What's the difference between friendship and relationship?

[Roboto]

What is the difference between a friendship and a relationship? A friend told me recently that when he meets a new person he likes, he doesn't know if they will end up as friends or lovers, because for him it's the same feeling. Is romantic love something that just grows once you decided to have a romantic relationship with someone you could also just be friends with, or is it a different kind of affection? 

I always thought I was never in love, because I never had that desire to have a relationship with someone. I do however very rarely have a huge platonic (I think?) crush on people (currently on that friend I mentioned) that feels like what I read about romantic crushes, but without the desire to form a couple and without the butterflys (that I kinda think are just a myth anyway, ..  right?). Did I just misunderstand the whole concept and am actually madly in love with this guy who now thinks I'm aromantic? 

What's your experience with this? 

[Guest]

Personally, I develop romantic feelings after knowing someone for a while. I have to develop friendship first, then romance may or may not follow. This is why I don't like dating strangers, cause I don't "crush" easily. It's not something casual for me. If I start to notice I can like a friend in that way, I hold those feelings back, pull back a bit from them to avoid developing them any further. Unless, I think they may return said feelings, in which case if we both decide to go forward I can let them go and grow. And they'll eventually form into loving that person. 

 

Butterflies I do get, it's a sort of nervous/excited feeling in my stomach that causes "flutters" but that's well after the relationship starts. At first, I just notice I look for them more than others, when I have something to talk about. I notice something is missing if I don't talk to them for a while. I notice I get along with them, can talk to them for hours. Not that much different from friendship alone, but more ... intense. Subtle difference. Then, thoughts about being more intimate with them (I am into things like kissing, cuddling, etc) might start developing. 

 

There really isn't that much of a difference between the two. My main difference is how physically intimate I will become with the person. And a subtle emotional difference. 

[CheekyStoat]

Personally I find little to no difference between the two. When I love someone I love them, the only difference (for me) is the label the other person puts on it. I have no sexual desire for people but I'm not opposed to the act if they instigate it (so long as it's not too much). Personally, my issue is that I don't understand the difference between "romantic" relationships and QPRs. Whenever someone tries to explain a QPR it just sounds like a relationship without candles...? It seems like a different name for the same thing. But then again I don't think couples need to be romantic in order to be in "standard" relationship.

 

For me, all relationships are just finding compatible people. But then again I'm poly and just love as I want to. ^^

 

(Snow Owl, by the way, LOVE Robin Hobb and that was probably my favourite part in any of her books. Oddly fitting for this topic too. ;D)

[Roboto]

Thanks so much for your replies. So basically his experience is completely normal and I have actually been dating him for months and just didn't realise it. Whoops. 

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Hunnibi said:

Thanks so much for your replies. So basically his experience is completely normal and I have actually been dating him for months and just didn't realise it. Whoops. 

No. You have to both agree to a relationship to be dating, period. No matter what the feelings on either side are. 

[binary suns]

On 12/9/2016 at 5:47 PM, Hunnibi said:

 

What is the difference between a friendship and a relationship? A friend told me recently that when he meets a new person he likes, he doesn't know if they will end up as friends or lovers, because for him it's the same feeling.

 

some people are quoiromantic, which means that for them there isn't much of a difference between romantic feelings and platonic feelings. many people who are quoi might not identify as such, especially not people who feel comfortable as they are and happily pursue relationships as normal. 

 

for many other people, romantic feelings are very obvious to them intuitively. Honestly it's not the same feeling for everyone, because that's just the nature of human diversity, especially with emotions which how we feel them is a result of random patterns in our development in our nervous system and whatnot. For me, sexual feelings are most clearly felt in my stomach, I get butterflies in my stomach for sexual attraction, and romantic feelings are strongly felt in my chest right next to my heart, a sharp but wholesome tension, while platonic fondness and compassion is a wide, soft, steady feeling in the center of my chest. There is also more to it than this - even before an emotion is strong enough to be "felt" anywhere on my body, somehow I just know what the emotion is - well, with a margin of error. 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Hunnibi said:

Thanks so much for your replies. So basically his experience is completely normal and I have actually been dating him for months and just didn't realise it. Whoops. 

 

For me something that has happened often is - that I kind of "whoops" discover people were moving towards romance for me, and I just failed to pick up on the signals. I think that is actually kind of something that happens - maybe more often people aren't as clueless as I was, but what I mean is that people sort of "talk" and "hang out" and they both (or just one of em) are into each other, and they're thinking about maybe dating, and if the subtle "tests" and attempts at building it up work out, then at some point they talk about it and once they both agree to a relationship that is when they are in one. 

 

so I do not know about what is happening between you and your friend - but if you've not verbally confirmed to dating, then it isn't a relationship. maybe it is the case that he wishes to be closer to you in that way, but that only means he's interested, that doesn't mean it's a relationship. 

 

 

tbh honest I've had a lot of situations like that - people who were my friend, but who thought of me as a romantic interest, and it's kind of weird trying to name what it was - since we never agreed to dating, they aren't an ex. but at the same time, some of them I miss or are more sad over losing the friendship than some of my actual exes.