Neptune Ave.

Asexual fluidity - I've come to a conclusion

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Neptune Ave.

Hi again. I made a post questioning about demisexuality, which consists statements of how I never felt sexually attracted to anyone, especially past lovers, despite being willing to do some sexual activities so they can be happy and so we can be closer together; however I went back to the idea of being asexual - a curious, sex-positive asexual.

 

It still didn't feel entirely right though; I accepted that I was an asexual who had a high curious drive and had curious fantasies in some aspects of sex. The thing though was that I had the desire to be in the scenarios I fantasized, and not just in a curious sense. Sure, I would think about sex or a certain sex act and ask myself, "What is that like? I would like to experiment in this type of situation. I desire to experiment in this type of situation". I don't necessarily get aroused enough that I need to scratch the itch. I never had that urge. I don't even think of people and then desire them sexually, nor do I even desire actual sex (penetration, genital contact, the homerun, yadda yadda). The thought of being in a situation is what piques my desirable curiosity, but if I think of having sex with a specific person in that situation, it kills the mood. I still desire people in a romantic and emotional sense, however.

 

In other words, because of my curiosity and my desire to experiment some sexual aspects under specific circumstances, I'm grey-asexual. I thought about that for a long time, but I was still unsure. After thinking countless times, it now seems right. Or maybe I'm accepting it. Or both. I don't know. My spectrum of asexuality has been everywhere throughout the years. Asexually fluid 🤪

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Ardoise

I think that a surprising number of people, both ace and allo, have some fluidity to their orientations.  We just like to label things, and ignore whatever doesn't fit neatly in the box.

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HayaH

This is very close how we felt related to others, what you wrote. And before we realized asexuality exists. And it came later in our life, but we already started to live as two in one body, in marriage with our body, before we discovered asexuality. And all confusions about specific attractions which we mixed with sexual.

We were just very curious and sex positive, as younger. Trying to figure out what sex is, and it left us indifferent.

We tried to live as female in one part of our life, and male (trans) in other part, having girlfriends, boyfriends, false marriage behind us and two kids of our body. We had a sexual life, before, but it meant nothing to us. And out there, no true matches for us, because we are already a match, born within a marriage in ourselves (realized later, after passing through hell of life).

And we never felt lack of people in our life, especially in physical way. 

We weren't happy as now. We don't think that our previous life is making us sexual. Because we know how we feel and felt from always. We just realized very late what is with us. And through personal experience and lots of mistakes.

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CBC
10 hours ago, Neptune Ave. said:

In other words, because of my curiosity and my desire to experiment some sexual aspects under specific circumstances, I'm grey-asexual.

I really don't think you'll encounter too many sexual people who want to experiment with every single sexual act under any and all circumstances. For sure some people are more experimental and some are more traditional, but pretty much everyone has things they will and won't do. Does that make us all grey-asexual, and if so, what's the use in having such a term? If you never desire partnered sex under any circumstances, you're asexual. If you do, no matter how limited those circumstances may be, you're sexual.

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crazypimpernelfan
16 hours ago, Neptune Ave. said:

Hi again. I made a post questioning about demisexuality, which consists statements of how I never felt sexually attracted to anyone, especially past lovers, despite being willing to do some sexual activities so they can be happy and so we can be closer together; however I went back to the idea of being asexual - a curious, sex-positive asexual.

 

It still didn't feel entirely right though; I accepted that I was an asexual who had a high curious drive and had curious fantasies in some aspects of sex. The thing though was that I had the desire to be in the scenarios I fantasized, and not just in a curious sense. Sure, I would think about sex or a certain sex act and ask myself, "What is that like? I would like to experiment in this type of situation. I desire to experiment in this type of situation". I don't necessarily get aroused enough that I need to scratch the itch. I never had that urge. I don't even think of people and then desire them sexually, nor do I even desire actual sex (penetration, genital contact, the homerun, yadda yadda). The thought of being in a situation is what piques my desirable curiosity, but if I think of having sex with a specific person in that situation, it kills the mood. I still desire people in a romantic and emotional sense, however.

 

In other words, because of my curiosity and my desire to experiment some sexual aspects under specific circumstances, I'm grey-asexual. I thought about that for a long time, but I was still unsure. After thinking countless times, it now seems right. Or maybe I'm accepting it. Or both. I don't know. My spectrum of asexuality has been everywhere throughout the years. Asexually fluid 🤪

 

Hi!

 

I also experience very fluid asexuality. With female-identified persons, I tend to be more gray-asexual/asexual, and with male-identified persons, I tend to be more demisexual (but even this is tricky, because it doesn't really develop with an emotional attachment unless we both like each other?? It's interesting). This is, in a sense, one of the reasons why I have adopted "queer ace," because there are so many complications with sexual identity. It becomes hard to pin down what you are. Am I more biromantic? Am I more panromantic? I don't know, but we'll take our identities as they come, right?

I hope you continue to grow and love + accept yourself and embrace your fluid identity! ❤️ 

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Neptune Ave.
On 9/27/2018 at 11:38 PM, CBC said:

I really don't think you'll encounter too many sexual people who want to experiment with every single sexual act under any and all circumstances. For sure some people are more experimental and some are more traditional, but pretty much everyone has things they will and won't do. Does that make us all grey-asexual, and if so, what's the use in having such a term? If you never desire partnered sex under any circumstances, you're asexual. If you do, no matter how limited those circumstances may be, you're sexual.

Whatever

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CBC

Is there an epidemic going round AVEN of people who post things and then don't want to hear other viewpoints?

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Homer
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

Is there an epidemic going round AVEN of people who post things and then don't want to hear other viewpoints?

Safespacism...

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CBC
3 minutes ago, Homer said:

Safespacism...

That seems like a word that would be useful to add to my vocabulary. But yeah, really...

 

Imagine if schoolteachers marked everything as correct even when it wasn't. If doctors agreed with every self-diagnosis without sending their patients for proper testing. If therapists told us that whatever we're thinking and doing is healthy and ok. This doesn't seem particularly different.

 

It's a funny old world when a progressive-minded leftie like me almost starts seeming as though I'm somehow "conservative" on such matters. What's that quote about not being so open-minded that your brain falls out?

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HurricaneKitty

i also have some interest in having sex, i'm curious to know what it feels like and sometimes (very rarely) fantasize about myself having sex. but to me it is more about sex as an action (like cooking or dancing), not about how sexually attracted i get to people.

 

so even though i am curious about the act of sex, i have never looked at someone and felt the desire to fuck them. to me it's like being curious about trying a new food or going to a new location.

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FictoCannibal.
On 9/29/2018 at 8:31 PM, Neptune Ave. said:

Whatever

Well, actually, what CBC said doesn't actually seem to discredit what you're saying. You seem to be saying that you have curiosity over certain acts, but if given the chance to actually physically do them with someone you wouldn't want to because it's just the fantasies you're curious about? You seem to be saying that as soon as the idea of another actual person is involved, the mood is killed, based on this statement:

 

On 9/28/2018 at 8:38 AM, Neptune Ave. said:

nor do I even desire actual sex (penetration, genital contact, the homerun, yadda yadda). The thought of being in a situation is what piques my desirable curiosity, but if I think of having sex with a specific person in that situation, it kills the mood. I still desire people in a romantic and emotional sense, however.

 

That would technically just be asexual (as there's no desire to actively engage in sexual acts with another person) if I've understood you right, though I may have completely misunderstood you?

 

Regarding some of the terms being used, for the sake of discussion: I am against the idea of actual 'asexual fluidity' (as mentioned in the title) personally, because if someone actually desires partnered sex to the extent of seeking it out sometimes, then that's no different from any other sexual person. Why? Because no sexual person desires sex 24/7 lol. Many have days, weeks, sometimes even months where they're just not interested in having sex for whatever reason. They're not sexually fluid between sometimes sexual and sometimes ace though, they're still a sexual person.

 

Grey-A is a complicated label because whenever someone describes being grey A they're usually either explaining something that is 100% ace or 100% normal sexual, it's extremely rarely I've ever seen anything that truly falls between those two extremes while the person is still actually 'A' (asexual). Grey on it's own is a better term (without the A) because that just sounds like ''it's foggy, I'm not really either sexual or ace, I'm somewhere in between'' hah. 

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Philip027
On 9/29/2018 at 4:50 AM, CBC said:

Is there an epidemic going round AVEN of people who post things and then don't want to hear other viewpoints?

"Opinions are like assholes -- everyone has one, and everyone else thinks yours stinks"

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