Help w/ a friend who blurts my A title out b4 i'm ready

[confusedheart72]

sigh

i've been having some internal trouble with my friend... i haven't really come out as an A :aven: to any of my old good friends, just a few newer ones

but i have this one friend, who'll joke about me being a socially premisquious asexual (i'm a super huggy person) and that's fine, except it's blurted out in front of the entire world, and frankly, i'm not a huge self esteem person, and i like to keep some stuff private in my real life... (not on lj or aven of course)

she's very honed into her sexuality and i don't want my standing up for myself to sound like i'm against her, or attacking her, IM NOT! she knows that... but... i can't help but want to just tell her that it's not ok, she can't just blurt those identities out like that, even if one is hitting the nail on the head, i can't help but think it's not her place. she does it on me and her roommate, who she also calls asex. I dunno, i'm not ashamed of being an A :aven:, i'm just not ready for the world to know about my personal life, especially, since i haven't explicity told her, or what being an A:aven: means to me.

It's my title, and when i'm ready to come out to it the people i so chose i will, but she kinda forces it down, instead of giving me the control of my title, my definition... It's so hard for me to mention most of this, but it's something that is constantly on my mind, i just can never find the words to tell her...or the right place or anything, i love her dearly, which is all the more reason i stay silent until i can find the right rebuttle

anyways, if anyone has an advice or input, i'd really appriciate it

Crystal

[Remirath]

I think you should consider yourself lucky to have such an easy way to let people know. It's generally very difficult (at least for me) to tell people even when it's brought up. I'd be glad to have somebody friendly around to tell people so I didn't have to. If she's not saying it in an insulting way, I would not have a problem with it.

Just my opinnion, though. I can sort of understand why it would bother you.

(On another note: Large font = completely unnecessary)

[Abbey Normal]

Hey, you're from Monterey! The one in California, right? I'm from Marina.

I don't think you're wrong to be upset with your friend for blurting things out. It's your business and if it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it with friends, then you shouldn't feel like you have to. Your friend may be well-meaning, but you shouldn't feel bad about telling her that you don't want her talking like that. I mean, you're telling her something important and private and she's just telling everybody you meet. She should leave it up to you to bring it up if you choose to. And since you say she doesn't even really understand what asexuality means to you, she's basically spreading false information before you have a chance to correct her. If this is a big deal to you, you're right to take her aside and explain, nicely, that you would rather that she didn't discuss your orientation with anybody until you bring it up.

[ily]

Do you think you could take her aside and say something like,

Look, you know how sometimes you tell people that I'm A before I have a chance to tell them? Well, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do that, because I want to let people know on my own time.

I mean, you don't have to say that exact thing, but would something like it work?

My guess is that she doesn't even know this is bothering you.

Hope that was marginally helpful... :?

[confusedheart72]

Hey, you're from Monterey! The one in California, right? I'm from Marina.

I guess part of the reason i do feel uncomfortable is the fact that i haven't even felt comfortable telling her, :? I've never hinted or anything cause , though my actions and such scream asex:aven: , cause well, you kinda stick out like a sore thumb when your the only one in a group of sexuals that is shrinking away :roll:, heh . i've never until recently knew that my ways had a title, so all those years of feeling i was this odd little girl, is only slowly dilluting with the more confidence, slowly being the key word

I know she doesn't mean anything bad by it, but i can't help but think of how others feel who have there friends or other people call them gay or lesbian ( not in the negative sense even when they are still trying on the outfit and seeing how it fits in the proverbial closet.

I'm still trying on my own :aven: outfit, i'm still trying to hem it and making sure it fit just right, make sure i break in my shoes, and though my closet door is cracked open, it's not ready for the light to be crashing in, i still have some things i need to figure out... i don't need to have it all figured out, that's a life's journey, but i do need more of a idea than i have right now.

And since you say she doesn't even really understand what asexuality means to you... rather that she didn't discuss your orientation with anybody until you bring it up.

that hit the nail on the head, the identity has a general defintion with countless interpretations, and until i can define it for her, or anyone really, i'm afraid i'll be lost in translation.

I know she knows, which is scary, cause i wasn't ready, but doesn't know any more than the word, the lable, you can read that right off a can of soup. But with that, i can't even begin to figure out how to really come out to her, w/ out getting embarrassed, or the like, or even when. :oops:

i dunno, sorry this is really long, i guess just me trying to think out loud, thank you for your input abbey... take care[/i]

~Crystal Lou

[confusedheart72]

My guess is that she doesn't even know this is bothering you.

No she doesn't, usually this happens in kinda a joking manner and i usually act like i'm just passing off a joke haha, yeah, i'm asexual, you think that, heh heh

BUT that is but a defense mechanism

but thank you on the blunt approach, kinda nicely of course i know she wouldn't do if she knew it kinda hurt me, the thing is i'd think she thinks her jokes are an actual truth... and i'd for her to think that asexuality is but a joke, i don't think she does, maybe my mind just looks way to into things, but thank you ily, i appriciate the input

~*~Crystal Lou~*~

[confusedheart72]

If she's not saying it in an insulting way, I would not have a problem with it.

yeah, she's not being insulting at all, she's just joking about something i don't think she fully grasp as my reality