Nori_Chan Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Hello! I am new to the LGBTQ community, and I don't really know much about gender and what it feels like to be trans, etc. That being said, I've recently begun questioning my own gender and have been searching different forums for advice. I was born female, but I don't really feel all that feminine? Like, I have major dysphoria when it comes to my breasts and have been looking into purchasing a chest binder as of late. While I don't feel completely like a girl, I'm not sure if I see myself as 100% male either. I wish my body was more masculine than feminine (no boobs or curves) but I don't feel like a man trapped in a woman's body. If anything, I think I would be happier if I had been born a male, but I don't feel like I have to have to have bottom surgery or anything like that to be happy (top surgery would be nice though, as I'm comfortable with my private parts but not with my chest) I'm used to hearing she/her pronouns in real life, but online, people mostly refer to me as he/him, and I don't mind either of these. I've also been referred to as them/them, and that doesn't bother me either. What I'm trying to say is that I don't care what pronouns people refer to me by as I have don't really have a preference. Although, now that I really think about it, I like being called he/him and they/them a bit more than she/her, but I don't feel the need to correct anyone when they use different pronouns. I think it also would be worth mentioning that when I daydream, I almost always imagine myself as a boy/more masculine. I know that I'm the only one who can truly figure out my gender identity, but getting a step in the right direction would be nice. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 The "man trapped in a woman's body" (or vice versa) thing is one extreme end of the trans experience. I'm a trans guy, but I've never felt trapped in my body... it's just not mine. I'm indifferent to it, and am now transitioning to male in order to feel more comfortable and more like me, I guess. I'd swap this body for a male one without a moment's hesitation. Few trans guys get bottom surgery because their dysphoria is centred around their chests. Pronouns are a whole different thing... I've always hated female pronouns. A little bit of me dies inside when I'm referred to as "woman", "lady" etc. But I'm in the early stages of transitioning, and now male pronouns have started to feel awkward. I'm not used to it, which I suppose is a big part of it. But when I think about it, it does make me happy. You should figure out what makes you happy. How do you envisage your life, your body, in the future? What do you look like as an old person, reminiscing about the past? Do you lean more towards masculine and being a guy, or just as you are now? Does your dysphoria affect you on a daily basis? Does it impact on your mental health? These are all things you need to consider. If you haven't already, I'd think about contacting a therapist or counsellor that specialises in gender issues so you can talk through everything with them. And see how you feel while wearing a binder :D Link to post Share on other sites
coyearth Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I'm similar, where I don't really feel feminine or masculine most of the time. Sometimes I feel really masculine, and very rarely do I feel really feminine. Something in between. I personally don't know what to call myself, either, so I just stick to the general non-binary. If you'd like, you can claim that identity while you try to determine a more solid one, if that's what you're trying to do. (I personally am fine with just identifying as non-binary for now.) If you haven't already, you can look up different gender identities, such as genderqueer, agender, demiboy/girl, etc and see if any of them click. Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 If neither binary gender feels like it's completely right for you, there are a whole host of nonbinary identities that might be worth looking into. If you identify to some degree with both masculinity and femininity, then androgyne (a blend of the two) or bigender (experiencing both separately but at the same time) could be a place to start. If you feel significantly more feminine on some days and significantly more masculine on others, genderfluid is a possibility as well. Alternatively, if the reason neither binary gender seems to completely fit is because you don't identify with the binary itself, then you might have a gender identity that has nothing to do with the binary, such as agender (no gender whatsoever), neutrois (a neutral gender--not the same as agender, because the sense of having a gender is still there), and maverique (a gender that's not neutral but also has no relation to the gender binary), as well as the less specific but equally valid "umbrella" terms like nonbinary and genderqueer. I know it sounds like a whole dictionary's worth of new terms, and it's all probably a little confusing right now--and that's okay! There's no pressure to figure out absolutely everything right away, because this process can only happen at your own pace. Poke around, see what sounds like it might be applicable to you, dig a little deeper and see if it sounds right, and if it doesn't, then it's totally okay to start again and look elsewhere, and perhaps even go in a totally different direction altogether. One of the great things about this subforum is that you can see people's experiences from all different identities, and if you see something that resonates with you, you can look closer and see if that's the right fit for you. Above all, remember that you're the only person who can figure this out. I'm just a random person on the Internet who's throwing around suggestions that sound like they might be relevant, but you know yourself better than anyone else, and so it's totally possible that you could wind up being a gender identity that's completely different from anything I or anybody else would have guessed, and that's awesome too. Cake and sushi on your gender journey! Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Wonderland Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I don't think you need to push yourself into identifying as trans. It sounds like you could be, or you could just be a demiboy or just straight up nonbinary. Don't pressure yourself to be in a box. Whatever you're comfortable with should be good enough for you, and for anyone else. My advice would be, if i were in your situation, to stick with nonbinary for now. It might be a good idea to read up on different indentites that sound like they may relate to the way you feel, or try and get some insight from the perspective of actual trans/nonbinary/genderqueer people. (I personally am a cis girl, so I can't exactly tell you.) If your confusion and dysphoria aren't really hurting you at the moment, try to avoid boxing yourself in, like I said. And wear the binder! I think experimenting with one would probably be good, because you'd be more comfortable in your skin. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Nori_Chan Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 Thank you guys! I'll keep all your advice in mind while I keep doing research on different genders ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
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