How Did You Figure Out You Were Asexual?

[Sweet Potato]

1 hour ago, StrangeStory said:

Yes, I'm tired of ordinary words being "stolen". Try talking about erecting something, like a sign post or a tent, and look around for the giggles. And apparently "wood" means something too. I was once at a BBQ and I needed to go to the back of the house to fetch more firewood. I said, "I'm gonna go get wood" and there were laughs. I let them laugh and repeated myself, emphasizing the word "wood". I think I can guess what that one means. Seriously people, let's leave word and phrase definitions to the folks at Oxford...

one has to be careful how they talk at the lumber mill I work at, its a board not wood, its a bundle not a package, etc. once a talk on pike pole safety could have doubled for a lesson on how to give a hand job.

[Claire1983]

I'm still slogging through the questioning part.  I realized that it might be a possibility last week.  I'm 34 and I always assumed that I was straight and just bad at sex and dating.  I've had numerous crushes, I read and write erotica, the idea of sex is interesting and I'm pretty sure I'd like to be in a relationship because I want the emotional intimacy.  It was always the sex part that tripped me up but I figured that I just hadn't found "the one"  I've had sex but only when drunk and I can count the number of times on my fingers.  My longest relationship lasted a month and I broke up with him because he wanted to have sex and I didn't feel sexual attraction for him.  My other relationship that lasted for a while we never even got around to kissing.

 

Anyway, fast forward to last year.  I became friends with someone who was openly ace.  I slowly learned that a lot of my preconceptions about the asexual spectrum were incorrect (I assumed that since I'd had sex there was no way I could be ace)  The more I learned the more it seemed to resonate with my experiences but I ignored it because I figured I was imagining it.  I was also dealing with some pretty intense anxiety issues at the time.  Once I figured out my medication, I noticed a very drastic dip in my libido. I know libido and sexual attraction are different but I think without my frustrated libido clouding my mind I was able to recognize that I might not actually be sexually attracted to the people I had been drawn to over the years, rather it might be romantic or aesthetic attraction.

 

So a couple weeks ago my ace friend was teaching me how to do male makeup for a cosplay.  While I am solidly female, something about playing around with gender bending makeup knocked something lose and I started seriously thinking that I should read up on asexuality.  Then something she reblogged on tumblr really struck me like a punch to the gut and I started googling around for answers.  I found a lot of things that really made sense and eventually found this.  Still not sure, but it's a definite maybe,

[Strange_Charms]

The realization that I was asexual (and possibly aromantic, but I'm still questioning) was actually a rather recent revelation, though I will freely admit that looking back, it makes a lot of sense. 
(Be careful chirren, long post ahead!! Still reconciling with myself and writing my thoughts out helps the process. I apologize in advance.)

I think the first time that I was aware of being 'different' was fifth grade because other girls in the grade had begun to go about and delight in asking boys 'if their eyes matched their shoes' to get them to 'check them out.' They all seemed very giggly and amused by it and I distinctly remember, when one encouraged me to participate, I looked her in the eyes and said "but why?" I never ended up participating. 
I also vividly recall a boy having a rather huge crush on me in third grade (romantic declarations, the whole shabang) and my intense discomfort with it that manifested in me running away and laughing it off (at the time, I just figured I was shy and boys had cooties stage--not taking into account that the majority of my friends at that age were, incidentally, boys and that had never been an issue before).

Skip to middle school and not only did my discomfort with people crushing on me remain (don't get me wrong tho, this is not necessary for asexuality or anything, but I see it as a possible indicator for aro-feels on my part) but sex-ed became a thing. I literally couldn't watch the video, instead doodling with tunnel-vision focus on my paper. I figured this was likely because I was 'too young for it' and would 'grow into' sexual interest. Of course, once 'crush talk' ramped up to talk about who slept with who and which celebrity they wanted to smash by mid-late middle school, I was confused. I just figured that it was a small portion of the school overall and I just happened to be around those kids.

By high school, the hyper-focus of peers on sex and relationships were still at an all-time high and while I had a few short-lived crushes throughout the years, I was honestly perplexed. My crush fantasies had absolutely nothing to do with sexual intimacy, it never even crossed my mind. The most intense 'fantasy' (and only) I ever had was a dream where I was given a piggy-back ride and we held hands in a field of flowers (cliche I know, but seriously. That was it). I just figured that their talk was hyperbole and didn't give the fact that I had yet to pursue a relationship a passing glance, except occasionally thinking 'maybe I'll have one in college. After all, there's no point in high school, you'd just break up at the end of senior year anyway.' It didn't become a reality that people ACTUALLY had sex in high school until a fellow classmate told my psychology teacher point-blank that "your students have sex, Mr. H."

I was STUNNED. I had acknowledged that different people were attractive in passing, appreciating aesthetics and aspects like "wow, your hair is lovely. I wish mine was that shiny!" but thought that the idea that people could look at others and literally be like "woah, I'd like to bang that" was something that only happened in movies. But it actually happens? Like, those shampoo commercials with muscly guys or near-naked girls actually turn people on?? My college friends were serious when they talked about that if this or that celebrity propositioned them, they'd smash without hesitation (even with a current romantic relation)??


I just figured that I was weird or had some maturing to do. After all, how was it that I could stare a photo of Ryan Gosling or Beyonce in the eyes and honestly say that I had no reaction aside from acknowledging that they were physically fit and attractive "I guess." I gradually grew to accept that I would never get married or have a relationship (though a little part of me longed after the idea of a deep emotional bond and 'lifelong friend') because sex would be expected and I just...didn't want it. I felt a little ill at the thought of me actually engaging in it (others could if they wanted, but it wasn't for me). It wasn't until about a week ago that I stumbled across the term "asexual" in a meme and looked it up on AVEN. 

It just..clicked and I'm honestly a lot more at peace about everything. It's just.. really nice to realize I'm not the only one who feels this way. 

[will123]

3 hours ago, Strange_Charms said:

It just..clicked and I'm honestly a lot more at peace about everything. It's just.. really nice to realize I'm not the only one who feels this way. 

When I read about asexuality, I was quite happy about the 'discovery'. No upset or negative feelings.

[graymouse]

I'm heteroromantic asexual. I didn't find out till last year, when I was 36 years old, and had been married for 18 years (I got married at age 18).  I'm not sex-repulsed, so we do have a sexual relationship, the problem is that it's not as often as a normal sexual relationship should be, and I never initiate it because of my lack of sexual attraction.  The reason it took me so long to have this realization is because I'm a Christian, and we don't believe in premarital sex, so I never realized that I was supposed to be sexually attracted to my fiance/husband.  I didn't even know what sexual attraction was, just romantic and aesthetic attraction.  As a teenager, most of my friends were from church, so I didn't have a lot of those conversations about sex or whatever, to cause me to realize I was missing anything.  Another issue is that I was in a long distance relationship, which didn't give me a lot of time to process the physical aspect of the relationship.  Anyway, here's how I found out about asexuality: One day in May of 2018 I was on youtube, and a random Jordan Peterson video was on one of my suggested videos, and it was about asexuality.  I thought I had heard that term before, but I clicked it to see what it was.  After watching that video, I looked up asexuality on youtube, and honestly that was one of the best / craziest / happiest days of my life (yes, I know it sounds ridiculous) because I couldn't believe how much I was relating to these people!  Also, I felt a burden lifted because I no longer felt like I was doing something wrong, or made a mistake in who I married; this was something beyond my control, and not my fault.  We can and are still making the relationship work.  Me knowing about my sexuality makes things easier for me because I now understand my feelings or lack thereof, and don't feel guilty.

[Rudy is very into cake.]

On 1/28/2017 at 9:13 PM, advd said:

Hi, 

 

I'm a 22 y.o. cis-female currently in the process of questioning her sexuality or lack thereof. During my last couple years of college I - for the first time - became very preoccupied with being in a relationship, as I had never been in one. Never had sex. Never been kissed. I've only even been hit on a total of one time in life. I've never prioritized dating or my crushes, school or social issues with friends always seemed more important. My closer friends throughout high school never disclosed much of their romantic/sexual feelings to me. I never "liked" people often, but when I did, I would get very anxious and methodical about it. I'd imagine what would happen if he'd ask me out, but could never make a move myself. Sex didn't really factor into the equation until college, when it became evident that most relationships at my school started with sex and became romantic afterwards. I really hate that idea. I had never thought about masturbating until it was brought to my attention that it's weird that I haven't and that I'm not knowledgeable/curious about my body. 

 

Within the last year, it occurred to me that maybe the reason that I've never prioritized relationships and why people aren't particularly attracted to me is because I am inherently on the asexual spectrum and don't exude any of the same behaviors, attitudes, (or pheromones?) that other girls do. I very much want to be in an intimate relationship and it bothers me that I might not be interested in sex - that it makes me nervous. I can someone imagine doing it with someone now, but only out of forcing myself to. The late bloomer/"you'll know it when you meet the right person" argument resonates very true, because that's what I've been told my entire life. I took that as a given until now. But the absence of opportunity/conversation because of my not having had sex & lack of prioritizing it is becoming too much to believe that. I can definitely feel romantic attraction though; but I don't usually look at someone and say "damn" just based on appearance.

 

I'm interested in hearing what people think about "my story" and hearing more instances that caused people to question their sexuality/consider the asexuality spectrum. I'm thinking I may fall somewhere in the gray-a or demi-sexual spectrum... but I dunno. Maybe I just have a far below average libido. The more I mull on asexuality, the less it scares me - but it doesn't not scare me. Especially as I'm seeing more and more that the definition seems to include "not minding not wanting sex."

 

Anyway, thanks for reading. 

Welcome!

 

Well, I found out I was asexual when I was 10, as I am 13 right now. I am an early bloomer and started my period when I was 8, so I had the talk when I was young. Like most children, I thought it was gross, and stuck my tongue out like "bleh!" but then everyone acted like it was normal because they felt like that when they were about my age (maybe older, maybe younger). As a Muslim, I live in a VERY religious family, and they have been very... uh... strange... about relationships. They think that whatever I think is weird, and I should think like them. I mean, WHY? I don't force you to think or like things like me! But my family is strange about marriage. My mother and father were first cousins, like the rest of the couples in my family, and they say that I was a miracle baby because I was going to DIE in my mother's womb. but they won't listen when I say that It was because of the cousin marriage. When I say that I don't want to be married to my cousin, they kept saying that; "No, you'll marry them." Like, what the fuck? Fun fact; the rest of the available partners in my family are at least 17 years older than me, so yeah, WHAT THE FUCK? I've gotten off topic. So, I found out when I was back in America with my family and there was a news thingy where it was pride month, and a pride parade was going on, the news person said "Today is Pride month and now is the time we accept Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Asexual, etc.--" and she goes on, and I knew all of those other sexualities and gender identities except asexual. So I did some research, and that's how I found out I was asexual. 

 

Bye!

[NickyTannock]

@Rudy is very into cake. Welcome to AVEN!

 

In my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me. 

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here are Agent Ali Cupcakes,

[VegasGuy]

I lost the ability to have sex due to type 2 diabetes nerve damage, over time the cravings went away and I eventually became asexual. I don’t miss sex but I do miss the intimacy of having a partner and friend. Recently I have been on a health kick and have had a greater determination to make the most of the life I have. I’m 37 and there are plenty of adventures that await. I’m working on rebuilding my body and getting in shape. I suppose there is a small part of me that still hopes I can recover my sexuality, simply because the loneliness is unbearable sometimes.

[Dreamsexual]

On ‎6‎/‎4‎/‎2019 at 9:11 AM, VegasGuy said:

I suppose there is a small part of me that still hopes I can recover my sexuality, simply because the loneliness is unbearable sometimes.

 

[AJ Thompson]

I'm a 25-year-old Panromantic Asexual Woman and frankly, I think I always knew I was Asexual-I just didn't have a term for it. I remember being a child and being told these stories about how one day I'll meet: 'the-right-boy' and fall in love. At the time I thought everyone was right about this and when I developed a crush on my neighborhood best friend, we'll call him Tom, I figured it was true. I did have a crush on him and I found out shortly after that the crush was mutual but the two of us never did anything about it. We were six so we were honestly more concerned with jumping on the trampoline or climbing trees than pursuing a relationship. The actual hints I started picking up was when the adults of my family found out about our mutual crushes and decided to start imagining what 'bad-behaviors' we'd get up to in our teenage years. 

 

And they were frankly horrible assumptions: I'd do anything he asked of me, we'd run away, one of us would get the other into drugs, I'd have an overwhelming desire to give him multiple children, I'd get pregnant at 13, he'd abandon me and a child, STI's, STD's, make sure my mother gets me on birth control because we wouldn't be able to fight our urges.

 

'What urges?'

 

As much as I wanted to hold hands and kiss the boy I didn't want to do anything more. I said this and the adults said, "That'll change."

 

We grew up, our crushes continued, I moved away, we met up again, we were different people and the old feelings were gone. Though my family kept up with the 'bad-behaviors' assumptions to a point where they just got infuriating. Every time we had a party, family get together or reunion I'd have to sit there and listen to them make assumptions about my sexual behavior. Admittedly, I kept believing them in a tiny way-holding my breath and bracing myself for this widely talked about 'incoming desire for sex'. Adolescence hit. Nothing. Mid-Adolescence came, nothing. Sweet Sixteen, nothing. Legally 18, nothing. 21, now drinking age, nothing. 25 now and honestly the biggest change I went through is realizing that my affection didn't have to be for boys alone. 

 

It was more of a romantic-orientation eye-opening for me. As I met more diverse people at clubs and classes I realized that attraction was much more diverse then I had thought. I found myself being attracted to who people were instead of what they were. It helped that I was never into the physical portion of the attraction. I fell for a girl because she was extremely sweet. I fell for someone who transitioned from male to female due to their intellect. I fell for a nonbinary because they would look at a trip to a big city and immediately go find the nearest place to ride a carousel in the middle of a thunderstorm. I fell for a boy who irritated me but continually challenged my skills and abilities. 

 

 

 

 

1

On 1/28/2017 at 8:13 PM, advd said:

most relationships at my school started with sex and became romantic afterwards

And that's perfectly OK. I know we've romanticized slow burn relationships in the tales we share, but sometimes the best relationships are pure spur-of-the-moment chances. Both kinds are legit.

 

 

1

On 1/28/2017 at 8:13 PM, advd said:

The late bloomer/"you'll know it when you meet the right person" argument resonates very true, because that's what I've been told my entire life. I took that as a given until now.

Yeah, I wish I had had someone to come along and throw that line away for me. More the late bloomer part than anything because yes I do believe love can exist inside a single moment or stretch over the years. It just bugs me that everyone believed 'the right person' will make me want sex. No 'the-right-person' will be the one that I love for the rest of my life-that is my concern. 

[will123]

22 hours ago, Rudy is very into cake. said:

So, I found out when I was back in America with my family and there was a news thingy where it was pride month, and a pride parade was going on, the news person said "Today is Pride month and now is the time we accept Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Asexual, etc.--" and she goes on, and I knew all of those other sexualities and gender identities except asexual. So I did some research, and that's how I found out I was asexual. 

 

Bye!

I'm pretty sure I've never heard asexuality mentioned when discussing LGBT+ in Canada. 2S for 'two spirited' is quite commonly the last identifier, LGBTQ2S here.

[NickyTannock]

@VegasGuy Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'm sorry that you've lost the ability to have sex. I hope that you get back what you want.
I've always been Asexual, but I know that sense of loneliness you mention, it's why I joined the community.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Las Vegas Cake,

[PittAce92]

On 6/2/2019 at 10:58 PM, will123 said:

When I read about asexuality, I was quite happy about the 'discovery'. No upset or negative feelings.

To add, it was more of a "relief" of, "hey, I found an answer to the confusion."

[PittAce92]

On 6/4/2019 at 4:11 AM, VegasGuy said:

I lost the ability to have sex due to type 2 diabetes nerve damage, over time the cravings went away and I eventually became asexual. I don’t miss sex but I do miss the intimacy of having a partner and friend. Recently I have been on a health kick and have had a greater determination to make the most of the life I have. I’m 37 and there are plenty of adventures that await. I’m working on rebuilding my body and getting in shape. I suppose there is a small part of me that still hopes I can recover my sexuality, simply because the loneliness is unbearable sometimes.

Welcome to AVEN!!! 

 

Even though I am aro-ace, the most important life detail for me is family and friends, so I can relate to the idea of having friends being an important component in your life. 

[will123]

3 hours ago, PittAce92 said:

To add, it was more of a "relief" of, "hey, I found an answer to the confusion."

Exactly! If I'm heterosexual why am I not interested in girls?

[Layria]

In elementary school and middle school, I would always say to myself, "I'll just wait to have a relationship until I'm in high school because I'm too young right now." I never understood crushes, either. One of my clearest memories from elementary school was from Valentine's day, when all the girls were writing love letters to this one "hot" boy in class and I was writing a card for my mom. 

 

Well, high school came about and I still didn't feel like dating anyone. But there was this one guy who really wanted to date me, and he was nice and dating was apparently normal so eventually I said yes. Over the few months we dated, we saw movies together, went out for ice cream and mini golf, and had fun conversations, but I was never interested in him sexually. I just wanted to be friends. We broke up on good terms and are still friends to this day, but he told me after that he had been trying to get me to kiss him since we started dating and I hadn't noticed the signals at all. We still laugh about it even now, and he was the first person I told when I discovered my asexuality a few years later.

 

One of my other friends told me after my failed relationship that I might be asexual. I didn't really understand asexuality at the time, so I didn't think much of it. I had always assumed I was straight because I was not attracted to girls, but failed to realize that I'm not attracted to boys either, or anyone really. A few years later I finally decided to research it, and found that it fit me pretty well. It took me a few more months to come to terms with the label and use it to describe myself. I've been calling myself ace for about a year now. My family still thinks I'm just a late bloomer and will find the right guy eventually, despite the rainbow flag hanging in my room, so I guess I just have to wait for them to realize that I'm not going to "bring home a guy" anytime soon. 

 

[Comrade Kitty]

So many people who posted realized it in their 20s! I am only 13 and, for the time being, identify as asexual. I discovered it when I was 12 from friend who noticed how I slowly backed away from the conversation whenever it headed towards sex. I didnt consider it at the time, but months later I started googling it and researching it. I felt an instant click but kept pondering on it for a while. Then I'm like "Well heck, sexuality is fluid and this is how I feel now. If it changes in the future, so be it."

[stellamara]

My sexual orientation has gone through the ringer several times. 

 

I discovered the term asexuality in my teens and soon realised that asexuality held some resonance for me. However, after giving it a think over, I privately hoped that it was just a phase. I have a strong libido and always have - and somewhat naively I believed that if I had any sort of sexual desire I must be either straight or gay. Things were not so simple for me. Despite my libido, I've yet to meet and get to know a person that I'd like to have sex with. 

 

I still went through the various stages of either identifying as straight, bi, or gay. But I could never get behind or feel comfortable during those inevitable conversations of how 'hot' whoever was, whatever their gender. So, eventually, as I entered my twenties, I realised that I might be asexual after all. 

 

[Trebledteen897]

I realized that there was something different about me as early as my freshman year of high school. I had never gotten crushes before, and I had no interest in dating anyone. Whenever the conversation came up with my parents, I told them I wasn't really interested. I assumed I was straight, naturally, because every source I had ever been exposed to (my parents, my friends, teachers, sex ed etc) told me that it would happen eventually, and that I was probably just a late bloomer. One day, this guy who I was fairly close to (probably enough to consider a friend) asked me out and I completely freaked out. I made some excuses about my parents not letting me date and ran to my next class, trying not to cry. Looking back on it, that probably should have been an indicator, but I actually didn't figure it out then. I just thought that I was weird and would grow out of this "uncomfortable with dating" thing eventually. 

About a year later, my friend came out to me as panromantic asexual.  Now I had grown up in a pretty liberal family, but I also had two scientists as parents, and I had definitely been taught and accepted that having sex was a natural part of the human experience. So naturally I was curious and I looked it up. Turns out it was a real thing that lots of people experienced! A lot of dots connected for me that day, and I continued to get closer and closer to this friend. After about a year, I felt pretty comfortable using the term myself, and I came out to my friend group as asexual. One of my other friends was also asexual, and the rest of my friends were straight, but very supportive, and not all that interested in dating anyway.

I also came out to my parents. My dad was very supportive, and my mom was too, but she still thought that it was something that I might grow out of once I found the right person. I don't know how to tell her that it's a label I found for myself after years of confusion and isolation from everyone else and how I finally felt like I belonged when I found this website and heard everyone's stories. Hopefully, she'll understand when I'm 35 and just living with my three dogs. (I think the pride button on my backpack will help too)

[Morgan123]

I met an asexual, which was the first time I had heard about it. Then I started thinking, “Wait, what is sexual attraction? Do other people actually feel like that?” Once I figured out what other people were experiencing, I knew that I didn’t experience it. 

[Zagadka]

I think around 7th grade, there was this girl who had a huge thing for me (I think), and I was just terribly confused since I was really just being nice to a friend, and not even a close one at that. Everyone kept making jokes about us, but again, totally went over my head. A bit after that, my mother was a photographer, and she covered school dances. I'd help her with equipment. So all of these kids would come in for fancy portraits at dances or whatnot, and I was way more interested in the equipment than why those people were dancing (and other things I heard in class). But I think the first really resounding thing was at summer camp, the other boys were making all kinds of crude jokes and I was lost, just laughing when they did. At that point, I figured there was something wrong with me and really tried to get into girls. Don't think I need a spoiler tag for where that went, but for years I just squirmed trying. I wasn't comfortable until after college, really, outside of that social sphere where everything means something. Going to parties, watching porn with people, blah. It was so nice to stop being pressured and just not be into anyone.

 

The one relationship I had was a long distance thing. Was worth a shot and actually lasted a while, but I found she was infinitely more sexually motivated than me. I was happier just holding hands. I was happy to stop after that, though I still spent a few years trying to find myself and what I was attracted to (hah). Still, though, I do value that I did go through that phase of finding out what interested me. I learned a lot.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Zagadka

[Liana]

I would say that there were multiple events in high school that took me on a path to realizing that I was different from everyone else, which included:

1) being asked about sex by a girl that had a crush on me 

2) in 10th grade someone straight up asked me who my favorite porn star was, which made me realize that looking at that stuff was apparnetly the norm at my school (still not sure how I’m one of the only people in my school that never came across that stuff on the internet)

3) noticing that I still occasionally get a crush on girls (rarely and only ones that I’m already friends with), which tells me that the difference isn’t me being gay.

4) Rice Purity Test, where I saw the score that I had (100) and only came across 1 person in my school that also had the same score, heard a girl assume that every male masturbates (didn’t even know that was even a concept when I heard mention that question on it), hearing comments from people about how they plan to lower their score, etc.

5) having sex explained in a class in 11th grade and just feeling even more confused about the fact that other people seem to be so fascinated and intrigued by it.

 

It was pretty much bread crumbs that added up over time and made me decide to research asexuality when one of my friends suggested that that’s what I could be.

[Comrade Kitty]

 

 

 

19 minutes ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

It was pretty much bread crumbs that added up over time and made me decide to research asexuality when one of my friends suggested that that’s what I could be.

Aren't friends useful.

[Liana]

They are very helpful at times

[Jax0633]

On 1/28/2017 at 9:13 PM, advd said:

Hi, 

 

I'm a 22 y.o. cis-female currently in the process of questioning her sexuality or lack thereof. During my last couple years of college I - for the first time - became very preoccupied with being in a relationship, as I had never been in one. Never had sex. Never been kissed. I've only even been hit on a total of one time in life. I've never prioritized dating or my crushes, school or social issues with friends always seemed more important. My closer friends throughout high school never disclosed much of their romantic/sexual feelings to me. I never "liked" people often, but when I did, I would get very anxious and methodical about it. I'd imagine what would happen if he'd ask me out, but could never make a move myself. Sex didn't really factor into the equation until college, when it became evident that most relationships at my school started with sex and became romantic afterwards. I really hate that idea. I had never thought about masturbating until it was brought to my attention that it's weird that I haven't and that I'm not knowledgeable/curious about my body. 

 

Within the last year, it occurred to me that maybe the reason that I've never prioritized relationships and why people aren't particularly attracted to me is because I am inherently on the asexual spectrum and don't exude any of the same behaviors, attitudes, (or pheromones?) that other girls do. I very much want to be in an intimate relationship and it bothers me that I might not be interested in sex - that it makes me nervous. I can someone imagine doing it with someone now, but only out of forcing myself to. The late bloomer/"you'll know it when you meet the right person" argument resonates very true, because that's what I've been told my entire life. I took that as a given until now. But the absence of opportunity/conversation because of my not having had sex & lack of prioritizing it is becoming too much to believe that. I can definitely feel romantic attraction though; but I don't usually look at someone and say "damn" just based on appearance.

 

I'm interested in hearing what people think about "my story" and hearing more instances that caused people to question their sexuality/consider the asexuality spectrum. I'm thinking I may fall somewhere in the gray-a or demi-sexual spectrum... but I dunno. Maybe I just have a far below average libido. The more I mull on asexuality, the less it scares me - but it doesn't not scare me. Especially as I'm seeing more and more that the definition seems to include "not minding not wanting sex."

 

Anyway, thanks for reading. 

I recently realized I was asexual when I was trying to reaserch what was wrong with me. I came across the term asexual and decided to read on what that was. Once I reserched it, a light bulb went off in my head and thought.. huh so this is why I am not normal and uncomfortable with anything to do with sex. Every single thing in the description of being asexual.... it was me. Every bit of it. Every sign. I tried to come out to my boyfriend about it, he just refused to hear me. He just always tried to turn it all around on me saying that I’m not sexually attracted to him. I am dealing with so much stress right now I need to find a way to get him to really listen and not just pass off my feelings and he tries to tell me that I’m just making excuses. I just lost my mom last month and I have bottled it all inside and lately it’s all just stirring inside me. 

[Comrade Kitty]

2 minutes ago, Jax0633 said:

I recently realized I was asexual when I was trying to reaserch what was wrong with me. I came across the term asexual and decided to read on what that was. Once I reserched it, a light bulb went off in my head and thought.. huh so this is why I am not normal and uncomfortable with anything to do with sex. Every single thing in the description of being asexual.... it was me. Every bit of it. Every sign. I tried to come out to my boyfriend about it, he just refused to hear me. He just always tried to turn it all around on me saying that I’m not sexually attracted to him. I am dealing with so much stress right now I need to find a way to get him to really listen and not just pass off my feelings and he tries to tell me that I’m just making excuses. I just lost my mom last month and I have bottled it all inside and lately it’s all just stirring inside me. 

That's awful, you should seek some help and dump his stupid ***. Sorry, I don't usually swear, but I will in this case. If you really feel like he could be the one, try educating this S.O.B.

[Jax0633]

I feel like he’s the one. I have a daughter that needs a stable home. We got together after my daughters father and I had a really bad divorce and I currently have a domestic violence order out on him. My guy is good but our only problems are due to sex. I wish I could explain to him without him just dismissing my feelings. I’m very quiet and rarely talk but when I do try to talk about what I’m feeling or what I need, he shuts me down and says there’s no such thing as being asexual. He says I’m looking for excuses but I am not. I have done things sexually for him only because it was some of his desires. I fought against my morals and did what I felt inside was so morally wrong. 

[Jax0633]

I am 39 and been in this relationship for almost 4 years now. My daughter needs a stable and loving home and environment. I want her to feel safe. I grew up in a not so fortunate house. With drinking and fighting and abuse all the time. I can’t make it without my boyfriends income. That’s no excuse to stay, but I truly do believe he’s the one. Every aspect of our life is happy and fulfilled except that dreadful sex part. He’s not happy in the sex department and I’m not either. But I’m willing to find a middle ground where we can agree on. Even though I despise sex, I do for him.  He says every relationship needs intimacy, and says I show him none. I told him that intimacy isn’t just about sex. He’s an older man he’s 48. He’s stuck in his ways of thinking I guess. I just need some ideas on how to help him just try to understand and read about what I’m trying to tell him. 

[Comrade Kitty]

2 minutes ago, Jax0633 said:

I feel like he’s the one. I have a daughter that needs a stable home. We got together after my daughters father and I had a really bad divorce and I currently have a domestic violence order out on him. My guy is good but our only problems are due to sex. I wish I could explain to him without him just dismissing my feelings. I’m very quiet and rarely talk but when I do try to talk about what I’m feeling or what I need, he shuts me down and says there’s no such thing as being asexual. He says I’m looking for excuses but I am not. I have done things sexually for him only because it was some of his desires. I fought against my morals and did what I felt inside was so morally wrong. 

I think you should seek some professional help. I'm not saying this because I think it's your fault, or that you're wrong, but because it is really helpful to have someone to talk too. And like I've said before, try educating him, if he really is the one, he will at least listen.

[Hylethilei]

I found out I was Asexual when I broke up with my one and only girlfriend and never again had any sexual relationships for a period of 10+ years. I had friendships with women that never evolved into a sexual thing and then I kinda just realized one day it popped into my head "Yeah yup, I could do this for the rest of my life and be 100% satisfied with not having sex." The only reason I ever had sex with her was to satisfy her needs for sexual desire because we were in love and I wanted to make her happy and now that I am single and 100% satisfied without sex I can happily say who cares if I never have sex again. I also found out I attracted to non-binary persons as well and would be happy just to be in a sensual relationship with someone if that person exists that is!