Silly questions for allos (for fun, everyone welcome)

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

This is about humour and fun, not hate.

I got this idea from the 'am I asexual (for fun)' thread.

Suggest an answer or correction to the person above you, then ask your own question.

So aces can get some pretty weird questions, but as hard as it is for allosexuals to understand us sometimes, it can be equally hard to understand a sexual point of view. So some questions are perfectly justified, for example:

I really want to make a baby, but I simply don't have the right knitting pattern, where do I go?

And

I tried using a condom, but I am struggling to tie a knot in the top, who's idea was it to shape balloons like this anyway?

[asanaambitions]

"I really want to make a baby, but I simply don't have the right knitting pattern, where do I go?"

I suggest Ravelry, they seem to have a pattern for everything there! ;)

My girlfriend keeps wanting me to eat out, why doesn't she like my cooking?

[Skycaptain]

She doesn't anything exotic for tea. Meat and two veg will do.

I once went to the barbers on a Friday. He asked if I was doing anything at the weekend. I said that after the week I'd had I would be spending it in bed. He tucked a packet of condoms in my jacket pocket and charged me £5 extra, why would I need them to sleep?

[Autumn Sunrise]

I think you were supposed to blow them up and twist them into little balloon figures for the cat to play with, so you could be sure of not being disturbed while you were sleeping :D

I have a (male) friend who keeps suggesting I might go over and help him with his cryptic crosswords when his wife is out shopping. I don't understand why - isn't she any good at crosswords?

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

The problem is I think that she is too good, being a mega-ultra genius, and he needs smeone who is just really smart, so he gets help but also the time to think for themselves

Someone suggested that I get laid, however I cannot find a chicken large enough, any suggestions?

[Autumn Sunrise]

Did you think of trying a giant emu? (much larger than the common-or-garden variety)

This man whistled at me as I was walking down the street. He wasn't wearing glasses - do you think he mistook mr for his dog?

[LaMaestra]

Depends on your hairstyle. For instance, if you have very long silky hair he may have thought you were an Afghan Hound or if your hair is very curly, then maybe a poodle.

Someone invited me back to his place 'for coffee'. Wouldn't the local coffee bar be just as good?

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

Aaaw, this person is probably very poor and self concious it. While they can't afford retail coffee, it is very nice of them to want to share their small supply of instant coffee with you. Why don't you pretend you have a coupon for a couple of free coffees at the coffee bar, and buy the coffees without embarrassing the person.

Someone asked me if I had a boy friend, do they honestly think I descriminate against an entire gender by never being friends with a male?

[PencilTone]

If that person is your friend, maybe you shouldn't hang out with them. I might be wrong but they sound like a bigot to me.

My mom says I can't sleep over at my guy friends house. She said I would be able to sleep at a girls house, but when I asked her what the big deal was, she refused to answer. She's MARRIED to a guy, so why can't I spend more then two hours at my BEST FRIEND'S house??? (real issue i had as a small child, because of this i didnt have a sleepover until i was almost 13, and ive still only done it with one person)

[DiEvAl]

If that person is your friend, maybe you shouldn't hang out with them. I might be wrong but they sound like a bigot to me.

My mom says I can't sleep over at my guy friends house. She said I would be able to sleep at a girls house, but when I asked her what the big deal was, she refused to answer. She's MARRIED to a guy, so why can't I spend more then two hours at my BEST FRIEND'S house??? (real issue i had as a small child, because of this i didnt have a sleepover until i was almost 13, and ive still only done it with one person)

(Real issue I'm having right now, because I have a programming contest with my friend this Sunday that ends at like 22:00. To put it mildly, the public transport is not very common at that time. Also my parents aren't home, so I have 2 empty bedrooms. And yet her parents insist she should go home in the evening rather than in the morning :S )

[PencilTone]

If that person is your friend, maybe you shouldn't hang out with them. I might be wrong but they sound like a bigot to me.My mom says I can't sleep over at my guy friends house. She said I would be able to sleep at a girls house, but when I asked her what the big deal was, she refused to answer. She's MARRIED to a guy, so why can't I spend more then two hours at my BEST FRIEND'S house??? (real issue i had as a small child, because of this i didnt have a sleepover until i was almost 13, and ive still only done it with one person)

(Real issue I'm having right now, because I have a programming contest with my friend this Sunday that ends at like 22:00. To put it mildly, the public transport is not very common at that time. Also my parents aren't home, so I have 2 empty bedrooms. And yet her parents insist she should go home in the evening rather than in the morning :S )

IKR?

It's weird, when I was in elementary school, most of the kids would make fun of us because of our close friendship. The was this rumor (that I accidentally started in 1st grade) about us kissing in the playground. They would call us "love birds" in a mocking manner, and occasionally use the K-I-S-S-I-N-G rhyme. At first the teachers wouldn't let us play together in what I believe was an attempt to break apart our "romance," but we would meet in secret by instead playing under the wooden structures that were in the playground. The teachers gave up after the first year, but, 'convelently', we were never placed in the same classroom again.

Then middle school happened and it was suddenly OK for a girl to hang around with a guy as much as I did in elementary school. My peers also got obsessed with drawing these strange mushroom-like objects everywhere: desks, bus seats, bus windows, on the benches in the gym.

So my question is, why are 6th, 7th, and 8th graders so obsessed with mushrooms?

Edit: It seems I am the only person to be teased for being in a suposed relationship with a person of the OPPOSITE biological sex! Does that happen to other people?

[Absol]

It's happened to me too, but I actually wanted to be in a relationship with said guy (he was totally oblivious though).

I suspect they all had fungal infections in their brains, causing them to worship the Great Mushroom as their god. I hear this infection is quite common in pubescent children, and parents secretly lace their food with the proper medication once they are aware of the infection.

The other day is spent an extra hour int he morning actually putting on makeup and curling my hair, and my friends all said I looked like a babe. :( I thought makeup makes teens look more mature, I don't want to look like a baby! Did I do it wrong? How do I fix this?