Joe the Stoic Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 For men and women, losing the V-card is one of life's many milestones. It's considered up there with getting your driver's license, graduating high school, or buying your first house. It's just one of those normal achievements in life. As asexuals, many of us are virgins. This means we lack the achievement of having sex, of "scoring." We can talk about whether or not this is a rational feeling, but what I really want to know is if this has made you feel inadequate. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I used to feel that way. I don't feel that way anymore. I think society can make a lot of people feel inadequate about being a virgin. When I was younger, I did feel a tad inadequate, but it never bothered me much because I never thought about sex much and I was (and still am) sex repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 No, I'd feel much less adequate if I caved into social pressure or was assaulted. I've never understood why mashing genitals together is considered an achievement tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I never really think about being a virgin. My own milestones tend to be more important to me than society's milestones. In most contexts, someone mentioning my being a virgin in a negative way is a signal to consider ending the conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I have plenty of things in my life that make me feel inadequate (taking care of a kid, work problems, life in general), but not being a virgin. To be honest, I've never understood what the big deal is about virginity, outside of the patriarchal view point. Do I feel like I missed out on some milestone? No. There are more interesting things to have missed out on, some I do regret. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 No, why would it? I haven't jumped from a plane yet, or been on a cruise, or visited Disneyland. I've also never been drunk, taken drugs, or committed a random act of vandalism. And those things don't make me feel inadequate either. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted December 20, 2016 Author Share Posted December 20, 2016 5 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: No, I'd feel much less adequate if I caved into social pressure or was assaulted. I've never understood why mashing genitals together is considered an achievement tbh. I think it's in being able to woo a person to that point, at least partly. It's a measure of attractiveness, I guess? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Why would it. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 When I was a virgin (many many years ago) I did feel inadequate, but I would never impose that upon anyone else. Being a virgin is fine - regardless of sexual orientation. Not being a virgin is fine - regardless of sexual orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I have my vivid imagination... compared to that, losing the V-card barely makes the meter. Rather, I feel more secure... if my chromosomes were circulating out there somewhere, well, that would be a loose end, a wild card which could come back to haunt me. Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 For a while I did, and had to justify my virginity using my religion to feel okay about it. Now even in the absence of religion, I'd be happy with being a virgin. It's what makes me happiest, and there's no point in going through something I don't want just because others think I should. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Back before I had ever been sexually active (I hate the word "virgin") I did feel inadequate. I think the construct that is virginity a big reason this continues. All the movies about teenagers trying to get rid of it like an ugly piece of clothing Aunt Annie made, are just the tip of the iceberg. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Being a virgin didn't bother me when I used to consider myself asexual, although being made fun of or looked down on for that did. I don't want people to know that I'm a virgin, and I sometimes try to give them the impression I'm not, just so they can leave me alone. I don't want to give them another reason to mock me. However, I *think* I'm probably sexual (that's why I didn't vote in any option), so being a virgin is starting to bother me a little bit, but for other reasons. However, I still don't think *anyone*, regardless of orientation, should be made to feel bad for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 80814 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 - Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I'll keep my answer short: no. Link to post Share on other sites
Togee Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Not anymore. I used to think so, because I thought I must be missing something because "I hadn't tried this thing that everyone talks about". Not anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 No. In fact I am probably more off put at having never tried skydiving than having sex. I "get it" that sex is fun, is something most human's long for and is almost always a necessary part of a loving human relationship. But I cannot simply turn on attraction/feelings I do not have and become sexually active. Add to that, being 54, the idea of going through the awkwardness of a "first time" with a woman would be so stressful that I cannot imagine even enjoying it. That is something you go through in your teens (or so). Link to post Share on other sites
max nut Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 content not available Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I have so many inadequacies, one more or less doesn't really make a difference. Sex is VERY low on my priority list, it just doesn't matter enough to make me feel bad or some other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Nope, not at all. To underline that I'll tell you a little story from about a week ago: A group of uni friends and me standing around drinking something and having fun, then: Person A: Did you know that if you stay a virgin until you're 30 you become a witcher? (Some gaming reference that supposedly exists, dunno) Me: Really!? That sounds cool O.o What happens when you do it longer? Everyone else: ^weirded out look^ A: Ahm... what? Me: Let's say.. 50. Or 60! Would I be the ruler of the world then? I mean that'd be awesome! Everyone ^laughing awkwardly not being sure if that was a joke or not^ Yep that's me... Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 That when I was under age, and everybody was having sex, it used to make me feel childish, anyway now It doesn't bother me, I'm proud to be a virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
Lemonsky Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Not at all. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and even less when I don't really want that to change. I feel perfectly content without any sexual intercourse, and it'd probably feel a lot worse if I lost my virginity just for the sake of making others think more highly of me. Link to post Share on other sites
SexNotHaver Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I know it's supposed to but I don't really get why. I suppose that's because I don't have the same 'instincts' (if that's what you can call them) that most people seem to have. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier080854 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 62 years young and still the eternal virgin. Happy and content till the end of time. Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 3 minutes ago, cavalier080854 said: 62 years young and still the eternal virgin. Happy and content till the end of time. Hopefully that's me in 50 years. XD even though I don't believe I'll reach that age. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Well, I hate to be on the short side, but yes, I do feel inadequate. Is it right? No. Am I trying to not feel that way? Yes. Do I have much hope of not feeling inadequate? No. Sorry I guess it's nice to see so many people here saying that it's not an issue. Sadly that hasn't really been my experience with people. When you hit 25+, people start to look at you like you're some kind of defective degenerate. Nevertheless, heartening to hear people say it's no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier080854 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 11 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said: Hopefully that's me in 50 years. XD even though I don't believe I'll reach that age. Why? Is there a lot of gang warfare/ violence where you live in latin america? If there is then I hope life gives you a good chance of survival and luck. Are there increased chances of suicide being trans where you live compared to the average person. It's very high, x20 the normal in the west. God keep you and protect you, even if you are an atheist Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 6 minutes ago, cavalier080854 said: Why? Is there a lot of gang warfare/ violence where you live in latin america? If there is then I hope life gives you a good chance of survival and luck. Are there increased chances of suicide being trans where you live compared to the average person. It's very high, x20 the normal in the west. God keep you and protect you, even if you are an atheist First I'm poor, second: I have a gastric chronic illness and third: Trans people life expectations in Latin America is around 30 years old, while for cis people it's around 70 years old. And yes LA is Hella violent and the Trans Healthcare sucks just like the health system and police and politics. Link to post Share on other sites
Mychemicalqpr Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I get kind of uncomfortable with it, but not because I feel inadequate. More like I don't like it when people think it makes me more attractive just because I'm a "virgin", partly because it repulses me a little, partly because I'm against the Virgin-Slut Binary. Link to post Share on other sites
Udon23 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 No, I feel happy that way. Since I made the choice that I am in control of my body, I feel what I feel and I wasn't born to please others without taking in consideration what I feel. I respect my choices so being a virgin is like I can make my own choices, if I want to have sex I will , if not I won't and if I don't want to do it it's not wrong. (and until now I don't feel like I want to but for me it's ok) It doesn't make you better or worse, like having children or not, or being a lawyer or a painter in the end is that you have your own views and you have the right to choose what feels better to you. It's funny that when I was a child even in highschool they considered virginity as something good, like something you had to be proud of, waiting till marriage.... even my grandmother and uncles who are religious were like you have to wait till you get married but now that I am 23 they are like it doesn't matter "just do it" "If you don't start do do it you won't find anyone" Its like whaaaat??? but then if something goes wrong lets say emotionally, in my health or I do get pregnant. Who was the one that made the choice? ME , its their fault? nope. If I get sick they will be like: you had to know him better wait. Or if you get pregnant and he doesn't be resposible, well why don't you waited til you got married xD So instead of pleasing people , do the things you believe in Link to post Share on other sites
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