OliS Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Hey all, I'm Oli, I'm a 22-year-old student living in London A few months ago I posted on some of the forum pages, about a short documentary I was making about asexuality. I met around 30 people in person, on skype, through messengers, and it was an incredible experience. I finished all the interviews/conversations back in March and I'm really proud of it - but getting ready to enter it into film festivals, I recognize the documentary focuses heavily on young, undergraduate, early 20s, students. So, I'm posting on here in case any 'older asexuals' might be interested at all in getting involved - you don't have to be identified if you don't want to, or whatever your comfort levels are. It is generally just about your experience with asexuality, your anecdotes and thoughts, and I think having older asexuals, from a different generation, is so important to include. It would be great to hear from anyone - across the romantic orientation, those single, those in relationships, everyone! - you can message me on here or my email is oliver.smith18@gmail.com I really appreciate any replies, and anyone willing to help me out, thank you!! Oli Disclaimer: AVEN does not endorse, bear any affiliation with , nor hold any responsibility for the content of, the documentary described above. Qutenkuddly, Intersectionality Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Artistofnoname Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'd be happy to help. Link to post Share on other sites
RoninA Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Hi Oli, I remember your earlier post. I'd be willing to help out if I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregongirl24 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hi, Oli. I'd be happy to share some thoughts with you about being an older asexual. I'm a 58-year-old hetero woman living in the U.S. The first thing I'd like to share is that I think asexuality among older women is more common that most people realize (or that many women like to admit). I can think of three female friends, besides myself ("L" is 52, "S" is 60, "C" is 66), who are very happy to not be having sex anymore and would be uncomfortable / unhappy / disgusted if they found themselves in a situation where sexual activity was expected of them. I don't believe L would admit / acknowledge her asexuality and S is unaware of distinction. L and S are both married but their spouses, because of age and health reasons, have no interest in sex or are unable to perform. L and S are both quite happy to be relieved of the burden of having sex, even though they love their husbands very much and are otherwise happy in their marriages. C is a widow but has told me that, beginning a few years before her much-beloved husband passed, she was not interested in having sex with him, or anyone, anymore. This came as quite a surprise to to her because for much of their relationship, sex with her husband was important for her. But over time, she just lost all interest, even though, like L and S, she loved her husband very much, right up to the day he died. C and I have discussed asexuality and she agrees that that is exactly how she would describe herself now (and then). The story is similar for me: when I was younger, in my 20s and 30s, sex was important, although now I wonder if it was really because I wanted sex or if I wanted physical intimacy and attention. I know I used (abused?) my sexual attractiveness to draw men to me in the hopes of finding a long-term partner. (I can tell you now, it's not the most effective way to go about it.) By my early 40s, the combination of my health problems and a bad marriage made sexual activity very unappealing. Now, I can clearly and unequivocally state that I have absolutely no interest in having sex again. I feel like, since my divorce, that I have taken my body back, reclaimed it as my own, and am not letting anyone use it again. I would be very interested to see your documentary because, quite frankly, the idea that there are young people in their 20s who are asexual is amazing to me. Not that I'm knocking it. In my experience, it seems like everyone over 16 (and under 80) is frantically focused on having sex all the damned time. I'm looking forward to seeing another side. Please let me know if you have any questions. Best of luck to you with your documentary Warm regards, Julie Link to post Share on other sites
Cava Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 39, female, happy to help my email is in my profile Link to post Share on other sites
Pirate Prince/ess Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Hi, just a bit about my situation. I'm 62, came out as asexual 5 years ago. I lost my virginity at 19. It wasn't anything special. In all actuality, it never was -- through 3 marriages and many relationships with both men and women. I liked the closeness of relationships; I just couldn't understand why every time I wanted to cuddle, it inevitably led to pressuring me to have sex. Ugh! So, obviously, my relationships created resentment/frustration on my part and feeling rejected/unfulfilled on their part. Not one whom deals very well with confrontation, I have always been the one to end a relationship. Also, though I suffered through sex, I can honestly say I was never the initiator. Light bulb! I only came to the sad realization about those two things in my mid-50s. Truly regrettable the wonderful people I hurt along the way. But then, I myself was experiencing a very unhappy lifestyle and, without understanding why, felt I could only walk away to make it stop. I tried counseling. I tried to boost the libido with testosterone. To no avail. Sex just didn't, and doesn't, interest me. I've learned a lot about asexuality over the past 5 years and how that fits into my day-to-day life experiences. I'm asexual. I probably always have been. That's my normal. Which brings to mind a description I came across a year or so ago: "sexual orientation of no." Fits me to a T. I do believe, however, that sexuality is fluid. People change. It's inevitable. It makes sense it could apply to a person's sexuality. I'm also genderfluid. Although I was born in a female body, I've never been totally comfortable with that. So, that being said, today I felt like a boy. Yesterday, a girl. Sometimes, I don't feel like either. That's how my brain functions. I've felt this way since I was 5 years old. Strange how I figured THAT out but not my (a)sexuality. Go figure... Anyway, I'm a distant acquaintance of another asexual person quite a bit younger than me. I haven't had anyone to really talk to about asexuality so finding AVEN has been a great stress reliever. I don't know if this is too little or too late. Hope all goes well for you... Link to post Share on other sites
cake_lover Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 29 here, also from the east side of the world. It's a little different here! let me know if you want to get in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
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