An_Ace_Of_Hearts

Kissing and Touching Makes Me Uncomfortable

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An_Ace_Of_Hearts

So I've been thinking lately. I am asexual heteromantic, and would like to be in a romantic relationship in the future, but I'm extremely uncomfortable with touching and kissing!

 

I don't really know what it is or why I'm like this, but it could be because of something that someone did to me in the past.

 

Since that time, I've never been comfortable with the thought of kissing, even on the cheek or forehead. I also have a hard time handling touch, even if it isn't in an intimate way. If I'm surrounded by many people and happen to bump into someone, or if a family member or friend hugs me, my skin pricks and I tense up. 

 

This likely comes off as rude and probably makes me look stuck up to some people, and I feel really bad, but it's just so hard.

 

Anyway, I know I'm heteromantic because I've had plenty of crushes before and do desire a romantic relationship, but I don't want sex and am uncomfortable with kissing or touching. Though the thought of holding hands or even cuddling sounds nice, I just don't know if I could really handle it if it were to actually happen.

 

So my question is, could it be possible for me to have a romantic relationship with these conditions? I'm barely going to be a sophomore in high school, so maybe I shouldn't be worrying so much. I'm just trying to figure myself out.

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Just Somebody

Yeah, you can have a relationship being touch averse... it's not easy to find, but today we have the Internet, so nothing is too impossible.

 

Just disclose your feelings to your partner and be honest... and try not to blame yourself.

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Guest Talgo

I'm similar. I don't mind when I instigate the touching, or if I know that it's coming, but if I'm not expecting it, I sometimes pull away. Mostly like a shock thing. I usually give my friends hugs when I see them, and that's fine. But sometimes someone might put their hand on my shoulder or knee without me expecting it and I flinch. Mostly I let my ex cuddle with me, but I would basically never cuddle with her.

 

I don't think I was physically abused or anything in the past and I still feel that way, so don't blame yourself. Some of us are just wired differently.

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Fluffy Femme Guy

Nah, it's cool.
Although I'm not completely touch-averse, I totally get where you're coming from.

I'm no longer romantically inclined, but was in the past, and even then I couldn't stand stand 'gropey' stuff.
To me the romance was more about deeply emotional companionship, and didn't need to be touchy.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Have you considered therapy to deal with your past trauma? May be an idea before you start dating so you aren't upsetting yourself, or at least are better able to deal with it.

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Athena32

There are tons of ways to be intimate without being physical. I'm a sophomore too, and I found that some of the best high school dates are when you go out and do something. I would suggest outdoor things, such as biking, walking, water things, snow things, climbing things, ect. (I'm not sure where in the world you live, but you'll probably be able to find something nearby). Activities such as going to a museum or somewhere interesting are also fun, and you get to know the other person without being in a situation where intimacy is expected. 

 

Also- be honest. If you don't feel like cuddling or touching, tell them. If they're worth dating, they won't care. 

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