questions for sexuals

[TheKawaiifan]

i thought i'd make a thread where aces can ask sexual people some things. i think there might be some questions we might like to be answered.

[Asthoer]

hi! what do u want to know?

[Hardly any]

What's the deal with porn, anyway?

[AsexuallyME]

Honestly, I just want to know what the fascination is with sex, anyway. Have not understood since some know it all 5 year old ruined my life in kindergarten by announcing to everybody in class what he knew that we did not... :( :evil:

[verily-forsooth-egads]

What does it take for you to develop a crush on someone?

At what stage of a relationship do various forms of attraction kick in?

[Guest]

Porn: It completely and totally circumvents desire and attraction and speaks directly to one's libido, which is sometimes nice because it's so easy. I always think it's funny when asexuals are like "I love watching porn and masturbating but I don't imagine myself in the situations I'm watching". Um, I don't think a lot of sexuals do either... I know I don't. Ewwwww. I'd rather die than be in a porn scene. Doesn't mean it's not very quick and easy to get off to.

What's so great about sex: So, I hate tomatoes. Lots of people like tomatoes. I could ask everyone on earth who enjoys tomatoes why they enjoy tomatoes, but ultimately, all I'm going to learn is that they enjoy it and I don't. There's nothing I can say to you that will make you suddenly get it. All that said, here's a thread... http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/128463-why-do-people-enjoy-sex/

Crush: Crushes can be almost instantaneous for me... it's just a something that someone has that makes my brain go "hmmm I want to get to know them and be near them."

Attractions: I wouldn't be in a relationship unless they've already all kicked in.

[Vega91]

I realize this probably depends on an individual, but do you actually find genitalia attractive? Or is the desire more about the person in other ways?

[Autumn Season]

Attractions: I wouldn't be in a relationship unless they've already all kicked in.

Thanks for writing this. Sometimes I get really insecure when others try to convince me to "give somebody a chance" for whom I don't feel any attraction. I just don't want to lead somebody on and waste our both's time.

[Guest]

Ewww that sounds horrible. I'd be totally bummed if someone was in a relationship with me and I found out they were simply hoping they'd eventually feel something for me.

[Guest]

Genitalia: I think because I can count on two hands the number of interactions with male genitalia I've had, I find them fascinating and strange and fun, but I don't sleep with dudes, so alas. I don't find female genitalia attractive, no, but I do really enjoy (to a degree I can't express) touching, tasting, etc'ing female genitalia. BUT! That took awhile. When I "touched" my girlfriend for the first time, I freaked out. It felt so weird and icky! But I got used to it. Sexual interest... to my knowledge, it's very rarely genitalia-based. It's more of a "I'm into you and so I'll play with whateva you got down there".

But maybe that's just me?

[Autumn Season]

(Isn't the area above the genitals much more awesome? It's so soft! ^_^ )

[Guest]

YES!! Just like the underboob...

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Is it actually true that on average people do actually think about sexual stuff every day?

[Guest]

Also probably depends on the person... I'm more sexual than most, but I think of it multiple times a day every day.

[TheKawaiifan]

this is probably just me being an unlucky person, but why do allot of sexual people feel the need to beg for nudes n stuff?

Seriously, i've messaged many guys, and heard many stories. On one end of the conversation you explain your sexuality/state that you're not interested/you're uncomfortable/etc, and on the other end they just keep pressing on. They be all like, "why?" "but you're so hot" "if you send yours ill send mine" etc.

And my favorite: they ask for nudes, you send a joke photo that takes advantage of a loophole, and they still keep on pressing on for that nude.

i've had guys do this to me plenty, but i've heard stories of girls doing this too.

if i said no, stated that i'm not interested and/or comfortable with it, or i'm looking for loopholes around you're message, that should be a good ass "back off!" sign.

so much disrespect.

[Guest]

if i said no, stated that i'm not interested and/or comfortable with it, or i'm looking for loopholes around you're message, that should be a good ass "back off!" sign.

I agree? I dunno. It's mostly a dude thing I think. I've been hassled for nudes, I just don't care. Doesn't bother me to say no.

Some people are more visual than others, and I think there's something to the trust/ intimacy/ naughtiness that makes people like it. I really don't know. I've never felt like I wanted a nude pic of someone I'm banging.

[butterflydreams]

Genitalia: I think because I can count on two hands the number of interactions with male genitalia I've had, I find them fascinating and strange and fun, but I don't sleep with dudes, so alas. I don't find female genitalia attractive, no, but I do really enjoy (to a degree I can't express) touching, tasting, etc'ing female genitalia. BUT! That took awhile. When I "touched" my girlfriend for the first time, I freaked out. It felt so weird and icky! But I got used to it. Sexual interest... to my knowledge, it's very rarely genitalia-based. It's more of a "I'm into you and so I'll play with whateva you got down there".

But maybe that's just me?

This has to rank among the most interesting things I've read on AVEN, and I mean that genuinely. As someone who doesn't know how I feel about the physical act of sex, and is honestly confused about it, this is a very anchoring view.

I'd be extremely interested to know how universal you feel your experience/feeling here might be (among sexuals, or otherwise).

[Asthoer]

What's the deal with porn, anyway

It begins with what attract you, for ejample women, then a semi-naked woman will "turn you up", and that's the the deal with porn, you just watch it to get a level of arouse..anyways not everybody watch it..

[Asthoer]

Honestly, I just want to know what the fascination is with sex, anyway. Have not understood since some know it all 5 year old ruined my life in kindergarten by announcing to everybody in class what he knew that we did not... :( :evil:

It is caused by hormones that are in our body that make s desire it...it begins when ur a teen, it just apear: a desire from nowhere(?...

[Asthoer]

this is probably just me being an unlucky person, but why do allot of sexual people feel the need to beg for nudes n stuff?

Seriously, i've messaged many guys, and heard many stories. On one end of the conversation you explain your sexuality/state that you're not interested/you're uncomfortable/etc, and on the other end they just keep pressing on. They be all like, "why?" "but you're so hot" "if you send yours ill send mine" etc.

And my favorite: they ask for nudes, you send a joke photo that takes advantage of a loophole, and they still keep on pressing on for that nude.

i've had guys do this to me plenty, but i've heard stories of girls doing this too.

if i said no, stated that i'm not interested and/or comfortable with it, or i'm looking for loopholes around you're message, that should be a good ass "back off!" sign.

so much disrespect.

That's true what you are saying, mmm it gets like an obsetion for some people, it goes beyond a desire, more like a addiction, and an addiction that can go too far, you know. And what I ahve noticed is that men show more interested in sex than women, women are more discrete.

[Asthoer]

Is it actually true that on average people do actually think about sexual stuff every day?

mmm..when you are teen I would say yes, then it depends of the person...some people find things more interesting to do, and fill their mind with something else :)

[Asthoer]

I realize this probably depends on an individual, but do you actually find genitalia attractive? Or is the desire more about the person in other ways?

Mmm, this is not me, but it was when I was more "addicted" to sex or sex desires... When you are sexual you link beauty with sex much.

it may depends of the person that you are looking at, some girls I feel like an sexual atraction, I just find their bodies attractive, but there are girls that it is more about the personality or because is just cute

[Asthoer]

What does it take for you to develop a crush on someone?

At what stage of a relationship do various forms of attraction kick in?

Sexualy, it develops quickly, sometimes I would say at sight, but w are not just sexual, though some people just see the sexual part and is "happy" with that...in my case I just try to hold back my sexuals feeling to first know the person without showing interent in a relationship..

[Asthoer]

Honestly, I just want to know what the fascination is with sex, anyway. Have not understood since some know it all 5 year old ruined my life in kindergarten by announcing to everybody in class what he knew that we did not... :( :evil:

Honestly, I'd love to be as u are, ace!, believe me, enjoy self sexual control! and freedom. There are people who let himself lead by sex drive, an other that fight it, and when you fight it you realice that is not what you wanted but what was inside of you(? and that it is not easy :/...greetings! n.n

[Asthoer]

if anybody wanna chat I use skype, and whatsapp!, I'd like to exchange info and make new friends!

[verily-forsooth-egads]

Porn: It completely and totally circumvents desire and attraction and speaks directly to one's libido, which is sometimes nice because it's so easy. I always think it's funny when asexuals are like "I love watching porn and masturbating but I don't imagine myself in the situations I'm watching". Um, I don't think a lot of sexuals do either... I know I don't. Ewwwww. I'd rather die than be in a porn scene. Doesn't mean it's not very quick and easy to get off to.

What's so great about sex: So, I hate tomatoes. Lots of people like tomatoes. I could ask everyone on earth who enjoys tomatoes why they enjoy tomatoes, but ultimately, all I'm going to learn is that they enjoy it and I don't. There's nothing I can say to you that will make you suddenly get it. All that said, here's a thread... http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/128463-why-do-people-enjoy-sex/

Crush: Crushes can be almost instantaneous for me... it's just a something that someone has that makes my brain go "hmmm I want to get to know them and be near them."

Attractions: I wouldn't be in a relationship unless they've already all kicked in.

When I asked about it, I meant "relationship" in the loosest possible sense: from the moment you see someone and through the stages of getting to know them, how do your feelings evolve? Sorry that wasn't clear.

[Guest]

When you are sexual you link beauty with sex much.

Very true.

When I asked about it, I meant "relationship" in the loosest possible sense: from the moment you see someone and through the stages of getting to know them, how do your feelings evolve? Sorry that wasn't clear.

Oh, gotcha. For me it totally depends on the situation. Sometimes I'm just drawn to a person romantically and I get all dumb and blushy and nervous... it's all quite awkward. I far prefer when romantic attraction develops from friendship. My sexual attraction always derives from romantic, but follows almost immediately after.

[Hobbes!]

Genitalia: I think because I can count on two hands the number of interactions with male genitalia I've had, I find them fascinating and strange and fun, but I don't sleep with dudes, so alas. I don't find female genitalia attractive, no, but I do really enjoy (to a degree I can't express) touching, tasting, etc'ing female genitalia. BUT! That took awhile. When I "touched" my girlfriend for the first time, I freaked out. It felt so weird and icky! But I got used to it. Sexual interest... to my knowledge, it's very rarely genitalia-based. It's more of a "I'm into you and so I'll play with whateva you got down there".

But maybe that's just me?

See, this, right there, is why it's good for sexuals to be on this site too. The more I read from sexuals being honest - particularly the men, if I'm honest, since there's no point throwing round bravado here - the more I'm convinced that we're not that different

[Autumn Season]

I always assumed that people who pressure for nude pics are just a form of internet troll. But from reading the posts here it sounds like asking for nudes, even when the other says "no", is normal behavior?

[Telecaster68]

What's the deal with porn, anyway?

Pretty much as Skulls said - shortcut to the libido. There's some research showing our lower-functioning brains just go 'oh sex!' and we get turned on. That said, I guess my higher brain does some filtering because there's some stuff that I don't like - too fake, body types I don't like, acts I'm not interested in.

What does it take for you to develop a crush on someone?

No idea at all. It doesn't happen much, but then I'm old. I get mildish, passing attractions that I know are never going anywhere, I don't want them to, but they're fun, and it's a pleasant sensation to find someone attractive and toy with sexual thoughts about them during, say, a dull meeting.

At what stage of a relationship do various forms of attraction kick in?

I'd never come across this dissection of various forms of attraction till I read AVEN. It's pretty much all just 'attraction', and sexual, aesthetic, sensual are all just rolled into one. But I can find someone sexually attractive ('hot') and then discover they're thick or humourless, in which case I stop finding them sexually attractive. Or want more of their sense of humour without finding them remotely sexually attractive, like my best - male - friend, for example.

do you actually find genitalia attractive? Or is the desire more about the person in other ways?

Taking male ones out of the equation, because I don't find males sexually attractive at all - female genitalia can be nice, can be meh. But if I'm attracted to the person, then I'm attracted to them in the sense I want to touch them and do things with them. Partly because they'll enjoy it (hopefully) but partly because…well… I just do.

My experience is that men are more likely to be into the visuals, but I know some women do like a pic of an erection, particularly if there's something they find aesthetically appealling, but also because they can imagine it inside them, and/or it's part of their partner.

Is it actually true that on average people do actually think about sexual stuff every day?

Multiple times, always. Sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of horniness, sometimes remembering a recent really good session.

why do allot of sexual people feel the need to beg for nudes n stuff?

Because they like seeing their partner naked, and (as per first answer) it cuts straight to the libido. Plus if it's your partner, you have all those assocations/memories etc.

from the moment you see someone and through the stages of getting to know them, how do your feelings evolve? I posted in more detail about this somewhere, but I can't find the post…

For me, it's kind of a whittling down process. Above a certain 'are they Jabba the Hutt' threshold, physical appearance isn't generally what sparks that initial 'I wonder…' in me. It's more about what they seem to be like based on how they're acting and what they're saying - crucially for me including sense of humour.

So it's about that initial attraction getting stronger as I get to know them better, and we get closer, find more in common, the connection gets stronger etc. At some point, maybe, I'll realise I'm falling in love with them, but that's more like a realisation and certainly not a decision.