Hair, shopping and tomboys

[Emery.]

Hey there. Another vent and ramble thread.

So I went shopping with my mom today. I told her my plan: just go buy shorts and a pair of slippers. That's what I need. We bought a really nice pair of boyfriend shorts, she complained initially they are too loose, but changed her mind. Then we got the slippers. But then, she wanted to go here and there, and see this and that, and dragged me around the mall. X_X o_x #PleaseStopThisTorture I wonder what's up with her... Aha. I forgot. My mom is a woman, that explains everything (said a girl...). I told her beforehand not to go to other shops, and that I don't want to go to other shops, and she bought me a dress, even though I told her so many times not to buy me clothes, and I'm really angry at her for wasting money like this. I plan what to buy, where, when, and at best quality for best price, and she simply splurges the money that I could buy with so many clothes I actually like and want, and she additionally adds even more rubbish to my closet. My own, personal closet! I just plain refused to take this dress, and she is stuck with this dress that looks like someone she wants and expects me to be, her little girl. But you know what, her little girl is a grown-up, and I feel like I am taking care of my mom, not the other way round. Just venting.

And I'm going to the hairdresser again this week, we'll see how it goes but I want a slanted bob. My mom keeps on lamenting about my hair and I just can't stand it. That I should grow it out again. But, like, for the sake of what? My family keeps on commenting that my not even short, but medium hair makes unattractive as a woman, and I'm sick of it. One old, terminally ill grandma is with me, and other family members just don't accept that I don't want long hair, or that I changed my mind about it. When I was a teen and a child, it was great, and I'm happy I had long hair, but now? Lemme tell you something. I study and work in a very male-dominated field. Men, for some reason, read long hair as feminine and a reason to treat me as a sex object, and I don't come to work to be flirted with by men I am not into, I come there to work and make money. And the belief that you can't be beautiful if you don't have waist long hair is freakin' ridiculous. I mean... I could achieve the same effect with long hair, but I would have to go with the schoolgirl image.

It all makes me think of this piece of art by Edvard Munch, a Norwegian 20th century artist (TMI for nudity):

Woman in three stages. A girl - a young, innocent romantic, looking at the river and dreaming. A grown up woman - self-assured in her sexuality, looking straight at you, owning the world. And old widow - in her humble black dress, covered up. My thoughts are... being a woman is peculiar. Reproductive capacities are difficult to maintain physically, it's a burden for the body to carry a child, hence they don't last long. In ancient Alexandria, virgins (adult) had a status equal to men politically. Why are certain women forever girls? Is it natural? And how much of it is culturally imposed? I should write feminist essays, I tell you... I was reading about tomboys in Japan, some simple googling. The topic of gender diversity interests me a lot. And there is reasoning behind being a tomboy in Japan (tomboys in anime are completely different from almost-nonexistent Western depictions), that I saw, and that is not unique to this country but in my honest opinion describes a whole phenomenon of universal nature. That tomboys don't marry. Because they are able to provide for themselves. They don't have to marry. That's a Sworn Virgin derivative in caleidoscope.

Coming back to the topic of long hair... 100 years ago, there was a phenomenon of tomboys. Why is it vanishing? It strikes me that we all look the same nowadays. The same unappealing uniform of jeans and a t-shirt, often with a ramdom, unflattering print. Often jeans too loose, or too tight. The same haircut, everyone. What happened? We all disappear in a bolb of sameness. Did we all become tomboys? Or maybe, like in the Incredible movie, if everyone's a hero, nobody's a hero? I'm not trying to idealise anything.

I wonder... my granddad told me that I could travel to Japan. I'm a techie, so I could get some intern in there, maybe... And then, what would it look like? Not only am I a Western, working woman, I'm also a female techie, which even in here is a problem.

Why after a century of short haired ladies, we have a wave of long haired women, why exactly in my generation?

I keep on wondering... will I ever have a husband? Maybe I will not. But then, I'm probably not looking for a husband, but for a soulmate. When I cut this hair, will my soulmate be still attracted? If I am deliberately making myself less attractive... But you know what... it takes so much time to take care of long hair, on the other hand. Would a true soulmate want me to do it? I don't need a husband, that's for sure.

Am I making the right choice? The doubt is always there.

So I could pull it off with the long hair.

Or maybe not.

With the long hair, I would have to dress in baggy clothes, in "orphan" clothes. The choice for me is... "ugly" girl or "pretty" boy? I opted for being a pretty boy. "Ugly girl" is workforce too, she's innocent, she's a child still, she wears it sporty. She doesn't have a sexuality, any erotism, you know... She's humble and quiet. That's not me. The "pretty boy" look, on the other hand, offers shape-shifting qualities, much more liveliness, a possibility of safely wearing a dress and a pair of heels, safely from femininity overload of course, and maybe to paint nails and stuff, in order to feel sensual. It feels like me.

I saw a quote somewhere. "You know the truth by the way it feels" Hits home, doesn't it?

Let me remind you, in the previous century, fashion designers came up with short hair for women, knee-length dresses/skirts (more comfy than long dresses, more free to move), female suits with skirts (again, comfy), trousers for women, the little black dress, tights, and the cosmetics industry was created at all because women started to express sexuality, before - it was the Victorian puritan era. It was the first meaning of all this, and we forget about it right now, when again female clothing reached strange standards of being this time too sexy and revealing (again? are high heels comparable to corsets?). Or was it always like that? Is it maybe just human nature? Some women don't want "liberation", I have witnessed it with my own eyes. Any idea turns out to be a double-edged sword. Whatever the norm is, whetever the trend is, there is always excess, and there is always somene who doesn't follow it.

So the tech field is still like the good old times. To a certain degree, you have to smash the patriarchy with a hammer.

Or it is the fate of a woman born with a maleish mind. People manage the cards they were dealt how they can.

I'm not sure if femininity can be freely expressed in a situation filled with men, if you want to work with them. But then - do I need to express my femininity? Is it me? I know several women who fled from tech for this reason, they just didn't like this atmosphere, even though they were quite not bad at it. And no, I don't need the femininity. I always wanted to play football with the boys, I was and am fascinated with action flicks, and I don't mind all those situations my mom faints about. I can't live without sport and games. And the way I express my femininity is equally lively as that. I like nice clothes, I like cooking, I like creative pursiuts and I like men. That's what I care about. I can express that and I even feel more fee to do so when my hair is short.

People. People are interesting.

Best wishes, folks.

[Emery.]

It's a ramble topic, and I produced a nice essay xP Feel free to brainstorm :)

[Chardog]

My personal hair saga (of the last year or so).. My hair hasn't been long (past chin length) for about 4 years (since I realized I wasn't female). Before then it went up and down (between ear lobe length and shoulder length).

A year ago, just as I was starting to experiment with shaggier male emo-like cuts, I lost my stylist (moved to LA, had had her for 3 years- that's all the longer I seem to keep people before they move/change salons/do something to irk me). 😭 Tried a co-workers fiancée. She was good technique wise, but the cuts just weren't me somehow.

Tried a new salon. Got a guy (whom I read as a masc gay guy on the metrosexual side). First time he cuts my hair- very questioning of how short I want it and reluctant to shave my neck (I've had it shorter before). Does a good job when he finally acquiesces to my demands, but realize it's still longer than I wanted it next day. Go back to same person two months later- same questioning on how short I want it. Gets the length right, but spent so much time debating on that aspect my layers are ugh. Third time's a charm right? Nope. Had to tell him "go shorter" three times. He did layers but I wanted my ends fringey and the sides are slab straight. So $&@% tired of fighting with a male who's passive aggressively policing my hair length!!!

I love the salon so tried somebody else on former stylist's day off (don't want to cross paths). Get a woman. Tell her what I want. She is thrilled that she gets to do something different with my hair!! She shaves my neck with no questions (was a bit wary she was shaving too much, but was just right). She gives me all sorts of choppy layers. We try to style it how I want, but alas the top is too thin (hair loss due to severe anemic episode 6 years ago 😞, which also makes me wary of losing more if I ever took T). Either way, I LOVE the haircut!!! It's like a longer shaggy pixie (length was a bit above ear lobes to start). Have gone back once to get the neck fuzz cleaned up and will go back end of this month to take off some length/refresh layers.

This lady really likes that I am different (which on one hand is cool 😊, but on the other hand I wish that "different" wasn't such a big deal).

[argar]

Hair, shopping and tomboys

That would be an awesome title for a novel.

After reading what you wrote, it seems like you have a lot to say.

Plus, I am not sure how many novels of women in the tech field there are.

Have a beautiful day.

[Tanzanite]

I can somewhat relate to this (my mom has short hair herself so she can't say anything like that to me). But yeah, shopping can be torture! All of those clothes yet most of them don't even come close to being the right style you want, so why even bother going to all these stores when their clothes don't even aim for the demographic that you fit in? I honestly gave up going to the salon. I hate the salon! It always takes too long just to dry your hair, and they don't even nurture it in the process. So I decided to do things myself and see all of the various options there are to get my hair where I want it to be. There's no need to give up your individuality for anyone if you're doing nothing wrong. If you're not a murderer, a drug dealer, etc. then what your doing is fine. There are people that will like you for who you are. If people are trying to change you, than that's their problem, not yours.

[Chardog]

And as far as expressing femininity in the presence of men- me and my five inch heels carried a lot of 50 pound boxes from one end of the office to the other while eschewing male help 😂

[UncommonNonsense]

I used to work in IT. And yeah, it is a really sexist environment. Mine was public sector - health care - and being public sector, there were a LOT more rules about what was and wasn't acceptable, and even there, it was awful. A lot of it was instigated by my *boss*, too, so I felt unable to speak against it.

Now I work in private security. Another vastly male-dominated field. Annoyingly so. And while my current post is awesome, and my boss is truly great, I've been posted on some sites that were awful! There were some in which a co-worker guard came from a country where women have few rights and are controlled by men, and these guys resented my autonomy and the fact that I treated them as equals and not superior to me. Others, the site was more blue-collar and some of the staff had very backwards views. There was one site I worked (a high profile site) where we worked in pairs, and the guy I was usually paired with refused to speak to any female/female-bodied people, even client staff! This made 12 hour shifts, stuck in a small room with this shit-stain, excruciating. Finally, so many of the client staff complained that he was kicked off the site.

I have short hair now. I've had short hair most of my life. But a few years ago, I grew it out in order to donate it. When I had long hair, people thought nothing of touching it without my permission, which freaked me out and pissed me off. And when I was finally able to get shorn, people thought it appropriate to say shit like "Oh! You cut your hair! Why! It was so beautiful! You should never have cut it! When are you going to let it grow out again?" Having long hair is a pain! I never intend to grow it again.

Don't get me started on shopping. I hate it on so many levels.. the gender-mismatch thing and the fact that I'm a plus-sized person and most thing I like don't fit and everything is marketed by thin people, even clothing for plus-sized people. Mum also did the 'buying hyperfeminine clothing I loathed for me' crap, and I usually just donated the new, never worn, tags-still-on clothing to the United Way or Salvation Army. She finally got the hint and has stopped that nonsense. I suspect the fact that I've been more open about not feeling female has helped there. She *can* learn... it just takes her a while, and I have to make everything blunt, overt, easily processed, and as obvious as possible, because she won't pick up on it herself.

[Toothlesss]

My mom had shoulder length hair back in the 70's, but since the 80's she's kept it medium short. Growing up, I've always had short hair. When it gets too long, I'm annoyed by it- sleeping on shoulder length hair is a burden for me.

When I was younger, I'd go to the hairdresser to get it cut, but to save money, I started doing most of it myself (my mom helps get the back eve length.) I usually stick to a bob. Length varies as it grows out- but I usually cut it shy of chin length. Sometimes I give myself side bangs/fringe because I feel it looks good on me.

About femininity, I'm comfortable in a vintage style bikini, sundresses and formal wear, but on an average day- it's T-shirts and shorts depending on the season. :)

[Emery.]

Oh my goodness! So many likes. I was suspecting that to be another muddy ramble and scribblings of a nerdy bore and moaner too fond of reflection on everything, making fuss over nothing and spacing out :P

Hair, shopping and tomboys

That would be an awesome title for a novel.

After reading what you wrote, it seems like you have a lot to say.

Plus, I am not sure how many novels of women in the tech field there are.

Have a beautiful day.

Thank you :)

edit: I'm producing other resopnses. Wait a minute...

[Ace of Amethysts]

I feel bad now for never visiting this forum.

[Emery.]

I got my hair cut, and I was so scared, so freakin scared. The hairdresser took *a knife* and it made so much noise, and so much hair landed on my lap, and my hair wasn't long to begin with, so I was scared how short she went xD In the end, it looks awsome and I'm glad I went. Bob. Shorter on the back. Layered in the front. Chin length. It's the first time in my whole life I have so short hair. And hairdresser and me had a bit of fun with my hair :P

Chardog, yeah, it's a hard time to find a good hairdresser. The hairdresser I go to likes to cut short, but my mom... she protests to go longer all the time. This time though... I went alone *clebrates!* Your haircut sounds cool too :)

sleeping on shoulder length hair is a burden for me.

I was thinking the same! Once I got to know how it is to be able to just shake the hair off...

Haha, I also learnt how to cut my own hair.

[Luftschlosseule]

I hate going shopping with my mother. She always ignores what I say and has much more motivation to try another trouser although we already found a good one.

With my father it's much more simple.
"You're ready?"
"Yop."
"Let's go."

And the trends for hairstyling and clothing annoy me. I have prosopagnosia, which means I have difficulty with faces. I can't remember them, not always recognize faces I should know. To distinguish people, I look for hairstyles, clothing, body language, how they talk. At school I had a few people I always confused. Wanted to speak with A about something, but talked to B.
At university, we're all nerds in one way or the other and everyone looks different. ...well, small institut.
I want everyone to have an avatar like in a forum, a button somewhere, which doesn't change. If I should wind up with an own company some day, all people there will have to pick a picture. Ha!

I just discovered that there is a hairstyle with which I feel very comfortable. Long, light blue. I feels right.
Now I think that for everybody there is the perfect hairstyle, and you should discover it.

[UncommonNonsense]

I hate going shopping with my mother. She always ignores what I say and has much more motivation to try another trouser although we already found a good one.

With my father it's much more simple.

"You're ready?"

"Yop."

"Let's go."

And the trends for hairstyling and clothing annoy me. I have prosopagnosia, which means I have difficulty with faces. I can't remember them, not always recognize faces I should know. To distinguish people, I look for hairstyles, clothing, body language, how they talk. At school I had a few people I always confused. Wanted to speak with A about something, but talked to B.

At university, we're all nerds in one way or the other and everyone looks different. ...well, small institut.

I want everyone to have an avatar like in a forum, a button somewhere, which doesn't change. If I should wind up with an own company some day, all people there will have to pick a picture. Ha!

I just discovered that there is a hairstyle with which I feel very comfortable. Long, light blue. I feels right.

Now I think that for everybody there is the perfect hairstyle, and you should discover it.

I'm another face-blind person, and commonly worn items of clothing are one of my ways of telling people apart. I do best in winter, because in my country (Canada), winters are really cold and everyone wears heavy coats. Most people have only one or two winter coats, and they wear them all season, since a good winter coat is an expensive purchase. Since the coats individual people wear seldom change, I can rely on coats to tell people apart.

I always had the most trouble telling one particular group of people apart - the trendy, popular, appearance-obsessed, clothes-horse types, since they tend to look very much alike and some rarely wear an outfit more than a few times before they get rid of it (despite there being lots of wear left in those garments). They also alter their appearance with cosmetics a lot, and that throws me off. This was at it's worst when I was in High School, since a lot of kids do everything they can to emulate a particular singer, TV personality, celebrity, or more popular friend. With so many kids actively trying to look alike, there was no way I could tell them apart.

As an adult, I still have the most trouble telling apart people who are closest to what society considers beautiful or handsome. To me, they look the most alike and they give me the most trouble.

Because of my face blindness I always wear particular items of jewellery so that any other face blind people can recognize me. I also tend to wear clothing that is very similar, so much so that it's practically a uniform - oversized baggy t-shirts in dark colours and either navy blue or black cargo pants or shorts. My own troubles with prosopagnosia have made me determined to be easy to recognize.

[Luftschlosseule]

I hate going shopping with my mother. She always ignores what I say and has much more motivation to try another trouser although we already found a good one.

With my father it's much more simple.

"You're ready?"

"Yop."

"Let's go."

And the trends for hairstyling and clothing annoy me. I have prosopagnosia, which means I have difficulty with faces. I can't remember them, not always recognize faces I should know. To distinguish people, I look for hairstyles, clothing, body language, how they talk. At school I had a few people I always confused. Wanted to speak with A about something, but talked to B.

At university, we're all nerds in one way or the other and everyone looks different. ...well, small institut.

I want everyone to have an avatar like in a forum, a button somewhere, which doesn't change. If I should wind up with an own company some day, all people there will have to pick a picture. Ha!

I just discovered that there is a hairstyle with which I feel very comfortable. Long, light blue. I feels right.

Now I think that for everybody there is the perfect hairstyle, and you should discover it.

I'm another face-blind person, and commonly worn items of clothing are one of my ways of telling people apart. I do best in winter, because in my country (Canada), winters are really cold and everyone wears heavy coats. Most people have only one or two winter coats, and they wear them all season, since a good winter coat is an expensive purchase. Since the coats individual people wear seldom change, I can rely on coats to tell people apart.

I always had the most trouble telling one particular group of people apart - the trendy, popular, appearance-obsessed, clothes-horse types, since they tend to look very much alike and some rarely wear an outfit more than a few times before they get rid of it (despite there being lots of wear left in those garments). They also alter their appearance with cosmetics a lot, and that throws me off. This was at it's worst when I was in High School, since a lot of kids do everything they can to emulate a particular singer, TV personality, celebrity, or more popular friend. With so many kids actively trying to look alike, there was no way I could tell them apart.

As an adult, I still have the most trouble telling apart people who are closest to what society considers beautiful or handsome. To me, they look the most alike and they give me the most trouble.

Because of my face blindness I always wear particular items of jewellery so that any other face blind people can recognize me. I also tend to wear clothing that is very similar, so much so that it's practically a uniform - oversized baggy t-shirts in dark colours and either navy blue or black cargo pants or shorts. My own troubles with prosopagnosia have made me determined to be easy to recognize.

Now that you say it, I also tend to always look the same.

Walking over the campus for laws studies and economies freaks me out, because it's like they're all clones. Everybody looks the same. *shudder*