Why kiss someone on the lips if you're not sexually attracted to them?

[gray-a girl]

This is something I don't understand. I think other asexual people kiss people on the lips? I'm not sure why anyone would do that, if they are not attracted to them. It would seem that romantic attraction (to me) is more of an emotional thing.... like you feel happy being around them, and possibly fall in love with them. Maybe also want to cuddle or hold hands, or go out to dinner. But I don't understand how to kiss someone on the lips if there is no attraction, to me its just gross. Saliva swap, ewww. Why would other asexuals do this?

[AllTimeBubble]

I can't speak for romantic asexuals since I'm aro, but I would say kissing on the lips comes under romantic attraction, I suppose it changes based on the type of kiss they want to do and where, but kissing isn't necessarily sexual in all cases. 

[Guest]

Like hand holding and cuddling, kissing is just another form of affection. 

[Slice of Ace]

I just like the feeling of it, personally. I suppose it could also be classified as sensual attraction.

 

Plus, it's a nice way to express my affection for a guy without having to be naked 😂

[uniQChick]

There is nothing wrong with saliva exchange with your loved one, as you are one body/soul. 
In your life you exchange bacteria through everything!

Wait until you have a baby and you will see that there is nothing wrong with saliva exchange. 

[Salmiakki]

There is attraction, it just isn't sexual.  

[GlamRocker]

These things are pretty linear logic. Sexual attraction = results in the desire to engage in sexual activities. Get back to me when kissing is determined to be sexual activity. Because then a LOT of people need to go to jail. And you may have been doing UNSPEAKABLE things to your mom. And Angelina Jolie really DID commit incest with her brother. And most people lose their virginity in childhood. And every Disney movie would be rated R.

 

I guess you're not going to get tired of trying to prove asexuality isn't real.

[Guest]

I kiss my kids on the lips and I'm not attracted to them in any way.. As do the vast majority of parents (and other family members).. So. I think that kind of disproves whatever it is you're trying to prove here. It's an activity that shows you love or care about someone in some way. That's all.

 

 

[Zagadka]

Depends how you were raised. My grandma is from rural Oklahoma, and she just kisses everyone on the lips, because that is just how her family interacted, physically. In modern times it is less common, but families still do it a lot.

 

I can't speak for other people. No one, thankfully, has tried to kiss me in a very long time.

[HufflepuffRose]

I think it's different for everyone. For me holding hands, hugs and kisses are okay. They are part of my romantic attraction. Anything beyond that is not. But I have problems with touch. Touching my hand or my arm is acceptable but anyweher else I don't like it. It's more sexual for me than a kiss.

[Muledeer]

why kiss someone on the lips for any reason at all?

[Skittles87]

A quick kiss on the lips doesn't feel sexual or even romantic to me. Sometimes I want to show affection for someone and a peck on the cheek just doesn't feel big enough. I kiss like an old Italian gangster kisses other old Italian gangsters, haha.

 

(I've only ever done this with very close friends, because otherwise it's easily misinterpreted)

[daveb]

To me kissing someone on the lips other than a person you are attracted to seems weird, but I get that not everyone feels that way. Different upbringings, cultures, not for me to judge. But I also don't see it as necessarily sexual. Really depends on the nature of the relationship. That said, I am personally not fond of kissing on the lips, whether as a giver or receiver. Kiss who you (general "you") want, just leave me out of it.  

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Well I can't kiss my partner on the lips because he doesn't have them, but kissing is an instinctive way to show affection and love, regardless of who it's directed at. Romantic kissing just tends to be more passionate because romance is more intense than platonic-ance. 

 

And there is attraction, just not of a sexual nature. I am attracted to my SO in a romantic way, and the fact he's a car yet I still want to kiss him shows how instinctive kissing is.

[Duke Memphis]

I think that it's just one way some people like to show affection. I haven't had my first actual kiss, but I'd like to. I guess it's a romantic bond just expressed physically, if you kiss with romantic intent, that is.

[gray-a girl]

7 hours ago, uniQChick said:

There is nothing wrong with saliva exchange with your loved one, as you are one body/soul. 
In your life you exchange bacteria through everything!

Wait until you have a baby and you will see that there is nothing wrong with saliva exchange. 

I don't think I'm going to have a baby.

 

 

6 hours ago, GlamRocker said:

These things are pretty linear logic. Sexual attraction = results in the desire to engage in sexual activities. Get back to me when kissing is determined to be sexual activity. Because then a LOT of people need to go to jail. And you may have been doing UNSPEAKABLE things to your mom. And Angelina Jolie really DID commit incest with her brother. And most people lose their virginity in childhood. And every Disney movie would be rated R.

 

I guess you're not going to get tired of trying to prove asexuality isn't real.

Why on earth do you think I want to prove asexuality isn't real? I identify as asexual. So I don't see why you would say that. And I'm not talking about pecks on the cheek, thats just sweet stuff. But on the lips, to me, it seems very sexual indeed. After all, when two sexual people have sex together, they often start out with kissing and often will continue kissing during foreplay. And least, as I understand how it goes. But maybe there are other reasons to kiss someone on the lips, so I was just curious what other people get out of it.

 

 

6 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I kiss my kids on the lips and I'm not attracted to them in any way.. As do the vast majority of parents (and other family members).. So. I think that kind of disproves whatever it is you're trying to prove here. It's an activity that shows you love or care about someone in some way. That's all.

 

 

Again I don't know why anyone thinks I'm trying to disprove something? I was just wondering what other people get out of it. I think for sexual people it is sexual in nature.... but I'm sure asexuals have other reasons for doing this.

[Yuliyasa]

Kind of even hard for me to answer this question..... I guess I personally never thought of kissing as sexual so therefore in all my previous relationships I loved kissing (almost all, I guess this makes me realize not everyone was that great at it yet I never based my love for the person solely on that fact). Also, I don't want o bring up a dark topic here, but 50% to 80% of people in the USA have oral herpes - HS1. So I say this for the sake of people who might read this post cause they love to kiss too (sex unfortunately is not the only way to transmit stuff). Anyways, I haven't done much research into it, but I believe it only happens when the sore/blister is inflamed that's when its contagious (perhaps drinking and kissing shouldn't really go together) and also probably depends on what kind of kissing that you do. To conclude answering the topic at hand, I personally have never considered kissing not even the heaviest forms of kissing as sexual. And that's just me I am sure many ppl feel totally different about it.

[daveb]

One might also ask, why have sex with someone if you're not sexually attracted to them? Answer: Some people have reasons to, and that's okay.  

[Anommamous]

21 hours ago, SpiderSquid said:

Like hand holding and cuddling, kissing is just another form of affection. 

I like kisses as long as they're not too wet. That just grosses me out.

Now that I think of it, there does seem to be a more sexual element to kisses that use a lot of tongue and spit. What do you guys think?

[PoeciMeta]

Not-lips-kissing is rarely sexual. People kiss their family members, children, friends, pets, even strangers on the cheek in some places. 

Now, it's only my own guess (and I'm aro and hate kissing in the first place, so I'm not exactly qualified to speak about that, but nevermind) but what I see in it is, hey, if you kiss on the lips, the two can kiss at the same time, it's much more efficient! 

And yeah me seeing efficience in love is a definite sign I'm aro >.>

I personally find the tongue kind highly repulsive, but it wasn't implied in the OP so I'll leave that out. 

[kumiko_itoe]

I'm demi ace while my hubby is very sexual. 

If we talk scientifically, the lips is one of the places with the most nerves and senses -  hence a very sensitive area. I guess people kiss to be able to feel each other?

For me personally, I think when you say kiss on lips, you gotta be more specific. 

 

A peck on the lips is still a kiss on the lips. My Welsh godmother used to give me a peck on the lips as  goodbye before she leaves (she gives everyone a peck on the lips! Even my mom and she is straight) There are many many many fathers out there who give their daughters a peck on the lips too. No sexual attraction there.

 

When my older son was a baby (below 1 years old), he used to kiss me on the lips - - - just lip to lip. Dry kiss. To him, it was just that papa kisses mommy on the lips because he loves her. I love her so I will do the same. No sexual attraction there (he defines as asexual now that he is older). Its just something people learn through observation from young regardless of whether it is positive or negative material. Monkey see- Monkey do. 

 

When my hubby kisses me on the lips, most of the time he isn't asking for sex. For him its feeling close to me without penetration. 

 

NOW if you wanna talk about all the saliva swapping, that would be French kissing. I'm not a fan of saliva swapping,.... hence I don't exactly like French kissing, but I enjoy it when my hubby  suddenly gives me a peck on the lips several times a day - - - -that saying, I am not even sexually attracted most of the time. I just love him and like him being near. 

 

 

If just kissing per say, I kiss whoever I love. I kiss my cats on the head all the time. I kissed my kids hands and feet when they were babies many times a day (naturally I don't now since I don't know where they have been playing just before. LOL)... now I still kiss them on the forehead and head. 

From childhood I kiss friends on the cheek as a greeting ..

 

 

[Firefly8]

I like kissing (on the lips) as an aroace. It's sensual, not romantic or sexual (like kissing breasts or groin). I don't kiss to "feel closer" to someone or to be in any kind of relationship with them. They could be a stranger for all I care, just not a family member (eww). I like kissing for the feel of kissing. 

[Iam9man]

Kissing on the lips can be very sensual 😊

[BlondeBrit]

I think it entirely depends on how you were raised, where I'm from a peck on the cheek is considered a caring gesture whereas on the lips is more of romantic gesture. 

 

I have never desired to be kissed or in fact want to kiss someone on the lips, that has just happened when dating a hetero. To me it has always been thought of the first "step" to a sexual relationship, but maybe I confuse that more with French kissing. So personally for me as an ace it does absolutely nothing for me, it is something I have done to "fit in", both romantically and sexually. 

 

I think whatever people feel on the subject, a simple kiss to show affection whether you're into it or not is beneficial to your relationship if the other appreciates it, whether family, friend, significant other or even your pet. There are far more gross things out there than a little kiss.

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations and Locked as it’s over a year old

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator