Demisexuality and sex/gender

[sweetbitter]

There is a dumb misconception that every woman is demisexual. Of course, it's more a matter of having sex with someone rather than being attracted to them in a sexual way. I think females are just more likely to desire not only sexual pleasure but also emotional and physical closeness, a feeling of being loved and seen as sexy, although those aren't necessary to enjoy the intercourse (but idk, I'm ace as hell). However, I'm curious if there's any type of correlation between demisexuality and one's sex/gender identity. Is it true that there are more demi women than men? Do you have any useful resources, experiences, thoughts on this topic?

[binary suns]

have you read about responsive verses spontaneous desire yet?

 

I don't know much about how often demisexuality is in women versus in men.

 

However, I expect a lack of education about responsive desire can lead to false-positives in some folk identifying as demisexual. 

[Puck]

There are both many more women who identify as ace (as of a 2015 census, %56.8 ID as women and only %12.3 ID as men, the rest [%30.9] ID as a third gender with the most popular being Agender and Non-Binary) and more women who identify as gray-sexual (I don't have a census on that, but that includes demi). I got those percentages from the Asexual Census of 2015.

 

There is a popular line of thinking, which you seems to disagree with, that the current model of sexuality simply doesn't express the way that women experience it. Many evolutionary theorists believe that men and women look for partners differently, with the men looking for large numbers of partners which would make them more likely to have pass on their genes thanks to them having a high number of children (thus a higher chance that a at least a few would survive) and women look for one very solid partner who stays around which makes them the most likely to pass on their genes because their partner would protect them and their young. This theory comes in part from the fact that men can have waaaaay more children than women as they can inseminate multiple women while women can only have one child every 9 months, thus men can plan in numbers while women must invest in protecting the smaller number of children they can have in their lifetime.

 

Therefore, it makes evolutionary sense that women are more likely to be demi. They can only have so many children, so if they only feel attraction when they have a strong emotional connection, the woman and their offspring will likely benefit from that emotional connection because a man who is emotionally connected to a women is more likely to be loyal and stay with her/her young.

 

So, take that all as you will. I dunno if you wanted to get scientific, but I did

[Philip027]

I don't know about "woman" necessarily but I've never been able to really see myself as anything like other males other than possessing the hardware.  Yet I'm rather firmly "demi" in most regards (dunno if that extends to demisexuality, necessarily) and I also totally get the responsive desire thing.