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Xerytl

So, a couple months ago I made a thread here about being unsure of my sexuality. And.. Well.. Not much has changed. I'll be honest about it. I feel like I can't really talk about it to anyone who I know which is kind of why I post here because the 'anonymity' and what not. I feel like part of me is afraid they won't be as accepting or liking about it if I did. As much as I want someone to talk to about this stuff, the problem is that I don't really know how or what to say if someone did try to help talk to me. It probably also doesn't help that I don't really know for certain if I am into the same sex as I am or if it is just confusion or some form of lack of affection or whatever you know? Part of me feels like I am though, but at the same time shies away and tries to hide from it I guess. I don't know. It's just kind of hard not having someone to talk with one-on-one about it all. Kind of like my life is a ferris wheel. Points where I'm at the highest points and best days and then just back down to the lowest and upsetting days and all the in between. I'm sure somebody will make some sort of response saying I should try talking to a paid professional or therapist or whatever, but that just isn't the same type of thing I am wanting? needing? hoping for? I don't know. Point is though that I'm not trying to just have someone listen to my problems and nod and say okay. I want to talk to someone who relates with me.. Who actually understands what I'm going through.. Well, here's to hoping, right?

 

-Xerytl

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Fiorine

Hi @Xerytl. I also find comfort in these forums because I know that sexual people wouldn't understand these feelings (and/or lack of feelings) asexuals have. To be honest, until very recently (I'm talking about a month or two), I'd literally never discussed my own sexuality with someone else. Never. I only did so in therapy as an offhand comment when I was speaking about my own values as a woman, and then we started discussing more specifically about asexuality once I identified as an asexual from researching online. Therapy can certainly help, but it seems that you want to form a genuine relationship with another person who is also questioning their own sexuality because a therapist might not understand your feelings the way a friend can. I think having a genuine relationship with someone is a natural desire to have, but at some point you're going to have to confront your feelings if it's going to be truly genuine. 

 

It's perfectly natural for you to be afraid of telling people this confusion about your own sexuality and romanticism you're struggling with because people are fickle. If you're not 100% comfortable talking about it with someone, then you don't have to force yourself to. There's a lot of people in these forums willing to listen to you and help you out, but it'll be hard to find someone in-person unless you go to LGBTQ+ clubs or associations near you or you get really lucky.  

 

I just want you to know that I'm new to this, but I can talk to you if you want. 

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iff

Hi @Xerytl, my experience on this forum is that I found it a very good place to talk about my own experience and hear about others, others helped me a lot to understand myself better.

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greyisnotacolor

Hey @Xerytl! I'm super new to this too, and although I don't think what you're feeling is very similar to me, I definitely think this discovery period is an important time for us confused brethren to stick together. :)

 

Here, in case someone hasn't already offered you any yet: :cake:

 

Also: I think that based on your description of how you're feeling, if you invest a little bit more time digging through some of the threads on this forum, you'll start to feel a bit more relaxed and at home sharing with the AVEN community, especially if you're looking for people to relate to you and not necessarily wanting to share the way you feel with a professional who might not be able to relate. In some way or another, even if you aren't asexual and you're just, confused about your sexual orientation (as I've observed others who have had a bit of trouble expressing how they feel in other general LGBTQ safe havens) this is a pretty safe place to do that.

 

Keep posting here and exploring AVEN. The folks here are really supportive and are bound to give you the right directions eventually!

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Xerytl

As I clearly forgot a greeting originally.. Here it is now~. Hellos, @greyisnotacolor, @iff, @Fiorine, and anybody else who reads/responds! Thank you for the responses. New or old, it is all appreciated. Well, as all three of you mentioned/suggested, I'll probably poke my head around the forums a bit and whatnot. Might not exactly be jumping straight into responding and being a part of things, but I'll certainly read and contemplate what I discover. Perhaps I'm at a point in life where I'm not ready to open the door and step through it, but I do have my hand on the doorknob. Got to start somewhere though.

 

-Xerytl

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greyisnotacolor

@Xerytl If I'm being honest...I snooped the forum for a good full day before making any decisions about even joining in on the conversation. Just reading what others have posted has been a huge, MASSIVE help in figuring my own feelings out.

 

Good luck to ya! :cake:

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TickTalk

If I can give any advice. As much as we try to put ourselves in neat little boxes with clear definitions and understanding, we're also fluid and changing. There's even a subcategory of Grey A (One of the /many/ ) regarding people who's sexuality fluxuates a lot.

I understand the feelings of "Oh something must be wrong because I'm sexual sometimes with like, no pattern? My diet? My meds? My mental health? What is it?" Sometimes the answer just is "I'm only sexual sometimes and that's ok." Be open to it if you're not against it or feeling uncomfortable. Be open to being comfortable not having sexual attraction. Just live your life and don't stress too much about a strict definition. For where your at. I'd say even just saying "I haven't really figured it out myself yet." is ok as well! If someone is wanting to know what you're all about it's ok to say "I haven't explored enough of this to really say anything for sure yet. I'm just figuring it out." and being ok with being in an inbetween state. I'd say finding comfort where you're at even if where you're at is "Just figuring it out" it's not bad to be there. It's not wrong to not know. Just be open and curious about yourself and see where life takes you. Be safe and careful when exploring these things and check how you're feeling regularly. 

 

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