Is there a term for someone who can only experience romantic feelings after having had sex with someone

[Nhomni]

As asked in the title.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi.
I think it would just depend on if you were somehow traumatized by it or that it just made you realize that you don't care for sex, in which case you'd be a romantic asexual

[Fraggle Underdark]

Do you mean that after having sex the person can no longer experience sexual attraction towards the other person? Or that the only way for the person to feel romantic attraction towards someone is after having had sex with them?

 

I don't know of a term for either off hand but I do know it's common for a lot of people to feel romantic after sex. (Which is not to say there couldn't be someone who only feels romantic after sex.)

[Sarah-Sylvia]

For men especially it's normal that they won't feel sexual attraction right after orgasm.

[Ceebs]

On 3/29/2021 at 2:30 PM, Sarah-Sylvia said:

For men especially it's normal that they won't feel sexual attraction right after orgasm.

What do you mean by this?

 

Not ready to go at it again immediately, sure, of course... but suddenly not finding their partner attractive?

 

Will have to ask my partner if he knows what you're referring to. I'm very curious now.

[Blue eyes white dragon]

10 minutes ago, CBC said:

What do you mean by this?

 

Not ready to go at it again immediately, sure, of course... but suddenly not finding their partner attractive?

 

Will have to ask my partner if he knows what you're referring to. I'm very curious now.

I think I heard something about that. Some people call it Post Nut clarity. I heard that men say that after they cum, their mind is clear. Sometimes when that happens, they realize they didn't actually like the person they did the do with but just were being horny. I've even heard some women ay that happens to them. But honestly Im not sure  

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Lol, well I mean they still can feel awesome about the person, just not sexually.
But it's not something I've looked into to the extent that I'd know the % of men that happens to 😮

[Guest]

15 hours ago, Blue Eyes White Dragon said:

I think I heard something about that. Some people call it Post Nut clarity. I heard that men say that after they cum, their mind is clear. Sometimes when that happens, they realize they didn't actually like the person they did the do with but just were being horny. I've even heard some women ay that happens to them. But honestly Im not sure  

That's more referring to people who have one-night-stands and random hook ups, both women and men. When extremely aroused someone may seem more attractive to them. they bang them, then once the arousal is gone you're like "what the frick???" - It doesn't apply to people who have been getting to know someone and become attracted to who they are as a person. Sure you often don't want sex again immediately after the sex is done, but that doesn't mean someone in a steady relationship suddenly loses sexual attraction to their partner after sex

 

6 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Lol, well I mean they still can feel awesome about the person, just not sexually.
But it's not something I've looked into to the extent that I'd know the % of men that happens to 😮

outside of one-night stands and hook-up situations (and that's only for some people who have those), it's not really common for someone to be able to lose sexual attraction after sex. People often don't want sex again immediately after having sex, but don't lose an attraction that was already there and formed over a period of time

 

@Nhomni

There isn't really a term for it, but it's relatively common to be drawn to someone for whatever reason (like they're your friend and aesthetically pleasing to you or you enjoy their personality etc), and like them a lot more after having sex with them!!

 

When it comes to non-asexual variants there aren't really micro-labels (outside of the fetish community I suppose, haha)

[Blue eyes white dragon]

@PanFicto. That makes a lot of sense!

[Sarah-Sylvia]

6 minutes ago, PanFicto. said:

outside of one-night stands and hook-up situations (and that's only for some people who have those), it's not really common for someone to be able to lose sexual attraction after sex. People often don't want sex again immediately after having sex, but don't lose an attraction that was already there and formed over a period of time

 

I would consider itr other kinds of attractions, including aesthetic maybe, since when you don't have sex drive there, you're not going to feel sexual attraction.

Some men can still have sex drive after they orgasm, but that seems to be rarer from what I know. Again though, not something I've looked actively into, so I don't know what the % would be.

[Ceebs]

Yeah certainly I've heard of people of any sex/gender feeling kind of disgusted after orgasm (especially if they were watching porn that suddenly seems distasteful), or even just a bit depressed or something. Or maybe if they made a hasty choice in the heat of the moment that led to a poor decision as far as casual sex, they wonder what the fuck in terms of the person they chose. And it's true that your interest in sex can sometimes pretty much dissipate right after orgasm. But "I suddenly don't feel attracted to my partner just cos I had an orgasm" would be hella weird in a serious relationship. Honestly it makes me feel closer to someone and even more affectionate, and I don't know why that would be any different for a man who loves his partner.

[Guest]

26 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

since when you don't have sex drive there, you're not going to feel sexual attraction.

For me, sex drive has always been separate from sexual attraction Like even if I don't want sex or don't desire it, I can feel that strong attraction to someone that means I know that when I am horneh next time, I'll want sex with them specifically. 

 

That's also why many sexual people get so depressed when they get messed up sexually by meds - the attractions are still there but their body isnt physically reacting in a way that can make them enjoy those feelings or even want sex at all. If there was no sexual attraction at all there probably wouldn't be as much misery involved!

 

So while sexual attraction is pretty much a synonym for "the ability to desire sexual intimacy with someone" it can definitely still exist even if you're not horny 'right now' or if your sex drive isn't 'functioning' for whatever reason. You still know "I'm attracted to that person in a way that makes me want sex with them, even if I'm not going to actually want that sex until maybe next month or something"  (it's not like that for everyone though of course. That's just a relatively common way to experience it! Obviously it can go the other way as well (which is the one-night-stands and hook-up-type people I was referring to earlier) where someone is literally only capable of feeling that attraction if they're aroused - people who experience it that way often aren't as interested in monogamous sexual relationships in my experience.  They get bored of partners very quickly a lot of the time because their interest is tied solely in their arousal. My ex was like that Y_Y) 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

6 minutes ago, PanFicto. said:

For me, sex drive has always been separate from sexual attraction Like even if I don't want sex or don't desire it, I can feel that strong attraction to someone that means I know that when I am horneh next time, I'll want sex with them specifically. 

 

That's also why many sexual people get so depressed when they get messed up sexually by meds - the attractions are still there but their body isnt physically reacting in a way that can make them enjoy those feelings or even want sex at all. If there was no sexual attraction at all there probably wouldn't be as much misery involved!

 

So while sexual attraction is pretty much a synonym for "the ability to desire sexual intimacy with someone" it can definitely still exist even if you're not horny 'right now' or if your sex drive isn't 'functioning' for whatever reason. You still know "I'm attracted to that person in a way that makes me want sex with them, even if I'm not going to actually want that sex until maybe next month or something"  (it's not like that for everyone though of course. That's just a relatively common way to experience it! Obviously it can go the other way as well, where someone is literally only capable of feeling that attraction if they're aroused - people who experience it that way often aren't as interested in monogamous sexual relationships in my experience.  They get bored of partners very quickly a lot of the time because their interest is tied solely in their arousal. My ex was like that Y_Y) 

Well, we talk about sexual attraction as being drawn towards sexual activity, and without sex drive there's no draw, so for me it's how I see sexual attraction, it has to have some sex drive behind it for there to be that draw.

Strong attraction to someone can be lots of things, so as long as it doesn't draw towards sex I don't see a point in labeling it like that (sexual attraction). What I used to think was sexual attraction to women is completely different in my eyes now, and actually mainly aesthetic and sensual.,

I think sexual people on meds just don't like having low libido because of their expectations and that of their partners. Sometimes you remember something strongly and how it felt good, and you want it. Doesn't mean the sexual attraction is there.

[Guest]

17 minutes ago, CBC said:

But "I suddenly don't feel attracted to my partner just cos I had an orgasm" would be hella weird in a serious relationship. Honestly it makes me feel closer to someone and even more affectionate, and I don't know why that would be any different for a man who loves his partner.

Yeah it's something more reserved for guys like my ex whose attraction is tied almost entirely up in his arousal. That's why he can have a one night stand with a different girl every night (or even a few girls in one night) and not even think about them or even remember later. Also when he was horny he would find almost any female attractive, then be mean about her the next day and mocking aspects of how ugly this chick was who he banged last night! These types of people (while they're not always as mean as he was) often can't really hold down monogamous intimate relationships (unless they get a doormat like how I was who will turn a blind eye to perpetual cheating while paying the rent for the asshole and cooking and cleaning after him etc). But fortunately people like him are few and far between!! Usually someone in a relationship will still be sexually attracted to their partner after sex, they just might not feel like banging again once the sex is done. Heck it can take me weeks or months to want it again But I'm still very much sexually attracted and know that when I want sex again, it'll only be them I want

[Guest]

15 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

we talk about sexual attraction as being drawn towards sexual activity

Who does? Most people (well, most sexual people) here agree that sexual attraction is desiring sexual intimacy with someone/desiring them in a sexually intimate way (edit: as opposed to being drawn towards sexual activity. It's a person you're drawn to, not an activity) That can exist even if you don't want sex "right now". Part of it is also for that most sexual people (other than ones like my ex) sexual attraction often isn't something that's experienced as an isolated thing. It's combined integrally with romantic and aesthetic attraction (as well as other forms of attraction) so it can't just 'stop' as long as you're still experiencing those other things, even if you just had sex so don't want it again right now. There's still this sexual factor your partner has that makes you know you want them and no one else, even if you just orgasmed and know you won't want sex again for a week or whatever. (I'm not saying it's like this for ALL sexuals of course, just common)

 

15 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I think sexual people on meds just don't like having low libido because of their expectations and that of their partners. Sometimes you remember something strongly and how it felt good, and you want it. Doesn't mean the sexual attraction is there.

It's often so much deeper than that. When it happened to me it was a nightmare because I had all the exact same feelings and attractions, but my sexual organs weren't able to react. Like I suppose if you're starving hungry and have all this delicious food in front of you, but you try to eat it and there is no taste at all, no texture, and it doesn't fill you up, so you stay hungry. It drove me to going off the meds cold-turkey and it took a very long time to come right again (never fully recovered to be honest). There was a thread about it on AVEN a few years ago where someone had actually found studies about the increased suicide risk in people experiencing what I did ..because obviously for some people sex is so much important than it is for me. And even me as someone who didn't care a whole lot about sex and whose partner was only online, it was still a nightmare. The pain came from me not being able to complete something my body desired, not from partner expectations or anything. The sexual attraction (the desire to connect sexually) was still there. My my genitals were like 'nope'. Y_Y

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@PanFicto.It's being drawn to the sexual activity with the person. Yes the attraction is with or to the person, but it could change per day, it can change per hour, per minute. I don't consider being attracted  to a certain person  a certain way to be a permanent thing. If it keeps happening then sure they're that kind of representation, but I don't see the point in considering to be attracted to something or someone when you don't feel it.

I think it's good t look at it a bit differently than normal, and sometimes it's just a change in perspective, but some is just a reality for people, like the split between sexual and romantic attraction.

Also, I should say I don't put much in attraction. I sometimes say attraction is overrated. To me if I like someone, I like them. I'm a romantic person so if  there's no barriers to romance, then I'll feel like being romantic with them. I might add more after relationships that didn't go well so that I don't settle for a partner that's not good for me, too. There's barriers if it wouldn't connect well, there's some if I already have a partner, etc. And I might even stop feeling the romantic attraction because of them. So why would I say this is s person that I'm romantically attracted to if the feelings can go away?

I don't think most men are like you're describing where they want their partner sexually right after orgasm. They might hold it intellectually, but the attraction isn't there, it's changed into something else, even if a lot of sexual people combine romantic and sexual attraction, the reality is that they can be split.

If you want sex, and you feel it, then the libido is working, but if you're not able to have sex, it doesn't mean you're not drawn/attracted to have sex (can be with a particular person or not).

 

Anyway, I'm coming from partly personal views, but also some that I think are more general. It's kind of a narrow topic though so I'm not sure it'd be easy to find stats for it XD.

[Guest]

31 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I don't think most men are like you're describing where they want their partner sexually right after orgasm.

You're taking your person definition of sexual attraction and applying it to what I'm saying

 

I'm defining sexual attraction as "desiring another person sexually/desiring someone on a sexual level" (which is more emotional). You are defining it as "solely desiring sexual activity"(which is more physical).

 

I'm saying (as is @CBC I think) that for most people within established relationships they're not less sexually attracted to their partner after they've had sex with them, even if you don't want sex again for an hour or a day or a week. Your partner is for the most part the exact same level of sexually attractive to you, you're just sexually satisfied and don't desire more sex at that point. Because the attraction exists on an emotional level, the actual desire for the activity itself exists on a physical level.

 

You're tying sexual attraction entirely into physical arousal, into the desire for the act of sex itself. While that may be how it works for you, for many of us our sexual attraction to our partner exists whether or not we are physically horny. Yes we are more likely to want sex if we are horny, but not wanting sex does not mean we are not sexually attracted to our partner!

 

How you're describing it is like "I'm only sexually attracted to you when I want to fuck you" and most sexual people wouldn't really be cool with that within the context of a relationship. Like @CBC if Tele said to you "you're great Ceebs but I'm only sexually attracted to you when I actively want to have sex with you. After we have sex you're not sexually attractive to me anymore" would that make you feel..less attractive in his eyes? And like his desire for you exists solely within the context of his arousal? I know for me it would make me feel like my sexual attractiveness exists SOLELY within the context of my partner's arousal which would make me uncomfortable and possibly depressed too. Like "I'm only hot to you if you're sexually aroused".

 

In my experience, sexual attraction exists outside of the immediate need for sexual release when we are speaking within the context of relationships (especially given sexual attraction is also tied in romantic, emotional, and aesthetic attraction too for a lot of people). You can't just ..stop feeling it.. because you just had an orgasm, though the active desire for sexual activity can definitely decrease post-orgasm. What stops is the immediate desire for sex, but the sexual attraction is still there.. you're still attracted to your partner in a sexual way even if you don't want sex with them right now.

 

(though yes i acknowledge that isn't the case for you Sylvia! And also that sexual attraction can and does slowly fade over time. It's just that for most people it isn't turned off and on towards their partner based on when they last had an orgasm. The emotional experience of sexual attraction is separate from the active desire for sexual activity for many people..)

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@PanFicto.I just don't think it's worth seeing sexual attraction that way, and I explained some of why. Some of it is personal, but some of it isn't.
A partner is not sexually attractive at that time if you don't feel sexual feelings, if there's no sex drive behind it. (there can still be other reasons you want your partner, ie the emotional, love, you know?)
I'll drop from the conversation, we can agree to disagree 😜

(edit: Also though it's mostly semantic)
 

 

PS: You're not wrong that that is how I feel, so I don't deny some of how I feel myself goes into my thoughts on it, we're all at least a little biased And thanks for calling me Sylvia, it surprisingly hasn't happened often on the forum XD.

[Ceebs]

1 hour ago, PanFicto. said:

How you're describing it is like "I'm only sexually attracted to you when I want to fuck you" and most sexual people wouldn't really be cool with that within the context of a relationship. Like @CBC if Tele said to you "you're great Ceebs but I'm only sexually attracted to you when I actively want to have sex with you. After we have sex you're not sexually attractive to me anymore" would that make you feel..less attractive in his eyes? And like his desire for you exists solely within the context of his arousal?

Yes I would be quite pissed off lol.

 

I asked Tele for his input and this was his reply: "Ummm yeah no [re: not feeling sexual attraction after orgasm]. As you say, not necessarily ready to go again, though happy to do things with fingers and tongue... but very much finding you attractive. All that oxytocin and cuddling."

 

1 hour ago, PanFicto. said:

I'm saying (as is @CBC I think) that for most people within established relationships they're not less sexually attracted to their partner after they've had sex with them, even if you don't want sex again for an hour or a day or a week. Your partner is for the most part the exact same level of sexually attractive to you, you're just sexually satisfied and don't desire more sex at that point. Because the attraction exists on an emotional level, the actual desire for the activity itself exists on a physical level.

 

You're tying sexual attraction entirely into physical arousal, into the desire for the act of sex itself. While that may be how it works for you, for many of us our sexual attraction to our partner exists whether or not we are physically horny. Yes we are more likely to want sex if we are horny, but not wanting sex does not mean we are not sexually attracted to our partner!

Very much this, yeah. I could be definitely NOT interested in a certain moment and it doesn't mean I'm any less attracted to my partner whatsoever. That's an unchanging thing, but the desire to actually have sex in any given moment can be 'Hell yes, do me now!' or 'Mmm sure, now that you mention it' or 'Nah, not right now' and everything in between.

[Ceebs]

Also I forgot to say...

 

19 hours ago, Blue Eyes White Dragon said:

Post Nut clarity

I'm going to incorporate this into my vocabulary. 😂

[Guest]

Can't say I've ever been with a guy who wasn't still sexually attracted after sex. Not interested in sex at the minute, sure. But, even when not interested they could still be flirty and downright dirty cause the sexual attraction was still there... just body needed a rest. 

[Blue eyes white dragon]

20 minutes ago, CBC said:

Also I forgot to say...

 

I'm going to incorporate this into my vocabulary. 😂

 Nice 😂 

[Ceebs]

4 hours ago, Blue Eyes White Dragon said:

 Nice 😂 

[Ceebs]

(I'm sorry, I need to go to sleep. 😂)

[Blue eyes white dragon]

4 minutes ago, CBC said:

😂

4 minutes ago, CBC said:

(I'm sorry, I need to go to sleep. 😂)

Same lol but it's like my brain is yelling "not tired not tired not tired!"