Do you feel like you'll always be single?

[Cove]

I'm quite scared I'll end up alone. It's especially eating at me because one of my best friends got engaged recently (and failed to tell me... I found out through the guy's fb post). I was married once, so she's coming to me with questions on wedding stuff, and I feel even worse at the end of it.

I know I'm still young/have plenty of time/et cetera, but that doesn't help any. I've been sexual (in terms of activity) for people before and it's just not something I want to do all the time. Combine that with somewhat severe mental illness and the fact that I'm not financially independent and it just seems like no one would want to stick around, if anyone even asked to get to know me better in the first place. I don't think I'm particularly aesthetically pleasing either (despite being told consistently that I'm "cute") so the pool of guys who'd even bother reading my profile on okcupid is probably nil. :P

I feel like a complete person right now (as much as I'm currently capable of), so a romantic relationship isn't something I feel I need to complete myself. It's just that I miss the emotional intimacy and the feeling of being loved. I want to be able to daily listen to someone talk about their day. I want to be wanted in an emotionally intimate way.

[tweetersufo]

I do. but then I realize that it won't be a bad thing if a relationship were not to happen. I've been single for three years working on myself and I still have no idea who I am. Sometimes, late at night when it is a bit cold, I realize that I am alone and how much I would enjoy someone next to me. Then my dog jumps into bed and everything is right in the world again.

I have an instructor who is kind. He treats me like an equal and shows affection towards me openly (not sexual) and when he, or anyone else, touches me my body rejects it. I try, really, to understand how this mutual affection works, but my body doesn't understand it. I do enjoy affection, but I don't require it or desire it. Because of that I don't worry about being alone or not being in a relationship. *shrugs* I don't know.

So, in short; yes. I do feel like I will be single forever. However, I don't think that is a bad thing.

[Atmetller]

I feel and always have thought I would be single. I like being single, I like focusing on my things... Maybe I would think about an special friendship with an other person, just to share expenses, and to help each other in case of illness or injury... To share some time enjoying the nature, writing random things or poetry, enjoying films, music, theatre... Or to share a project where we could increase our knowledge and help others. As well as finding ways to become more independent.

But well, I could and can do this alone and enjoy it, so, I don't know, I just leave a door open (I won't seek a relationship... not my thing).

[seneca]

I'm 50 now, and have never had any kind of relationship. I'm not lonely. Why ruin it?

[Gloomy]

Yes, but it doesn't bother me.

[SorryNotSorry]

I actually dislike the idea of growing old alone more than the idea of dying. At least after I'm dead, I won't be lonely anymore.

Yeah, there's a lot of other stuff about life I won't miss at all after I croak.

[Middymoo]

I am scared that I am going to be alone forever. I recently met up with a guy that I met online. He was quite a bit older than me, but I wanted to experience something before I decided upon asexuality. We met and he kissed me for quite a while before I basically ran away! I now don't know whether he was just a rubbish kisser or I am really asexual, because the whole experience has really grossed me out and it really wasn't any fun. And I am, how am I going to find someone to spend my life with when I don't feel any kind of sexual attraction?

[Frigid Pink]

I am scared that I am going to be alone forever. I recently met up with a guy that I met online. He was quite a bit older than me, but I wanted to experience something before I decided upon asexuality. We met and he kissed me for quite a while before I basically ran away! I now don't know whether he was just a rubbish kisser or I am really asexual, because the whole experience has really grossed me out and it really wasn't any fun. And I am, how am I going to find someone to spend my life with when I don't feel any kind of sexual attraction?

I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." Other possible definitions are "an enduring lack of sexual desire for others" as well as "an enduring lack of sexual inclinations/feelings towards others." Basically, an "asexual" person isn't drawn towards sexual interaction with others. Beyond that, it varies from person to person, regardless of sexual orientation. Basically, whether or not someone wants to kiss someone else (or even enjoys it) has nothing to do with "asexuality." Personally, I don't develop romantic feelings for someone until I know them and have an emotional bond or connection with them, therefore, I absolutely have no desire to kiss someone the first time I meet them (and probably not the second or third time, either). Also, if I kiss someone without a desire to kiss them, which has definitely happened before, then I either experience it negatively or indifferently (no enjoyment). With that said, that has nothing to do with my "asexuality," and more to do with my romantic feelings, how slowly I develop them, and how I desire to express those feelings.

[012]

I feel and always have thought I would be single. I like being single, I like focusing on my things... Maybe I would think about an special friendship with an other person, just to share expenses, and to help each other in case of illness or injury... To share some time enjoying the nature, writing random things or poetry, enjoying films, music, theatre... Or to share a project where we could increase our knowledge and help others. As well as finding ways to become more independent.

But well, I could and can do this alone and enjoy it, so, I don't know, I just leave a door open (I won't seek a relationship... not my thing).

Basically you're open to having a platonic life partner, or something like that. I've given that some thought and it seems like a good idea, although the chances of it actually happening are very low, I think (maybe I'm wrong?).

[inactive12345]

I don't. The way I see it, there are tons of other asexuals out there, and maybe a sexual partner willing to compromise, and increased awareness of asexuality can only help that along. It will prbably take me a really long time to find someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, but so what if I'm 40 by the time that happens? Assuming both my partner and I live average lifespans, that's still another 40 years spent together. I'm okay with waiting.

[Jones41]

I can completely relate to this.

A couple of weeks ago i was out with a girl i really liked and i really felt romantic attraction to her.. But i knew it was pointless to aproach her since she would be turned off if she found out about me...

And sometimes girls kind of flirt with me in clubs and i feel like a fool when i dont approach them and talk to them but that's because i know what they want to happen...

I believe its almost impossible to find a girl who won't have her mind on sex.. (no offence ladies). It is really distrurbing to have that romantic attraction but not being interested to pleasure her in other ways.

[Frigid Pink]

I believe its almost impossible to find a girl who won't have her mind on sex.

It may be the places where you meet females, such as "clubs," that makes that experience true for you. If I really wanted to meet a "girl" that didn't "have her mind on sex" (which I interpret as someone interested in a "hook-up" or casual sex arrangement), then I'd probably frequent places other than "clubs" where the majority of people (male and female) probably are interested in mostly sex.

[Atmetller]

Basically you're open to having a platonic life partner, or something like that.

Yes, I guess it could be something interesting. But as I said, I usually prefer to think about a future where I have no attachments.

[Hardly any]

I don't want to be single, but I don't know how to pursue a sexless romantic relationship after reading and hearing from sexual people about how absolutely miserable lives with an asexual partner are. I just want a person to be my favorite person and for me to be their favorite.

Also with a second income you can afford better living quarters.

[Guest]

Yes, not sure how I feel about that.

[Jones41]

I believe its almost impossible to find a girl who won't have her mind on sex.

If I really wanted to meet a "girl" that didn't "have her mind on sex" (which I interpret as someone interested in a "hook-up" or casual sex arrangement), then I'd probably frequent places other than "clubs" where the majority of people (male and female) probably are interested in mostly sex.

I agree with what you say...

I have tried other places like dog parks, jogging roads etc.

The main thing is that i have to join others when they go to bars and clubs if i want to keep my friends at least.

[Purnkin Spurce]

I feel the same as you. Rarely fall inlove, in fact I'm demiromantic so it's pretty much impossible for me to fall inlove on a regular basis. I often wonder if I will always be single, or if I willl ever form that kind of bond with another person ever again. If I did, it would be the same as your first love. I fear even if I do find love, I will get so lost in it I will lose who I am. It's like, I want love, but I'm also afraid of it. I don't want a stressful stereotypical relationship, and sometimes I worry that I AM inlove with the idea of love, and not fully capable of giving or receiving. The romantic type anyway. I've only been inlove once in my life and I'm still inlove with that person, but it's unrequited.

Bothers me I can't just form those feelings on command for someone else.

[Frigid Pink]

I don't want to be single, but I don't know how to pursue a sexless romantic relationship after reading and hearing from sexual people about how absolutely miserable lives with an asexual partner are.

I'd express interest and if it's returned, then I'd go with it. Before things become too serious, preferably as soon as I know I want to pursue things further with someone, I'd mention my "asexuality" in a casual way and respond accordingly. Not many "sexual" people are okay with sexless relationships, however, there are some celibate "sexual" people out there. Also, there are plenty of "asexual" people out there, although they may be difficult to come across. I wouldn't limit my options by excluding people based on sexual orientation alone and I'd also remeber that people always have a choice and can choose to be or not to be in a relationship with someone else. I think it's important to be able to recognize when there are incompatibilities and also to be able to disengage at that point. I highly recommend Acebook. I've made several friendly and romantic connections on there.

I believe its almost impossible to find a girl who won't have her mind on sex.

If I really wanted to meet a "girl" that didn't "have her mind on sex" (which I interpret as someone interested in a "hook-up" or casual sex arrangement), then I'd probably frequent places other than "clubs" where the majority of people (male and female) probably are interested in mostly sex.

I agree with what you say...

I have tried other places like dog parks, jogging roads etc.

The main thing is that i have to join others when they go to bars and clubs if i want to keep my friends at least.

Just wanted to point out that your choices play a role in why it's "almost impossible" and that you can change that if you really want to.

Also, I think dog parks and jogging roads might not be the best places to meet a potential romantic partner. I'd recommend meetup.com events and social events related to specific interests (that you're interested in) where people are actually attending in order to socialize and connect with others. People don't necessarily go to a dog park or jogging roads in order to meet others, however, they do go to meetup.com events and other social events specifically for meeting other people.

I feel the same as you. Rarely fall inlove, in fact I'm demiromantic so it's pretty much impossible for me to fall inlove on a regular basis. I often wonder if I will always be single, or if I willl ever form that kind of bond with another person ever again. If I did, it would be the same as your first love. I fear even if I do find love, I will get so lost in it I will lose who I am. It's like, I want love, but I'm also afraid of it. I don't want a stressful stereotypical relationship, and sometimes I worry that I AM inlove with the idea of love, and not fully capable of giving or receiving. The romantic type anyway. I've only been inlove once in my life and I'm still inlove with that person, but it's unrequited.

Bothers me I can't just form those feelings on command for someone else.

I've felt similar to you before and a book that really helped me was "Loving Him Without Losing You." I own a copy and I highly recommend it!

[Fire Monkey]

I will likely never live with anyone again. I really do need my own space. But I would love to have a companion to cook with, go to the symphony, movies and museums etc., and who delights in my snarky sense of humor. I have the capacity for great love and loyal friendship, but just not sex. I just don't know if that person exists.

[Tja]

While sometimes fantasizing about a relationship, I know I'll never be in one. I'm ok with that. :)

[El-not-so-ace]

Now that I do feel like I have a level of attraction, it's definitely given me hope. :)

[catcicle]

This really resonated with me. I have plenty of dreams about being in a happy relationship (whilst ignoring anything sexual), but as soon as someone shows any sexual interest in me I totally withdraw from that person. This happens every time, especially when it seems that most guys my age seem to be very focused on only achieving one thing out of a relationship.

Sometimes it's like everyone is at a themed party and I don't understand the theme, which can be extremely lonely at times.

[matiin]

I had a girlfriend and i dont want anymore

it was uncomfortable feel

It's just me

[booksoversex]

This really resonated with me. I have plenty of dreams about being in a happy relationship (whilst ignoring anything sexual), but as soon as someone shows any sexual interest in me I totally withdraw from that person. This happens every time, especially when it seems that most guys my age seem to be very focused on only achieving one thing out of a relationship.

Sometimes it's like everyone is at a themed party and I don't understand the theme, which can be extremely lonely at times.

Spot on for me aswell. I can fantasize romantically about someone from a distance, but if they showed any interest in me, I would probably panic (unless we were in a really trusting place at the moment they showed interest). I am always terrified people will find out I have a crush on them xD

[Koriander]

I rarely experience romantic attraction.

I am either grayasexual or asexual, I still don't know.

Most people aren't asexual.

I'm sex repulsed, so I wouldn't have sex to please someone else.

Even though I rarely feel romantic attraction, I'm an extremely romantic person, in the sense that I'm pretty much in love with love. It's frustrating to me because I sometimes wish I was in a relationship, but I know that probably won't happen. Everything is so... difficult, because even if I found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, that doesn't mean it'd be reciprocated. And even if it was reciprocated and that person loved me despite being sex repulsed... I would feel terrible for not being able to fully satisfy them.

I guess I just... get terribly lonely at times, and it doesn't help to see everyone around me is in a relationship.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this, but I can't help it, it's the way I am. Have you ever felt like this, too?

I feel exactly that way right fucking now... yesterday, after seeing my now former-best online friend getting a boyfriend.. I felt like i was the only one left. Everyone i know has a girlfriend but not me? how is that fair? what did i do for fate like this?? I got so depressed i started having dark thoughts on how worthless and pointless everything is... good thing im still here

[Frigid Pink]

I rarely experience romantic attraction.

I am either grayasexual or asexual, I still don't know.

Most people aren't asexual.

I'm sex repulsed, so I wouldn't have sex to please someone else.

Even though I rarely feel romantic attraction, I'm an extremely romantic person, in the sense that I'm pretty much in love with love. It's frustrating to me because I sometimes wish I was in a relationship, but I know that probably won't happen. Everything is so... difficult, because even if I found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, that doesn't mean it'd be reciprocated. And even if it was reciprocated and that person loved me despite being sex repulsed... I would feel terrible for not being able to fully satisfy them.

I guess I just... get terribly lonely at times, and it doesn't help to see everyone around me is in a relationship.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this, but I can't help it, it's the way I am. Have you ever felt like this, too?

I feel exactly that way right fucking now... yesterday, after seeing my now former-best online friend getting a boyfriend.. I felt like i was the only one left. Everyone i know has a girlfriend but not me? how is that fair? what did i do for fate like this?? I got so depressed i started having dark thoughts on how worthless and pointless everything is... good thing im still here

I highly recommend this article: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/its-not-fair/

(see excerpts below)

"Life isn’t fair in the sense of, there aren’t 7 billion people or so keeping tabs of who’s had what pain, who are the goodies and the baddies and then directing ‘the good’ and ‘the bad’ stuff at those who deserve it."

"It’s not fair to put your life on hold, to exclude you from your friendships and other close connections, to compare you, to use this It’s not fair train of thought as a way of procrastinating so that you can avoid what you feel is a bigger pain and/or avoid having to take action. It’s not fair to continue raking over it just so that you can feel purposeful. It’s not fair to hope that it happens to someone else or to wish that you could be in charge of discharging karma (this doesn’t happen on your beat)."

"Disappointment is a pain in the bum and then some but, it’s there to show us where we stand with something or someone. It’s there to show us where we need to adjust our thinking and attitude. It’s there to highlight that maybe the plan we had needs some adjustment or to be scrapped so that we can approach with fresh thinking. It’s there, when we continue to repeat patterns, to show us that it’s not working and it will show up in bigger and more painful ways until we heed it. This in itself tells us, not where we can avoid disappointment but where we can learn and grow so that it doesn’t grip, distort, or destroy us. We’ll hurt but we’ll gradually have the perspective to bounce back.

Some of our greatest disappointments come, not just from people not living up to the picture that we had in our mind but from us not getting to realise the hopes and expectations that we had for ourselves as a result. It’s unrealistic to expect to dodge disappointment but when our conditions for being OK are based on treating ourselves with love, care, trust, and respect, we are no longer at the mercy of relying on precarious and external conditions for our self-esteem. We feel in command of us and we stop feeling stuck."

[Truth and Lies]

Hm. Well. 99.99% sure I will not find a "special someone."

I have high standards and I'm very high maintenance, and neither of those will change.

Thus.

Acceptance.

^_^

[sara89]

Yeah sometimes I feel this way .

I kind of envy aros who just don't care about relationships.

I somehow miss it to have a significant other. I still have some hope, tough.

But I know that the statistics aren't very promising.

[LostKitty369]

It's refreshing to see others out there with the same struggles. I haven't really told people about my asexuality because when I did this person practically ignored my feelings. I have just accepted that I will most likely be single and just enjoy the things that make me happy.

[SorryNotSorry]

Gordon Griggs (not an AVEN member) has been an onine celebrity for a few years now. He has it figured out. After dumping 8 gfs, he just said the hell with playing the game and bought 2 custom built Realdolls. Now he's as happy as a pig in shit. Look him up on YT (his Virginia drawl makes his vids all the more surreal).