realitysandwiches

A question to all demisexuals out there!

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realitysandwiches

Hey everyone! 

This is a question I have for all the demisexual people here on this website:

 

“Do you guys ever have/ had a little bit of a problem when it comes to forming a relationship/friendship with the sex(es) you’re attracted to?”

 

I’m asking this question due to personal experience and I wonder if this might be linked to my sexuality?

I have always been a little sceptical when meeting new people that are the gender I am attracted to. I sometimes don’t trust their intentions or fear they might fall for

me at some point and pressure me into choosing relationship over a friendship with them. I know those fears are somewhat unrealistic yet they always cross my mind. 

 

Anyways, I would really appreciate you’re answers it would help me out a lot! ❤️

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TheAP

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to The Gray Area.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality mod

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⚸ Hughesation ⚸

I wish I could help you here, but I have never had this experience.

 

Personally, I have a very hard time noticing when others show any kind of sexual/romantic interest in me, even though I can see it when it's other people. So, I usually ignore any possibility of something like that, unless someone directly asserts it.

After all, even if you notice that somebody has an interest in you, it doesn't necessarily mean they will act on it, or attempt to pursue you. Perhaps it would be easier to take things as they come, and not worry about it too much?

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realitysandwiches
1 hour ago, ⚸ Hughesation ⚸ said:

I wish I could help you here, but I have never had this experience.

 

Personally, I have a very hard time noticing when others show any kind of sexual/romantic interest in me, even though I can see it when it's other people. So, I usually ignore any possibility of something like that, unless someone directly asserts it.

After all, even if you notice that somebody has an interest in you, it doesn't necessarily mean they will act on it, or attempt to pursue you. Perhaps it would be easier to take things as they come, and not worry about it too much?

Yeah that’s probably the best desicion and I am trying to do that now. I’m usually pretty good at telling if someone likes me or another person but it could be that my problem has it’s root elsewhere. It’s probably that all boys that I have been friends with eventually told me they didn’t only want friendship and that maybe makes me a little worried that it will always be that way. I only met one guy who wasn’t into me so maybe that’s why I don’t trust those friendships as much as “normal” ones 😅 but thanks so much for answering me ❤️❤️❤️

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bare_trees

I've always had that worry.  When I was single, I met a lot of people through dating sites, and every time I did, I wondered if I was just completely wasting my time and they would wind up wanting something I'd never be ok with.  So I can definitely relate.  But don't let it discourage you from getting to know someone, because you never know when you'll meet someone whose sexuality is like yours.

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Celyn

I'm a panromantic Aspie so hell if I know.

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roland.o
On 8/1/2018 at 5:56 PM, realitysandwiches said:

“Do you guys ever have/ had a little bit of a problem when it comes to forming a relationship/friendship with the sex(es) you’re attracted to?”

Ever? More like, forever. And more than a little. At 48, I'm now in my first serious attempt at forming a more-than-friends relationship.

 

I could get along well enough with people of the sex I'm attracted to, as long as they were individuals I wasn't attracted to :D:cake:

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realitysandwiches
On 8/5/2018 at 5:49 PM, roland.o said:

Ever? More like, forever. And more than a little. At 48, I'm now in my first serious attempt at forming a more-than-friends relationship.

 

I could get along well enough with people of the sex I'm attracted to, as long as they were individuals I wasn't attracted to :D:cake:

Ah so you did have a similar problem?  

And yeah same for me unless I am

like 110% sure I am not attracted to them it’s like alright but as soon as I feel like there COULD be more in a few months or even years I get really anxious 😅 But I am actually so happy to hear you found someone now! I hope that it works out for you both ❤️

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realitysandwiches
On 8/3/2018 at 3:28 AM, bare_trees said:

I've always had that worry.  When I was single, I met a lot of people through dating sites, and every time I did, I wondered if I was just completely wasting my time and they would wind up wanting something I'd never be ok with.  So I can definitely relate.  But don't let it discourage you from getting to know someone, because you never know when you'll meet someone whose sexuality is like yours.

Omg i am so happy to actually hear this... which might sound a little mean because that’s obviously a struggle you deal with but it’s relieving to hear that my anxiety about friendships and relationships may actually have its root in my sexuality. Also thank you so much for giving me hope I am not giving up in trying to find someone. It’s hard but yeah thanks! And I hope you also never give up and keep trying to find someone who is just right for you ❤️

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realitysandwiches
On 8/3/2018 at 9:34 AM, Celyn said:

I'm a panromantic Aspie so hell if I know.

Wait I don’t really understand haha so you mean you have that worry too or that you don’t have it 😅

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Celyn
6 hours ago, realitysandwiches said:

Wait I don’t really understand haha so you mean you have that worry too or that you don’t have it 😅

I mean I don't know if I have that problem or not. Since I'm panromantic, I don't have a "control" experience of making friends with someone I could never be romantically attracted to, and since I'm Aspie, I have enough problems navigating socially anyway.

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Slayerin96

Well, I'm demi-heterosexual and I can say I do have a hard time interacting with boys. Many a time it happens that they actually have certain expectations right from the very beginning. I tend to be very cautious when opening up to them. I don't even know how to act around them. They never make clear what they want. Do they want to be friends with me? Do they have a crush on me? Or do they desire me? They never communicate, leaving me confused. However, I don't really know whether to attribute that to my aromanticism,to my demisexuality, or to both :p. 

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Jim.
38 minutes ago, Slayerin96 said:

They never make clear what they want. Do they want to be friends with me? Do they have a crush on me? Or do they desire me? They never communicate, leaving me confused. However, I don't really know whether to attribute that to my aromanticism,to my demisexuality, or to both :p. 

 

Attribute it to blokes being idiots most of the time.

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realitysandwiches
On 8/11/2018 at 6:57 AM, Celyn said:

I mean I don't know if I have that problem or not. Since I'm panromantic, I don't have a "control" experience of making friends with someone I could never be romantically attracted to, and since I'm Aspie, I have enough problems navigating socially anyway.

Oh i see that’s shitty... I hope you don’t have that problem cause it would just make it EVEN harder for you to make friends which as you say seems to be hard enough already. 😕

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realitysandwiches
On 8/12/2018 at 12:53 AM, Slayerin96 said:

Well, I'm demi-heterosexual and I can say I do have a hard time interacting with boys. Many a time it happens that they actually have certain expectations right from the very beginning. I tend to be very cautious when opening up to them. I don't even know how to act around them. They never make clear what they want. Do they want to be friends with me? Do they have a crush on me? Or do they desire me? They never communicate, leaving me confused. However, I don't really know whether to attribute that to my aromanticism,to my demisexuality, or to both :p. 

Well that sounds exactly like me 😅 at first I also wasn’t sure if I should blame those feelings on my demisexuality or on some kind of “trauma” I guess it’s kind of both. It seems that we are not the only demisexuals experiencing that so I guess it’s not necessarily a coincidence that we are demi AND feel this way. I also feel like friendships with boys are so unclear. I never know what they expect from me and it has happened almost with every boy that I wanted to have a friendship that in the end he made some kind of move on me.  I know this might sound like “oh yeah I am so attractive” which I am really not 😂 it’s just so hard to form friendships now because all I can think of is wow he’s really nice but what if he expects something as well? That would probably end the friendship or at least make it weird. 

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