Possibly non-binary

[Wendy Testaburger]

I am 29. Was always happy with being very feminine physically (hairstyle, clothes, makeup, etc).

When I was a child I was never into the Barbies that friends got me for my birthday. I preferred stuffed animals, trolls (they were a thing), and artistic activities like visual art and theatre.

As an adult I was pretty feminine, but over the past several months as I have come to an asexual identity, looking "attractive" to people is no longer important to me. I haven't worn makeup or my dresses and skirts in several months. Part of the not wanting to dress feminine is I have gained some weight and don't feel as confident about my body as I used to, so don't really want to attract attention.

In terms of fashion, I like a lot of men's clothes. When I was about 10 someone got me for my birthday a sweater from the boy's section of Gap Kids. It was my favourite sweater. This past winter I went to a bunch of stores trying to find a sweater that looked like it (I checked the men's and women's sections), but couldn't find one. Around this time I was in a big H&M and tried on some clothes from the men's section, but they didn't fit me properly and were unflattering, because I'm not skinny and have female curves. Women's clothes are more likely to fit me properly. I am okay with stereotypical designs like flowers, and I like bright pink (like bubble-gum pink and darker pink). I have long hair because my hair is one of my best features (it's black and pretty long), as well as being a low-maintenance texture. But being female isn't important to me like it used to be. I don't wish I were male (although it would be nice to have less body fat), because I don't wish I had a penis. I don't mind having breasts- mine are small/average and don't get in the way of me doing anything or wearing women's shirts. I wish I didn't have a gender, and have to deal with gender expectations of females like shaving your legs and being pretty/sexy. Like when I was a baby/toddler, I didn't really know what it meant to be a boy or girl. I wasn't into dolls, but was very attached to my teddy bear and my Ernie puppet (from Sesame Street). It took a long time for my hair to grow in, so I had short "boy" hair until I was about 3 (it was too short to put in any style, although sometimes my parents pulled some hair together in a tiny barrette on the top of my head). Sometimes my parents put me in unisex clothes or clothes from the boy's section. Then when they took me out, people who didn't know me often thought I was a boy. That's why my mom got my ears pierced when I was 2- to make me look more feminine. I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this worrying that people will think less of me or not want to date me if I don't present more feminine. I am wondering if anyone wants to share about feeling the same way.

[cbay89]

I have certainly never been very feminine. I do not like dresses or skirts. I never liked dolls when I was younger and almost never wear makeup. I was dressed sometimes in boys clothes when I was younger but that was because the clothes held up better then the girls stuff and was usually in colors that hid dirt better since I often had to go the garage with my mom when she had to do the paperwork for my dad.

I do not really think it is much of an issue if you do not present very feminine to date. Especially if your interests are more often seen as "masculine". It is also very possible I feel to look feminine without looking "sexy" which may be what your goal is. This can be harder to obtain since "sexy" is so ingrained in our society.

I personally feel rather meh about gender these days. No need to consider myself not a woman just because I may not fit the societal mold of woman.

Sorry if that didn't really answer your question.

[nerdperson777]

Without gender, maybe agender.

[Wendy Testaburger]

I have certainly never been very feminine. I do not like dresses or skirts. I never liked dolls when I was younger and almost never wear makeup. I was dressed sometimes in boys clothes when I was younger but that was because the clothes held up better then the girls stuff and was usually in colors that hid dirt better since I often had to go the garage with my mom when she had to do the paperwork for my dad.

I do not really think it is much of an issue if you do not present very feminine to date. Especially if your interests are more often seen as "masculine". It is also very possible I feel to look feminine without looking "sexy" which may be what your goal is. This can be harder to obtain since "sexy" is so ingrained in our society.

I personally feel rather meh about gender these days. No need to consider myself not a woman just because I may not fit the societal mold of woman.

Sorry if that didn't really answer your question.

Thanks for sharing. I don't know if my interests are seen as "masculine", but I played in punk bands, taught myself to play guitar and drums, taught guitar for many years- all things that are mainly done by males.

I've never had a close friendship with a male because generally the guys I tried to be friends with tried to date me (not that I'm amazing or anything, it's just males perceiving female peers in a romantic/sexual way), other than one of my bandmates.

I guess I feel "meh" about gender too, and feel it is an archaic concept. There are just different types of body parts, but people should express themselves however they want and do whatever interests them, and ignore stereotypes.

[Heart]

people should express themselves however they want and do whatever interests them, and ignore stereotypes.

I fully support this notion, and do my best to live by it :D

[Wendy Testaburger]

Without gender, maybe agender.

Yes, agender probably is more accurate, because non-binary means you want to have more than 1 gender, and agender means you don't want to have any gender / transcend gender

[Heart]

Without gender, maybe agender.

Yes, agender probably is more accurate, because non-binary means you want to have more than 1 gender, and agender means you don't want to have any gender / transcend gender

The way I've always used "non-binary" is to refer to any gender that is neither man nor woman. That could be just one gender though. For example, I would consider someone who is neutrois as being non-binary, even though they only have one gender. It's not man or woman, it's a "third gender", thus to me it's nonbinary.

But this is an excellent example of how different people use terms differently. The beauty of the English language, and any language, is the variety of usage in it (which, coincidentally, can also be the most frustrating sometimes :P ).

[Wendy Testaburger]

Without gender, maybe agender.

Yes, agender probably is more accurate, because non-binary means you want to have more than 1 gender, and agender means you don't want to have any gender / transcend gender

The way I've always used "non-binary" is to refer to any gender that is neither man nor woman. That could be just one gender though. For example, I would consider someone who is neutrois as being non-binary, even though they only have one gender. It's not man or woman, it's a "third gender", thus to me it's nonbinary.

But this is an excellent example of how different people use terms differently. The beauty of the English language, and any language, is the variety of usage in it (which, coincidentally, can also be the most frustrating sometimes :P ).

Thank you for your input. I am actually going to write an update/follow-up post in this thread, and would be interested to hear what you think if you feel like it : )

[Heart]

Sure! Let me know when you've written the update :)

[Wendy Testaburger]

Sure! Let me know when you've written the update :)

Thanks. I have posted the update in this thread (title is "possibly non-binary/agender update/follow-up"), but I warn you I do talk about wizards :o

[Heart]

Cheers! I don't have time this instant, but I will wander over and read it at some point soon, I promise ^_^