Gray-A or just heteroromantic Asexual?

[Flump222]

So, I've ID'd as somewhere between Gray-A and heteroromantic asexual, but I've been wondering if I lean closer to the latter. I've only had romantic feeling for my first and only crush, and sexual thoughts of her were foreign to me. Although I masturbate (I have a pretty active libido, though I think most of the time I do it because I'm bored) and view images when I do, I'm pretty sure it's only the act that interests me, as I never think that I want sex with THAT SPECIFIC person, I just focus on whatever they're doing in said image. To add to that, I have a large amount of difficulty fantasizing on my own, and even if I manage to make a mental image, it's pretty weak, and the other person is never clear (and I never try to think about people that I personally know when I do it, that's really weird for me). I also experience (what I think is) aesthetic attraction, where I just kind of want to look at someone, and this is completely dependent on appearance (if I don't feel it at first and then they change their clothes or something, then I could feel it). I used to think this was sexual attraction, but I never really had any urges and never wanted to see them naked or anything like that. I think that covers most of it. Any thoughts on where I lie would be appreciated, and hopefully I can be a bit more confident in saying exactly where I lie (as uncertainty is NOT my favorite think).

[Puck]

I think the question you need to ask yourself is has something about another person ever made you want to have sex with them?

 

You say you experience aesthetic attraction, but you don't want to see them naked. It's not about seeing them naked, it's about wanting to have sex with them. People could keep their clothes on (to a certain degree) durning sex, after all. And some people might prefer that.

 

You say that when you masturbate, it's all about the act and not about wanting to do anything with a specific person. Sounds like you could easily be asexual to me, if that is the case. But if something about someone (and it DOESN'T have to be looks, it could be personality, emotional bond, romantic feelings....) makes you want to have sex with specifically them, then you are experiencing sexual attraction which would make you some kind of sexual.

[alicio]

You do sound somewhere on the ace spectrum from what you've described. You could go with either label and it'd probably be pretty accurate, or you could just say 'ace-spec' until you know for sure. Do whatever feels right

[Flump222]

4 hours ago, Puck said:

I think the question you need to ask yourself is has something about another person ever made you want to have sex with them?

 

You say you experience aesthetic attraction, but you don't want to see them naked. It's not about seeing them naked, it's about wanting to have sex with them. People could keep their clothes on (to a certain degree) durning sex, after all. And some people might prefer that.

 

You say that when you masturbate, it's all about the act and not about wanting to do anything with a specific person. Sounds like you could easily be asexual to me, if that is the case. But if something about someone (and it DOESN'T have to be looks, it could be personality, emotional bond, romantic feelings....) makes you want to have sex with specifically them, then you are experiencing sexual attraction which would make you some kind of sexual.

Thanks. So, you're saying that something about a person makes one think, "I want sexual things with THEM and them SPECIFICALLY," and you imagine yourself and them in sexual situations (as vividly as one can) that would be sexual attraction, right? This is strange to me, as even if I try to have any sort of sexual fantasy, the other person is never clearly defined, and it's very difficult to try and define the person (which I never even try with anyone I know because that's SUPER weird) and it's a lot of effort, so I usually don't bother. What do you make of that?

[Puck]

26 minutes ago, Flump222 said:

Thanks. So, you're saying that something about a person makes one think, "I want sexual things with THEM and them SPECIFICALLY," and you imagine yourself and them in sexual situations (as vividly as one can) that would be sexual attraction, right? This is strange to me, as even if I try to have any sort of sexual fantasy, the other person is never clearly defined, and it's very difficult to try and define the person (which I never even try with anyone I know because that's SUPER weird) and it's a lot of effort, so I usually don't bother. What do you make of that?

To me, that's sounding like you are either asexual or haven't found the right person yet.

 

Two questions that might help too:

 

1) Do you yourself have any desire to have partnered sex? Do you want to have sex with another person involved or not?

 

2) If you never had partnered sex again, how would you feel? What if you were in a serious and committed relationship? If the your partner in that relationship didn't want to have sex, how would you feel?

[Flump222]

1 hour ago, Puck said:

To me, that's sounding like you are either asexual or haven't found the right person yet.

 

Two questions that might help too:

 

1) Do you yourself have any desire to have partnered sex? Do you want to have sex with another person involved or not?

 

2) If you never had partnered sex again, how would you feel? What if you were in a serious and committed relationship? If the your partner in that relationship didn't want to have sex, how would you feel?

Okay, thanks. I think I now do have a better understanding of where I am on the spectrum. Also, just to answer those questions, 

1) Nah, not particularly, I used to think that I would want it, but I've come to realize I really don't.

2) I honestly wouldn't care. All my visions of perfect relationships don't even involve sex.

Again, thanks!

[Puck]

11 minutes ago, Flump222 said:

Okay, thanks. I think I now do have a better understanding of where I am on the spectrum. Also, just to answer those questions, 

1) Nah, not particularly, I used to think that I would want it, but I've come to realize I really don't.

2) I honestly wouldn't care. All my visions of perfect relationships don't even involve sex.

Again, thanks!

That sounds very asexual to me. Some sexuals could live in a sexless relationship, but as far as I've seen, only asexuals would call a "perfect relationship" one without sex

 

You're in good company here. Frankly, I'm the same way, I don't have interest in partnered sex or a sexual relationship. I'm happier to just build a life with someone with out getting it on