PrimeJelly Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 This is a corner where you can freely share your stories of where being a virgin after a certain point had raised some "concerning" eyebrows from allos since we live in a hypersexual world. I stated 20 years old since during that age is when questions start coming in about ones sex life/relationship status (though of course it can be earlier than that). Do people see you as an "alien" for not having/wanting sex? Have some people proceeded to invalidate you/be acephobic? Take your time to rant all you want, I'm willing to listen because I've got nothing better to do lol For me, I've been open about being asexual to my family but even if I haven't come out, they wouldn't have questioned about me being a virgin or not since its against my religion to have sex before marriage lol If I wasn't a virgin, they would be mad instead of surprised or "concerned". But if I still remain as a virgin after I hit my 30s they would be egging me on to get a partner (depending on whether or not I'm in a relationship already) and would want me start the "natural cycle of life" 😬✋ Yeah... No thanks! They can have dog grandkids lol Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 I apply the "Don't ask, don't tell" rule as it isn't anyone's business whether or not I've had sex with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 im proudb of being a virgin / pure im open bout it to my friends they all know and my fam too they dont care it revolts me nudity and such i get panic attacks and just avoid it and night terrors Link to post Share on other sites
Blue eyes white dragon Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my body's purpose because I was taught it would all be for not my pleasure. I hate the "oh you're such a good girl for staying pure" but then they'll turn nasty when they learn just how far I've gone. Only a couple of people actually are understanding. I personally don't care that I am a virgin and I don't plan on that changing, I just don't want my value to be based upon it Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyn Corinn Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 1 minute ago, Blue Eyes White Dragon said: I hate the "oh you're such a good girl for staying pure" but then they'll turn nasty when they learn just how far I've gone. Ugh I also hate the idea of not being sexual as being more 'pure,' a lot because when I was growing up in conservative church culture that's what we were all taught to think, and it definitely made me pretty arrogant about the whole thing. I don't want to be perceived as purer than someone else because of something as insignificant as a different preference. Spoiler Besides, they wouldn't be calling me 'pure' if they knew what I do get turned on by. disclaimer: i'm not 20 yet, i am just here to complain about this 'purity' stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 About the same as it felt when I was 30, 40, 50 ... I'm 51 now. Also, this: 13 minutes ago, Comrade Jade Cross said: I apply the "Don't ask, don't tell" rule as it isn't anyone's business whether or not I've had sex with someone. I've never had anyone ask if I've had sex or not and i figure I'm the only who counts in this particular discussion in any case. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 I'm blatantly autistic, so infantilisation and disability discrimination means everyone assumes I am and should stay a virgin once they learn that. Don't want these R's reproducing do we? 🙃 Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 28 minutes ago, fuzzipueo said: I've never had anyone ask if I've had sex or not and i figure I'm the only who counts in this particular discussion in any case. You're lucky then. People have been hounding me for years about it Link to post Share on other sites
Red Lion Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 I get questions about have I ever dated. Not have I done it. But at 22 and have never been in a romantic relationship makes people think I’m weird. People always assume I am in a relationship but nope happily single. I don’t care what they think. None of their business. Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaPanni Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 Noone really cares about my dating life, but this "purity" thing is a bit around me too, and it is annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Phalena Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 I often get asked about my dating status but (usually) not explicitly about a potential sex life.The few times that I did get asked I played my: "I'm prude"-card. Freely taken from the concept: "You cannot talk about everything with everyone". I leave it that point and change subject. Has worked surprisingly well, so far. Link to post Share on other sites
GingerRose Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 "You're still a virgin...kind of a late bloomer." My response: Link to post Share on other sites
GingerRose Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 48 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: I'm blatantly autistic, so infantilisation and disability discrimination means everyone assumes I am and should stay a virgin once they learn that. Don't want these R's reproducing do we? 🙃 Reminds me of when my autistic friend came out as gay, people were like "wait you can feel attraction?" um... Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, GingerRose said: Reminds me of when my autistic friend came out as gay, people were like "wait you can feel attraction?" um... The ignorance around autism in this day and age truly astounds me. Link to post Share on other sites
PrimeJelly Posted April 19, 2021 Author Share Posted April 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: I'm blatantly autistic, so infantilisation and disability discrimination means everyone assumes I am and should stay a virgin once they learn that. Don't want these R's reproducing do we? 🙃 What a disgusting mindset. Scummy people with these views are the ones that don't need to reproduce. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 Ranting? Just today I have had the first guy hit on me in many years... arrrgh!!! I was unlocking my bike in front of a store, wearing a knee brace on top of my leggins (I also wear short pants on top because I could wear neither tight leggins alone nor pants shorter than 3/4 alone) and he started by asking me whether "It's not a pity to waste my leg by cycling". Such a concern by itself is real, but what can I do? In current conditions I'm afraid of taking the bus and I will never ever have a car , so I just said that "What would I travel with?". And that guy proceded to offer a ride, asking for my number... guys are just disgusting!!! And he made fun of me when I said that I'm "independent" - I used a very charge word, usually used only to mean national independence, but literally meaning "not subordinate". He was drunk, by the way. I hate alcohol about as much as horny guys. 😩 Link to post Share on other sites
brbdogsonfire Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said: Ranting? Just today I have had the first guy hit on me in many years... arrrgh!!! I was unlocking my bike in front of a store, wearing a knee brace on top of my leggins (I also wear short pants on top because I could wear neither tight leggins alone nor pants shorter than 3/4 alone) and he started by asking me whether "It's not a pity to waste my leg by cycling". Such a concern by itself is real, but what can I do? In current conditions I'm afraid of taking the bus and I will never ever have a car , so I just said that "What would I travel with?". And that guy proceded to offer a ride, asking for my number... guys are just disgusting!!! And he made fun of me when I said that I'm "independent" - I used a very charge word, usually used only to mean national independence, but literally meaning "not subordinate". He was drunk, by the way. I hate alcohol about as much as horny guys. 😩 He was disgusting for asking for your number? He was disgusting for offering you a ride? Are you sure he wasn't being disgusting simply by existing as a man? Your explanation doesn't make him sound rude at all while makes it sound like you were extremely rude to him. You yelled at him saying you are independent and not subordinate because he dare flirt with you? How dare that evil man talk to you in a public place! Link to post Share on other sites
21LAUR21 Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 I'm not one to bring up virginity in conversation, but I'm usually pretty open if someone asks (I'm 23 btw). So far I've mostly just discussed it with friends and family, and they're generally neutral about it. They know its definitely not coming from a religious/righteous place so I tend to laugh at their nun jokes. I'm sex positive so long as it doesn't involve me lol, so sex is something that's talked about around me quite a bit by friends and family. Whenever someone asks about my dating history they're generally surprised to learn I've never dated, so that's interesting. I usually tell them dating doesn't appeal to me, and now looking back at it, they probably think I just do casual sex. I guess I better clarify in the future lol. I assume as I get older people will find it increasingly odd and alien. Link to post Share on other sites
SpadeHood Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 4 hours ago, fuzzipueo said: I've never had anyone ask if I've had sex or not I can only imagine how awkward that would be. Most people just assume, that once your a certain age you've already had sex; and honestly, I see that as a sign of respect. I would want someone to just assume I've done it than just be all like, "Hey, Spade! You still a virgin?" It's a lot LESS awkward. 🤣 And to my favor, that's the thing people end up doing! 😃 Link to post Share on other sites
cato Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 48 minutes ago, brbdogsonfire said: He was disgusting for asking for your number? He was disgusting for offering you a ride? Are you sure he wasn't being disgusting simply by existing as a man? Your explanation doesn't make him sound rude at all while makes it sound like you were extremely rude to him. You yelled at him saying you are independent and not subordinate because he dare flirt with you? How dare that evil man talk to you in a public place! Meh, I can see where you're coming from, but being asked for my number by a drunk person would not particularly thrill me. I'm not @Nowhere Girl, but I'm assuming she was skeeved out because he was coming on too strong. Drunk people tend to make things awkward. Wouldn't castigate the whole male sex as disgusting, but one guy, sure, I've definitely thought individual men were creepy. To the question, I lost my virginity just before I turned 21, but no one knew or cared, and I'm pretty sure no one would know or care now if that weren't the case. I think most people will just assume you've lost it after a certain point?? Link to post Share on other sites
SpadeHood Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 On 4/19/2021 at 10:16 PM, cato said: Meh, I can see where you're coming from, but being asked for my number by a drunk person would not particularly thrill me. I'm not @Nowhere Girl, but I'm assuming she was skeeved out because he was coming on too strong. Drunk people tend to make things awkward. Wouldn't castigate the whole male sex as disgusting, but one guy, sure, I've definitely thought individual men were creepy. To the question, I lost my virginity just before I turned 21, but no one knew or cared, and I'm pretty sure no one would know or care now if that weren't the case. I think most people will just assume you've lost it after a certain point?? Yeah, I'm gonna agree with cato here; not all men are disgusting; but this dude was, I think. "It's not a pity to waste my leg by cycling", sounds strange. . . And by strange, I mean it sounds wrong grammar wise. It's not a pity? did he mean it IS a pity instead? Some people will claim they are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT when they are drunk vs sober. I never drank before, so I don't know if that's really true or some crap people say to get away with dumb decisions. I think drunk people can get really creepy! Sometimes they'll shoot you this look; just a look! But it's the creepiest most perverted look ever! I remember when I was a kid, my brother, Dad and I were driving home from some where (I don't remember where from). It was night time, but not too late (probably about 7 or 8pm); and I think it was 1998 or 1999, so I was like 6 or 7. While my father was driving, he saw two white guys he knew from work who were drunk; he decided to drive them some where real quick because they had been drinking (I think it was near their place of residence, I don't know). I can't remember if only one of the guys sat in the back seat or not, but I Believe my brother sat in the back seat that night; so I believe only one of the two guys sat in the back seat, while the other white guy sat in the front. Either way, one of the dudes sat next to me during the drive, and I KID YOU NOT he stared and smirked at me the ENTIRE TIME! 😱 I was really creeped out; so I clung to the side of the car door and tried not to make eye contact with him. Honestly, if someones going a mile and a half to ignore/avoid eye contact, you think it would AT LEAST make you look away too, right? 🤨 But for some reason, he kept staring and smirking. Why? Drunk people are creepy! 😱 He didn't do anything, though. I just don't get why when people get drunk, the have to get sexual; it's strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know not EVERYONE; but it's a LOT of people! Don't get me wrong, there were a few sober dudes that gave me weird looks (in that way), but drunk people don't show restraint. People defend dudes like the drunk guy that came on to you; they just dismiss it as cat calling. But, what drunk dude said to you was objectifying! I mean, he didn't touch you, but it was still weird. . . Because he didn't break the law, I don't think there's anything you can really do about it. . . 🙁 I remember another time, were I was in Wal-Mart ('cause that's where it goes down 🤣), and I decided to use a check out line with only two people in line; the one my brother and dad were using was a long line, so I just went to the shortest one. I was 16 at the time. There, I was standing behind some white guy with a mullet hair cut; he turned around, gave me a death glare (but it also seemed sexual ☹️) and asked, "has anyone ever played with those ponytails before?" I didn't know what to do, so I did the dumbest thing 🙃! I answered him, "No." And he was all like, "They'd have a lot of fun." 😐 He wasn't drunk, but it was weird. . . Link to post Share on other sites
Historically Ace Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 I'm a 23 y/o Female and am the only one in my house who has never had sex nor any desire too. At this point my family thinks I haven't found that "special someone" and refuse to acknowledge that I just don't have any sexual attraction- which is kinda invalidating since I've discussed my asexually with them. My mother views me as a "prized jewel" of her children. I've reached the age where any romantic relationship partner I've been with just assumes I'm no longer a virgin- which has lead to unmet "expectations" even though I was upfront. I have been called a prude and stick in the mud as a result. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 6 hours ago, brbdogsonfire said: He was disgusting for asking for your number? He was disgusting for offering you a ride? Are you sure he wasn't being disgusting simply by existing as a man? Your explanation doesn't make him sound rude at all while makes it sound like you were extremely rude to him. You yelled at him saying you are independent and not subordinate because he dare flirt with you? How dare that evil man talk to you in a public place! Sorry, but he said it in a much more rude way. You didn't see the situation, so don't make assumptions. The event was just traumatic enough for me that I couldn't bring myself to decribe it in more detail. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 6 hours ago, SpadeHood said: "It's not a pity to waste my leg by cycling", sounds strange. . . And by strange, I mean it sounds wrong grammar wise. It's not a pity? did he mean it IS a pity instead? Hey, English is not my first language. He asked something like "Is it not a pity?", meaning that I shouldn't strain my leg so much. But I have no choice. I can't drive, can't afford a car, can't accept an ability to harm an innocent person, and in current conditions I'm afraid to take the bus (and besides, walking from a bus stop sometimes take so much time... even with the reservation that I'm simply unable to reach high speeds in any way - I can't run and the highest speed I can achieve on a bike is about 25 km/h - cycling is much quicker and therefore less annoying), so cycling is simply my only option. At least I wear the brace to protect my knee, but indeed yesterday I might have worn it too low and because of that my knee would hurt all evening long. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 Nothing here. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 14 minutes ago, 154057 said: I hope you'll recover quickly. I'm afraid that I will never fully recover. My knee joint is damaged from an old injury and a long period of being overweight. I'm afraid that the only thing which could really help would be an endoprosthetic joint. But well, anyway I'm able to function in a reasonably normal way. And I'm proud to be able to cope and to prove that even as an effectively disabled person, it's possible to live without a car. But an increased pain and stiffness in the knee usually goes away within a few days. I must have overexerted myself a little. I took a longer route with my bike, to the place where the ski jumping hill used to be, to celebrate the 16th anniversary of having climbed that hill and 78th anniversary of the discovery of LSD. I was probably one of the last people to climb Skarpa, maybe even the last person before the demolition crew. Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 Weird, the only people who ever asked me if I was a virgin (and I was past the age of 20, though not because of asexuality since I'm not ace) were doctors. Link to post Share on other sites
SpadeHood Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 3 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: Hey, English is not my first language. He asked something like "Is it not a pity?", meaning that I shouldn't strain my leg so much. But I have no choice. I can't drive, can't afford a car, can't accept an ability to harm an innocent person, and in current conditions I'm afraid to take the bus (and besides, walking from a bus stop sometimes take so much time... even with the reservation that I'm simply unable to reach high speeds in any way - I can't run and the highest speed I can achieve on a bike is about 25 km/h - cycling is much quicker and therefore less annoying), so cycling is simply my only option. At least I wear the brace to protect my knee, but indeed yesterday I might have worn it too low and because of that my knee would hurt all evening long. Oh, sorry about that. I get it now; which is a little more sexual than what I though originally. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 14 minutes ago, SpadeHood said: Oh, sorry about that. I get it now; which is a little more sexual than what I though originally. It seems to me that this phrase itself wasn't meant as overtly sexual, it was rather a way to establish conversation and start hitting on me. The only overtly sexual thing about it is that he used a diminutive - in Polish a diminutive can be created from almost any noun and can express different feelings, from tenderness to flippancy. Literally "little leg" - in this case it might have been meant as a compliment. But my leg is certainly not "little", it's big-boned, quite well-muscled, with a bit too much fat in the upper part, and long for my height. Like many asexual women, I hate being considered sexually attractive, this is why this admittedly insignificant situation was even traumatic to me. Link to post Share on other sites
SpadeHood Posted April 20, 2021 Share Posted April 20, 2021 3 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said: it was rather a way to establish conversation and start hitting on me Ah! He was trying to get his foot in the door! 🤣 Sometimes it's funny when men act on a goofy cartoon level just to talk to a woman. But, you were actually there, so you know it's not funny. Don't get me wrong, it's no laughing matter (because it is VERY annoying when they do it); but when they "just wanna talk" it's hilarious because you know what they're up to! 😁 I'm sorry it happened to you, though. . . Link to post Share on other sites
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