Tyger Songbird Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 15 hours ago, Euna said: I went on one date, because I really liked the guy and (wrongly) felt like I should go on at least one date in my life. We went to a coffee shop and then to a park to walk. It was way too long, spontaneous, and extremely awkward, because he was very attracted to me, and I...well, felt sick most of the time. I ended up telling him I'm "not romantic" (the words that came out at the time), not interested in sex, and frankly it was terribly embarrassing the way I handled it. Probably shouldn't have gone to begin with. It ended in an emotional mess, because we knew each other through classes and instead of having a "clean breakup," the "relationship" kind of dwindled out in a sad way. Later I went on a "quasi-date" with someone who invited me for a random lunch, with some other classmates. That was also awkward, though he meant well. I felt bad about both situations and stopped dating after that. Now I would like more to have a friend. I felt the same way you did after a girl said she wanted to date me. We were school dating, but after a while, I was not really interested in it the way she was, and I needed to end it honestly. I am a person who needs his personal space, and I need to have my individual sense to me. When those are gone, I feel very trapped and robotic. I like to also not conform to those "boyfriend expectations" of having to plan dates and do expensive lavish gifts. It's rather not the thing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ffyhdry Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 For me personally I get really uncomfortable with the idea of going on a date or dating. I've been on a few in the past and used dating apps before but I feel such pressure and expectations in a date setting that I end up on the verge of a panic attack for the entire time. As a demisexual I just seem to be better off finding someone through friendship first, and dating apps and websites (for the most part) are not the kind of place that I feel comfortable with. I admit I've been curious to try ok cupid cause they have the demisexual option on there but I think when it comes to dating I'll always have my reservations and discomforts. Being myself and being comfortable with the people around is the most important thing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
dee615 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Gave up dating 17 yrs ago. Feel much happier and calmer now, sort of more "authentic", in that I'm doing what deep down feels right for me, instead of something I'm supposed to be doing. Link to post Share on other sites
dee615 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 On 2/14/2018 at 5:23 PM, Zatarra said: Same here. Before discovering asexuality my 'aesthetic' lifestyle: no drinking, recreational drugs, wild parties...or any parties for that matter, lack of interest in sex or dating earned me the "silent monk" nickname. Not to mention dating now days seems to be such a hassle..just hearing my friends/cousins talk about it..its like this bizarre "game" that is just soo complicated and convoluted. Then the struggles of being in a relationship and making it work. Then the fall out of 'relationship over' and all the bitterness and downright nastiness that follows. As a completely neutral outside 3rd party looking into my friends/cousins experiences - it boggles my mind to see just how quickly some will jump back into a rebound relationship. Its like they cannot be alone or are in a relationship just to be in one. I guess because being alone is sooo awful? I think western culture plays a big part in this compulsive need to date..and keep jumping back in without time to reflect and grow - maybe learn something about yourself or learn to accept and better your own flaws...nope they just JUMP right back in the "game" As someone who had the good fortune of spending my formative years in the East it seems the wisdom of learning to live by yourself and be at peace with it is not lost in those cultures. I read an article where H.H The Dalai Lama tried to address this 'rebound dating'. For some reason people cant accept that being solo and not dating to be a viable option- there still are other ways to lead fulfilling lives as these individuals have done: I thought you might find these articles interesting: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/the-dalai-lama-suggests-practicing-celibacy-to-get-over-a-broken-heart-10372357.html http://www.bbncommunity.com/happiest-man-on-earth-is-a-buddhist-monk/ http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/India’s-oldest-man-ever-says-yoga-celibacy-key-to-long-life/article14585233.ece I too grew up in an Asian culture, and find the Western (and increasingly non-Western!) attitude of compulsive dating too forced - just too draining. And what exactly is the point of this compulsive dating? To validate my attractiveness/ desirability as a woman? Thanks, but no thanks. I've got other stuff to do - stuff for which I need sustained focus. Plus I'm by no means a social recluse - I have long standing friendships and meaningful professional relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyger Songbird Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 38 minutes ago, dee615 said: I too grew up in an Asian culture, and find the Western (and increasingly non-Western!) attitude of compulsive dating too forced - just too draining. And what exactly is the point of this compulsive dating? To validate my attractiveness/ desirability as a woman? Thanks, but no thanks. I've got other stuff to do - stuff for which I need sustained focus. Plus I'm by no means a social recluse - I have long standing friendships and meaningful professional relationships. Yeah, I think that people think that dating is a status game. They feel that no one would choose not to date, but rather you're too ugly/weird to where you can't get a date. It's an insecurity factor where people feel dateless = lesser. It's the same with girls being mom. If you're not married & have no kids. Well, they don't think you're a zero. It's weird why we think these things. Link to post Share on other sites
dee615 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 33 minutes ago, tygersongbird said: Yeah, I think that people think that dating is a status game. They feel that no one would choose not to date, but rather you're too ugly/weird to where you can't get a date. It's an insecurity factor where people feel dateless = lesser. It's the same with girls being mom. If you're not married & have no kids. Well, they don't think you're a zero. It's weird why we think these things. I think the recent emphasis on non-binary genders/ sexualities/ gender expressions will help people realize that not everyone is cut out in some simplistic 50's cookie cutter pair-bonding mold. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyger Songbird Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 25 minutes ago, dee615 said: I think the recent emphasis on non-binary genders/ sexualities/ gender expressions will help people realize that not everyone is cut out in some simplistic 50's cookie cutter mold. The sad part is that I'm in a conservative area where people are more traditional. People are like "only families" belong here and all that, with their perfect perfect clean, pearly white image. They are stubborn to accept change. It's why my state hasn't voted for anything but conservative since the 50s. Now, I'm not saying that conservatives are horrible people, but they don't want to accept "alternatives" for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I tried dating and I did not like it at all. It was stressful and awkward and the only reason I did it was because I felt that I had to because that's what society tells you you need to do. After I broke up with my second boyfriend because I came to the realization that I was asexual/aromantic, I felt so much happier. I have absolutely no desire to date at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyger Songbird Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 43 minutes ago, Hermit Advocate said: I tried dating and I did not like it at all. It was stressful and awkward and the only reason I did it was because I felt that I had to because that's what society tells you you need to do. After I broke up with my second boyfriend because I came to the realization that I was asexual/aromantic, I felt so much happier. I have absolutely no desire to date at all. Your story sounds a whole lot like mine. I dated because everyone said you had to, particularly in high school. And I didn't like it at all. I'm much happier just with good friends and having fun activities. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 12 hours ago, tygersongbird said: Your story sounds a whole lot like mine. I dated because everyone said you had to, particularly in high school. And I didn't like it at all. I'm much happier just with good friends and having fun activities. Its strange how some of the overall cultures have changed. Some 30 or so years ago, people would talk about crushes and the like but never actually going out. That was a more "grown up thing" Nowadays you have highschoolers and even middle schoolers talking about it (though this can easily be categorized as emulating what they see) and going out even though for the most part these types of relationships tend to fizzle out. I also found myself under the pressure from classmates and my own parents to date. But since Ive always been the oddball, I couldnt be bothered by it. Which is why I suspect gossip spread like wildfire when a friend of mine and I at the time spent a little too much time together. Though that never resulted in dating, far from it actually. Link to post Share on other sites
GiraffeSpots Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Never on purpose. I thought I was hanging out with a friend, they thought it was a date. I tried to arrange to meet up again so I could explain the situation to them but it turned into the exact same thing again and I didn't even have the guts to tell them. I don't know where that leaves me "^.^ Link to post Share on other sites
LittleLillie Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I never dated anyone, I never had any interest in finding someone to go with. I also have a dislike for dating simulating games. Link to post Share on other sites
ecogirl92 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I've only ever been on one actual 'date' in my life and it was a couple of years ago. It was nice as was the guy. But I just didn't feel it. We stayed friends and moved on. I've never had a desire to date or be in a relationship. I had a few close friends that satisfied any need for companionship without the expectation of sex or even cuddle buddies. I'm very much a solitary soul and by an large am content being by myself. Lately though I think I'm starting to have a desire for a more intimate relationship and have no idea how I'm going to approach that with the whole, don't want to have sex part. Link to post Share on other sites
SeeYa Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 36 minutes ago, ecogirl92 said: I've only ever been on one actual 'date' in my life and it was a couple of years ago. It was nice as was the guy. But I just didn't feel it. We stayed friends and moved on. I've never had a desire to date or be in a relationship. I had a few close friends that satisfied any need for companionship without the expectation of sex or even cuddle buddies. I'm very much a solitary soul and by an large am content being by myself. Lately though I think I'm starting to have a desire for a more intimate relationship and have no idea how I'm going to approach that with the whole, don't want to have sex part. I think the key here is finding another ace... or someone willing at least anyways =P I find the same thing. Wanting a connection but minimal of the extras society is so obsessed with. Link to post Share on other sites
south paw Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I'm 18 and I've never dated yet nor have I ever had an interest in dating. I see it as too much commitment and I don't have time for that. I feel like I would have to force myself to be open to talking and sharing experiences with someone that may not really care and is just wanting something, and/or I most likely won't care about every detail in their life either. I don't even imagine myself being in a relationship until much later in life and even then, I picture it being a queerplatonic one with an asexual partner as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Podsnap Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I'm lonely and would love to be able to just go take a singles cruise or something but I can't even handle kissing and most dates end with at least a kissing expectation and that's just the first date so on the rare occasion where someone seems interested, I back off before it gets to the part where they ask me out. It sucks but I don't know what else to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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