jaci Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 hey guys, wow, it's been a while for me.. but anyway, i have a dilemma. Okay, I have this..someone who I've been in love with for almost four years and he means the world to me. For certain circumstances, we havent been together for a year now but still remain best friends. This summer, I have been in New York so I havent seen him. The last time we spoke, he said something that somewhat rattled me. We talked about my asexuality and just stuff and he said that he wanted to know the truth about it. He said that he thought that I am hiding behind this label of asexuality because I'm scared of something, intamicy perhaps? although I verbally defended myself by stating that i just dont have desires, in my mind, i couldnt help but think, " is he right? is all of this shabang just me being scared of something so petty as intamacy?" so my question, do you guys ever feel like that, or am i once again the odd ball? Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird721 Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 We all doubt ourselves sometimes, but remember, you know yourself a lot better than someone standing on the outside. Link to post Share on other sites
jaci Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 yeah, you're right, but maybe they can see something we're missin, u know? Link to post Share on other sites
Dixie Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Sometimes I feel like that, when I'm doubting my asexuality, but then I just look at a guy who I might find romantically attracted to, and think, "do I want to have sex with him?" the answer is always "no". :) But yeah, I think sometimes I have intimacy issues, but my fantasies of cuddling always puts that to shame. :) Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird721 Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 yeah, you're right, but maybe they can see something we're missin, u know? Well you have to balance that possibility against the things you keep inside - so if you're really open, then there's a better chance that they'll see something, versus just not understanding the various reasons for things. Link to post Share on other sites
Rabger Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I LOVE intimacy with someone I love. Even suggesting that I'm afraid of intimacy would be totally absurd. I had a friend tell me that is what she thought I was, before I met my ex-gf. But soon after I met her and we were together for over a year, so I showed her! *L* Not that I gave a rat's ass. I bitched her out so fucking bad one time, she did a complete turn around and became one of my and asexuality's biggest supporters. Link to post Share on other sites
Des Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 As I just said in a much longer post, it's okay to question, but you have to be honest with yourself about who you are. Don't think in terms of what you "should" and "shouldn't" feel. Just be honest about what you do feel. Or don't feel. Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird721 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I LOVE intimacy with someone I love. Even suggesting that I'm afraid of intimacy would be totally absurd. I had a friend tell me that is what she thought I was, before I met my ex-gf. But soon after I met her and we were together for over a year, so I showed her! *L* Not that I gave a rat's ass. I bitched her out so fucking bad one time, she did a complete turn around and became one of my and asexuality's biggest supporters. Even being able to sustain meaningful friendships for an extended period of time should show that you aren't afraid of commitment, and it seems like people mean 'intimacy issues' to imply an inability to commit to someone... :? Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 As I just said in a much longer post, it's okay to question, but you have to be honest with yourself about who you are. Don't think in terms of what you "should" and "shouldn't" feel. Just be honest about what you do feel. Or don't feel. It can't be said much better than that. As long as you are honest with yourself and are askign the questions to understand yourself you can't go wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Fel Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I'm probably afraid of intimacy--I don't know. I don't like being touched, or touching other people. I would never initiate any sort of physical contact, because I have absolutely no desire for it. But maybe I am also "afraid" of it, at some level. Or maybe not, maybe it's just a aversion? I'm really not sure if it's a problem or just the way I am? Man, who knows... That has little to nothing to do with my asexuality, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Rem Akimichi Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I don't like being touched, or touching other people. I don't like being touched either, but I'm not afraid of intimacy. With the right person, I can be as touchy-feely as anyone can be. But touching and sex are unrelated to me: a hug doesn't lead to fornicating Like some have said, you'll need to do some soul searching. It's possible that you may be afraid of intimacy, but as far as I know that doesn't remove the desire for sex. You can be afraid of something and still want it. But if you don't want it in the first place, intimacy is probably not the cause. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf X Omega Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Hmm You're the only one who can answer that question jaci. I Don't have problems with intimacy, and of course if something like that happened to me i would be pretty pissed, but I Am I and you are you. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Personally I have problems with the multitasking caused by relationship and work to be done. I don't enjoy handling the resulting conflicts. I once had desire for sex but well I'm quite sure I lost it. I would like lying besides a woman I like, with plenty of time. But avoiding the mentioned conflict seems worth sacrificing relationships for me. The only advice I can offer is: Go cautious and slowly for trial and error. Learn from the SM weirdos; agree on a safeword that will stop even the most innocent daisy-sex foreplay or not yet sexual intimacy and listen carefully into yourself. - Find out what you just don't mind or where disliking starts. Make sure that your friend understands that it might become quite probably a frustrating experience for him, that it's his bloody idea that the 2 of you will go there and you aren't to blame for anything because you intended to spare him from the resulting frustation by not trying whatever you'll do. If he still says "let's go" you should keep in mind that you remain free to chicken out whenever you like and owe him nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.