HazyWept Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 *Embarrassed* Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Yes. I've had the same experiences that you've had, where men have come up to me, immediately asking me personal questions about whether I have a boyfriend, and despite my hints of, "I'm not looking for a relationship," and "I don't mind being single," they ignore what I've said, then continue to think that they can change my mind and convince me to date them, not understanding that I'm not sexually attracted to them, even though they might be sexually attracted to me, nor am I interested in their personality, and that nothing that they do can change that. I think this can only change as asexuality becomes more well-known in society. Hopefully, then, asexuals won't be as bombarded by people who immediately invalidate our feelings and lack of sexual attraction, thinking that they can convince us to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 *gets a bottle of Dawn* I have a temper and a low tolerance for stuff like that so I do end up correcting people but sometimes it's just not worth it cause honestly some sexual people just don't get it and people resist what's different and unknown without looking it up first. Unfortunately Asexuality isn't known as the other orientations. Outside of sexualities there's some ppl who just don't like no for an answer so they'll keep bombarding you. Link to post Share on other sites
Rin2324 Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I'm very new to coming out, but I understand where your coming from my mom thinks because I over think thing that I'm just trying to label myself and my fraternal twin sister thinks I I'll eventually have sex. And I do get upset about that. Coincidentally as I was to a lot of personal research on asexuality my English class had to write a essay on tyrannies of either sexism of male or females or some type of sexuality so I chose of course asexuality and so, I just use that to explain to people what it is before of course telling them a bit about asexuality. Of course though I've only given it to 3 people my Mom and 2 sisters. Link to post Share on other sites
cooliocool Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 This kind of shit is the reason why I tend to generally avoid most women (except for relatives, lesbians, aroaces) because they are most likely to be attracted to me. Yes I do want to correct wrong assumptions, but I can have a bad temper and I avoid getting into arguments about this with people. Some people don't like being corrected... even if they encourage people to correct them. It can also get awkward for me as well. I took on the belief that I'm not responsible for what people believe but I will try my best to spread awareness on asexuality and aromanticism. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I remember being younger and the kind of assumptions people made. My favorite being that I wasn't sexual or seeking sex or whatever the fuck people thought I was supposed to do because of religion. Hating religion was/still is so en vogue it didn't matter to learn the facts that my "people" are sex positive and LGBT friendly. Now I think people just assume I'm a lesbian until I refer to my partner as he. I think it's pretty obnoxious and gross that this guy would just ask you about vibrators. It takes a particular kind of person or relationship for it to not be completely overstepping boundaries asking something like that. I know people think asking about your sexual experience is OK, but I used to play coy about that. Which was dumb. Now I just admonish people about playing into a bullshit social construct like virginity. I've learned putting people in their place and setting boundaries early is important. There's a huge difference between the information I'm willing to give someone I'm getting to know versus a friend whose demonstrated understanding again and again. I know being female people are never going to stop with the bingos about getting married and making babies being what I expected to want. There's always some jackass who thinks they know you better than you know yourself. "What theme do you want your wedding to be?" "Red wedding. You wanna be the one who gets stabbed in the stomach?" ...really I'd rather have a courthouse theme, and no babies ever. Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 On 5/22/2017 at 2:43 AM, borkfork said: There's always some jackass who thinks they know you better than you know yourself. "What theme do you want your wedding to be?" "Red wedding. You wanna be the one who gets stabbed in the stomach?" ...really I'd rather have a courthouse theme, and no babies ever. 😂😂😂😂 💨🔫💣🔪🔨⚙️🗡⚒ Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 16 minutes ago, MaybeIBelongSomewhere said: @sg06 @Saesha It's just so frustrating to me (& ashamed to admit at times hurtful) especially when they start becoming disrespectful. I always try to be aware of myself and actions because I never want to make someone uncomfortable. I realized after... the guy that asked me all those questions was on some type of get numbers from girls that the group thought was pretty. It was a game in a way to them.. A way to brag. At a certain point I saw them regularly and some of them in the group I started to make friends with (the kind non-pushy ones). I was so quiet and non verbal while with the whole group that they must of forgot I was a girl. Because the way they talked about women & relationships just made me shiver to think if I'd unknowingly end up in a game like that one day- while trying to have a friendship or build a relationship with a guy that pretends to be caring but actually thinks the way they do How they explained motives for talking to women like having sex with them, or even mentioning things like age, or if she's independent to be able to take care of them by saying things like 'she's a..... so I am set' & I just don't get it. Why is it cool to play these games? How are they so quick to be really sweet to a girl and then when she leaves they make stupid jokes like 'Oh he banged didnt he?!' To be fair I know that all people aren't like this- even three of the guys in the group seemed pretty trustworthy solid but when they were all together with the others they would laugh or encourage 'player moves'. It got to the point were sometimes one of them would be like 'Chill out- she's a girl have some respect'. Or hey, no disrespect to me, and then go into w/e they'd brag about. I didn't take personal offense to it but it just confused me and made me wary of guys 'trying to get to know me'. & Im pretty sure that's why right after we had that virgin conversation why different members of the group started treating me like I was this holy person who doesn't curse or anything the Bible is against. He didn't even have the Courtesy to keep our convo private. How do you brag about the assumptions you made off of one very short conversation we had? It was a good experience to see what some guys act/think like when they aren't trying to pretend for the girls they are pursuing. I just hope to be able to skip all these games. But with the guy who asked me all those questions: it even got to the point where he started to be a little less polite to me like- throwing something at me in front of everyone and I'm a shy/awkward person so all I did was stand there with my face all hot. While some people looked at me with pity & others started to throw stuff back at him. & telling me to never take disrespect from anyone because I'm sweet/cool. But I didn't mean to not stand up for myself I just got so embarrassed so I kind of froze up. Probably he did it because I didn't respond to his advances the way he wanted me to. Idk- I've rambled a ton. Just want to say thanks to all that took the time to reply. You guys are awesome. ☺️ There's a stereotype about Caribbean (where I'm from.)women that we don't take bs without a fight and I kinda embody that. In high school a guy asked me similar stuff but more along the virgin line and I promised to shove an Oxford dictionary down his throat. I'll tell you something. People you don't know well or just met who ask stuff like that waay early on in the friendship usually have another motive. People like that don't stand the test of time, the longer you hold out they tend to get fed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 It's odd cause while I do sometimes get questioned about my life choices (e.g. Being a virgin, etc.), people tend not to mess around with me. I like to think that my serious tone of voice and my demeanor when talking about that stuff is enough to quiet any stupid remarks people might make. I imagine it's more bothersome and problematic for women though cause I feel guys who harass girls about that stuff are usually desperate and/or predatory and more persistent about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 I think people who ask such intrusive questions are not the sort I want to mix with, as I always find that type forward, disrespectful and cheeky. Probing till they get enough information so they can 'run and tell' ... Link to post Share on other sites
Mona Lisa Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 It bothers me so much that people think it's OK to ask these things. Another thing that bothers me: That telling a guy you don't have a boyfriend is his signal to harass you. That he'd only respect your wish to be left alone if you were "claimed." It basically says that men don't respect women; only other men. They're more worried about offending another guy than they are about the woman they're interested in. I hate this so much, but telling a guy you have a boyfriend to get him to leave you alone is more effective than most other tactics. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.