antipathy Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 It might be me, and I am in ranty mood right now. I think something about this site Aven has changed. I am not sure if it's for the better. I have been a member since August last year. Maybe this place has always been the same, but somehow it seems like everytime I go to Aven I get a little depressed. Not the hopeless depression, but like Avenites are very bitter and generally angry about something or other. There have always been rants and so fourth but before it seemed like there was still a more positive spirit across the community. Here is some issues that concern me. Have we Avenites come to have such animousity towards sexual people? I mean it sucks to have been asexual and deal with a sex world but thats the way it's always going to be. Why do we have to be venemous. Also, whats the deal with some of the clicks here? I see posts about asexual lesbians, asexual minorities etc... I mean were all just kind of a minority anyway. Whats the reason to seek further exclusivity? :? Link to post Share on other sites
Dargon Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 It just seems to me that people seem to be a bit emotional right now for some reason or another. Perhaps with some of the younger (high school and college age) people, school starting up is causing stress. Not sure about the other people, though perhaps their edgyness rubs off on the other members. I'm not sure, it just seems a lot of people are getting offended easier than usual. I will say though, I have noticed an increase in animousity towards sexuals as a whole recently. Not sure what to say about that. I've noticed no change in the attitudes of sexuals towards us (in fact, we haven't had any significant troll attacks in a LONG time, unless the admins did a darn good job dealing with the post 20/20 re-air batch, which is very well possable, perhaps even likely), but the attitude towards them coming from here does seem more negative than usual. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarnera Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Uh...just for the record, I'm probably one of those people who gets offended easily, but it won't be at sexuals, exactly...it'll be at people who post things that piss me off. Sorry if it bothers you, I can tone it down, or just not post. :D Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I feel good here. But it's in human nature to seek out each other's equal in a group. But some take that to the extreame of being alone. Me? Truth be told, i'm back for 2 reasons: 1) To hopefully find an asexual female....(although, i'm activly looking for accepting sexuals.....where i will have to do things....) 2) for a bit of social interaction.... That's it. But, i guess i can see what you mean. AVEN got a bit old after a while...at least for me. But....I'd have to say that AVEN is always changing.....although, i probably havn't seen as much of it in consecutive months as you have....so...eh. That's just people for ya, i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
spinneret Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Warning: frankness ahead. I feel like there's always been a negative and a positive side to AVEN. When I first joined, all I could see were whiny teenagers with body issues and bitter people complaining about sex, sexuality, the media, and the world at large, here to rant. The 'misery loves company' crowd. But I grew to see the positive side. The people genuinely looking for themselves and the people who have a good feeling for who and where they are. They are here to build a community on- and offline, to provide each other support and a safe place, and to have fun. I've got my own theory as to why it would be getting more negative recently. I tend to notice that many people of all walks of life come in to AVEN feeling very hurt and angry, but mellow out as they learn more about asexuality, apply new concepts in their lives, and just plain vent. We've been growing really fast in the last year--AVEN members have more than doubled since you and I joined last August, antipathy. The higher the ratio of new members to old timers, the more negative we get. We have hurt and angry newbies getting advice from hurt and angry newbies instead of from AVENites who know the ropes, and so they take longer to mellow out. The hurt and anger undoubtedly affects the rest of us, too. That's not to say at all that we should not welcome new members, or that we shouldn't seek to keep growing. It just means that we have to be extra aware of maintaining our own positivity and acting as rational, amiable influences on the AVEN populace. There's a whole lot of positive stuff going on on the site right now. We have more AVEN couples, sets, friendships and twee than we know what to do with. The Project Team, while it's had its bumps (some still to be worked out HINT HINT) has rejuvenated many AVEN plans. We have a nose-and-nose design contest for the AVEN store, a fun new chat room, a functional wiki that's growing like a weed, a new Post of the Week feature, and much more in the works. The Meetup Mart is booming, with more successful local networking than I've ever seen there. AVENguy's working on a very exciting community intimacy theory, and he's started an asexual podcast that's entertaining and enlightening. The rebroadcast of the 20/20 appearance was much more positive than the original, and brought waves of new members both asexual and just curious, and to the best of my knowledge very little trolling. So, put on your lavender-tinted glasses. Breeze past the negativity, or stop in and put in a positive word. Take a look at the great discussions we're having, the incredible things we're doing, and the potential we have. And have some cake Link to post Share on other sites
PollyB Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Not sure if I can add anything useful as one of the newer-but-not-that-new people (I joined in late May) but AVEN did always feel to me like a place where some people knew each other bewilderingly well, and were welcoming but - yes, even from the other side it feels like a community going through a growth surge. And when that's happened in other communities I've known, differences in identity within the community do become important before everyone feels part of the whole picture. Using myself as an example - I identified as queer before coming to AVEN - but something about starting to own my asexuality made the word lesbian also precious to me, something I wanted to hold on to because it represents thirty years of my deep personal history. I didn't know I was going to be so assertive about being pagan, but I read lots of christian debate about the bible here, and it sort of happened. It doesn't feel like trying to splinter a minority, just saying clearly who I am within it. I don't think I rant much - well, I do sometimes! I let lots of statements I disagree with go by, and I don't see AVEN as a place to argue about Middle Eastern politics, the world, the universe, and everything. And I don't feel hostile towards people because they're sexual, that makes me sad too. But I'm not young and bruised. Link to post Share on other sites
Jean Grey Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I really cannot agree with antipathy. Okay, there is the occasional thread where things go in a bit of a wrong direction, but I haven't noticed a serious climate change here at all. AVEN still seems a very friendly place with maybe a bit more controversy and differences of opinion, but in a good way. It would be really boring if we all agreed with each other all the time. I mean, life's like that: sometimes you scream at each other for no apparent reason. How could AVEN that is such an important part of our lives be different? I've never seen the hatchet be burried faster than on AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 spinneret, I think that's an awesome post. :) Makes me more motivated to get myself spending more time in the Welcome Area again. I pretty much agree, it's a growing community, and a lot of people that first come here are negative. One thing I have noticed is some posts from some members that have been here longer, who say that they were initially pretty bitter towards sexuals when coming here, but the attitude on AVEN really helped them get past that. Since this community really means a lot to me, and I want to help it out, I will try to make more of an effort to respond to any bitter threads to give a more friendly perspective... Although I must add, I tend to see a lot of positivity in this community as well. Not just the negative side... I don't know if it's just me that sees that side more than the negative one though... Link to post Share on other sites
Hu Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 spinneret's post was not only beautifully written, but also completely true. We're a very rapidly growing forum, and there's a certain progression members tend to go through. A close look at the "issue" boards-- MusiRants, Relationships, Q&A-- will show that most threads are started by newer members, looking for advice, ranting and trying to sort things out in general. This is good, because it's what we're all here for. Us older members just need to make an effort, like spinneret said, to give proper, supportive, open-minded feedback. And while there will always be anti-sexuals, elitists, people with chips on their shoulders, troublemakers and argumentative sorts, they tend to give up soon enough so long as we keep the culture as open as it is. If you want to feel better about the state of AVEN, follow this three step process (patent pending): 1. Go read some threads on Off-A, Phil & Polly, Visibility, and yes, even JFF, and see where all the people go when they get past the initial exploring/ranting phase and become a real part of the community. 2. Proceed to the Welcome Area and read some of the daily flood of posts by new arrivals, celebrating the discovery that they are not alone and have found a community they can be a part of. 3. Go to any other forum on the internet, on any topic, and compare the level of discourse. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightmare Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Seems fine from here, as a sexual. I'm still reading the posts here every day, I just stopped posting myself as much ever since I came to school (spending all my time playing Uno and watching bad movies, it seems). Link to post Share on other sites
BunnyK. Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I have noticed a little bit of an increase in anger towards sexuals lately, though I actually thought until I saw this thread that it was me getting more irritable. Link to post Share on other sites
Derp Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I will say though, I have noticed an increase in animousity towards sexuals as a whole recently. Not sure what to say about that. I've noticed no change in the attitudes of sexuals towards us *points to forum above this one* I have. Though, in all fairness, that has calmed down quite a bit. For now, anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
kbrd143 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Well, for whatever reason, the attitudes and prevailing opinions on AVEN seem to be in constant flux. Sometimes, they move into areas with which I am uncomfortable; but, like the tide, they generally return to more-or-less the point from which they started. Then, they move out, again. This is a dynamic, changing board. And, as spinnerette pointed out, there is so much more that is positive and affirming going on, right now. I like this place. I always have. I always will. Even if I don't always like what I see here. The positive will always outweigh the negatives. At least, I hope it will. This is our light that will never go out. . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I love spinneret's post, it's so true. I have noticed a shift but I din't know if it;s the site nad I cna;t really explian it. I don't think it's negative as such but there is something about AVEN, though I would wager that's me. I find AVEN is likea comfy pair of jeans whereas when I forst came it was pressed trousers. If that analogy makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I agree with spinnert... however, I know that some of the negativity (in my posts when it does come out) is because of other things... :? if that makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
Neurovore Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Many of us are in high school and college, so it could be the trickle down effect of the crap that we have to deal with in our daily lives there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ghastly Beast Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Actually, compared to some of the message boards I've dealt with in the past, AVEN is a dream. I still like it here. Link to post Share on other sites
Neurovore Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Oh god, NationStates is SO much worse than AVEN. Do you realize how many trolls I have to deal with there as an administrator? Link to post Share on other sites
antipathy Posted September 10, 2006 Author Share Posted September 10, 2006 Oh god, NationStates is SO much worse than AVEN. Do you realize how many trolls I have to deal with there as an administrator? OK trolls suck but you have admit, sometimes they say some really funny stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Neurovore Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Yes, but it becomes really trying when you have to deal with dozens of them each day. Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Yeah, what spinneret said. That's what I was thinking. (Also, I just found out that "spinneret" is a real word. I had no idea until my spellchecker didn't flag it) Link to post Share on other sites
spinneret Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Wow, I'm glad my post struck such a chord. Thanks, everybody. haha!! That made my day. Man, I love my username. It means a lot of things. Link to post Share on other sites
planetcutie Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 As others have said, AVEN is the least fractious forum I've ever been on. You should see the 'serious' section of the Doctor Who forum I post to. The threads consist of 1 page of reasonable discussion, and 1 page of arguments of rising pitch. If it gets past page 2, all the following pages are just abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Parth Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Well I have been here a short time, but I love it because it is really a lot more friendly than 99% of other forums around. But I don't know what it was like "before". Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Well I have been here a short time, but I love it because it is really a lot more friendly than 99% of other forums around. But I don't know what it was like "before". Me too. I sort of noticed that it was getting kind of tense around here, but what went through my head was basically spinneret's post ( for you!) Link to post Share on other sites
LonePiper Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Okay, from what people have been saying it makes me incredibly glad that I'm not the member of any other forum. I like the friendly atmosphere here, but even the slightest argument that occurs really bothers me. And now that I'm a moderator they're a lot harder to ignore. I still think that AVEN is the happiest place on Earth! Link to post Share on other sites
spinneret Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Well I have been here a short time, but I love it because it is really a lot more friendly than 99% of other forums around. But I don't know what it was like "before". Me too. I sort of noticed that it was getting kind of tense around here, but what went through my head was basically spinneret's post ( for you!) !!! yay, cake! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 I still think that AVEN is the happiest place on Earth! So, JFF can be Magic Kingdom, Alt Languages can be World Showcase, Poly/Philo can be Epcot, Off-A can be Animal Kingdom... :D Link to post Share on other sites
Hallucigenia Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 I still think that AVEN is the happiest place on Earth! So, JFF can be Magic Kingdom, Alt Languages can be World Showcase, Poly/Philo can be Epcot, Off-A can be Animal Kingdom... :D *hides in the Project Team forum, which, of course, is the place where they have Walt Disney's body lying there in formalehyde* :D Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 And all of the underground tunnels! I went in them, they were actually pretty cozy. *puts a bunch of couches around PT Forum* Link to post Share on other sites
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