Trans Musings & Rantings

[Destan]

(Please tag me instead)

I know this classmate was just being nice, but to me, it's super weird!

You know the 'open the door for women' thing. Well, he did it twice. Honestly, I reacted too late so I just went along with it because I felt so obligated.

I couldn't leave him hanging.

It made me cringe so much. I never saw him do it for anyone else (atleast that I know of) and we aren't that close or talk that much.
He's just being nice because I gave him a ride to school a few times ( same bus stop). A few months ago, we didn't even bother to knowledge each others existence

(we were so awkward at first and I gave him a wrong impression of me which caused it)

If I was a real guy, he wouldn't done that. Atleast, if he kept assuming I was a guy like he had done in the first week of school, he definitely wouldn't have done that. 

I'm pretty sure he sees me as a girl now and I'm very upset about it. He mentioned me as 'she' when he told our other classmates we took the bus together.

 

It's not the first time it has happened.

Every time some other guy does it, I gesture that he should go in with his buddies first and we would be keep doing this (blocking the way in) until the guy gives up.

I don't care if they're being nice and I'm being rude by rejecting it! It means to me that you don't knowledge/think/assume me as a guy and that hurts!

[General]

On Thursday, February 28, 2019 at 10:00 AM, Celyn said:

Update #2:

My doctor hardly batted an eyelid when I said my issues with periods are at least half due to gender issues. She just asked "Are you male?"

How brilliant is that? She didn't pry. She didn't even ask "Do you identify as male?" (Because "identify" is cis nonsense for "I think you're just ~confused~") And she had "female" right there on the screen, yet she realised it was wrong. 

Ofc I said no, I'm nonbinary. I realise now that I used to find it hard to come out because I wasn't using the right word/s. Saying "I'm nonbinary" is easy, because it is the truth. 

Doc was like "OK" like she treats enbies every day - maybe she does.

 

Anyway, plan of action:

Ultrasound to see if it's super endometriosis-ey in there, if it is, she's happy to advocate for me to get a hysterectomy (leaving my ovaries - she seemed surprised that I was happy to keep them, I just appreciate what they do for my bone density).

If it's not, IUS with just a lil bit of progesterone. Which apparently doesn't interact with T, which will be good down the road.

Haven't got referred to a GIC yet because we've agreed to do a sneaky and sort the uterus nonsense pretending I'm a cis woman, before anything else. 

But whenever I want that referral I can just pick up the phone.

 

Yeah, my doctor's awesome. 

I'm glad you had a good experience with a doctor. 👍 

The vast majority of my experiences have been pretty terrible so far.  Personally I would've found someone straight up asking me if I'm male off-putting.  I would honestly prefer questions like, "What are your pronouns?" and "How do you identify?"  I've been asked "Do you have gender dysphoria?" and one doctor added, "I don't mean to be rude but...." before they asked.  Apparently they think dysphoria is some horrible mental illness instead of what it actually is.... a certain type of STRESS.  I was disgusted by the way they asked.  You could hear the ignorant judgement in the tone of their voice. 😷

 

Truth be told, they all act surprised when you want to keep or remove any gendered parts because they really don't get it.  The gender therapist I saw just recently acted surprised when I told her I was asexual.  The cis allos seem to have a difficult time understanding not only non-cis people, but also non-sexual people.

 

In my mind I was a little shocked that she, my queer gender therapist (I think she's a butch lesbian), was surprised I was asexual.  She said "Oh!" Her eyes got wide and she jerked her neck back and everything.  I was like "Damn, I must look like a real smooth operating panty-dropping lady killer pullin all the hoes.  Why tf did she do all that?"   LMAO

 

 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

2 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I've been asked "Do you have gender dysphoria?" and one doctor added, "I don't mean to be rude but...." before they asked.  Apparently they think dysphoria is some horrible mental illness instead of what it actually is.... a certain type of STRESS.  I was disgusted by the way they asked

Well that's effing gross, I'm sorry you had to put up with that. I think I'm a lil closer to "male" than you are, in fact, some days I am binary male, so being asked made me feel valid, even though I wasn't feeling male at the time which was awkward. 

I've had the same reaction to coming out as acespec too (and yeah, most people assume I'm exclusively, and intensely, into girls).

[Bloc]

Is it weird to wish sometimes  to be accepted by women, especially queer ones, as one of theirs and at the same not seeing oneself as one?

[General]

6 hours ago, Bloc said:

Is it weird to wish sometimes  to be accepted by women, especially queer ones, as one of theirs and at the same not seeing oneself as one?

It would be nice if everyone in the LGBT+ community would accept each other as their own even if we're all in different categories.

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

It would be nice if everyone in the LGBT+ community would accept each other as their own even if we're all in different categories.

I like the sound of that.  

[General]

7 hours ago, Celyn said:

Well that's effing gross, I'm sorry you had to put up with that. I think I'm a lil closer to "male" than you are, in fact, some days I am binary male, so being asked made me feel valid, even though I wasn't feeling male at the time which was awkward. 

I've had the same reaction to coming out as acespec too (and yeah, most people assume I'm exclusively, and intensely, into girls).

Yeah I've had to deal with some really ignorant doctors.  I'm just masculine, I don't identify as a man/male at all, and my nonbinary "masc-gender" doesn't fluctuate.  Besides that I've never even kissed a girl, so it always catches me off guard when people assume I'm getting it on with the ladies. 

[no-longer-in-use]

@Celyn Yay for your doctor! That's awesome

 

I had an awkward experience with a doctor once when I had to fill out a teen survey at the doctor's office. I wasn't aware that the doctor would be going over my answer to every question with me after I filled it out, so for gender, I was honest and put "unsure". Cue the doctor asking me, "So, do you identify as female?" I thought "If I identified as female why would I have put 'unsure'?" But all I said was "I don't know."

 

She also told me that because I'm attracted to "both" (there wasn't an "all" option for attraction, unfortunately) genders, that opens me up to "100% of the options". Does she even know that attraction is a two-way street? Anyway, I digress, but doctor talks are awkward.

[Destan]

(Please tag me instead)

The same conversation after I get my monthly haircut:

Me: "How do I look?"

Mother: *annoyed* "Like a guy." [tries to offend me]

Me: *unfazed face* [As if that works on me so I'll change back]

Mother: "You should atleast grow out your hair when you go on internships."

Me: *annoyed* "No"

Mother: *looks mad at me in silence*

 

Sometimes I wonder why say you accept my gender identity when your actions and words are clearly not.

[Guest]

@Destan Sorry about your mom.  

[no-longer-in-use]

@Destan I second Dani. That really sucks. I hope she comes around. ❤️

[Guest]

My mother is like that. She claims that she "gets it" and that she's supportive and all that, but her actions and even some of her words say a different story. Just saying that you accept someone's gender identity or whatever and ACTUALLY accepting it can be two very different things for some people... 

[Destan]

(Please tag me instead)

@Just Dani There's no need for you to apologize and I completely agree with your comment above.

@Coddiwomple Thanks, but I doubt that. She still refers to me as my little... at times (if I translate it right, I think it's something similar) and likes to point out a considered 'feminine' trait/behavior whenever I show it. 😕 

Spoiler

She considers hugging and stuff a feminine trait. Honestly it isn't. Despite being a touch-averse/repulsed person, that doesn't mean I can't do that with specific beloved ones.

 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 3/5/2019 at 11:47 AM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

 

Truth be told, they all act surprised when you want to keep or remove any gendered parts because they really don't get it.  The gender therapist I saw just recently acted surprised when I told her I was asexual.  The cis allos seem to have a difficult time understanding not only non-cis people, but also non-sexual people.

 

::::sighs:::: Yep, they all think it's strictly about sex.  "Why do you want to do this, if, after it's done, you're not going to 'cash in' on your 'new parts'. 

 

I was out oto my neurorsurgeon because I felt like my life depended on it. I'm not out to my present male primary care doctor. Since I'm frozen in genderr time, I figure why should I be? I just think of him as the mechanic to the crazy Rube Goldberg body that was DES'd . As long as he understands the mechanism, why does he need to know anything about the program? I have wondered if it would be different if I had a female practitioner, but I have a feeling it would still be 'same old same old, just a different day'. They'd also think it was all about sex, and would then think there was something 'wrong' about me.

 

IDK, I always find modern medicine pretty dehumanizing.

 

 

[General]

On Sunday, March 17, 2019 at 1:31 PM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

::::sighs:::: Yep, they all think it's strictly about sex.  "Why do you want to do this, if, after it's done, you're not going to 'cash in' on your 'new parts'. 

 

I was out oto my neurorsurgeon because I felt like my life depended on it. I'm not out to my present male primary care doctor. Since I'm frozen in genderr time, I figure why should I be? I just think of him as the mechanic to the crazy Rube Goldberg body that was DES'd . As long as he understands the mechanism, why does he need to know anything about the program? I have wondered if it would be different if I had a female practitioner, but I have a feeling it would still be 'same old same old, just a different day'. They'd also think it was all about sex, and would then think there was something 'wrong' about me.

 

IDK, I always find modern medicine pretty dehumanizing.

 

 

Either way you go with doctors, male or female, they won't get it unless they're in the same position or they've been educated.

 

I've had female doctors before and they all act astonished and think I'm lying when I tell them I've never been sexually active.  They ALL think everything's about sex.  *smh*

[General]

@Destan That's not acceptance, that's tolerance with lack of understanding.

[nerdperson777]

I think my parents see not throwing me out for being trans as being accepting.  Once my dad said he was half-accepting.  It's still not acceptance.  My mom once told me that she doesn't mind that I use male gendered bathrooms.  Okay?  I don't need your approval to use the bathroom of my choice.  At the same time, we once went to the cemetery with relatives to visit tombstones and we all stopped by the main office to use their bathrooms.  Mom quietly said to me that I should use the female bathrooms.  I said that I wouldn't.  Dad just told me to go the male bathrooms probably because it was a bigger fuss than it needed to be.  I doubt that they ever will actually affirm by gender.

 

On 3/17/2019 at 1:31 PM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

::::sighs:::: Yep, they all think it's strictly about sex.  "Why do you want to do this, if, after it's done, you're not going to 'cash in' on your 'new parts'. 

 

I was out oto my neurorsurgeon because I felt like my life depended on it. I'm not out to my present male primary care doctor. Since I'm frozen in genderr time, I figure why should I be? I just think of him as the mechanic to the crazy Rube Goldberg body that was DES'd . As long as he understands the mechanism, why does he need to know anything about the program? I have wondered if it would be different if I had a female practitioner, but I have a feeling it would still be 'same old same old, just a different day'. They'd also think it was all about sex, and would then think there was something 'wrong' about me.

 

IDK, I always find modern medicine pretty dehumanizing.

 

 

There was an ace at my school who drove a motorcycle.  They had a male partner.  The two went to the mechanic to do something with the motorcycle.  The mechanic overheard the partner calling them a different name and he so he asked about it.  So essentially they reintroduced themselves to the mechanic.  They asked rhetorically to our group, "when is actually a good time to come out to your mechanic?"

 

[ChillaKilla]

On 3/5/2019 at 9:28 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Yeah I've had to deal with some really ignorant doctors.  I'm just masculine, I don't identify as a man/male at all, and my nonbinary "masc-gender" doesn't fluctuate.  Besides that I've never even kissed a girl, so it always catches me off guard when people assume I'm getting it on with the ladies. 

Cishet people still tend to frame queerness within a sort of "hetero-lite" dynamic, and it's almost always a sexualized perception of homosexuality regardless of how the people in question actually ID. For example, assuming anyone they perceive as "butch" is attracted to femmes, and emulates cis male sexuality (having a lot of partners, topping, assertiveness, etc) even if they aren't a lesbian woman. GNC AMAB people are framed as effeminate gay men. Et cetera.

 

Annoyinggggggg...

[Bloc]

40 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Cishet people still tend to frame queerness within a sort of "hetero-lite" dynamic, and it's almost always a sexualized perception of homosexuality regardless of how the people in question actually ID. For example, assuming anyone they perceive as "butch" is attracted to femmes, and emulates cis male sexuality (having a lot of partners, topping, assertiveness, etc) even if they aren't a lesbian woman. GNC AMAB people are framed as effeminate gay men. Et cetera.

 

Annoyinggggggg...

Definitely. There are also so many (soft) butch lesbian/bi/pan trans feminine folks  as well as rather femme gay/bi/pan trans masc folks, all from very sexual to asexual. Although I have the impression polyamory is more common with trans people than cis people, but it may be skewed by the communities I am in.

 

If I would transition medically I would probably end up rather butch. Now, I am dressing more femme as a counterweight to my body, but I have the feeling my ideal expression would be a mix of femme and masc styles, like a a dress with work boots and a suit jacket combined.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

@ChillaKilla I've not seen you for ages!

[nerdperson777]

14 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

Cishet people still tend to frame queerness within a sort of "hetero-lite" dynamic, and it's almost always a sexualized perception of homosexuality regardless of how the people in question actually ID. For example, assuming anyone they perceive as "butch" is attracted to femmes, and emulates cis male sexuality (having a lot of partners, topping, assertiveness, etc) even if they aren't a lesbian woman. GNC AMAB people are framed as effeminate gay men. Et cetera.

 

Annoyinggggggg...

Well there was a comic I was reading that was created by a gay man.  I guess he stopped using that website/app as a way to share his work because they updated their ToS to have more strict rules about sexual content.  It started off as him not being able to get a boyfriend to getting one and moving in with him.  He really drew out penises but covered them with vegetables.  I knew this because once he posted an uncensored comic to give the audience a "taste" of what he can draw, for those who would pay to read.  It was eventually removed and replaced with a different comic altogether but he really seemed to be enforcing the stereotype that gay people were mostly in it for the sex.  I know there are gay people who can't get enough of it but I don't know if any of it will stop cishets from thinking that it's all about the sex.

[Bloc]

49 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I know there are gay people who can't get enough of it but I don't know if any of it will stop cishets from thinking that it's all about the sex.

Because it is for cishets also all about the sex, at least for many. But showing two men holding hands is "pushing sex onto innocent childeren", while a man and a woman kissing is "just showing affection". And talking about same sex relationships at school is "sexualizing the youth" and talking about trans people not as deviants and perverts is "against the natural order of things". Sorry for the rant.

[ChillaKilla]

21 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

@ChillaKilla I've not seen you for ages!

Same here! How goes it?

[Anthracite_Impreza]

3 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Same here! How goes it?

Better than it has been, by some considerable margin. Still having my gender mostly ignored, but can't have everything I suppose.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

I just realised I look more androgynous in the face, and therefore happy with the way I look, when I'm sick.

There is nothing helpful I can do with this information. 

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

1 hour ago, Celyn said:

I just realised I look more androgynous in the face, and therefore happy with the way I look, when I'm sick.

There is nothing helpful I can do with this information. 

I literally recorded my voice from when I had a flu several weeks back, and it still gives me good feels. How dare the viruses I trusted to mildly ruin my health instead give me gender euphoria! 🤣 😤

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

On 3/5/2019 at 7:49 PM, Bloc said:

Is it weird to wish sometimes  to be accepted by women, especially queer ones, as one of theirs and at the same not seeing oneself as one?

I don't think so! I definitely feel a need to have more queer/LGBT+ and accepting men in my life.

[Light02]

17 hours ago, Celyn said:

I just realised I look more androgynous in the face, and therefore happy with the way I look, when I'm sick.

There is nothing helpful I can do with this information. 

I've realized I'm happier with the way my face looks when I wear a bandanna and sunglasses and I can't see it at all.

[General]

22 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I literally recorded my voice from when I had a flu several weeks back, and it still gives me good feels. How dare the viruses I trusted to mildly ruin my health instead give me gender euphoria! 🤣 😤

I recorded myself when I had a cold and was so happy when I played it back lol!  My voice is already on the low side and I'm not on hormones, but when I'm sick it sounds even lower.  Euphoria! 😁

[nerdperson777]

On 3/28/2019 at 12:39 AM, Bloc said:

Because it is for cishets also all about the sex, at least for many. But showing two men holding hands is "pushing sex onto innocent childeren", while a man and a woman kissing is "just showing affection". And talking about same sex relationships at school is "sexualizing the youth" and talking about trans people not as deviants and perverts is "against the natural order of things". Sorry for the rant.

I guess if you put it that way, unless it conveniences the cishets, it can't be good!  *sarcasm*