the Non-binary and Transgender community, they are valid. Xenogenders were made as a label for kids or immature adults to mask as a part of a community they aren't. As I stated previously, stop trying to be different. Xenogenders are role-play. 

What makes being binary trans or nonbinary valid in a way that xenogenders aren’t? Also, not everyone who uses xenogenders is trans, as you said. Cis people can also use them. It doesn’t make trans xenogender users less trans. Can I ask why the existence of this concept is so upsetting to you?