Moophie Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I actually had a guy, some random older man, in a mall tell me to smile. He wasn't holding a camera or anything, there was no legit reason for it. I was walking to a store, not smiling, he saw me and told me to smile. What an ass. He had absolutely no idea what kind of day I was having, what was going through my mind. Unfortunately for him I'd not only had a bad day but was also quite pissed. I turned and started walking towards him with the best death glare I could manage and he just kinda clammed up and backed away. Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 On 1/19/2017 at 3:47 PM, Moophie said: I actually had a guy, some random older man, in a mall tell me to smile. He wasn't holding a camera or anything, there was no legit reason for it. I was walking to a store, not smiling, he saw me and told me to smile. I've had that happen to me. I've never understood why guys tell girls they have never met before to smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 5 minutes ago, Hey you in the corner said: I've had that happen to me. I've never understood why guys tell girls they have never met before to smile. Thankfully it was only the once, a few years ago. If it ever happens again I'll tell him to put on some makeup give me a reason to smile. I don't know, maybe they think they're helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I've also had old men tell me not to look so mean, and I'm male bodied. I think it's just old men being old men. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Maybe they think life is short and you have your youth to be happy about... Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Maybe they're going senile and forgot how miserable youth really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 It has its own stresses. But as someone no longer in the first flush, I can see it can have more advantages than disadvantages. Energy, naiveté, optimism, that kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Young folks will have to learn that themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I think that's what the old men are nudging them towards. Better to appreciate it while our can still benefit. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 It's still rude and imposing. Unsolicited wisdom is much more unsolicited than it is wise. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Young people who worry more about smiling than living life to its fullest and having a reason to smile, will end up turning into old people who have no better advice to give to young people other than to smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Bloody emos, the lot of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Growing up in a highly judgmental household, I can't help but see such comments as 'change yourself for me so that I feel more comfortable around you'. And HA! Good fucking luck with that. Watch me go. I don't mind smiling as I walk down the sidewalk, usually it makes me feel good. So if you see me without a smile, you can be guaranteed there's good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: Bloody emos, the lot of you. Thank you for the compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 59 minutes ago, Tarfeather said: I've also had old men tell me not to look so mean, and I'm male bodied. I think it's just old men being old men. Thank you! I love to see input on scenarios like these from a non-female perspective. Helps to reinforce that we can all be treated without consideration sometimes. What is it with old people feeling so free to be rude? Because they're at the stage where we're supposed to respect them for being old? Mmmm... Nah, sorry. I don't respect people more just because they've been pumping air longer then me. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 20 minutes ago, Moophie said: Growing up in a highly judgmental household, I can't help but see such comments as 'change yourself for me so that I feel more comfortable around you'. I grew up in a similar household and I know that reaction too. It's great when you get past it far enough that your default reaction to everything isn't 'why? what are you driving at?'. Most people are too involved in their own lives to judge you, and can't be arsed. Took me ages to get my head round the idea that on the whole, people are generally not on the attack. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Being told to smile doesn't make you feel any better anyway, so that's a pointless idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said: I grew up in a similar household and I know that reaction too. It's great when you get past it far enough that your default reaction to everything isn't 'why? what are you driving at?'. Most people are too involved in their own lives to judge you, and can't be arsed. Took me ages to get my head round the idea that on the whole, people are generally not on the attack. And you deserve a strong congratulations for that, as far as I'm concerned! Seriously, that's great. I've been incredibly defensive every since I was a kid. In the rational part of my mind I know you're 100% right. But getting to the point where I can actually act like I believe it has been painstakingly slow. Link to post Share on other sites
RedSheep2 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 On 1/21/2017 at 7:20 AM, Hey you in the corner said: I've had that happen to me. I've never understood why guys tell girls they have never met before to smile. It's a way of asserting dominance. Anyway, I haven't had any man tell me to smile in a LONG time. Thank God. My face is nobody else's business. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparrow of Spring Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 This post has been deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
Florenna Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 On 12/23/2016 at 7:27 PM, arokani said: It's pretty different in Northern Europe though, the people who do have that "resting nice face" are approached more and that, but not smiling or having a "resting bitch face" only causes you problems if you go outside the Northern part. Like I went down to Bretagne for a week, was having the time of my life but the student exchange host family kept asking me if something was wrong even though I tried so hard to smile all the time. Ah yes, it certainly is different here in Northern Europe... There's a popular joke with a list of things from which you know that you've spent too much time in this country, one of them being: "When a stranger smiles to you in the street, you immediately assume s/he's: a) drunk, b) crazy, c) an American, or d) all of the above" Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 8 hours ago, Florenna said: Ah yes, it certainly is different here in Northern Europe... There's a popular joke with a list of things from which you know that you've spent too much time in this country, one of them being: "When a stranger smiles to you in the street, you immediately assume s/he's: a) drunk, b) crazy, c) an American, or d) all of the above" Just giving me more reasons to want to move to Norway.. - Hate the warmth, can deal with the cold, check - Lower concentration of people to bother you, check - A government that's not in huge debt and bound to collapse on itself, check - Clean energy, check - Apparently, fewer people telling you to smile, check Link to post Share on other sites
CentaurianPrincess Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I heard that testosterone can make someone less emotive. It's also not seen as masculine to smile at strangers. I like it when I see a smiling cheerful man once in awhile. Women are conditioned to be more welcoming. Link to post Share on other sites
agigabyte Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I tend to try and keep an upward quirk to my lips all the time, because people seem to find me off-putting if I don't. I don't smile, however, because not only do I honestly find it kind of strange, but I have a fake-looking smile. However, even when I can't be bothered to put on an upward lip-quirk, I still acknowledge random people who look at me, at least with a glance towards them and a nod. Otherwise, my resting-bored-face apparently makes me look arrogant. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Mostly safety, tbh. I think it's a thing that developed because if you're a woman and you look angry, people think it's their business. You'll get stopped, harassed, sometimes assaulted... you also want an easy way to figure out whether someone means you harm, so if you smile at a man who is marching toward you and he smiles back, it eases your mind a bit. And of course I'm sure there's the subconscious hope that if he sees you being all girly and smiley, he'll be less likely to attack you. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Damn. I assumed they'd fallen for my charms. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I was born with Resting Bitch Face and have been a target for old men telling me to smile since I was 5. I think they do it so they can feel powerful telling someone who they think is powerless what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 3 minutes ago, Sally said: I was born with Resting Bitch Face and have been a target for old men telling me to smile since I was 5. I think they do it so they can feel powerful telling someone who they think is powerless what to do. Ahhhh, see, I've always assumed that guys have it so ingrained in their brains that women exist for their pleasure that they think they have an actual right to correct the problem (aka, a less-than-appealing woman in their line of sight). I also think there's some sexism involved, like there's no way a woman could be upset about something substantial, she probably just thinks her yellow sweater doesn't quite match her gray pants, so they're kind enough to let us know that our nonsense thoughts are so trivial that we best throw them out and be pretty instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 2 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said: Ahhhh, see, I've always assumed that guys have it so ingrained in their brains that women exist for their pleasure that they think they have an actual right to correct the problem (aka, a less-than-appealing woman in the line of sight). I also think there's some sexism involved, like there's no way a woman could be upset about something substantial, she probably just thinks her yellow sweater doesn't quite match her gray pants, so they're kind enough to let us know that our nonsense thoughts are so trivial that we best throw them out and be pretty instead. Jesus Christ, a yellow sweater and grey pants? That's nothing to smile about at all. But yeah, I think you're right and Sally's point is right about doing it to feel powerful - even if they think it's for the world's benefit rather than their own sense of control. Things like this can have really complicated origins, to varying degrees depending on personality, upbringing, and regional culture. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Honestly can't you just think of kittens or embroidery or something? Add a little make up and you could look quite pretty, in your way. Men like that, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
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