Did My first sexual experience make me think I am asexual

[Rally]

I had a bad childhood, father died when I was 6, I mostly isolated myself after that, went to a boys only school, got bullied really bad, isolated myself even more, which caused me to develop a serious case of social anxiety. Something that I still never gotten over, I step outside my house and I'm just a mess in the head. I tried solving this problem by getting a job where I socialize a lot and also going (back) to the gym, which helped a little. I managed to get a girlfriend at the store and another somewhere else, this though is partly because my family is always telling me I need to get a girlfriend and loose my virginity, I actually really didnt care. Anyways I had sex or tried having sex with the first, I felt moderately horny for her(I did not masturbate for a week I think, which would be to fetish porn); I was semi-hard but lets just say the sex was a disaster and I'm still a virgin after it, again I wasn't all that interested. I kept reflecting on that day, depressed as f and ended up dumping the other girl. A few weeks after that a few women came on to me in the store I ignored them then while leaving they whispered fag, a similar thing happened the next day, and I started thinking I might be gay and would later get nervious around guys especially if a girl was present. It seemed I gave off a nervous reaction because the women would storm right out the store. I eventually solved that problem which was by simply watching gay porn with a relaxed mind open to the possibility of being gay. But like with regular straight porn I was just not interested at all. not one bit. The nervousness was mostly gone. But the problem though with that is I faked the nervousness a lot for the women (and the men) so it seems my mind is off the Frits (I think thats how you say it) and I'm just having a nervous reaction to anybody or anything that pertains to my fetish(or even things people might think Im into, it weird) as I don't want anyone knowing about it. anyways after thinking really hard about my past experiences being around guys and girls, touching them being up close to them I never felt at all any interest, so I came to the conclusion I'm asexual.

 

But am I?

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Well hi. Welcome 🍰

I think you'll get a good picture as you look around here, with others who are asexual or questioning. Sounds like it was rough, and that's unfortunate, but I hope considering yourself to be asexual or something near it will help you accept yourself for how you are. Not everyone is into sex, or sexually attracted. It could also be that anxiety affected things to some degree, but you still have to accept how you are and go for what feels right.

You have time to keep discovering yourself, even if you're unsure. We can't be sure of anything, but sometimes it starts to make more and more sense as you consider it and see how you've felt and continue to feel. Sometimes there may be a bit more to it, but it's ok in whatever case

Enjoy yourself around