Aces, does being a virgin make you feel inadequate?

[Joe the Stoic]

For men and women, losing the V-card is one of life's many milestones.  It's considered up there with getting your driver's license, graduating high school, or buying your first house.  It's just one of those normal achievements in life.

 

As asexuals, many of us are virgins.  This means we lack the achievement of having sex, of "scoring."  We can talk about whether or not this is a rational feeling, but what I really want to know is if this has made you feel inadequate.

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

I used to feel that way. I don't feel that way  anymore. I think society can make a lot of people feel inadequate about  being a virgin. When I was younger, I did feel a tad inadequate, but it never bothered me much because I never thought about sex much and I was (and still am) sex repulsed.

 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

No, I'd feel much less adequate if I caved into social pressure or was assaulted. I've never understood why mashing genitals together is considered an achievement tbh.

[Guest]

I never really think about being a virgin. My own milestones tend to be more important to me than society's milestones. In most contexts, someone mentioning my being a virgin in a negative way is a signal to consider ending the conversation.

[fuzzipueo]

I have plenty of things in my life that make me feel inadequate (taking care of a kid, work problems, life in general), but not being a virgin. To be honest, I've never understood what the big deal is about virginity, outside of the patriarchal view point.

 

Do I feel like I missed out on some milestone? No. There are more interesting things to have missed out on, some I do regret.

[9Lives]

No, why would it? 

I haven't jumped from a plane yet, or been on a cruise, or visited Disneyland. I've also never been drunk, taken drugs, or committed a random act of vandalism. 

And those things don't make me feel inadequate either.

[Joe the Stoic]

5 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

No, I'd feel much less adequate if I caved into social pressure or was assaulted. I've never understood why mashing genitals together is considered an achievement tbh.

I think it's in being able to woo a person to that point, at least partly.  It's a measure of attractiveness, I guess?

[Guest]

Why would it.

[Snao Cone]

When I was a virgin (many many years ago) I did feel inadequate, but I would never impose that upon anyone else. Being a virgin is fine - regardless of sexual orientation. Not being a virgin is fine - regardless of sexual orientation.

[SorryNotSorry]

I have my vivid imagination... compared to that, losing the V-card barely makes the meter. 

 

Rather, I feel more secure... if my chromosomes were circulating out there somewhere, well, that would be a loose end, a wild card which could come back to haunt me.

[deltaX]

For a while I did, and had to justify my virginity using my religion to feel okay about it.  Now even in the absence of religion, I'd be happy with being a virgin.  It's what makes me happiest, and there's no point in going through something I don't want just because others think I should.

[borkfork]

Back before I had ever been sexually active (I hate the word "virgin") I did feel inadequate. I think the construct that is virginity a big reason this continues. All the movies about teenagers trying to get rid of it like an ugly piece of clothing Aunt Annie made, are just the tip of the iceberg.

[Visenya]

Being a virgin didn't bother me when I used to consider myself asexual, although being made fun of or looked down on for that did. I don't want people to know that I'm a virgin, and I sometimes try to give them the impression I'm not, just so they can leave me alone. I don't want to give them another reason to mock me.

 

However, I *think* I'm probably sexual (that's why I didn't vote in any option), so being a virgin is starting to bother me a little bit, but for other reasons. However, I still don't think *anyone*, regardless of orientation, should be made to feel bad for it. 

[Guest 80814]

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[RK800]

I'll keep my answer short: no.

[Togee]

Not anymore. I used to think so, because I thought I must be missing something because "I hadn't tried this thing that everyone talks about". Not anymore.

[Techie]

No.  In fact I am probably more off put at having never tried skydiving than having sex.  I "get it" that sex is fun, is something most human's long for and is almost always a necessary part of a loving human relationship.  But I cannot simply turn on attraction/feelings I do not have and become sexually active.  Add to that, being 54, the idea of going through the awkwardness of a "first time" with a woman would be so stressful that I cannot imagine even enjoying it.  That is something you go through in your teens (or so).  

[max nut]

content not available

[Homer]

I have so many inadequacies, one more or less doesn't really make a difference. Sex is VERY low on my priority list, it just doesn't matter enough to make me feel bad or some other way.

[Forest Spirit]

Nope, not at all.

 

To underline that I'll tell you a little story from about a week ago:

A group of uni friends and me standing around drinking something and having fun, then:

Person A: Did you know that if you stay a virgin until you're 30 you become a witcher? (Some gaming reference that supposedly exists, dunno)

Me: Really!? That sounds cool O.o What happens when you do it longer?

Everyone else: ^weirded out look^

A: Ahm... what?

Me: Let's say.. 50. Or 60! Would I be the ruler of the world then? I mean that'd be awesome!

Everyone ^laughing awkwardly not being sure if that was a joke or not^

 

Yep that's me...

[AVEN #1 fan]

That when I was under age, and everybody was having sex, it used to make me feel childish, anyway now It doesn't bother me, I'm proud to be a virgin.

[Lemonsky]

Not at all.  There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and even less when I don't really want that to change. I feel perfectly content without any sexual intercourse, and it'd probably feel a lot worse if I lost my virginity just for the sake of making others think more highly of me.

[SexNotHaver]

I know it's supposed to but I don't really get why.  I suppose that's because I don't have the same 'instincts' (if that's what you can call them) that most people seem to have.

[cavalier080854]

62 years young and still the eternal virgin. Happy and content till the end of time.

[AVEN #1 fan]

3 minutes ago, cavalier080854 said:

62 years young and still the eternal virgin. Happy and content till the end of time.

Hopefully that's me in 50 years. XD even though I don't believe I'll reach that age.

[butterflydreams]

Well, I hate to be on the short side, but yes, I do feel inadequate. Is it right? No. Am I trying to not feel that way? Yes. Do I have much hope of not feeling inadequate? No.

 

Sorry  

 

I guess it's nice to see so many people here saying that it's not an issue. Sadly that hasn't really been my experience with people. When you hit 25+, people start to look at you like you're some kind of defective degenerate. Nevertheless, heartening to hear people say it's no big deal.

[cavalier080854]

11 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Hopefully that's me in 50 years. XD even though I don't believe I'll reach that age.

Why? Is there a lot of gang warfare/ violence where you live in latin america? If there is then I hope life gives you a good chance of survival and luck. Are there increased chances of suicide being trans where you live compared to the average person. It's very high, x20 the normal in the west. God keep you and protect you, even if you are an atheist

[AVEN #1 fan]

6 minutes ago, cavalier080854 said:

Why? Is there a lot of gang warfare/ violence where you live in latin america? If there is then I hope life gives you a good chance of survival and luck. Are there increased chances of suicide being trans where you live compared to the average person. It's very high, x20 the normal in the west. God keep you and protect you, even if you are an atheist

First I'm poor, second: I have a gastric chronic illness and third: Trans people life expectations in Latin America is around 30 years old, while for cis people it's around 70 years old. And yes LA is Hella violent and the Trans Healthcare sucks just like the health system and police and politics.

[Mychemicalqpr]

I get kind of uncomfortable with it, but not because I feel inadequate. More like I don't like it when people think it makes me more attractive just because I'm a "virgin", partly because it repulses me a little, partly because I'm against the Virgin-Slut Binary. 

[Udon23]

No, I feel happy that way.

Since I made the choice that I am in control of my body, I feel what I feel and I wasn't born to please others without taking in consideration what I feel.

I respect my choices so being a virgin is like I can make my own choices, if I want to have sex I will , if not I won't and if I don't want to do it it's not wrong. (and until now I don't feel 

like I want to but for me it's ok)

 

It doesn't make you better or worse, like having children or not, or being a lawyer or a painter in the end is that you have your own views and you have the right to choose

what feels better to you.

 

It's funny that when I was a child even in highschool they considered virginity as something good, like something you had to be proud of,  waiting till marriage.... even my grandmother and uncles who are religious were like you have to wait till you get married but now that I am 23 they are like it doesn't matter "just do it" "If you don't start do do it you won't find anyone"

Its like whaaaat??? but then if something goes wrong lets say emotionally, in my health or I do get pregnant. Who was the one that made the choice? ME , its their fault? nope.

If I get sick they will be like: you had to know him better wait. Or if you get pregnant and he doesn't be resposible, well why don't you waited til you got married xD

So instead of pleasing people , do the things you believe in