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solense

Weird Relationship Stuff

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solense

Hello! Im new here, been looking around, and could really use some... Advice. Im 21, and a dude dating a dude. Ive known since i was 18 that im ace, (tried to sleep with a dude and panicked and had a galaxy brain moment). Now, i love my boyfriend a LOT, hes the best thing thats happened to me and i wanna spend the rest of my life with him. However, theres a problem. Not only am i super super uninterested and downright panicky about sex, i dont even like KISSING, i wanna cry any time i think about even kissing him. Ive kissed many people, men, women, everyone inbetween and outside that, and never have enjoyed it. I dont want him to feel like i dont love him, or enjoy his company, but i just. Cant turn off this panic and cold feeling i get every time i try to get even slightly intimate with someone. Is this something some of yall have ever experienced? I just dont know what to do. Ive never even really thought about coming to a place like this to ask this, thinking i could understand and deal with it on my own, but im just so lost. He means the world to me and i love him so so so much but how can i be a good boyfriend if i can only handle kissing him like. Once a month, if that?

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JMR

When I had started dating my husband I couldn’t even hold his hand! We were around 23/24 and he had dated multiple people at that point and enjoyed the physical aspect of relationships. I told him at the beginning that it was a real possibility that I would never be into any of that.

 

he was very good at never pushing a boundary. He would ask every time he even wanted to hold hands and give me the option to say no. I would say it took me about 3 months to be comfortable enough that we had our first kiss and I hated it. It took a lot of communication and honest questions about our insecurities with the other person. We’ve been married two years now and he is still amazing at respecting my boundaries. I’ve grown to be more sex positive over time, but there are still some days where I just don’t want to be touched or kissed and he has no problem with that! 

 

Be open and honest. Tell him your doubts and what your afraid of! You can still be a wonderful partner even if you don’t enjoy kissing. You can be supportive, loving, kind, intimate, trusting, and loyal! You have all sorts of amazing qualities that he may just love and the kissing part comes second to that. He may not even know you are having these thoughts! 

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SithGirl

I was slow to get used to physical affection too. I hated kissing more than a simple peck, because more than that is wet and gross (I wipe my mough after and he used to laugh every single time, I think it took him a few years before he stopped). But I wasn't as repulsed by it as you seem to be so I wouldn't recommend forcing yourself.

 

I would just let him know your limits and how you would like to express your affection for him. Not everyone is into PDA (even in private) so I'm sure there are other ways to express affection other than kissing. Hugging, cuddling, etc. Figure out what you want to do, rather than what you don't want to do. 

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