Jump to content

Does anyone here not date at all?


Tyger Songbird

Recommended Posts

Tyger Songbird

Not just me. 

 

I've never been on a date before in my life. Nor have I ever wanted to, to be honest. I'm not  a really romantic person, and I'm just not into dating or anything. Especially when dating comes with being obligated to have sex. I would rather not. I'm just not into dating world, and stuff. I like to be alone, and I don't think there's a problem. What about you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't really say much about dating, but I have been on dates before. Only two, though.

 

The first was more of a friend thing because it was a formal dance, I was sixteen, and since my female friends already had travel buddies and such plans, I didn't want to go alone and asked him to go with me. It was actually pretty fun, and we remained friends afterward.

 

The second time was less pleasant. I was about twenty one, and I'd texted with this other guy for about a week after meeting him online and it all seemed to be going well. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop to hang out and he left me hanging for over twenty minutes wondering if he'd ever show up. After he did, I found it to be the most awkward outing I've ever had with another person, filled with long silences and near nothing to talk about (and not the relaxed, companionable sort of silence I get sometimes with relatives or friends). He wanted to hug me after we walked back to our cars, which threw me off because of the awkwardness and the near "wild goose chase" that same evening. I opted to shake hands instead; he was disappointed, but went with it. I didn't talk to him again after that since it all seemed off to me after I drove home that day.

 

Apart from that - no, I haven't been on a date; luckily I've never personally come across any situation where physical intimacy was expected, and it's likely that I'd turn it down if I was uncomfortable with the circumstances. I know I wouldn't be too forgiving if someone attempted to pressure me into it despite any protests I had simply because society expects it. I'd call that one a deal breaker.

 

I know I'd like to try and give dating another chance sometime, because I'm still curious about the mixed reviews from both people I know and the media. I just feel a bit intimidated by the whole hook-up culture stuff and the creepy messages I've gotten through dating sites just from some person seeing my profile picture. I don't understand how they're okay with saying such things to a complete stranger they've never seen in person before; it's baffling to me. These days, since discovering my orientation and learning more about myself, I wouldn't even know where to begin with that whole dating process again (maybe an LDR?). 

 

...I wound up writing more than I'd initially planned...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle

Nope. The opportunity has presented itself but I never saw the point or reason?

 

Maybe I'll feel different once I'm older but at 24 I still just don't understand it.

 

Just because you don't have a partner doesn't mean you're alone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross

There isnt any real problem with being alone. I dont get why people make a big deal about solitude

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Same here. Before discovering asexuality my 'aesthetic' lifestyle: no drinking, recreational drugs, wild parties...or any parties for that matter, lack of interest in sex or dating earned me the "silent monk" nickname. 

Not to mention dating now days seems to be such a hassle..just hearing my friends/cousins talk about it..its like this bizarre "game" that is just soo complicated and convoluted. Then the struggles of being in a relationship and making it work. Then the fall out of 'relationship over' and all the bitterness and downright nastiness that follows. As a completely neutral outside 3rd party looking into my friends/cousins experiences - it boggles my mind to see just how quickly some will jump back into a rebound relationship. Its like they cannot be alone or are in a relationship just to be in one. I guess because being alone is sooo awful? 

 

I think western culture plays  a big part in this compulsive need to date..and keep jumping back in without time to reflect and grow - maybe learn something about yourself or learn to accept and better your own flaws...nope they just JUMP right back in the "game"

 

As someone who had the good fortune of spending my formative years in the East it seems the wisdom of learning to live by yourself and be at peace with it is not lost in those cultures. I read an article where H.H The Dalai Lama tried to address this 'rebound dating'.  

For some reason people cant accept that being solo and not dating to be a viable option- there still are other ways to lead fulfilling lives as these individuals have done:

I thought you might find these articles interesting:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/the-dalai-lama-suggests-practicing-celibacy-to-get-over-a-broken-heart-10372357.html

http://www.bbncommunity.com/happiest-man-on-earth-is-a-buddhist-monk/

http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/India’s-oldest-man-ever-says-yoga-celibacy-key-to-long-life/article14585233.ece

Link to post
Share on other sites
WinterWanderer

I've been on maybe three or four dates, all in college. I haven't dated since then and I don't feel any need to. I like being single.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I suppose it depends on how one defines "date". No, I have never gotten together with someone expecting to have sex with them. Frankly I've never wanted to have sex with anyone. Other posts have defined dating as a means of determining a partner's compatibility prior to establishing a relationship. I did have a relationship with a woman I knew for several decades but I never wanted a sexual relationship and she accepted this. I don't know if I could really say I was dating her or not. I suspect there is an awful lot of things I don't know about dating because I've never pursued anyone sexually.  I even have known someone who was on a sort of "rebound" thing. She probably though we were dating. I thought we were just getting together and enjoying things, even if it amounted to driving half way across the country.  The relationship ended when she began to become incredibly jealous of my other friend.   

Link to post
Share on other sites
Extroverted Introvert

I had a boyfriend briefly my freshmen year but he was the only person I have ever gone on dates with. I always said I'd go on a date if the right guy came along. Now I wonder if I'll ever meet "the right guy." So far, I just haven't had an interest in going on a date. And I'm not into casual dating. If I don't see a potential for it to go further, I'm not going to waste my time on a date.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had crushes, but I try to repress them, so I haven't exactly dated. I think dating by itself sounds fine, but the idea of starting it sounds so awkward and I don't want people to start making a big deal about it. Then again, I'm only a freshman in high school and I only just discovered I am an asexual for that matter, so... 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I did date one guy for a few months in college, didn't work out.  Eventually figured out that's not something I want, I don't get it, and propose I get involved with someone at your own risk.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m a dateless, 23 y.o. virgin who’s likely aromantic and asexual. I’m not repulsed or anything, but I just don’t have any inherent interest in dating. Besides, I want people to like me for who I am just in a casual setting. I feel like I’d try to posture a bit on a date cause there’s often a pressure to impress the other party.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Tyger Songbird
9 hours ago, Laplace said:

I’m a dateless, 23 y.o. virgin who’s likely aromantic and asexual. I’m not repulsed or anything, but I just don’t have any inherent interest in dating. Besides, I want people to like me for who I am just in a casual setting. I feel like I’d try to posture a bit on a date cause there’s often a pressure to impress the other party.

I feel the same way you do. I wonder why you have to dress up to impress a date for one day, when you know that's not who you are normally. I don't know why people spend like $100 or something on a dress or clothes to date someone. That seems really ludicrous to me. It's the same way with people spending $150 on dinner and movies. Why do people do that stuff and think it's fun? It seems like a waste of money to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
34 minutes ago, tygersongbird said:

I feel the same way you do. I wonder why you have to dress up to impress a date for one day, when you know that's not who you are normally. I don't know why people spend like $100 or something on a dress or clothes to date someone. That seems really ludicrous to me. It's the same way with people spending $150 on dinner and movies. Why do people do that stuff and think it's fun? It seems like a waste of money to me.

Just have a party with friends you care about, and dress up for fun anyway ^_^ honestly dressing to please yourself is way cheaper than for others, and that goes for if you like dressing up too imo. Plus it created huge conflicts for me in the past too, I didn't want to wear a dress because way too much dysphoria, super uncomfortable, but wasn't that attracted to suits either-and honestly they're even more expensive than a lot of dresses. How do you afford that shit guys!!! Back when I was still a snob in school, I knew someone who was sharing her plans for dresses in prom and it was about £20-30, so silly me thought I wouldn't want that, but it's a brilliant thing to be able to dress cheaply and still love yourself. Also, I say in the past but this was my masters graduation. :mellow:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never been on a 'date', and it doesn't really bother me. I just can't see myself bothering with that sort of thing right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

I wonder why you have to dress up to impress a date for one day, when you know that's not who you are normally.

Yeah, I've been on dates and do experience romantic attraction, but I'd rather be my normal self because it's sustainable. Acting different to try to impress someone sets their expectations high, and I couldn't keep that up forever, it would be exhausting. They'd eventually find out I'm just a quiet, introverted geek! :lol:

 

3 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

I don't know why people spend like $100 or something on a dress or clothes to date someone. That seems really ludicrous to me. It's the same way with people spending $150 on dinner and movies. Why do people do that stuff and think it's fun? It seems like a waste of money to me.

Some people have money and $100-$150 is nothing for them, especially when it's having fun with someone they like. It's not always about trying to impress or get something in return from their partners. Spending like that might seem wasteful, but from a different perspective, the money goes somewhere: staff at restaurants and stores profit from it. When wealthy people spend, it keeps the economy flowing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't date. I tried it in the past, not my thing. I'm still a virgin btw, dating doesn't necessarily mean sex. You should ALWAYS have the option to say no

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro
On 15/02/2018 at 1:35 PM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

 but wasn't that attracted to suits either-and honestly they're even more expensive than a lot of dresses. How do you afford that shit guys!!! 

Yeah, suits are really expensive. Here in my country, they cost around 200 reais each (what would be 70 dollars or 40 euros), so I don't know how we aford suits :D 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't been on a date since college. I wouldn't be opposed to going on a date if I find someone I liked though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never done the whole date thing, but I've still been in a few relationships.  Just not into that sort of game as a demi.  Dating isn't required for relationships anyway; it's just one of many ways you can break the ice with someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tried dating when I was younger, I only ended up with women who were cheating on their partners, my longest relationship lasted 28 days, and, you guessed it, she was cheating!!! That was to be my last, it ended in 1991, been single ever since 

Link to post
Share on other sites

What is a "date" to begin with? You agree to go out with someone, negotiate time and a place to meet and then do whatever you want. Talk, eat, movies... how is it any different from spending an evening with a friend, coworker, acquaintance? Is "dating" inherently romantic? Genuine question.

 

That being said, I'm the most comfortable when I'm on my own, so no "looking" required. I'm also not the type of person people want to look at, so there's that.

 

Count me in :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't been on dates, because I probably don't give off the right vibes to people...

 

Or perhaps people find me grotesque...

 

I'm more of a, "if you want something, tell me" person. I don't like games and anything implied.

 

I am very open to dating however. I'll just stand by the window in my undies holding a sign, "looking 4 dates" and hopefully somebody will agree :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I went on one date, because I really liked the guy and (wrongly) felt like I should go on at least one date in my life.  We went to a coffee shop and then to a park to walk.  It was way too long, spontaneous, and extremely awkward, because he was very attracted to me, and I...well, felt sick most of the time.  I ended up telling him I'm "not romantic" (the words that came out at the time), not interested in sex, and frankly it was terribly embarrassing the way I handled it.  Probably shouldn't have gone to begin with.  It ended in an emotional mess, because we knew each other through classes and instead of having a "clean breakup," the "relationship" kind of dwindled out in a sad way.

 

Later I went on a "quasi-date" with someone who invited me for a random lunch, with some other classmates.  That was also awkward, though he meant well.

 

I felt bad about both situations and stopped dating after that.  Now I would like more to have a friend.

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Stefan.O. said:

I'm single and up for dating but there are no asexuals around. 

This. I'm not against dating, getting to know someone and develop an emotional connection and even start a relationship, but unless they're looking for the same thing I want I feel like there's no point. I think for me I'd feel extremely awkward being on a date with a non asexual person because there's that expectation and its going to lead to disappointment so I'd rather not bother. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 33 and I've never been on a date.  I am not against the idea of dating someone but I am not romantically interested in most people. I think I only experienced romantic attraction twice in my life. I am not bothered about not being on a date though, it is not something that really interests me if I am that honest. The whole thing seems to be very awkward.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross
17 hours ago, Homer said:

What is a "date" to begin with? You agree to go out with someone, negotiate time and a place to meet and then do whatever you want. Talk, eat, movies... how is it any different from spending an evening with a friend, coworker, acquaintance? Is "dating" inherently romantic? Genuine question.

 

That being said, I'm the most comfortable when I'm on my own, so no "looking" required. I'm also not the type of person people want to look at, so there's that.

 

Count me in :)

I dont think a date is inherently romantic, the factors just dont add up. The term "dating" as we know it has been heavily pedestalized as some extracuricular, special activity when in reality its not.

 

Its similar to sports. A great deal of effort and money is placed on it and people have downright furious arguments over it. But the sport is a sport. If I get together with people and play basketball or baseball, nobody is going to be cheering or betting insane amounts of money on who wins. 

 

I believe dating, as it is talked about, is really a comercialized activity no different than Valentines day. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross

Allow me to clarify before any misunderstandings arise. The act of dating as is no different than hanging out with someone.

 

Development can happen in any setting and in fact the longer we are near a person, the greater the chances of there being anything that develops. So a single night out has less chances in comparison to everyday activities such as work to develop a connection.

 

A table at a restaurant which comes to $100+ is not the only way to find a partner.

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...