Soooooo many questions

[Kayze]

11 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

From what you've said, it sounds like you do engage in these scenes for your own sexual gratification, no?

But does that equate to sexual attraction? If so, then masturbation could be seen as similar.

[Alejandrogynous]

47 minutes ago, Kayze said:

But does that equate to sexual attraction? If so, then masturbation could be seen as similar.

Well, for me personally, if you're using a partner to help you get off, even if you're getting off later thinking about what you guys did instead of doing it then and there with them, I have a hard time seeing that as not sexual. It feels like that slippery slope of, 'it's not the person, it's the act; it's not the person, I just love sex'. If you have a fetish that is exclusively where your sexuality is, partnered fetish activity is partnered sexual activity. But that's my view, and you might view it differently. For me, my fetish* is too entwined with my sexuality (similar to what you describe) that there's literally no differentiating it. Having someone do fetish play with me so I could masturbate later would be the equivalent of having them blow me but stop so I could orgasm in another room. There would be nothing asexual about it.

I'm not meaning to have a go at you personally or imply you can't ID however you want, there just seems to be this misconception a lot in asexual spaces that a fetish/kink only counts as sexual if there is literal genital touching involved. Like, person A could flog person B straight into orgasm but because they were flogging them instead of physically touching person B's genitals, it doesn't count as sexual. And that because Person B only gets aroused/orgasms via pain and not through conventional sexual activity, that they're really asexual. Which... is wrong. That person has a fetish. That's what having a fetish means. Again I'm not directly this at you personally, I'm just trying to clarify because this seems to get misunderstood a lot.

*I also have a sexual fetish (as in, one that arouses me but does not directly involve sexual activity) that would, for a sexual person, involve a partner. But I'm asexual, so having a partner for that would be as undesired and unwelcome as having a partner for conventional sexual activity. 
 

[Kayze]

3 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

Well, for me personally, if you're using a partner to help you get off, even if you're getting off later thinking about what you guys did instead of doing it then and there with them, I have a hard time seeing that as not sexual. It feels like that slippery slope of, 'it's not the person, it's the act; it's not the person, I just love sex'. If you have a fetish that is exclusively where your sexuality is, partnered fetish activity is partnered sexual activity. But that's my view, and you might view it differently. For me, my fetish* is too entwined with my sexuality (similar to what you describe) that there's literally no differentiating it. Having someone do fetish play with me so I could masturbate later would be the equivalent of having them blow me but stop so I could orgasm in another room. There would be nothing asexual about it.

I'm not meaning to have a go at you personally or imply you can't ID however you want, there just seems to be this misconception a lot in asexual spaces that a fetish/kink only counts as sexual if there is literal genital touching involved. Like, person A could flog person B straight into orgasm but because they were flogging them instead of physically touching person B's genitals, it doesn't count as sexual. And that because Person B only gets aroused/orgasms via pain and not through conventional sexual activity, that they're really asexual. Which... is wrong. That person has a fetish. That's what having a fetish means. Again I'm not directly this at you personally, I'm just trying to clarify because this seems to get misunderstood a lot.

*I also have a sexual fetish (as in, one that arouses me but does not directly involve sexual activity) that would, for a sexual person, involve a partner. But I'm asexual, so having a partner for that would be as undesired and unwelcome as having a partner for conventional sexual activity. 
 

I mean, I did say I'm on the ace spectrum, not straight up asexual. There is Gray-A for a reason (though I use "Ace" with the umbral intent).

 

Also the issue is that while having no sexual attraction towards another is asexuality, quantifying what is actually sexual towards another person can be difficult. Like, while the fetish brings sexual desire to a certain area/act, it doesn't mean the desire is directly towards the other person. Cause then it could be said that asexuals who enjoy sex aren't asexual. The enjoyment doesn't have to be directed towards the partner but the act.

[Alejandrogynous]

 

45 minutes ago, Kayze said:

I mean, I did say I'm on the ace spectrum, not straight up asexual. There is Gray-A for a reason (though I use "Ace" with the umbral intent).

 

Also the issue is that while having no sexual attraction towards another is asexuality, quantifying what is actually sexual towards another person can be difficult. Like, while the fetish brings sexual desire to a certain area/act, it doesn't mean the desire is directly towards the other person. Cause then it could be said that asexuals who enjoy sex aren't asexual. The enjoyment doesn't have to be directed towards the partner but the act.

Yeah, that's why 'sexual attraction' is a terrible determiner. There's a difference between being capable of enjoying something when it happens and actively desiring it to happen, like you were saying about involving sex in your BDSM, that you're able to enjoy that it makes them happy but it's otherwise meh for you. In my experience (my own and what I know from having been active in BDSM communities), sexual fetishes and sexuality are usually so closely linked that saying, 'it was the fetish act I was attracted to, not the person' is effectively saying, 'it was the sex I wanted, not the person'. Which is a real reach if that person is claiming to be asexual, in my opinion.

 

But like I said (or tried to say) I wasn't coming for your label personally or trying to debate how you ID. Gray sounds fine, not that you need my approval, lol. We were just discussing fetishes and asexuality and I saw an opportunity to highlight some of the misconceptions a lot of people have about asexuality and fetishes.

[Kayze]

36 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

Yeah, that's why 'sexual attraction' is a terrible determiner. There's a difference between being capable of enjoying something when it happens and actively desiring it to happen, like you were saying about involving sex in your BDSM, that you're able to enjoy that it makes them happy but it's otherwise meh for you. In my experience (my own and what I know from having been active in BDSM communities), sexual fetishes and sexuality are usually so closely linked that saying, 'it was the fetish act I was attracted to, not the person' is effectively saying, 'it was the sex I wanted, not the person'. Which is a real reach if that person is claiming to be asexual, in my opinion.

 

But like I said (or tried to say) I wasn't coming for your label personally or trying to debate how you ID. Gray sounds fine, not that you need my approval, lol. We were just discussing fetishes and asexuality and I saw an opportunity to highlight some of the misconceptions a lot of people have about asexuality and fetishes.

Not quite, you changed up words in your comparison and that different wording gives a false comparison. More accurately would be "it was the [sex] I was attracted to, not the person" which is a much different tone than saying whether you want the person. I mean, I'm sure that's what you meant but the wording just give a more negative vibe. And yeah, when I add sexual elements into BDSM play is definitely a compromise so that they feel happy/fulfilled but I basically blank out during it. 

As for the difference of enjoying something and actively desiring it, sexual desire is separate of sexual attraction and not a determining factor for asexuality as mentioned in the wiki: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido
 

Quote

A libido (sex drive) is a desire to feel sexual pleasure. Libido is separate from sexual attraction. It is not exclusive to sexuals, just as non-libido is not exclusive to asexuals.

And I'm not taking anything personally, so no worries! I was just trying to give clarity to potential misinterpretations/misconceptions on my words or fetish use, since some lead to assumptions about them because of the lack of details. And since you're looking to highlight some misconceptions of asexuality and fetishes, I wanted to add some counterarguments to try to seal the cracks or get better clarity in what the differences are.

[Alejandrogynous]

14 minutes ago, Kayze said:

Not quite, you changed up words in your comparison. and that different wording gives a false comparison. More accurately would be "it was the [sex] I was attracted to, not the person" which is a much different tone than saying whether you want the person. I mean, I'm sure that's what you meant but the wording just give a more negative vibe. 

Fair enough. I just didn't think "it was the sex I was attracted to" made English sense so I tweaked, but that is what I was trying to say.

 

15 minutes ago, Kayze said:

As for the difference of enjoying something and actively desiring it, sexual desire is separate of sexual attraction and not a determining factor for asexuality as mentioned in the wiki: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido

Ah, here I see the miscommunication. I was using desire as 'the desire for partnered sex', not desire to mean libido. That's how desire is typically used here but I should have clarified. According to AVEN's FAQ, sexual attraction is defined as, "Desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them." So if asexuals are defined by not experiencing sexual attraction, that means asexuals do not desire to have sexual contact with someone else, or to share their sexuality with them. Personally, I find it easier to cut out the middle-man and define asexuality as, 'asexuals have no innate desire for partnered sex.' But asexuals can have libidos like anyone else and it has nothing to do with whether they're asexual or not, I agree.

 

26 minutes ago, Kayze said:

And I'm not taking anything personally, so no worries! I was just trying to give clarity to potential misinterpretations/misconceptions on my words or fetish use, since some lead to assumptions about them because of the lack of details. And since you're looking to highlight some misconceptions of asexuality and fetishes, I wanted to add some counterarguments to try to seal the cracks or get better clarity in what the differences are.

All good! I've enjoyed the discussion. 

[Kayze]

6 hours ago, Alejandrogynous said:

Ah, here I see the miscommunication. I was using desire as 'the desire for partnered sex', not desire to mean libido. That's how desire is typically used here but I should have clarified. According to AVEN's FAQ, sexual attraction is defined as, "Desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them." So if asexuals are defined by not experiencing sexual attraction, that means asexuals do not desire to have sexual contact with someone else, or to share their sexuality with them. Personally, I find it easier to cut out the middle-man and define asexuality as, 'asexuals have no innate desire for partnered sex.' But asexuals can have libidos like anyone else and it has nothing to do with whether they're asexual or not, I agree.

I mean, the sexual contact isn't too clear when it comes to fetish.

Sexual Contact's legal definition (the only real definition I could find on it) is very specific to sexual organs and typical penetration areas/actions. Fetishization isn't specified at all: https://definitions.uslegal.com/s/sexual-contact/

But then it could be argued that fetish/kink provides sexual gratification so it must be part of sexual contact. But then there is the info on masturbation that gives a bit of a blurry line: https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html#ex9 - It specifies if others aren't involved while also saying fantasies involving fictional people is different. Seems a bit vague and contradictory there.

But then there's this that covers fetishes but also not completely denying asexuality: https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html#ex6 ) Also referencing that it doesn't involve other people but is it sexual attraction to another if it's just on a non-sexual body part? A sort of fantasy?

I think this question: https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html#ex4 and even the wiki's own definition of Gray-A reflects this best for those still identifying as some sort of asexual but may not fit the exact definition:

 

Quote

Asexuality and sexuality are not necessarily black and white. There is a spectrum of sexuality, with sexual and asexual as the endpoints and a gray area in-between. Many people identify in this gray area under the identity of "gray-asexual," or "gray-a." Examples of gray-asexuality include an individual who does not normally experience sexual attraction but does experience it sometimes; experiences sexual attraction but has a low sex drive; experiences sexual attraction and drive but not strongly enough to want to act on them; and/or can enjoy and desire sex but only under very limited and specific circumstances. Even more, many gray-asexuals still identify as asexual because they may find it easier to explain, especially if the few instances in which they felt sexual attraction were brief and fleeting.

I'm not trying to say you're wrong about the exact label of asexuality cause you're technically not. Merely the claim of potential misconceptions of asexuality; at least as it's umbrella term use but definitely agree with you on the actual asexual label.

For me personally, I definitely use terms like asexual-ish, gray-a, or "Ace" (which I feel is a vague general term for all asexual types) to better communicate an indifference in sexual attraction but not entirely asexual. I wouldn't say it's a misconception of asexuality but rather these limited conditions and inability to relate to sexualized culture makes asexuality feel more relatable to me (and others within the gray area too).

 

6 hours ago, Alejandrogynous said:

All good! I've enjoyed the discussion. 

Same and also helped me get a better understanding of the asexuality umbrella.

[ryn2]

Another potential differentiator is the “why” of the play partner’s presence.  If a machine/toy/item could accurately simulate what you need a partner to achieve presently, would it be an adequate substitute?  Would it be preferable to the partner?

 

An example would be whipping.  Self-flagellation (can certainly be a kink or fetish in its own right, but) doesn’t capture most of the aspects that make whip play what it is.  Therefore, in order to be properly whipped (I’m going with this end of the partnership because it’s arguable easier to find inanimate things to whip), one needs a partner.

 

If someone developed a machine that could whip with the nuance and control of another person, would that be enough?  Would it become the go-to?

 

Or does the partner still add something important sex-response-wise to the experience?

[Kayze]

22 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Another potential differentiator is the “why” of the play partner’s presence.  If a machine/toy/item could accurately simulate what you need a partner to achieve presently, would it be an adequate substitute?  Would it be preferable to the partner?

 

An example would be whipping.  Self-flagellation (can certainly be a kink or fetish in its own right, but) doesn’t capture most of the aspects that make whip play what it is.  Therefore, in order to be properly whipped (I’m going with this end of the partnership because it’s arguable easier to find inanimate things to whip), one needs a partner.

 

If someone developed a machine that could whip with the nuance and control of another person, would that be enough?  Would it become the go-to?

 

Or does the partner still add something important sex-response-wise to the experience?

If that's directed to my personal situation, it does require another person but it's not in the focus of that person in any real sexual situation exactly. It's about control and power play. Involves non-sexual body parts which would lose the appeal if just a toy or fake. So, it's a yes to your question "Or does the partner still add something important sex-response-wise to the experience?"

I experience arousal and thrill but don't have any lusts to switch attention to a direct sexual situation. It's like it never leaves foreplay - just near PG13 playing around and affection. I have no interest otherwise, never have. I also don't care if I get off or not during; I'll do that by myself with fantasies or even recalling the situation but focusing on the feeling of power and not specifically the partner. And someone doing oral or otherwise messing with my sexual bits does nothing for me regardless of when it's done; I just feel nothing other than the physical stimulation (which while has some pleasure, it still results in nothing and isn't lusted for). In that sense, my fetish requires a partner but the focus never really is on the partner; it's on the mood/power sensation.

So, while the sexual attraction part is blurry here, I definitely find the asexual label useful regardless. I generally don't relate to sexual lust nor feel anything when it leads to sexual flirting, groping, porn, etc. Using one of the asexual labels helps give the impression that I don't have the general sexual attraction like they'd expect from most people.

 

----

 

BUT for other people, toys might be enough. Really, I feel it's what is focused on that really matters in it; since such a toy/machine doesn't exactly prove they don't fantasize about someone doing it to them.

[ryn2]

It was a general thought but I agree with your assessment.  My friend has a similar experience; she jokes that the saying “kink is the fourth orientation” really is true, as she has the physiologic response to some play that others have to sex (but adding any actual sex to the mix makes the experience worse instead of better), actually chose where to live based on access to kink, etc.  She identifies her own play as R-rated (she prefers impact play that requires nudity) and often complains about the lack of an adequate setting (meaning one where the expectation of guaranteed sex isn’t there).

[Jay001]

On 6/11/2018 at 9:02 AM, Kayze said:

I do have a fetish and that's exclusively where my sexuality is. The thing is, it's specific on actions to body parts but doesn't involve sexual organs at all. I mean, they can be present and my partner can be getting off to it what i'm doing but I have no interest here. It's the fetish is what gives me a sexual thrill and what I masturbate to. It also does require a person as it relates to mood (domination), so it's sort of sexual attraction. However, I have no interest in their genitals, my genitals, anal, vaginal, oral, porn does nothing for me, people focusing on sexual acts/areas isn't thrilling, etc. It can feel nice and I have a high libido but I just have no interest in actual sexual acts/organs. I could participate to an extent for my partner (jerking them off or letting them hotdog me) and enjoy that it makes them happy but there's nothing thrilling in it for me.

 

It's why I go with Gray A or preferably just Ace. I have a sort of attraction and do get urges for the fetish I have, but it's just the "sexual" part is questionable. And there's asexuals that do enjoy sex and have a libido but the root thing that makes someone Ace is the sexual attraction part.

How can you have a high libido but still don’t want sex?  I’ve never heard this before? 

[Jay001]

Wow guys! I wasn’t expecting this much feedback thanks for all your answers, stories, and knowledge.  Is there such thing as an asexual/sexual hybrid?  Like one minute the person has asexual thoughts and actions and the next he/she doesn’t and she/he leans towards more sexual thoughts/actions?  Obviously everyone is different but do asexuals normally need a connection to be able to orgasm if he/she has sex with someone? 

[Telecaster68]

3 hours ago, Jay001 said:

How can you have a high libido but still don’t want sex?  I’ve never heard this before? 

Asexuals can feel horny, they just don't want to involve anyone else in dealing with it. They'd rather masturbate. 

[ryn2]

3 hours ago, Jay001 said:

Is there such thing as an asexual/sexual hybrid?

Some people are grey-ace, demisexual, etc., where they desire partnered sex only under specific conditions (which typically occur rarely compared to the sexual population as a whole) but a “hybrid” would be like being a hybrid of straight and gay... so, no.  It’s certainly possible to be sexual and not want sex sometimes/under certain conditions though.

[ryn2]

3 hours ago, Jay001 said:

How can you have a high libido but still don’t want sex?  I’ve never heard this before? 

Libido (sex drive) is the physical urge for sexual release (orgasm).  It’s not tied to orientation.  People of any orientation can experience high libido, low libido, and anything in between.

 

Orientation comes into the picture when you look at how any given person would *most* like to satiate that urge.

[Guest]

On 6/11/2018 at 10:29 AM, Telecaster68 said:

Yeah, which puzzled me since it read like no genitals were involved. It's not just him, but I've seen this a few times - asexuals saying they didn't like having sex but had some (generally unspecifided) BDSM practice they enjoyed. It's puzzled me what activity would be partnered BDSM without being sexual...

BDSM scenes are often not sexual. If I put a collar on my partner and order her to not remove it until given permission, it is dominating but not sexual. The power play is often the important bit and it can be done a lot of ways and a lot of innocent ways too. 

 

Of course the dominating and submitting does give a lot of people sexual feelings but if ace then those tend to not happen. 

 

Personally I dont get turned on by the more innocent power plays, it is just fun. Some things are both though.

[Telecaster68]

48 minutes ago, Serran said:

BDSM scenes are often not sexual. If I put a collar on my partner and order her to not remove it until given permission, it is dominating but not sexual. The power play is often the important bit and it can be done a lot of ways and a lot of innocent ways too. 

 

Of course the dominating and submitting does give a lot of people sexual feelings but if ace then those tend to not happen. 

 

Personally I dont get turned on by the more innocent power plays, it is just fun. Some things are both though.

Yeah, I'm starting to get my head round this now.

[ryn2]

It’s like eating good chocolate.  It’s possible to really, really enjoy it and to elicit the same neurochemical response one gets to other sources of pleasure... but that doesn’t inherently make it sexual.  One can, of course, incorporate it into a sexual encounter as well.

[Telecaster68]

Incorporate the chocolate? 

[ryn2]

42 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Incorporate the chocolate? 

Absolutely.

 

You could actually combine any two or all three.

 

That doesn’t mean each can’t also stand alone, though.

[Jay001]

9 hours ago, ryn2 said:

but a “hybrid” would be like being a hybrid of straight and gay... so, no.  It’s certainly possible to be sexual and not want sex sometimes/under certain conditions though.

What’s grey-ace? And there’s bisexuals tho which is basically being straight and gay, right? 

[Jay001]

10 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Asexuals can feel horny, they just don't want to involve anyone else in dealing with it. They'd rather masturbate. 

Doesn’t just masturbating get boring for you tho?  Like my orgasms are so much stronger and better when I include someone in on the fun  

[Kayze]

15 hours ago, Jay001 said:

How can you have a high libido but still don’t want sex?  I’ve never heard this before? 

1 hour ago, Jay001 said:

Doesn’t just masturbating get boring for you tho?  Like my orgasms are so much stronger and better when I include someone in on the fun  

Libido is just the frequency in which you get that "itch" but doesn't require sexual attraction. For example, I was on an SSRI a while back with a known side effect to reduce libido. I went from masturbating 1-2 times daily to only once every week or two or even a month. The doctor let me know that if the libido side effect was an issue, I could be switched to a different SSRI (there's a lot of them). But I didn't care; It didn't upset me or make me feel like I was missing out on anything. I kept up with the drug for over a year and when I tapered off, my libido went back to being high again. I felt no different other than just getting those urges more frequently again.

If I was sexual, then it likely would have been an issue. I have sexual friends who took the SSRI before and went off of it because of that side effect. Which is also why I think the doctor pointed out that side effect more than others. Libido is it's own thing, sorta like how erectile dysfunction doesn't change someone's libido.

 

14 hours ago, Jay001 said:

Wow guys! I wasn’t expecting this much feedback thanks for all your answers, stories, and knowledge.

It's what these forums are for

 

14 hours ago, Jay001 said:

Is there such thing as an asexual/sexual hybrid?  Like one minute the person has asexual thoughts and actions and the next he/she doesn’t and she/he leans towards more sexual thoughts/actions?

1 hour ago, Jay001 said:

What’s grey-ace? And there’s bisexuals tho which is basically being straight and gay, right? 

Sorta but not what you're thinking. There is gray asexuality, which is people that identify as being on the spectrum between sexual and asexual. These people may experience sexual attraction under very limited/specific circumstances and might be of an insignificant amount and very infrequent in comparison to sexuals. It's different from people who just aren't in the mood because those people still experience sexual attraction but have chosen to not act on it for whatever reason. Asexuality is not voluntary and an actual inability to feel such.

 

Those who identify as gray asexuals might find the identity of asexuality useful because of the reasons specified above. That the label helps communicate that their sexual attraction is very different than the typical sexual person. That if sex is important to them, they should probably no pursue a gray asexual or at least know not the push sex at all.

 

14 hours ago, Jay001 said:

Obviously everyone is different but do asexuals normally need a connection to be able to orgasm if he/she has sex with someone? 

Nope. Sensation can be enough. Some may use some fantasy but it's generally not attached to someone else. Gray-asexuals might have sexual-ish fetishes but the focus is more in the activity than the other person and they may not experience any sexual attraction otherwise (part of the limited circumstances part). So, sorta but not really. Especially when many sexuals with fetishes also have sexual attraction outside of their fetish; Like involving genitals during either in addition to whatever their kink is (e.g. sucking off a partner while their foot stimulates your genitals) or directly involved with their kink play (e.g. a footjob only).

 

[Jay001]

So my gf and I in the beginning stages of our relationship had sex 2-3 times a day almost every day and now she still enjoys sex every now and then, which is fine just confusing to me. She also says she really enjoys to give oral and we’ve talked about swapping with a couple that we’re friends wIth and she’s def down to do it. She’s also had fwb relationships in the past. Oh yeah sexting was a big part of our beginning stages too we don’t do it nearly as often nowadays.  Now I’m no expert in this field or anything but this doesn’t sound like an asexual to me.  Would she be considered grey ace at this point.   She told me that we had alot of sex and sexted alot in the beginning cause it was new and exciting, which I totally get but do asexuals even do that in the beginning stages of their relationships?  I mean if you don’t like sex you don’t like sex rather beginning, middle or end of relationships, right? She’s always been really into oral both in the beginning and now.  Do asexuals take a liking to some sexual acts?  She said she had fwb to get experience, which I can understand why but once again asexual, she shouldn’t want that experience if she was one, yeah? And the swapping she said cause it was different. Honestly the swapping totally confuses me if she’s really ace,  sorry this is so long I just wanted to ask all these questions in one message 

[Telecaster68]

5 hours ago, Jay001 said:

Doesn’t just masturbating get boring for you tho?  Like my orgasms are so much stronger and better when I include someone in on the fun  

I'm not asexual. 

[Guest]

59 minutes ago, Jay001 said:

So my gf and I in the beginning stages of our relationship had sex 2-3 times a day almost every day and now she still enjoys sex every now and then, which is fine just confusing to me. She also says she really enjoys to give oral and we’ve talked about swapping with a couple that we’re friends wIth and she’s def down to do it. She’s also had fwb relationships in the past. Oh yeah sexting was a big part of our beginning stages too we don’t do it nearly as often nowadays.  Now I’m no expert in this field or anything but this doesn’t sound like an asexual to me.  Would she be considered grey ace at this point.   She told me that we had alot of sex and sexted alot in the beginning cause it was new and exciting, which I totally get but do asexuals even do that in the beginning stages of their relationships?  I mean if you don’t like sex you don’t like sex rather beginning, middle or end of relationships, right? She’s always been really into oral both in the beginning and now.  Do asexuals take a liking to some sexual acts?  She said she had fwb to get experience, which I can understand why but once again asexual, she shouldn’t want that experience if she was one, yeah? And the swapping she said cause it was different. Honestly the swapping totally confuses me if she’s really ace,  sorry this is so long I just wanted to ask all these questions in one message 

If I was described that without a label attached, I'd say sexual that gets bored easily and needs variety. And maybe not that into PiV, with oral being preferred (which some do). 

 

I mean, she can ID as she likes and she knows herself best. It's just... I can't see an ace wanting to swing, or loving oral for their own pleasure, or being into frequent sex for their own enjoyment cause it's new. Experience is something many aces want, just cause they get curious. Like tasting a food that seems gross just to know how it tastes. 

[Jay001]

9 hours ago, Serran said:

If I was described that without a label attached, I'd say sexual that gets bored easily and needs variety. And maybe not that into PiV, with oral being preferred (which some do). 

 

I mean, she can ID as she likes and she knows herself best. It's just... I can't see an ace wanting to swing, or loving oral for their own pleasure, or being into frequent sex for their own enjoyment cause it's new. Experience is something many aces want, just cause they get curious. Like tasting a food that seems gross just to know how it tastes. 

That’s what I was thinking too I thought maybe she’s a sexual just with a very low libido or something. I mean either way I’m completely happy with her and her sexuality, just some things confused me that’s all. Thanks for your answers and help 😁