a gender positive thread

[butterflydreams]

On 8/26/2017 at 3:26 PM, Phoenix the II said:

Went to a lot of job interviews last week. (about 6)

 

1 gave me an offer, the next day. Was a really good interview. And, that same day I told them, I'm transitioning already / next year. 

 

It was no problem to them, they understood, asked for how my whole plan looks like. And the offer still stands.

 

Probably will be signing it next Tuesday! 

 

Out of closet at work(management), before actually switching xD..

 

 

Congrats! I'm glad it went well for you. Slay it!  

[Starbogen]

Yesterday I went to do some stuff at my uni and at a couple of points I had to reveal my legal name (gave my student number and they saw my legal name on the screen) and at least one person was noticeably taken aback by it and even asked me what my name was, because the card I was paying with had my dad's name. 

Point is they clearly saw me as male, were confused by the female name on screen, and then confused once more by the male name on the card so at that point they probably had no idea who/what I was. 

I unfortunately had to say that my legal name, emphasis on the legal, was the one on the screen, but ugh every time someone asks me that I really really want to say, "Well my name is Adrian, but my legal name is the one on the screen/document." And just leave it at that and let them figure it out if they can. I'm tired of having to pretend the other name is mine, even if I always preface it with the word "legal". But it feels good whenever I see evidence that random people don't understand why that female name would be attached to me. 

[butterflydreams]

@Liebelit, I know that feel. *hugs* When people started giving me weird looks when checking my ID for alcohol, that's when I knew I had to do something. The positive inner voice in me was saying, "Hadley, you dope, they're giving you weird looks because you look like a woman and that's not what your ID says."

 

Another inner voice moment, "Hadley, you dope, guys are messaging you on dating apps because you pass. Really well. And not only that, but you're attractive enough to message too."

 

Then I thought, you know, maybe my voice isn't that non-passable as it is. And actually, it's very close to very passable with a little effort. I'm just embarrassed to do it because I think people will notice me "doing a voice". But I watched an old video of me with the voice and for some reason, it seemed totally natural. It matched the face in the video.  The video was only from March or so.

[Starbogen]

@Hadley167 Yeah from what I've seen in your vids and photos you do look and sound pretty good. I'd say it's on the feminine side of androgynous but I think that's just because I'm trans and I know you're trans so I have a skewed perspective on that. It's like how some days I think I won't pass as well because my chest is showing but literally no one else notices that stuff.

We're definitely more critical of ourselves as trans people, and probably of other trans people as well, but cis people don't seem to notice a lot of stuff so things that to us aren't up to passing standards they don't even see or care about those things. 

 

But yeah, those discrepancies in the look vs the legal status, and the reactions I get from people, are a bit awkward but at the same time very satisfying. I kind of have the same thing with the voice where I don't quite try to put on a deeper voice because I don't want to fake it but I also try to keep it from going as high or as sing-songy as it might go if I wasn't thinking about it at all. 

[Was here]

I'm probably gonna get all confused again hours after i say this, but for right now, feeling calm and kind of eager for some reason, I feel happy feeling like I finally understand what I want for myself/who I am.

[999papercranes]

16 minutes ago, (D)anny said:

I'm probably gonna get all confused again hours after i say this, but for right now, feeling calm and kind of eager for some reason, I feel happy feeling like I finally understand what I want for myself/who I am.

That's great  I hope you stay that way! 

[butterflydreams]

On 8/29/2017 at 9:43 PM, Liebelit said:

@Hadley167 Yeah from what I've seen in your vids and photos you do look and sound pretty good. I'd say it's on the feminine side of androgynous but I think that's just because I'm trans and I know you're trans so I have a skewed perspective on that. It's like how some days I think I won't pass as well because my chest is showing but literally no one else notices that stuff.

We're definitely more critical of ourselves as trans people, and probably of other trans people as well, but cis people don't seem to notice a lot of stuff so things that to us aren't up to passing standards they don't even see or care about those things. 

 

But yeah, those discrepancies in the look vs the legal status, and the reactions I get from people, are a bit awkward but at the same time very satisfying. I kind of have the same thing with the voice where I don't quite try to put on a deeper voice because I don't want to fake it but I also try to keep it from going as high or as sing-songy as it might go if I wasn't thinking about it at all. 

Thanks! Yeah, I definitely think that trans people have a much finer tuned sense for other trans people. It's taken me a really long time, and while I'm still frustrated by my voice, it's not this monolithic thing that keeps me from passing. I already pass really well. The times I'm misgendered or clocked are genuine mistakes. I hope...

 

I can confirm that the opposite starts to happen once you're legal changed over. It becomes very validating. People who might be slightly unsure see it and are immediately convinced.

[Gentle Giant]

I didn't know where to post this, but I think it fits here so... the other day I was doing our learning programs on the computer at work, for things like fire safety, infection control, dementia, etc. there was a new one for culture diversity and had a part on LGBTQ. It talked about gender identity and expression and even acknowledged that someone could identify as not a man or woman, though they didn't use the word non-binary. They didn't include asexuality as one of the sexualities either. I wish they did. I was really surprised to see this because I've never seen anything like this outside of AVEN and especially to see this at work.

[Starbogen]

Apparently there's a voice pitch analyzer app and I have no idea how accurate it is but I just used it a couple of times and it said my voice sounded mostly male so cool. 

[Emery.]

I think I stopped feeling like any gender whatsoever. It's like that when dysphoria is gone, isn't it? The more out of alignment you are, the more you feel like a gender. Without the discomfort, it's just like comfortable clothes you don't notice.

[999papercranes]

I just had the best Labor Day weekend. I spent it with my friends and we went kayaking, go-karting, bowling, and this morning we visited a park with a waterfall. I wore a snapback and looked really masculine and they called me Parker and it felt amazing. Before we left the park, we hung around this playground and I just went around climbing things like the seven year-old boy I am. I was (and still am) so happy. It felt so good to just be me and be surrounded by the people I love and not have to worry or stress for once. 

[Starbogen]

My mom was looking for an umbrella and I showed her where I kept a little one in my bookbag and for some reason she called me a "brilliant girl". 

And I actually corrected her out loud for once instead of just in my mind. I told her, "I'm not a girl but thanks." 

The she said something like, "Okay fine you're a boy" and left... She didn't say it in a serious way, because I know she doesn't actually believe that, but she didn't say it in a mocking sort of way either. And compared to the alternatives or what she would have said a year ago I think it's progress. She'll probably never really be able to see me as a guy but maybe she can accept that I'm never going to see myself as or be the "girl" she wishes I was. 

[F1shCake]

I have a good hair colour (ginger), and today I got some boxers and it's giving me the good gender feels

[Andiamo]

I just got the photo on my student ID retaken! Now it actually looks like me, as opposed to what I looked like a year and a half ago (which is an image I don't want random people to see).

[Starbogen]

3 hours ago, Andiamo said:

I just got the photo on my student ID retaken! Now it actually looks like me, as opposed to what I looked like a year and a half ago (which is an image I don't want random people to see).

Oh man I should really do this as well.

 

So I went out today for the first time after the hurricane because I'm bored out of my mind at home with no power. And I was looking at myself in some reflections on windows and I looked really good. My hair's getting too long so it looked like a curly afro but other than that my body looked nice and I wasn't even binding, I just wore a hoodie and some joggers cause I was feeling lazy. 

Those clothes are always a good combo though, no chest waist or hips in sight. 

[ChillaKilla]

@Andiamo I got my ID updated to match my chosen name and even though the photos were less than a year apart the difference was staggering! I know exactly how you feel

[Was here]

I love drawing myself as a guy now, and drawing myself as a girl just feels boring and depressing to me.

 

and yes i'm still doubting being trans and thinking I'm just a really weird person with low self esteem and just like the way my guy sef looks in my head and not that I want to be him, I just don't like drawing myself because I' boring and don't have a great self esteem.

[All the little Lights]

I dreamt that I had top surgery. And I really like that I could dream about it, because it's a really good way to know how it would feel like for me. I'm still thinking about top surgery, so I guess that I'll dream about it soon again. And I like that, because to me it means that I'm thinking about it properly (and I love thinking a lot). Also, to me it means that I'm ready to think about it.

[999papercranes]

I've been having this constant gender freakout ever since I discovered that hey I kind of feel like a dude (oh who am I kidding- I've been in a gender freakout since I discovered I wasn't cis) but tonight there was a moment where I just looked in the mirror and I felt a sense of complacency I haven't felt in a while, seeing my short hair, recognizing myself. And you know what? No matter how I feel, no matter how I identify at a given moment, my feelings are real and valid and there is nothing wrong with me. And I need to remember that more often.

[Kimmie.]

When I "dress-up"  and look myself in the mirror, and it just make so much sense.  Like that is how I should look for real. 

 

And one thing I realized after I shaved my arms and legs and all that. I freeze more easily. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I freeze more easily. 

I know right!

[Was here]

this is tmi, so uh:

Spoiler

I've had I think 2 dreams where I was fully male, and 2(?) where I at least had a penis. Like a real one. it looked weird, but uh, yeah.

 

They where weird dreams but I liked them, even though they where only a few seconds long.

 

[Andiamo]

I ordered a binder! 

[DevinLynx]

I've got a civil court hearing for my name change petition next week! I can hardly wait!

[SkyWorld]

I wanted to share something real quick, but I'll get to that later. I'm just really glad that I took the time to catch up on reading this thread. Congrats to those who got the job! I'm currently looking for a better job. I've always worried about using my chosen name because it might cause legal issues and my current job, people call me by my legal name all the time and every time it makes me a little sad... Well, when I apply for hopefully a better job, I'll use my chosen name.  I was also afraid of telling my interviewers I'm trans because I don't want to have that encourage them not to hire me... But thanks for the helpful info and success stories!

 

Anyway, what I wanted to share was that today one of my professors came up to me and asked to talk to me privately out in the hall. I was really nervous and worried that I had done something wrong and started feeling anxious. Then he asked me what I would like to be referred as. I was confused and said my chosen name, which I've always said to everyone and all my professors the first day "People call me [chosen name]". Then he mentioned how he had called me "she" and then I realized that he meant pronouns, and I confidently told him my pronouns. He quickly accepted and took a mental note and was a bit apologetic for asking about it, by which I corrected and said that I appreciate him asking. I don't know about others, but I don't think it's a personal question when someone simply asks for one's pronouns.

 

Seriously, I'm honestly really impressed that he actually asked, and not only that, but privately as well rather than in front of everyone. Especially since obviously not everyone is so accepting. This really surprised me how someone who isn't around my age actually asked my pronouns. I feel really good how my professor genuinely wants to respect me, even when I'm too nervous about correcting people about my pronouns.

[Starbogen]

@SkyWorld Yes! This is how professors should be! And everyone else too of course but it's somehow especially nice when it's professors who are like this. I guess it's just that at least in my case being a student can seem like a kind of vulnerable position while the professor is often a figure of authority so getting their "approval" (not really approval but just seeing that they're okay with the way you are) feels more validating and safe than if it's just a random person or fellow student. 

Anyway, I'm glad you have him and I hope you always get more like him. 

[SkyWorld]

Wow... I've been having a hard time for a long long long while with some of my family members, my gender, and their transphobia. My GSA club at the college are trying to evolve and also be a support and social group. Which is extremely helpful for me and to others as well. One of the members, I asked about how I can find a gender therapist, especially since my insurance doesn't have any under their name in my area (locally or anything close). And he told me about a local gender clinic and I chhecked it out and I'll definitely see more into it and contact the clinic for more information, hopefully set up an appointment and figure out how I can pay for it. Finally see a gender therapist and hopefully get me started on T eventually. Holy crap, just thinking about it makes me incredibly happy and the largest grin on my face!  

 

Not only that, but the same person, I mentioned that I'm trying to find a better job, and he recommended one that is really trans friendly and can help with paying for gender related medications and stuff. Hopefully I can find a better job that is supportive and hopefully I can figure something out and get me started on HRT.

 

Just the thought alone of feeling more comfortable with myself makes me extremely happy because I'm just really tired of all those negative thoughts and feelings about myself. I really excited because I feel like I'll truly feel this way really soon. I'm looking forward to it so much!

[ChillaKilla]

So I needed a haircut, and I couldn't go to my normal barber because I'm about an hour and a half away what with college and all. This local place had excellent reviews, so I decided to give it a shot. I'm always anxious going to barbershops I'm unfamiliar with, though, because either they can be incredibly welcoming or incredibly hostile to LGBT people. I go in, sit at the waiting area, and immediately notice a copy of OUT Magazine in the middle of the coffee table. Anxiety = quashed  

Bonus- the barber who ended up cutting my hair (whom, I may add sent my gaydar into overdrive) was chatting with me and asked me what college I was at. Feeling relatively confident that I wouldn't be judged, I responded honestly with "[women's college that I attend]". If any stranger asks me where I go, I don't always tell the truth because as a male-passing person it would draw more than a few strange looks at best, and I usually expect the worst. So the fact that the environment felt safe enough to disclose that factoid really struck me. But what's funnier is how he reacted- he went "Oh, [private but coed nearby university that sounds nothing like women's college I go to]? That's great!"  
I'm sure I've mentioned before about the ability that certain aspects of outward appearance have to influence one's perception of another's gender have, but this is a serious case study in that. My face might be on the feminine side but my voice is deep enough to make people ignore that. It makes people ignore my chest (I've stopped binding regularly because it doesn't negatively impact how people see me, like, at all), my height, basically any factor that might hint that I am AFAB, is written off with plausible deniability merely because I sound male. And now I sound so male that people are mishearing what school I go to without me even trying to hide it. This is just too funny to me.

[Starbogen]

52 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I'm sure I've mentioned before about the ability that certain aspects of outward appearance have to influence one's perception of another's gender have, but this is a serious case study in that.

Soooo true... My looks are on the masculine side of androgynous and my voice is pretty in the middle so with a masculine presentation I pass without problems and I've had some instances when I've had to give out my legal name but people mishear it as the male version of it or keep asking me what it is because they don't get why I'm giving them that name. One time I went into a women's bathroom because I wasn't feeling confident enough about my looks that day to go to the men's and a woman there looked at weird and asked if there wasn't paper or soap or something like that in the men's bathroom. So yeah... Now I feel like I definitely can't go to those bathrooms at all anymore, nor do I want to. I always feel so awkward and also so validated whenever those things happen. 

[Kimmie.]

That sounds really great @ChillaKilla