I’m doing research on different types of attractions for different sexualities

[Jstar]

Hi I’m Jesse, 

So for my research project I want to know how different sexualities would identify there attractions. I want to get an accurate display of what sexualities feel what attractions, but to do this I need a large amount of people with different sexualities to rink their attractions. This would be extremely helpful to my work I am doing in trying to get more clarity for people who are sexuality and attractions. It also be helpful if you could say what number you ranked each attraction and what your sexuality is with it. Thanks

definitions to these words:

1. Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone
2. Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look 
3. Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone
4. Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone
5. Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone
6. Libido: Also known as your sex drive, this is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a little like wanting to scratch an itch.
7. Sexual desire: This is the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.
8. Sexual attraction:This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

(10 being you frequently feel that attraction and 0 being you never feel that attraction)

 

thank you for all your help 🙏🙏

Edited January 14 by Jstar

[Purple Red Panda]

I'm slightly confused.  This seems to be asking in general rather than any attractions I might feel towards any specific person. If that is the case it would be difficult to give a rating out of 10 as depth or lack of my attractions don't really exist on an abstract measurable scale, they are things I feel internally and are not easily expressed in a 1-10 manner. I don't think it's easy to split attractions up either as they tend to be intertwined or blur at the edges, at least for me anyway. Also as an asexual I find the description for Libido problematic, I have a sex drive but it doesn't involve the desire to have sex with another person., does the urge maturbation count as 'wanting to have sex'?

[Jstar]

5 minutes ago, Purple Red Panda said:

I'm slightly confused.  This seems to be asking in general rather than any attractions I might feel towards any specific person. If that is the case it would be difficult to give a rating out of 10 as depth or lack of my attractions don't really exist on an abstract measurable scale, they are things I feel internally and are not easily expressed in a 1-10 manner. I don't think it's easy to split attractions up either as they tend to be intertwined or blur at the edges, at least for me anyway. Also as an asexual I find the description for Libido problematic, I have a sex drive but it doesn't involve the desire to have sex with another person., does the urge maturbation count as 'wanting to have sex'?

Yes maturation would count as libido since it’s a want sexual pleasure. Libido doesn’t always mean that the sexual pleasure you want comes from another person, If that’s the case and you do you want sexual pleasure from another person that would be A sexual attraction or desire. And thanks for your point of view.

I know I’m asking rather generally since I’m not really sure how to do it in a way that isn’t generally. So just even getting a broad statement although it won’t be exact is as close enough.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah, I'm confused too. I don't really know how to rate these feelings on a scale of 1-10. Perhaps choices such as "sometimes", "never", "often", etc. would work better? 

 

 

[Jstar]

Just now, Sam Spade said:

Yeah, I'm confused too. I don't really know how to rate these feelings on a scale of 1-10. Perhaps choices such as "sometimes", "never", "often", etc. would work better? 

 

 

Thanks for the suggestion I’m still working out all the details for this. This is my first time doing anything like this so I’m still working stuff out

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

I think the problem is that we all have different perceptions of any given frequency. If someone answered that they experience romantic attraction very often because they had 2 crushes in the past year, another person might say they don't experience romantic attraction very often while also having had 2 crushes in the past year. So I don't personally think any set of frequencies or numbers will work for everyone, even if we all explain our answers, because you'd likely still end up with the situation I just described and multiple people's selected answers would conflict with each other's explanations, rendering the selected answers useless. A solution I see would be to have a cascade of timeframes like "every day", "once a week", "once every two weeks", etc. but then that would probably only make romantic attraction an easy question to answer because crushes are easy to count. On the other hand, it's not as easy to count how many times you've wanted to have sex or cuddle with someone.

[Gifted With Singleness]

1 hour ago, Grey-Ace Ventura said:

I think the problem is that we all have different perceptions of any given frequency. If someone answered that they experience romantic attraction very often because they had 2 crushes in the past year, another person might say they don't experience romantic attraction very often while also having had 2 crushes in the past year. So I don't personally think any set of frequencies or numbers will work for everyone, even if we all explain our answers, because you'd likely still end up with the situation I just described and multiple people's selected answers would conflict with each other's explanations, rendering the selected answers useless. A solution I see would be to have a cascade of timeframes like "every day", "once a week", "once every two weeks", etc. but then that would probably only make romantic attraction an easy question to answer because crushes are easy to count. On the other hand, it's not as easy to count how many times you've wanted to have sex or cuddle with someone.

Yeah, I'm having a hard time with this poll for pretty much the same reason. How exactly are you supposed to quantify the frequency of desire and attraction?

 

Also, these attractions and desires can exist at varying intensities, and I feel like that complicates things. This poll seems to treat attraction as a discrete event, like a light switch being on or off. But what if your attraction is more gradual, like a dimmer switch? It's kind of hard to quantify how often the light is on when sometimes it's at 10% brightness, sometimes it's at 20% brightness, sometimes it's at 30% brightness, etc. Also, sometimes one type of attraction can lead to another type of attraction, and it can be difficult to determine when each attraction begins and ends. They just blend into each other in a way that's almost impossible to quantify. And even then, attractions and desires are often very reliant on the person to whom they're directed. Trying to treat, say, platonic attraction as something that is only about me and my internal feelings and has nothing to do with my friends is just bizarre to me.

 

It's not like people experience sexual attraction specifically on weekends, romantic attraction specifically on holidays, and platonic attraction specifically in the evenings. You can't just chop it up like that. There's a very real sense in which you either experience these things or you don't, and trying to psychoanalyze it further than that just feels like a waste of time to me.

[DGT]

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

1. Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone

Is that like an intent? "I would like to have a romantic relationship with someone, one day. Perhaps soon would be nice." Or are you using "desire" as: emotional draw, "falling for...," fixation, or "craving" (all a bit different) or something different from these as well?

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

2. Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look 

As in a passive sort of "appreciation" for something beautiful (like art at a museum), or like an involuntary turn of the head (often associated with other involuntary physiological changes) as someone passes by, "Wow! Did you see..." oh, um, sorry.

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

3. Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone

I've never felt this for anyone but a person I've already fallen in love with (see my answer for #6. below).

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

4. Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone

Does the term "platonic attraction" apply to any friend I have, no matter how we became friends, or how long we've been friends? (Curious.) Does it apply to a person that I am not friends with but would like to be friends with? I don't know if that has ever happened with me with a specific person (other than my next door neighbor when I was six years old), though I have had general thoughts of "I think it would be nice to broaden my peer group" at times. Not enough D&D players. But that wouldn't be "platonic attraction," I don't imagine. "Platonic disgruntlement?" The feeling that I'm not entirely pleased with the number of friends I have but can't do much about it since I live in the sticks? No, that's probably D&D related, too. And/or poly related. D&D-polyam-book club & legos group related.

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

5. Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone

I kind of always naturally do this whether I'm deliberately thinking about this or not, which is why I've had to be careful. I never felt it as an "attraction" since it's just the way I form friendships, though luckily it takes me a year or two for it to become a "problem" if the other person is not interested in any sort of "connection," (even just close friendship) and then it is self-correcting. As soon as I realize this, the nascent connection sort of just evaporates. It takes me a long time, and some effort tbf, otherwise it is far easier for me to lose interest completely in a person than it is to want to pursue a deeper relationship. None of this is voluntary (or even noticeable) to me until long after the fact as I'm mentally reconstructing what happened several months later.

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

6. Libido: Also known as your sex drive, this is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a little like wanting to scratch an itch.

This one is a bit different for me than for some others who have described their experiences to me. The demi thing is on two different tracks. With the person to who I am bonded (I know, that sounds weird, but I'm working on a more natural way to word it instead of like a baby chicken to the first thing it sees after hatching lol!) -- to that person I am probably hyper allo positive ding-ding all the lights on the board are green. But to anyone else, it's like there's just nothing there. I'd much rather deal with it alone than be with someone else. The thought is a bit disturbing, really.

 

Fortunately, I have a low libido when I am a "free agent," so to speak, and I do not feel frustrated or miss the intimate company of another person. I remember feeling that I could live the rest of my life like that, alone or with a couple of platonic friends (because I do crave long conversations), and not feel I've missed out on sex as something "important" that everyone and everything says is the be-all and end-all. But all that changes 180-degrees if I -- well, all the cliché words that describe the partner in a demi relationship. It isn't like a switch where I can choose to turn it off or on, but is it like a switch in a sense. But I'm just not the one that seems to be making the choices so much as carried along with it. As other sexuals can attest, attraction to another person can be overwhelmingly powerful, nothing like what I imagined when I thought I just didn't feel sexual toward anyone (but I assumed I could apprehend it anyway. Nope).

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

7. Sexual desire: This is the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.

See 6. above.

 

7 hours ago, Jstar said:

8. Sexual attraction: This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

See 6. above.

 

I cannot see much of a substantial difference to 6, 7, 8 here. Even though libido is different, for me it is quite dependent on whether I am alone or with my partner. The difference between 7 and 8 is the subject of quite a few threads. Also, the only way I can even be in a polyam situation is because my partner can be. I do not know how this works, but it has. I've asked about that once on AVEN before and was told that it is normal even for demi, so I stopped concerning myself about it.

 

[Jstar]

20 minutes ago, DGT said:

Is that like an intent? "I would like to have a romantic relationship with someone, one day. Perhaps soon would be nice." Or are you using "desire" as: emotional draw, "falling for...," fixation, or "craving" (all a bit different) or something different from these as well?

 

As in a passive sort of "appreciation" for something beautiful (like art at a museum), or like an involuntary turn of the head (often associated with other involuntary physiological changes) as someone passes by, "Wow! Did you see..." oh, um, sorry.

 

I've never felt this for anyone but a person I've already fallen in love with (see my answer for #6. below).

 

Does the term "platonic attraction" apply to any friend I have, no matter how we became friends, or how long we've been friends? (Curious.) Does it apply to a person that I am not friends with but would like to be friends with? I don't know if that has ever happened with me with a specific person (other than my next door neighbor when I was six years old), though I have had general thoughts of "I think it would be nice to broaden my peer group" at times. Not enough D&D players. But that wouldn't be "platonic attraction," I don't imagine. "Platonic disgruntlement?" The feeling that I'm not entirely pleased with the number of friends I have but can't do much about it since I live in the sticks? No, that's probably D&D related, too. And/or poly related. D&D-polyam-book club & legos group related.

 

I kind of always naturally do this whether I'm deliberately thinking about this or not, which is why I've had to be careful. I never felt it as an "attraction" since it's just the way I form friendships, though luckily it takes me a year or two for it to become a "problem" if the other person is not interested in any sort of "connection," (even just close friendship) and then it is self-correcting. As soon as I realize this, the nascent connection sort of just evaporates. It takes me a long time, and some effort tbf, otherwise it is far easier for me to lose interest completely in a person than it is to want to pursue a deeper relationship. None of this is voluntary (or even noticeable) to me until long after the fact as I'm mentally reconstructing what happened several months later.

 

This one is a bit different for me than for some others who have described their experiences to me. The demi thing is on two different tracks. With the person to who I am bonded (I know, that sounds weird, but I'm working on a more natural way to word it instead of like a baby chicken to the first thing it sees after hatching lol!) -- to that person I am probably hyper allo positive ding-ding all the lights on the board are green. But to anyone else, it's like there's just nothing there. I'd much rather deal with it alone than be with someone else. The thought is a bit disturbing, really.

 

Fortunately, I have a low libido when I am a "free agent," so to speak, and I do not feel frustrated or miss the intimate company of another person. I remember feeling that I could live the rest of my life like that, alone or with a couple of platonic friends (because I do crave long conversations), and not feel I've missed out on sex as something "important" that everyone and everything says is the be-all and end-all. But all that changes 180-degrees if I -- well, all the cliché words that describe the partner in a demi relationship. It isn't like a switch where I can choose to turn it off or on, but is it like a switch in a sense. But I'm just not the one that seems to be making the choices so much as carried along with it. As other sexuals can attest, attraction to another person can be overwhelmingly powerful, nothing like what I imagined when I thought I just didn't feel sexual toward anyone (but I assumed I could apprehend it anyway. Nope).

 

See 6. above.

 

See 6. above.

 

I cannot see much of a substantial difference to 6, 7, 8 here. Even though libido is different, for me it is quite dependent on whether I am alone or with my partner. The difference between 7 and 8 is the subject of quite a few threads. Also, the only way I can even be in a polyam situation is because my partner can be. I do not know how this works, but it has. I've asked about that once on AVEN before and was told that it is normal even for demi, so I stopped concerning myself about it.

 

Thanks this was really helpful 

[`Silver]

Damn, the highest grade I gave was a 3. Good luck with this!