Future life plans?

[Casimir]

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

I don't really want to get married. Married has a very romantic connotation, and while a marriage doesn't have to include people who love each other romantically, I don't want people to assume I feel romantic feelings for my partner. So no, I don't want to get married.

I also don't want children. At all. I don't want to birth any because pregnancy is grotesque to me. I also don't want to do surrogate or adoption because when you purposefully have a child, your life stops being about you. Your life is all about your child/children. I don't want that. My life is about me. I didn't choose to be born, so I can live however I want and that life doesn't include children.

What I want in life is to be a successful veterinarian in whatever field I choose. I want a nice apartment somewhere in Australia. I want it to be pleasantly decorated. I want to have animals. I want a cat or two. Maybe a dog. Definitely a snake. I want to have genuine, close friends. Just 2 or 3 would be okay. I'd be able to travel the world on vacations. Ideally I'd be in a QPR. Ideally I'd find someone who's also an Aro Ace and who would be my life partner. I could talk to them about anything and everything and we'd live together. We'd sleep together maybe, cuddle definitely. I'd be able to take showers with them or walk around naked and not feel ashamed because they accept every part of me. I could hold their hand and kiss them and they'd reciprocate and know it's totally platonic. But I'd be happy even without the QPR.

My one goal in life is to be happy.

[jenjenna]

It's funny how dreams can change. I used to think I'd just want to live alone, but now I definitely want to find an asexual man for a life partner. It just seems so... unrealistic sometimes. But I guess my sexual friends being like 'yeah right like there are any asexual men, all of them want sex!' is just fuelling my determination to find one lol. I guess I'll just take that as my mission or something... and strive to prove everyone wrong.

[Sherlocks]

On 8/1/2015 at 10:08 PM, bluetrench said:

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

 

At this point, to be honest, my life is a bit of a mess. I hope in the future I am able to get everything sorted. 

[Sea Lemon]

I've decided that I don't really do planning - every time I've made a plan and tried to steer my life in a particular direction it's refused to cooperate

I'm pretty settled as far as location goes because I bought my flat, but otherwise no clue. A partner of some sort might be nice? And definitely a pet. But really, so long as I've got decent friends and I'm enjoying my job I'm not too fussed where my life goes.

[EmbrACE_it]

37 minutes ago, sea-lemon said:

I've decided that I don't really do planning - every time I've made a plan and tried to steer my life in a particular direction it's refused to cooperate

I'm pretty settled as far as location goes because I bought my flat, but otherwise no clue. A partner of some sort might be nice? And definitely a pet. But really, so long as I've got decent friends and I'm enjoying my job I'm not too fussed where my life goes.

What kind of pet are you thinking of? I have 2 domestic rats, myself. 

[EmbrACE_it]

I quite recently changed my plan from criminal psychology to theatre. It's a bit of a jump, I know! But I realized that the theatre world is where my true passion is. I'd like to work on Broadway one day! 😄

[Sea Lemon]

19 minutes ago, EmbrACE_it said:

What kind of pet are you thinking of? I have 2 domestic rats, myself. 

I was actually considering rats, I had some when I was a teenager and they were adorable!

[EmbrACE_it]

43 minutes ago, sea-lemon said:

I was actually considering rats, I had some when I was a teenager and they were adorable!

I absolutely adore my ratties, I even toyed with the idea of getting a rat paw print tattoo!

[Lorna81]

On 02/08/2015 at 6:08 AM, bluetrench said:

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

I started seeking relationships as I didn't know there was a possibility of not doing so. None of them have worked! I've always been happiest through periods of being on my own. I realised at an early age I'm not cut out to have children or for family life. But I have made the mistake of falling in some kind of love (I can't distinguish between platonic and romantic) with best friends leading to relationships that break down as I'm not comfortable with sex. I've only recently realised I'm asexual and am still not sure about where I fit on the a/romantic spectrum. At present I'm thinking demi-quoiromantic (!). Following the last relationship breakdown I've realised it is far better for me to be alone and I won't be seeking a romantic relationship again.

[Lorna81]

On 02/08/2015 at 6:08 AM, bluetrench said:

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

I started seeking relationships as I didn't know there was a possibility of not doing so. None of them have worked! I've always been happiest through periods of being on my own. I realised at an early age I'm not cut out to have children or for family life. But I have made the mistake of falling in some kind of love (I can't distinguish between platonic and romantic) with best friends leading to relationships that break down as I'm not comfortable with sex. I've only recently realised I'm asexual and am still not sure about where I fit on the a/romantic spectrum. At present I'm thinking demi-quoiromantic (!). Following the last relationship breakdown I've realised it is far better for me to be alone and I won't be seeking a romantic relationship again.

[Lorna81]

On 02/08/2015 at 6:08 AM, bluetrench said:

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

I started seeking relationships as I didn't know there was a possibility of not doing so. None of them have worked! I've always been happiest through periods of being on my own. I realised at an early age I'm not cut out to have children or for family life. But I have made the mistake of falling in some kind of love (I can't distinguish between platonic and romantic) with best friends leading to relationships that break down as I'm not comfortable with sex. I've only recently realised I'm asexual and am still not sure about where I fit on the a/romantic spectrum. At present I'm thinking demi-quoiromantic (!). Following the last relationship breakdown I've realised it is far better for me to be alone and I won't be seeking a romantic relationship again.

[Lorna81]

On 02/08/2015 at 6:08 AM, bluetrench said:

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

I started seeking relationships as I didn't know there was a possibility of not doing so. None of them have worked! I've always been happiest through periods of being on my own. I realised at an early age I'm not cut out to have children or for family life. But I have made the mistake of falling in some kind of love (I can't distinguish between platonic and romantic) with best friends leading to relationships that break down as I'm not comfortable with sex. I've only recently realised I'm asexual and am still not sure about where I fit on the a/romantic spectrum. At present I'm thinking demi-quoiromantic (!). Following the last relationship breakdown I've realised it is far better for me to be alone and I won't be seeking a romantic relationship again.

[Lorna81]

Apologies moderator, I just thought this hadn't posted then realised it has been posted four times

[Sherlocks]

Trying not to be homeless and if I succeed at that

Ill get a well paying job

Ill live alone 

with a pet cat 

Hire a maid

and have a hall with nothing but books 

and a closet full of suits 

and make my maid dress in an old french maid outfit(NOT a slutty one either) 

going to live somewhere it rains a lot 

and ill wear a dear stalker hat all the time 

My maid will be my companion for when I go to movies as it will be in their contract they are also my best friend

 

Disclaimer: I know how unhealthy this all sounds but I am done trying to learn how to human. 

 

If anyone asks why I have nothing but suits ill say "Becuase I am beautiful"! 

 

[J. van Deijck]

I just want to be happy.

[Emmmm23]

I don't know... at this point I'll just keep trying.

[Adam_Jensen]

I'll become a hermit.

[Puck]

Close your eyes. Wait, not yet, you have to keep your eyes open to finish reading this. So after you read this, close your eyes. Imagine a life where you could do anything. What would you do? Do that. Do that thing. If it's raise a family, do it. If it's make a billion dollars, do it. If it's travel to every country, do it.

 

Do that thing.

 

That is your future plan.

 

Ignore what society told you to do. Do that thing that makes life exciting.

[CathyK]

Eventually I'd love to be in a long-term relationship, but either way, I want kids. I know it will probably take longer to find someone who wants what I want,  but I love the freedom that gives me. I can travel, focus on my career, and be the independent person I love being. I think it takes a lot of maturity to be in a relationship that is inevitably more complicated than a sexual one, so I don't mind waiting a while, and growing before I hopefully meet someone.

[Guest]

I'll live alone up until I get a job which doesn't require me to travel much (I don't intend for that to happen soon, I love doing research in various fascinating countries, but eventually I think I'll want to put down roots), at which point I will get several cats.  I don't see myself ever wanting a partner, and I don't want children (who knows whether that will change when the biological clock kicks in). I am too independent to really want to be responsible for anyone more dependant than a cat, and with the amount I travel right now I can't even deal with being responsible for a mostly self-sufficient feline.

[TieganIsADork]

I’m not aromantic but I think that what you should do with your life is whatever you want to do! You could still have a long term partnership (QPP) and you could still have kids or you could throw yourself into your career. You could raise tons of animals or you could travel the world. You could become an advocate, run for office, become a flamenco dancer, support your family, or open up a shop for model ship building. The future is yours!

PS To all the people who don’t think they’ll ever find a QPP, local LGBT centers typically have programs for ace/aro people and I even know some alloromantic people who would love to have QPPs (myself included)

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I plan on remain happy for who I am and not changing to fit what someone wants from me.

[9Lives]

My future plans are incredibly boring, I guess, because they are so "normal": I want to get married, have kids, buy a house with a large garden, have pets and spend a lot of time with family and friends. Not necessarily in that order, but that's the general idea.

I'd also at some point like to work in a job where I can do some good, preferably in environmental protection/conservation.

[Pramana]

I would prefer to have a close platonic relationship, but given the difficulty of meeting people, more realistically I will be focusing on career and hobbies. I have far more personal freedom in that respect, and I prefer to look for opportunities rather than dwell on what I can't do.

[YamiCake]

I don't really know what I want for my future...

I know I don't want to live alone. I want at least 1 person with me. Maybe that'll be a close friend, maybe a significant other who is ace. 

I want a dog, because I really miss having one that's all my own. 

I would like a fairly big house...I'm not really one for apartments.

I'd like to travel! I'd like to go to places like Japan, Italy, Greece, Spain, and Australia.

I can't imagine I'll live anywhere but Canada though, despite the snow I love it here.

Oh! I'd like to learn how to play electric guitar, too.

[Marrow]

Never been on "future" type person, but I still like to think about getting a house out in the middle of nowhere 

[Peachyy]

I'm starting to kinda look forward to having a very American ^TM life with my s.o. I've never particularly cared about marriage, but I'd be happy to do it if my s.o were to ask me. I'm still debating the thought of raising children, but I know that as soon as I can, I'll be getting my tubes tied so that will leave the option of adopting a kid (preferably after it's potty trained) if we choose to do that. He's mentioned it a few times that he wouldn't mind being a parent and I'm sure I'd do fine at it. But in the future i definitely want to live out of the city so that I can have a horse barn and a large garden/ a space to connect with nature (nothing more beautiful than doing LSD in the woods) and lots of places to walk in/ fresh air and room for our dogs to run in. We both kind of despise city people who keep their pets inside the entire day. As for my career, I'm thinking about maybe learning how to make stained glass windows or offering riding lessons/open stalls for boarding, or having an art studio where I could do classes for kids or adults. Ideally I'd want to live far enough out of the city where there's abundant forest, but close enough so I could ride my bike into town. 

[Sherlocks]

Well I put a list of goals in my profile 

 

Buy trenchcoat 
Buy a scarf 
Buy books 
Buy an assistant/friend 

Buy suits

Get a job that pays me enough to live alone 

 

Going to live in my perfect little world all alone and pretend I'm a prince and tell reality that it doesn't bother me anyways. Maybe buy another animal that is soft and has long fur and name it Jerry(Boy)Joanna(Girl). 

 

 

 

 

[Frodo]

Right now, I have no desire to be partnered or get married. Maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. Sometimes I think I might want to adopt, and sometimes I think I'd rather just have, like, three cats--but I'm 23, I have time to decide, haha. I'm a bit worried about being alone, and growing apart from the close friendships I have now, as they get married and gain more significant relationships…but I know I won't lose them completely. I'm also concerned about being single in my chosen career. I'm training to be a pastor, and unfortunately in Protestant denominations there's a stigma against single pastors. Still, I'm not going to let that force me into a marriage I don't want. Also, I want to live in New Zealand--maybe not permanently, but for a time. I lived there for about 6 months in 2014. Some of the best months of my life, and I miss it every day. My dream job would be part-time pastor, part-time Lord of the Rings tour guide.

[Euna]

No future plans, really.  I think I would like to get married to an ace guy and adopt children, but I'm not even sure that's the life for me anyway. 

 

Would love to have a cat or dog, but that would require moving out, because of family members' allergies.  I still live with my parents and younger siblings, whom I'm really close to.  Part of me is dreading the day we all go our own ways...I don't want to feel left behind.

 

I do intend to care for my parents when they get elderly.  Oddly enough, that's the one idea of my own that I've had since I was a child.